


Film Books

by blackimpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actor!Cas, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Smut, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Switching, bookseller!Dean, loosely based on notting hill, there's a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-04-27 07:35:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 139,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5039563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackimpala/pseuds/blackimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is the owner of a bookshop in Vancouver. He doesn’t know that his life is going to change the moment Castiel Novak, the famous actor, walks into his store. Something sparkles in between them the moment they see each other.</p><p>It starts with a friendship that becomes something else pretty quickly. But what they have is a temporary thing, given that Castiel is only going to stay in Vancouver for a month and he will be back to New York as soon as he stops filming. But they can’t help developing strong feelings for each other.</p><p>They belong to two different worlds; while Dean has a simple life and he is quite happy about it, Castiel has a stressful and busy one.</p><p>But for how long can they pretend that this is only a temporary and casual thing and that there aren’t any feelings involved?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I want to apologize for any grammar mistakes you might find in this fic. My mother tongue isn't English and I don't have a beta.
> 
>  **Important:** Usually, I tend to update fics every week because I usually have drafts about every single chapter. But I don't know when I'm going to update this fic because I only have a few drafts of it, so don't expect me to update every week. Besides, I'm kind of busy lately. Still, I hope you enjoy it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [xxDestielFTWxx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxDestielFTWxx/pseuds/xxDestielFTWxx) for beta-ing his chapter :)

_March the 23rd, 2015_

 

Dean opens his eyes as soon as his alarm clock starts blaring. The morning light that comes through the curtains makes him squint, his eyes clearly not adapted to the amount of light yet. Blindly, he reaches for the alarm clock and turns it off at the first attempt. He rubs his eyes, grunting a yawn. Mondays are always hard for him. He likes his job, but getting up on a Monday morning won’t ever be easy for Dean.

He lingers in bed for two minutes, giving time for his eyes to adjust to the intruding light and for his body to fully wake up. When he feels reasonably awake, Dean gets up, makes his bed and strips down, folding his sleeping clothes and leaving them in their drawer. He takes off his boxers and he places them in his laundry basket. He’ll have to do laundry on Tuesday.

It’s quite cold in his apartment and much colder in the streets and Dean’s naked skin gets goosebumps. He quickly goes to the bathroom and starts the shower, thankful for the hot water drenching his skin. There’s nothing like a hot shower on a cold day.

After he finishes his shower, he towels off and steps out of the bathroom, walking towards his bedroom to get dressed. After that, he goes into his kitchen and prepares himself a good breakfast that consists of coffee, some fruit, toast and bacon.

After washing the dishes, he brushes his teeth, combs his hair and grabs his leather coat waiting for him on its rack. He checks if he has the keys for his apartment, the bookstore and the Impala before he leaves his home.

His car, a beautiful 1967 Chevrolet Impala, waits for him in the apartment building’s garage. He could leave her in the street, but he would rather have his baby safe from the weather outside. Vancouver isn’t famous for its nice weather; it tends to rain from autumn to spring and summers aren’t really warm. But Dean likes rain and snow, and the cold can be defeated easily by wearing several layers.

The moment he starts his car, he turns the music on and _Bohemian Rhapsody_ starts playing. Dean can’t help singing along the moment he hears it, using the steering wheel of his beloved car as his personal drum.

Dean’s morning routine is the same every day, with the exception of Sunday, because Sunday is his free day. He works from Monday to Saturday at his bookstore, _Ramble On_. He works from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. from Monday to Friday and until 2 p.m. on Saturday.

He has been the owner of that bookstore for many years now. He moved to Vancouver when his brother got a job as an environmental lawyer. They left the USA and started a new life. It was a good change. Their lives had never been easy, although the situation had improved when Bobby had started to look out for them. Bobby took care of them and loved them and he gave them a home. If it wasn’t for that old man, Dean isn’t sure where he would have ended, but he’s sure that it wouldn’t have been a pretty ending.

Owning a bookstore in Vancouver wasn’t exactly something that Dean ever expected to do once when he was younger. He never knew what he wanted to do with his life, but he knew that he wanted to do something that made him happy and there were a couple of things that made him happy; music, cars, books, TV shows… Before he and Sam moved to Vancouver, Dean worked in Bobby’s garage. But when the Winchester brothers moved to Vancouver, Dean didn’t know what to do. If he’d wanted to continue working as a mechanic, he would’ve needed a document that certified he had the required qualifications to work in that field, which he didn’t. He could have studied, but that would’ve been very expensive and at that time, neither Sam nor Dean had the money. But then, Dean found a bookstore whose owner was retiring from the job and sold it to Dean quite cheap. It took Dean half a year to be able to live from just that. Sam helped him a lot; his little brother was earning a lot with his job and he was pleased to finally be able to give back all the money that Dean put into him during his whole life. The bills from the bookstore were a bit suffocating at first, but Sam helped with them in the beginning, until the bookstore became one of the most popular ones in Vancouver. And despite of being hard work at first, Dean has loved working there since the very first day.

Now, seven years later, Dean is still happy with his job. Many things have changed in his life. Sam got married to a biologist named Jessica Moore, a wonderful woman who Dean adores to have as a sister-in-law and who he thinks is perfect for his geeky brother. Naturally, Sam and Dean don’t live together anymore, in fact, Dean moved from the small apartment they first rented when they moved to the one he is currently living in, which is bigger and cozier. Also, both of them have met a lot of people and gained some wonderful friends. Life definitely got much better.

He parks the Impala in front of the bookstore. The moment he steps out of his baby the cold weather of Vancouver strokes him in a non-too gentle way. Whenever he exhales, white mist appears in front of his eyes. It’s been seven years since he moved to Canada and he still isn’t used to the harsh, long winters. Spring has just arrived, but nobody would be able to tell by the temperature.

Dean opens the bookstore but the keeps the sign on the ‘closed’ side. He always arrives a few minutes before opening time. Dean likes to check if he has to order new books or get some books from the back to replace the ones that’d been bought the day before.

Once Dean’s left his leather coat in his tiny office, the bell hanging above on the door rings, indicating that Charlie has arrived. She’s always as punctual as Dean.

She’s one of Dean’s friends and she works in the mornings. She has another job related to programming and stuff like that. Dean doesn’t really get it. Like Dean, she loves books and she is more than glad to work here with him and help him. Dean offered her the job when he realized that he needed another employee to help him with the bookstore. Charlie was one of the first people he knew in Vancouver and they easily became friends. She shares almost every passion Dean has and she is a wonderful person.

During the afternoons, Charlie works on her other job, so Dean has someone else helping him; Kevin. He got to know him through Charlie and he was the last one to become part of their group of friends. Now it is composed of Dean, Sam, Jess, Benny, Charlie and Kevin.

Kevin works in the bookstore to help him pay for college. He has scholarships, but he needs extra money for other stuff. Dean offered him the job and Kevin accepted. Dean adores Kevin too; he is as geeky as Sam, which is why those two get along very well, but he’s also a really nice kid.

Dean really likes his life in Vancouver. The only thing he isn’t very fond of is the weather, but not everything in life is perfect, right? He got more than he ever expected and things are far better than he thought they would be.

“Good morning, Freckles,” Charlie greets with a wide grin. She is wrapped in a thick, green coat, wearing colorful gloves, a wool hat that matches said gloves and a scarf that it is exactly like the one the fourth Doctor wore.

“Good morning, Ginger,” Dean greets back happily. Charlie is always smiling and happy and her joy is contagious. She’s Dean’s best friend and Dean knows they can tell each other almost everything. “Did you have a nice weekend?”

Charlie hums in affirmation. She walks towards the cash desk, taking off her warm clothing as she does so. “Let’s just say that yesterday, I spend the whole day in bed with a good companion.” She throws Dean a rogue smile as she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

Dean can’t help but chuckle. “You are unbelievable.”

“Are you jealous, Winchester?” she asks from the office; it’s where they all leave their belongings and their coats.

“Not at all,” he says, still looking at the computer, checking out the books’ database. Suddenly Charlie is at his side and giving him a bitch face. “Okay, yeah, I am a little.”

Charlie grins and rubs Dean’s shoulder. “I know you too well.”

“Yeah, you do.”

“So your weekend was boring?”

“It wasn’t boring. Sam came over and then I had a _Doctor Sexy_ marathon.” He pouts and shrugs.

It’s been a while since he spent his weekends doing things like that or seeing his friends. Sometimes he goes to a bar and finds a woman or a man and he has sex, but lately he hasn’t been in the mood for it. It’s not that he doesn’t want to have sex, but lately he’s been getting tired of casual one night stands. He doesn’t want a relationship, but he doesn’t want to spend the night with a stranger either. Sometimes he’s at a point where he doesn’t want anything at all. It has happened a couple of times.

“Okay, we’ve gotta get these books to the shelves,” Dean starts, pointing at the screen. Charlie reads the list of books highlighted in yellow and starts to write them down. She has a great memory, but there are more than fifty books on the list and it’s a bit hard to remember every title. “And meanwhile, I’m gonna order these other books.” He looks at the ones highlighted in red and opens the browser to order them.

“Anything else?” Charlie asks, looking at the screen.

“Turn the sign.”

“Alright.”

Charlie abandons his side and walks towards the door, turning the sign so the ‘open’ side is visible from the outside, before she goes to the back of the store to get all the books that need to be placed in the shelves.

On Mondays, clients come in a little bit later than the rest of the week. Mondays are always hard for everyone, but the bookstore is soon filled with clients. Despite of the birth of eBooks, it seems that people still like the feeling of real books. And it seems that people really like coming to _Ramble On_. Dean knows that his clients like the store and they find him charming and dedicated. But also, the decoration of the bookstore has a lot to do with it.

The bookstore is quite big and it has two floors, although the second floor only consists on half the store. The bookshelves are made of wood, but each of them is painted in different colors with different drawings, giving the place a lot of color. It also has big windows that allow natural light to come in, and although the lights still need to be on, it does make for a nice atmosphere. And finally, the signs with the letters of the authors and the genres are different trees sculpted in wood. They stand next to the bookcases and their leaves are made of different fabrics so that they look like real trees.

Dean loves his bookstore and he loves the smell of books. And it seems that everyone who steps into his bookstore loves all of that, too. Even kids love this place; they say it’s a magical place. Dean adores that description.

The morning keeps going on. Dean helps his clients with anything they need and he sells several books. Charlie helps him, of course; when she isn’t ordering books, she’s either at the cash register or helping someone to find a book. Mornings tend to be a bit busier than afternoons, but sometimes both of them get to take a small break.

Dean’s just giving a woman her change when the bell rings, indicating that the door has been opened. His eyes go directly to the door to greet the client with a ‘good morning’, but his words get stuck in his throat. The man who has stepped into his bookstore has the most beautiful blue eyes Dean has ever seen. He’s seen those eyes on screen several times, but seeing them in person is beyond words. He knows that man; he is Castiel Novak, the famous actor. Dean has seen him in a couple of films. He isn’t a big fan of his movies, but they are entertaining and he surely recognizes that face.

The moment Castiel puts his eyes on Dean, Dean swallows hard. The man is really beautiful and his eyes are stunning. The actor smiles shyly and Dean can’t help smiling back as the blue eyed man approaches the cash desk.

“Good morning,” Dean finally manages to say.

“Good morning,” Castiel says, sounding really shy. Now that they are in front of each other, Dean can see that his eyes are even more beautiful up close. He can also appreciate that his dark hair is a complete mess that goes in every possible direction. And he can see that the trench coat he is wearing is a bit big for him, which makes him look smaller. Still, the guy looks and is gorgeous. “Do you happen to have any book by Vonnegut?”

“Yeah,” Dean answers with a wide grin. Vonnegut is his favorite writer and he is always glad when somebody asks if they have books about him or when someone buys one of Vonnegut’s books. “They’re on that shelf over there.” He points to the red shelf at his left.

“Thank you.”

Dean nods and watches Castiel walk towards said shelf. He is an actor that Dean has never paid too much attention to, given that his films don’t belong to the genre Dean likes. He’s always thought the man was pretty, but holy shit, when he isn’t on screen he is more than beautiful. He’s about a million times hotter in person. 

But there’s something else about the guy that Dean can’t really put his finger on. He doesn’t know what it is; his looks, his eyes, the way he acts… There’s something about him that has Dean alienating himself from the store to focus solely on the blue eyed man.

He watches Castiel, looking at the shelf as if he isn’t sure which book to pick. Dean wants to help him, so he looks for Charlie and he finds that she’s already walking towards the front desk.

“Charlie, can you take charge of the cash?” Dean asks.

“Sure.”

Dean nods and he walks towards Castiel, who is still looking at Vonnegut’s books. He has a concentrated look on his face, his eyes traveling along the spines of the books, reading the titles, wanting to find the perfect one.

“Don’t know which one to pick?” Dean asks, trying to sound casual.

Castiel turns his face and smiles softly. “I don’t,” Castiel admits. “Although I have only read one of his books, I really enjoyed his writing. Now I’m not sure which one I should read next.”

Curiosity seized Dean. “Which one did you read?”

“ _Cat’s Cradle_.”

“Good one.” He hums and starts to look in the shelf for one specific book. “I highly recommend you _Slaughterhouse-five_.” He grabs the book and hands it to Castiel, who looks at it with curious eyes. “You might find it a bit weird at first, but I can tell you that it’s really good. I think this one represents the personality and mind of Vonnegut the best.” His words make Castiel lock eyes with him; he wears an inquiring expression, making Dean flush slightly. “Vonnegut is my favorite writer,” Dean confesses, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and hoping that his voice doesn’t betray him.

Castiel chuckles. He looks at the back of the book, reading the summary. When he is done, he looks at Dean’s eyes again. “It seems interesting but I’m afraid I will need another book, I’m a really fast reader.” He turns the book, showing its spine, revealing that it isn’t too thick.

This time Dean is the one who chuckles, because it is indeed a short book. “Okay, then,” he says as he looks for another book. His fingers brush the spines as his eyes search for another of his favorite Vonnegut books. “I would also recommend you this one.” He picks _Breakfast of Champions_ and hands it to him. “Another masterpiece.”

Castiel reads the summary of that one, too, humming in appreciation. Again, when he has read it, he looks back at Dean’s eyes. Dean is too enraptured by those eyes. There’s something different in his too blue eyes; he isn’t sure what it is exactly, but there’s an intensity that Dean hasn’t seen before. It’s like staring into the sea. Maybe that’s what Dean finds captivating about the guy. Everything about him is captivating, but those eyes are out of this world. Dean hasn’t seen seas as blue as those eyes.

He knows that they have been staring to each other for too long already and Dean decides to break the silence before it starts to get awkward, although he has the strange feeling that it wouldn’t get awkward at all. “Do you have enough with those two or would you like another one?”

Castiel smiles, prettily. “I think I can manage with these two for now, thank you,” Castiel says sweetly, making Dean grin. “Would you charge me?” he asks as he hands the books to Dean.

Dean takes them from him and smiles. “Sure.”

They start to walk towards the cash desk. Charlie is putting some books for Miss Moseley into a plastic bag that she then hands to the woman. When she is done, Charlie looks towards them and her eyes widen, clearly shocked that a famous actor came by the bookstore.

“Holy shit,” Charlie says, surprised. “Are you—?”

Castiel blushes and nods, smiling awkwardly. “Yes, I’m Castiel Novak.”

“Wow, you’re really tall. I thought you would be shorter.” 

Dean rolls his eyes but Castiel’s smile stops being awkward and becomes warmer. “I don’t know why I tend to work with people who make me look shorter than I actually am.”

“Okay, Cas,” Dean says, belatedly realizing that he shouldn’t have said a short version of Castiel’s name. He looks at Castiel, who looks at him perplexed. “I’m sorry, I— I meant Castiel.”

“It’s fine,” Castiel says with a charming, shy smile. It seems that he isn’t bothered by Dean using a short version of his name or the familiarity that implicates. “I like the shortened version of my name.”

Dean notices the lovely blush that has appeared on Castiel’s cheeks and he knows he is also blushing. He’s glad to know that he didn’t upset the guy. “It’s $19.50.” Castiel immediately gives him the exact money and Dean saves it in the cash register while Charlie puts his books in a plastic bag.

“Tell me he hasn’t persuaded you to buy Vonnegut,” Charlie says, dedicating Dean a playful grin. “He always tries to get everyone to read his books.”

“You say that as if it was something bad.” Dean makes a sarcastic face as he takes the plastic bag from her hands and hands it to Castiel. “He decided to buy them; I didn’t do anything, right?”

“Right,” Castiel says, smiling.

“I hope you enjoy them.” He smiles softly and again Castiel looks into his eyes.

“I’m sure I will.” He nods and dedicates him a tiny smile. “Thank you so much for your help, uhm—”

“Dean, my name’s Dean. Dean Winchester.”

“Thank you, Dean.” His voice sounds great when he says Dean’s name. “Have a nice day,” Castiel says to both of them, turning around and walking towards the door.

“Have a nice day,” Charlie and Dean say.

Dean watches how Castiel Novak leaves his bookstore, carrying in his hand the plastic bag with those two Vonnegut’s books. He doesn’t know why, but Dean finds himself smiling softly. When he looks away from the window, he finds that Charlie is looking at him, with both of her eyebrows raised, her expression equal parts questioning and sassy.

“What?” Dean frowns, confused. He doesn’t know why his friend is giving him that look.

Charlie chuckles and shakes her head. “Nothing,” she simply says as she walks away from the cash desk. Dean can’t see her face, but he’s sure that she’s smirking.

“I know that look of yours. I know it means something.” He knows her too well and he knows that something’s on her mind.

Charlie walks upstairs. She doesn’t turn around until she’s reached the last step. She is still giving Dean that look. “You two were making heart-eyes.”

“No, we weren’t.” He sounds more defensive than he wanted to, but he doesn’t care.

They weren’t making heart-eyes. Not at all. Charlie is imagining things. It’s true that Dean was looking at Castiel’s eyes more than he would usually do with someone else, but that was only because he was appreciating Castiel’s beautiful eyes. They were so blue. Did Charlie actually look at the guy? He was stunningly gorgeous, it’s normal that Dean stared at him a little more than he should.

She huffs a laugh and turns around, but not before she says, “Yeah, whatever.”

Dean rolls his eyes. If that’s what Charlie wants to believe, it’s okay, but they weren’t making heart-eyes. Yes, Castiel Novak is gorgeous and he has beautiful eyes and Dean couldn’t help looking at him, but that’s all. They were definitely not making heart-eyes. It’s stupid, they aren’t going to see each other again; making heart-eyes is something that people who know each other do. Why is he even overthinking all this stuff? Damn Charlie.

Dean shakes his head and tries to concentrate on his job. But he can’t get those blue eyes out of his head, and whenever he remembers them he finds himself smiling. Truth is that it’s been nice to see Castiel Novak in real life and not on TV. Too bad that it’s unlikely they will ever meet again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions ^^

_March the 25th, 2015_

 

“Dude,” Dean says as he sees that Kevin is browsing his college’s webpage. “You made the exam today. Your marks won’t be showing ‘til Friday at least. Your professors are really slow when it comes to mark exams.”

“I’m not looking for that,” Kevin murmurs, his eyes never leaving the screen. “I’m waiting for her to upload the results of the test.”

Dean sighs. “You already know you nailed it.”

“The patrons of the answers were all b. It doesn’t matter if you are one hundred percent sure your answers are correct. If the answer to twenty questions is the same freaking letter, it will make you doubt.”

“Your professor is the new master of evil.” He chuckles and Kevin glares him. “Don’t worry about that, I’m sure your exam is perfect. All your exams are it.” Kevin sighs and keeps refreshing the page. Dean rolls his eyes; Kevin always worries too much when it comes to his studies. “You know other bosses don’t let their employees use the computer for personal stuff?”

Kevin smirks. “You aren’t like any other bosses.”

“Then, don’t—” But Dean doesn’t manage to finish the sentence because Kevin claps excitedly. Dean takes a look at the screen, seeing that the key answer to the test were all the b choice. “See?” he asks clapping Kevin’s back, half encouraging, half reprimanding. “You fucking nailed it.” A teenager approaches the desk and Dean grabs his books to charge him. “Congratulations,” Dean whispers to Kevin.

“Thank you. Now I can order those books you wanted me to.”

Dean can’t help chuckling. “It was about damn time.” The teenager pays him and Dean gives him the change before he puts all the books in a plastic bag. “Here you have it. Thank you.”

“Thanks!” the teenager says with a bright smile before he leaves the bookstore.

It is already darkening outside and Dean knows that in a few minutes he will close the store and he will go back home to have dinner. A few clients will come in during the remaining minutes, and they might delay closing time a little, but as long as they buy something Dean is fine with it.

“Hey,” Kevin says and Dean looks at the screen again. “There’s a pocket size version of this book, should I order it too?”

“Yeah, pocket size books are appreciated,” he explains. The bell rings and Dean looks at the door to greet the customer. “Good—” he begins to say, but he doesn’t finish because he wasn’t expecting to find Castiel Novak coming into his bookstore again. Something inside Dean feels really happy to see the actor again.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says, smiling softly.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says, grinning. He doesn’t miss the way Castiel smiles at the shortened version of his name and the surprised look Kevin makes. He knew that Cas came on Monday, but he wasn’t expecting to see him come to the bookstore again either. “Don’t tell me you already read those two books.”

Castiel chuckles, walking towards the desk until he is in front of Dean. “No. Only one.” His words make Dean arch an eyebrow in surprise. “I told you I was a fast reader.”

Yes, he did, but he wasn’t expecting him to have read one already. “Which one did you read?”

“ _Slaughterhouse-five_.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yes, I really enjoyed it.”

Dean’s grin gets wider. “I’m glad.” There’s a small pause in between them that they spend looking at each other’s eyes. Dean doesn’t know why Cas’ eyes have him this captivated. “So, are you looking for another book?”

Castiel clears his throat and shifts awkwardly, running his hands on his thighs nervously. “No, actually I— I’m not here for that,” he says quite nervous. Dean frowns confused, opening his mouth to say something, but he doesn’t know what to say exactly. “This may sound really weird, given that we barely know each other but—” He takes a deep breath and bites his lip guiltily. “I’m filming here in Vancouver and I’m going to be here for a month or so and I was wondering if you could show me the city or just spend some time together. I would really enjoy the company of someone who isn’t part of the film or my agent.”

Dean blinks perplexed. He is still processing what Cas has just purposed. Castiel freaking Novak wants Dean Winchester to spend some time with him. “And you want me to be that company?”

“Yes.”

“Me?”

“Dude,” Kevin says, making a face. “Of course that he means _you_.” Dean looks at Kevin with his deadliest glare. “Don’t look at me like that, he left it pretty clear.”

Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Before he opens his eyes, Castiel speaks, “If you don’t want to, it’s okay, I know it isn’t something very usual to—”

“No, Cas, no, it’s not that,” Dean says with a lovely smile. “It’s just that I wasn’t expecting that.” After he has said those words, Castiel seems to relax slightly. He has to admit that it is something strange, given that they don’t know each other, but Dean must admit that he likes the offer. “I would like to do all of that.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He smiles again and Castiel’s worries seem to disappear immediately. “So, when are you free?”

“Right now.”

Dean wasn’t expecting that answer either. Is the guy serious? Does he want Dean to show him the city tonight? This is going really fast and Dean is still surprised by the development of the events. “Okay. Uhm, we close in five minutes, can you wait for that time?”

“Of course. I will be in that café,” he says pointing at the café in front of the bookstore.

“Good. I’ll see you in five minutes,” Dean says nodding. Once again, he watches Castiel leave. This feels surreal but nice. He is going to spend time with Castiel Novak. He wasn’t expecting that. When he stops looking at Cas through the window, he finds that Kevin is staring him, making the same face Charlie was making the other day. “You are giving me that look too?”

“What kind of look do you want me to give after one of the most famous actors nowadays asks you to give him company?” he sasses.

“I find it weird too, but he seems to be a really nice guy, so why not?” He shrugs casually. He doesn’t know much about Castiel, but he knows that he likes Vonnegut and that’s something that Dean really likes. “Besides, I would like to go out. It’s been a while since I went out during night. Is there anything wrong about it?”

Kevin smirks. “No, not at all.” He turns around and keeps doing his task in the computer, but Dean keeps looking at him with suspicion.

“It’s just a guy,” Dean says casually. He starts to get some money from the cash to leave it in the safe box. He will put it in the bank at the end of the month. “It’s no big deal.”

“I didn’t say anything about it.” His tone is playful, like the look he throws at Dean. He knows that there’s more hiding in Kevin’s words.

Dean glares him. “Yeah, you did with your tone and your eyes.”

Kevin rolls his eyes and shakes his face. “Well, everything is ordered,” he says, ignoring Dean’s previous comment. “Do you need anything else?”

“No, you can go home now.”

Kevin nods and walks towards the office. Dean follows him, carrying the money and opening the safe box to leave it there while Kevin puts on his coat. “Have fun with your date,” Kevin says with sarcasm, making Dean turn around and glare him.

“First, it’s not a date and second, you are just jealous because I’m the one who’s gonna spend the night with Castiel Novak.”

“You do realize that the last part sounds exactly like a date, right?”

“Fuck you, Kevin.”

Kevin laughs and Dean grabs the closest pen and throws it to Kevin’s head. “Very mature, Dean.” Kevin makes a grimace and Dean smirks cockily. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Dean,” he says as he leaves the office.

“Yeah, see you, asshole.”

Before Kevin is out of his sight, he waves his hand. The sound of the bell indicates that he has already left the bookstore and Dean grabs his stuff before he turns off the light of the office and closes the door after it. He checks in the computer if he has forgotten anything but everything is in order.

As he switches off the computer, Dean looks at the café. He can’t see Cas, but he knows he is in there. He is wondering why Castiel is interested in spending time with him. They barely know each other. Castiel didn’t know about Dean’s existence before Monday and Dean only knew that Castiel Novak is a famous actor, but nothing else. Why would an actor like Cas be interested in someone like Dean? And it’s not like he is interested in having sex with him, he is interested in Dean in something very different, like some kind of friend. Dean can’t help finding this situation bizarre.

Dean sighs and puts on his leather jacket and he switches off the remaining lights. He turns the sign to the ‘closed’ side and he leaves the bookstore, closing it. Tonight is a cold night, but there have been colder nights lately, in fact, in Dean’s opinion, it isn’t a bad night. It is cold, but it can be bear.

He crosses the street, walking towards the café where Cas waits for him. Why did he agree on doing this? Dean doesn’t do things like this. But there’s something about the guy that makes Dean want to know him, to agree on doing this. But he doesn’t know what it is. It must be that his life is getting quite boring and this is something interesting and a good distraction. Yeah, that sounds legible.

Castiel spots him the moment he gets into the café and he starts putting on his trench coat. Today he is wearing a pretty, gray sweater, a white shirt and some jeans. Again, his hair is a complete mess, but it looks really good for him.

“Hey,” Dean says when Castiel has approached him. “Sorry for the waiting.”

“Don’t worry,” Castiel says with a charming smile.

“So, where do you wanna go? Do you have any place in mind that you would like to visit?”

“Well I—”

Suddenly, Dean’s stomach growls and Castiel looks at him with an arched brow. Dean blushes immediately. That growl was really loud and he is sure that almost every person in the café has heard it. Even the guy at the end of the café with his laptop must have heard it. “Fuck— It’s just that I— that I haven’t eaten anything for four hours.”

“Then I think we should go and have some dinner.”

Dean opens his eyes widely and his brows arch as much as possible. “Seriously?”

Castiel frowns confused. “Yes. You are hungry and I’m it too. It’s logical to go and have dinner.”

Dean shifts and licks his lips. He is feeling nervous and he doesn’t know why. “Yeah, I can’t argue with that, but I’ve gotta say that I’m not carrying too much money.”

“I can invite you. After all, it’s the last I can do.”

Dean can hear Kevin’s voice saying that this is a date. First, Cas wants to have dinner with him and now he wants to invite him? It sounds like a date, but it isn’t. Not at all. Why is Dean still thinking about it? This isn’t a date. They aren’t interested in each other.

“No, Cas, you really don’t—” Dean begins to say, rubbing the back of his neck. He feels weird and nervous. He doesn’t even know where Castiel would like to go. He is sure that Cas earns millions per year, so he must like to eat at fancy places with fancy tablecloths and where you have to wear a suit and a tie if you want to get into the place.

“Do you know any place where they serve tasty burgers?” Castiel asks, interrupting Dean.

Dean gives him an incredulous look. “You like burgers?”

“Of course I like them,” he answers, almost sounding offended.

Dean can’t help chuckling. He knows a nice place which isn’t too far and is affordable. “I know the perfect place. It’s not too far, so would you like walking or going by car?”

“I would like to take a walk.”

“Good.”

Both of them leave the café and they start to walk towards the restaurant. It is a 50’s American restaurant that serves typical dishes from USA. Dean and his friends tend to go there sometimes. It’s a really nice place and it is affordable.

They walk together, leaving a small space in between them. Both of them have their hands in their pockets, sheltering from the cold. Dean can’t help taking a look once in a while at the man walking next to him. This situation still feels odd for him, but not in a bad sense.

“You aren’t Canadian, are you?” Castiel suddenly asks, looking at Dean.

Dean smirks proudly. “How do you know?”

“Your accent, mostly,” he starts to explain. “But also how you talk, act and move.” Dean can’t help smiling and nodding at that. People always know that he isn’t Canadian. Despite of being in Canada for many years, he still has that American look and voice. “From which part of USA are you from?”

“Lawrence, Kansas. Well, at least that’s where I was born. But I’ve been almost everywhere in the USA,” he answers sighing. Since his mother died when he was four, his father started to travel with Sam and Dean through the whole USA until he died when Dean was twelve. Then, he and his brother started to live with Bobby in Sioux Falls. “What about you? Where were you born?”

“Pontiac, Illinois.”

“Really?” he asks surprised.

Castiel nods. “Really. But now I live in New York.”

“Big change.”

“Yes. Like moving from Kansas to Vancouver.”

Dean chuckles. They have already reached the restaurant and Dean gets in. He pays attention to the curious faces Castiel makes. Dean is sure he likes the place. And he is sure that he will really like the hamburgers.

They are seated in a table for two, sitting in front of each other and they are given the menus. Dean knows which burger he wants to order and what he wants to drink. Castiel takes a little bit more time reading the menu. When the waitress comes back to take their orders, Dean is surprised to find that Castiel has chosen the same burger as him; the one with extra bacon, extra cheese, tomatoes and lettuce.

Once their drinks are served, two cokes, Dean leans in closer, wanting to ask Cas something that he is been wondering for a while. “Cas,” Dean begins to say, making Castiel’s eyes stop looking at the place to land on Dean’s green eyes to give him all his attention. “Why did you want me to spend time with you instead of someone else?”

Castiel sighs and makes a shy smile. “Because you acted with me as if I was a person, not a famous actor,” he murmurs. Dean’s lips form a silent ‘oh’. “And you seemed nice.”

“I seemed nice?” Dean asks with a grimace. Castiel nods. “You know, I should present you all my friends and my family so you can say that to them. It would help a lot.”

Castiel chuckles. “You can’t be that terrible.”

Dean rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Just give me time and I’ll show you what a big dick I am.”

Now Castiel lets out a sweet laughter that makes Dean grin happily. He has a nice laughter and Dean likes its sound. “And why did you accept my proposition? You could have perfectly said no.”

“Anyone who appreciates Vonnegut is worth of my time.” Dean makes a pout and shrugs. Castiel gives him a squinty look, but he smiles. “See? Told you I could be a dick.” He takes a deep breath and makes a guilty face.

“I wouldn’t say dick, exactly.” He makes a thoughtful face and Dean looks intrigued at him, admiring the pretty features of his face. “I could use assbutt.”

“Assbutt? Is that a real word?”

“I just used it, so yes, it is a word.” He sounds really serious and convinced that Dean can’t help laughing.

“You’re fucking weird, did you know that?”

“That’s a nice compliment.” He looks at Dean with a huge fondness and Dean is soon blushing and making a soft smile. “Thanks for agreeing to do this, Dean.”

Before Dean can answer, their burgers arrive. They look as tasty as always. The moment the plate is on the table, Dean grabs the burger and starts to eat it, feeling how his stomach calms when he swallows the first bite. He looks at Cas, who is making a satisfied face. Dean can’t help smirking.

“Good, huh?” Dean asks.

“It is really delicious,” Castiel agrees, smiling. Dean makes a proud grin and he keeps eating, enjoying the taste of the burger, almost moaning with every bite he takes. And for what he can see, Castiel is savoring his dinner as happily as Dean. “Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did.”

Castiel glares him while Dean smirks. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Wanna know something about me, Cas?” he asks arching his eyebrow. The blue eyed man nods. Dean finds it unusual that somebody like Castiel would like to know about him. But if that’s what Castiel wants, Dean can give it to him. “Shoot.”

“How did you end up in a bookstore in Vancouver?”

“That’s a long story.”

“We’ve got time,” he says with a soft voice. Castiel’s voice is low, but very nice. Dean likes his voice a lot. He is finding that he is liking too many things about Cas. “I like long stories.”

Dean chuckles. “All right.” He rubs his mouth, removing some remaining of his burger and he settles on his seat, leaning his elbows on the table. Castiel watches him with attention. “When I was four and my brother Sam was a few months old, our mother died in a fire—”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel interrupts, sounding really hurt.

“That was a long ago, Cas, don’t worry.” Dean sighs. It has been thirty years since that, but he still misses his mother. But Dean has been able to talk about that tragedy for years. “My father started to carry us through the whole USA, finding a job after a job and me and my brother were raised in motels until our father died after an embolism. I was twelve by that time.”

“That’s terrible.”

“Yeah.” Again, Dean sighs. “But one of dad’s friends adopted us and raised us. His name is Bobby. He made sure that we got everything we didn’t have for years.” Dean didn’t have a happy childhood, but thanks to Bobby his teenage years were happy. And Sam’s too. Dean smiles at the memories he created living at Bobby’s. “When I finished high school I started to work at Bobby’s garage so I could get Sammy into college and help Bobby with bills and that stuff. Sammy got to Stanford and became a lawyer and when he got a job here in Vancouver, he told me to come with him and start a new life. I got a bookstore that at first was hard to keep because of the bills, but after a while it became one of the most popular bookstores in Vancouver. And now, here I am.”

Castiel smiles. “Do you like your life here?”

“Yeah. Except for the weather.” Both of them chuckle. Dean grabs his burger and before he takes a bite, he asks, “What’s the story of your life?”

Castiel takes a deep breath and makes a sad smile. “I’m sure you might have read it in Wikipedia.”

“No, I haven’t. The only thing I look about actors and actresses in Wikipedia are where they are from and their age.” And he only does it for curiosity or he looks the filmography, but nothing else. “I like to hear one’s own personal story instead of reading it in the Internet.”

His blue eyes soften and his smile is no longer sad. He clears his throat and starts to talk, “As I told you, I was born in Pontiac, Illinois. When I was six years old, both of my parents died in a car accident. My grandfather raised me, but he died when I was fifteen.” His voice is sad and it is slightly filled with pain. “I didn’t have anywhere to go and I needed money to eat so one of my grandfather’s friends hired me as a waiter. My actual agent, Naomi, found me and thought that I was pretty enough to be part of the film world. She got me my first role at that year and since then, I’ve been working in the film industry.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your parents and grandfather,” Dean says sadly. He knows what it is to lost your family.

“You are the first person who hears that story and tells me that he is sorry about my loss.” Castiel takes a deep breath and smiles sadly and Dean frowns. “Usually people say that I was lucky to be found by Naomi.”

“People are assholes.”

Castiel lets out a chuckle. “See? You aren’t a dick like you said.”

Dean makes an awkward smile, rolls his eyes and he gets some fries in his mouth. He tries so hard not to flush. “Whatever.”

They spend the rest of their dinner talking about books, discussing the things both of them most liked about Vonnegut’s books. The more they talk, the more comfortable Dean finds himself and the more he starts to like Castiel. He likes how the actor talks and how he is. Little by little, both of them start to get to know each other. It’s not much, but it’s something.

They order some desserts and Dean convinces Castiel to try the pie, because they make really good pies. And it turns out that Castiel likes the pie almost as much as he liked his burger.

Finally, they pay the bill and they leave the restaurant. Dean checks out his mobile to know what time it is. It isn’t too late yet, so he can spend some more time with Castiel if he wants to. He doesn’t know what Castiel wants to do now or see, but Dean doesn’t mind at all staying with him a little longer.

Apparently, his wishes won’t come true. “Damn,” Castiel grunts when he looks at his mobile phone after beeping.

“Something’s wrong?” Dean asks.

Castiel sighs and rubs his forehead. “The scene we were supposed to film tomorrow night has been advanced to tonight.” He doesn’t sound happy at all. He puts his phone back in his pocket and makes a disgusted pout. “I hate it when they make these changes and they only advise with an hour in advance.” He looks at Dean and he makes an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, Dean, but I have to leave.”

“Don’t worry, Cas, you’ve got work to do.” He understands it. Cas’ work doesn’t have fixed schedules like Dean’s. When Cas is needed, he needs to go. Castiel takes a deep breath and he makes a sorrowful grimace. “I can drive you to wherever you have to go.”

“It’s a nice offer, but I will pick a cab. I don’t want to disturb you anymore.”

“You aren’t disturbing me.”

Castiel smiles honestly. “Thank you for the dinner, Dean.” Dean nods and grins. “Would you mind if we repeated this? It doesn’t have to be a dinner, I just—”

“Want to get away from the film world?” Dean finishes for him. Castiel blushes and nods. Under the moonlight, he looks even more beautiful and Dean finds himself staring him for longer than usually. “I wouldn’t mind it at all, Cas. You are not such bad company after all.” His words make Castiel rolls his eyes. “No, but seriously, I really had a good time with you tonight.”

His blue eyes light as a tiny smile makes its way into his pretty lips. “Well, then I guess that I will go to your bookstore whenever I’m free, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, it’s okay with me.”

He is really happy about getting another chance to be with Cas. He has really enjoyed the short time they have been together this night and he would like to spend more time with him. Lately, Dean’s life has been a little bit lonely and boring and it is nice to have Cas to lighten it a little bit. Dean has friends and he loves them, but they have their lives and Dean tends to have more free time than them, and meanwhile, in that time, Dean wishes he could spend it with some friend. It is soon to call Cas a friend, but he may become one.

Castiel lifts his hand, indicating a cab to stop. When the car does it, Castiel opens the door but he doesn’t get into it. Instead, he turns and dedicates a shy smile to Dean. “See you, Dean. And thank you.”

“See you soon, Cas.”

Castiel gets in the cab and Dean watches how it leaves his side, disappearing from his sight the moment it turns to the right. He can’t help smirking. Tonight was really good. It would have been even more awesome if Cas could have stayed a little bit more, but still, it has been really good.

As Dean walks back to the street where his bookstore is to get his Impala, he keeps smiling. Castiel has left him with a nice feeling. And he is looking forward to see him again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_March the 27th, 2015_

 

Dean is alone in the bookstore. Kevin left it two minutes ago. In a few minutes Dean will close it and he will go back home, but first there are a couple of customers willing to buy, so he will wait for them. Fridays are always busy. Which is really good for the business.

The few customers left in the store don’t take too long and Dean is able to leave his bookstore at his usual time. He does his routine of getting his leather jacket and everything that follows after it. He is soon outside his bookstore closing the door.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel suddenly says from behind, making Dean startle and let out a grunt.

“For fuck’s sake, Cas, don’t do that!” Dean groans, turning around to look at the man and breathing hard. Even his heart is beating at a high speed. He wasn’t expecting to find Cas outside, waiting for him.

“I’m sorry; it wasn’t my intention to startle you.” He approaches Dean, barely leaving any personal space in between them, which doesn’t help to reduce the speed of the beatings of his heart. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. But don’t do that again.” He gets his keys inside his leather jacket and sighs. “Geez, I didn’t know you could be such a creep.”

“I’m not a creep,” he protests, frowning and narrowing his eyes, which Dean finds kind of cute and it makes him smile. “Are you busy?”

“Not really. I was just gonna have dinner and watch some TV show,” he answers shrugging. Usually, his Friday night’s plans suck. Today isn’t an exception. “You’ve got the night free?”

“If there isn’t a change of plans, yes, I do.” He takes a deep breath and makes an uncomfortable grimace, looking down at his feet. When he looks at Dean’s eyes, the green eyed man is grinning. “Why are you grinning?”

“I was wondering when you would step by to see me again.” Dean has been looking forward to see the actor again. He knew that Cas was busy, but he is really glad to see him again this soon.

Castiel rolls his eyes, but Dean can see a tiny flush willing to make its way into his cheeks. “My job keeps me really busy. I haven’t been able to take a break until tonight.”

“That sucks.”

“It does.” He sighs.

“So, where do you wanna go tonight?”

“I suppose that you must be kind of hungry.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, I am.” He pouts and makes a thoughtful grimace.

“We could go somewhere, if you want to,” Castiel says shyly.

Dean wouldn’t mind going out to some place, but he doesn’t want to spend a lot of money or go to a busy place. Truth is that he planned for tonight’s dinner some delicious pasta and he has been thinking about it the whole day. Remembering that brings something to his mind. “When was the last time you ate some homemade food?”

Castiel frowns at the unexpected question but then he looks up, thinking. “I don’t know. Years, I guess.”

Dean gives him an incredulous look. “You don’t even cook for yourself?”

“I’m a terrible cook. I’m lucky that I don’t set on fire my cereals,” Castiel says really serious and Dean bursts into laughter as he imagines that picture. “Don’t laugh! It’s not funny! It’s the truth!”

“How on earth can you burn cereals?” His question earns him an angry pout from the other man. Dean tries to soften his laughter and after a while, he manages to almost suppress it and he looks at Cas, who is still glaring him. “I was thinking about cooking some nice pasta with homemade tomato sauce. How does that sound to you?”

The anger in his eyes disappears and he makes a pleased face. “Delicious.”

Castiel’s answer makes Dean grin proudly. He loves cooking and he loves cooking for other people. His friends always love Dean’s food and he is sure that Castiel might like it too. “Then, what do you say about going to my place and have some pasta?”

“It sounds really good.” He smiles sweetly and Dean swears that Castiel has the prettiest smiles. Everything in that man is really pretty.

“Awesome, then let’s go.” He searches in his pocket for his Impala’s keys and he opens the car. Castiel’s impressed sight doesn’t go unnoticed and Dean smirks proudly like he always does when somebody seems to appreciate his baby. “Awesome car, huh?”

“My knowledge about cars is pretty poor, but I can tell you that I think that your car is a really nice car.”

“It’s more than just really nice,” he says as he gets into the driver’s seat, closing the door after it. Cas joins him in the shotgun’s seat almost immediately. “My baby it’s a fucking awesome car.”

Castiel makes a rogue smile and rolls his eyes. “Do you want me to leave you alone with it?”

Dean arches his eyebrow and he grins mischievously. “Are you jealous?”

There isn’t too much light, but Dean can see how some slight blush appears on Castiel’s face. Why is he blushing? Is he actually jealous? But Castiel huffs a laugh and looks at the front. “Just drive, Dean.”

Dean tries to ignore Castiel’s obvious blush and he starts the car, loving the way she purrs, making Dean smile proudly. The sound of his baby is the only thing that sounds in the car. Dean is focused on driving while Castiel looks through the window, paying attention to everything they drive by.

“Have you gotten any chance to see the city?” Dean asks curiously. He could show him the city, but by the time Cas has been free these past days, most of the buildings and places that are in the must see list are closed. Except some parks.

“Only parks because we are filming some scenes there,” Castiel answers, still looking out the window. “Although I would like to see them properly. While we are filming, I can barely appreciate them. But for what I have seen, your parks are extremely beautiful.”

“Yeah. Maybe if you’ve got some free weekend, I could show any of them to you.”

Castiel turns his face and he looks at Dean with a fond smile. “I would appreciate that. But I don’t know if I will get any free weekend.”

“You don’t have a schedule?”

“Schedules are only for guidance. Some scenes take longer to film. The weather can postpone a scene. The director may not be satisfied with the result and he will make you repeat a scene over and over again. There are so many different factors when it comes to filming that you don’t really know when you are going to be able to take a break.”

“Shit, that sucks.” He gets his car in the parking under the building he lives. His parking spot is a bit far from the entrance, but it is really close to the lift. He stops the car and gets out of it at the same time Castiel does. “And what film are you filming?” Dean asks as he locks his car. “Or is one of those secret films that you can only talk about after you have filmed it completely?”

Castiel chuckles sweetly. “It’s a thriller. But I can’t tell you more. There’s a small summary in the Internet, but the director doesn’t want anyone to know more details.”

The lift’s doors open and both of them get into it and Dean presses the button of the fifth floor. “So basically, what you are saying is that you would have to kill me if you told me?”

“I’m an actor, not a spy,” he sasses and Dean chuckles.

The lift stops and its doors open again. Dean walks to the left, followed by Castiel. When he is in his apartment’s door, he gets his keys and opens the door, stepping away so Castiel can be the first one to get into it. Dean gets in after him and switches on the lights.

“You can leave your trench coat here,” Dean explains as he takes off his leather jacket and points the rack where he always leaves it.

Castiel takes off his trench coat and leaves it next to the leather jacket. “You have a lovely home.” His voice shows his admiration and Dean can see how his eyes wander through the living room, all filled with shelfs with books, movies and records. The walls are decorated with some movies’ posters and photos of his family and friends. Then his eyes go to the kitchen and he smiles.

Dean smiles. He is proud of his home. It took him a while to give it a feeling of home, but he managed it after all. He adores his apartment and how he always gets that warm feeling of coming home. Dean barely had a home in his life until Bobby adopted him and Sam. When he arrived to Vancouver, he wasn’t sure he would find a place that he could call home, but after all, he finally found it.

“Thanks,” Dean says after a while before he walks towards the kitchen. Castiel follows him after taking another look at Dean’s place, arriving to the kitchen when Dean is already looking in a cupboard for pasta. “Do you have any preference?” he asks as he looks at the different types of pasta he has. “Macaroni, spaghetti, raviolis—”

“I really like raviolis,” Castiel says shyly. Dean turns his face to look at the blue eyed man’s cute face. He is really cute. And handsome. Too handsome. He looks adorable sitting on one of the chairs around the kitchen table with both of his hands resting on it.

Dean grins. “Raviolis then.” He grabs the package and he starts to get everything he needs to make pasta.

“Do you need help with anything?” he asks politely. “As long as I don’t have to use the stove, I can help you.”

“Do you think you can put some water in the pot without setting it on fire?” he teases with a big smirk.

Castiel stands up and gives him a deadly glare. “You think you are hilarious, don’t you?” He grabs the pot and he starts to put water on it.

“I don’t think it, I know it.” Again, his words earn him a glare from Castiel, but Dean isn’t affected by it and he smiles playfully. “Help me to cut these tomatoes,” he says as he approaches them to Castiel and he gives him a knife. “Be careful, it’s very sharp.”

Castiel helps him, and thankfully, he doesn’t get himself cut. Dean turns on the fire and puts the pot on it, waiting for the water to boil so he can add the ravioli. Meanwhile, he triturates the tomatoes until they get the texture he wants for the sauce and he pours it in a small casserole to heat it while he adds some spices. While he does all of that, Castiel watches him closely, paying attention to every single thing he does.

“Is that impressive to see me making a tomato sauce?” Dean asks, making a teasing smile.

“I have always liked homemade food, but I barely have it or get the chance to see how it is done, so yes, it is quite impressive. Besides, you seem to be very confident at it.”

Dean chuckles and he blushes slightly. The water is already boiling, so he gets the ravioli in it, doing it slowly. “I’ve been cooking since I was four years old,” he begins to tell. “My father left Sam and me alone in a motel room for hours, sometimes even for days and I had to feed us. I was forced to learn how to cook at a very young age, so I guess that all that practice must show somehow. But I can tell you I have improved a lot since I was four.”

“I’m sure of that.” He makes a beautiful grin that is all gums and teeth. That’ one of the most gorgeous smiles of Castiel and Dean really likes it.

Dean looks away, focusing on the sauce and not on the handsome man standing next to him, only leaving a few inches in between them. He is so close that he can feel his warmth and it feels too damn good. “I once cooked spaghetti with marshmallows.”

“That sounds disgusting,” Castiel says with a gross face.

“Yeah, I know, but it turned out to be quite good. Sammy ate almost everything.”

Dean starts to tell Cas some other weird dishes he had to cook when he and Sam were little kids. Castiel finds all of them amusing and most of them a bit gross, but he enjoys hearing Dean. Soon the pasta is done and Dean drains it before he adds the sauce to the raviolis. Once again, Castiel pays close attention to everything Dean does.

They sit on the table, in front of each other. Dean waits for Castiel to take the first bite, watching his face closely. The moment Castiel tastes the first ravioli, he makes a pleased face and he lets out a soft moan that Dean likes way too much.

“Good, huh?” Dean asks, sounding quite proud.

“Dean, this is delicious,” Castiel says impressed and happily. “Do you cook everything this good?”

“Not everything.” He laughs. “But I’m quite good with almost everything, or at least that’s what my friends say.” He takes the first bite of his plate and he can tell that he did a good dinner. He feels great when anything cooked by him turns to be delicious.

“What else can you cook?”

“Almost every dessert, but my specialty are pies, because I’m a big fan of pies,” he admits with a serious face that makes Castiel giggle. “Everything with meat on it, some fish, salads, this one because my little brother is a rabbit food lover—” Again, Castiel giggles, the sound of his happiness caressing Dean sweetly. “Breakfasts too. I don’t know, I’m quite good with anything that is traditional cooking, y’know?” He shrugs casually.

“What about burgers?”

Dean grins mischievously. “I’m so damn good at making them.”

“Really?” he asks arching a brow. Dean nods. “Will I ever get a chance to taste them?”

Dean smirks. “If you keep seeing me, yeah, you will.”

They keep eating and talking. Castiel is very friendly and Dean realizes that he really likes the guy. He makes Dean feel nice and happy and Dean suspects that Cas might feel the same way.

When they finish their dinner, Castiel insists on helping Dean to wash the dishes, after all, he says that Dean cooked and that’s the last Castiel can do to thank him. As they wash and dry the dishes, Dean finds that he likes having Cas next to him, really close. The blue eyed man gives him a nice sensation that Dean doesn’t know how to describe, but it is a good one.

Castiel asks him for the bathroom when everything is collected and Dean indicates him where it is. While Dean is alone in the kitchen, he can’t remove the smile in his lips. He feels happy. He has been happy for years, but that happiness has gotten a little bit more intense since Castiel appeared in his life. Why is he feeling like this? It’s not like everything has changed since Castiel stepped into his bookstore, but Dean finds himself smiling more than usually and he knows that Castiel is the reason of it. He finds it weird, even stupid; they only know each other for a couple of days and Dean knows he shouldn’t be feeling like this in this short amount of time.

He shouldn’t get too attached, because once Castiel stops filming in Vancouver, he will leave and it is probably that they won’t see each other again. But Dean can’t help liking Cas. He is a likable guy and he knows that this is starting to become a friendship, but will it last once Castiel leaves?

“Are you done?” Dean asks when he hears some steps behind him. He turns around and sees that Castiel is back from the bathroom. The actor nods and Dean walks towards the bathroom.

Why is he overthinking all this stuff? It’s only a friendship, nothing else. It’s only that, right? He has to admit that Castiel is really handsome and that sea he has for eyes are really stunning. He isn’t going to lie; he finds Cas attractive and he is really nice, but he isn’t attracted to him.

He might be a little attracted to him, but only because he isn’t blind and because Cas is really likable. It is quite hard not to be attracted to someone like him. That’s all, that’s what Dean is going to tell himself.

When he finishes in the bathroom and he goes back to the living room, he finds that the terrace’s door is opened. He approaches it and finds Castiel outside, leaning on the railing, staring the lights of the night in Vancouver.

“It’s a bit chilly,” Dean says, making Castiel turn his face to him immediately. “You should wear your trench coat.” He places himself next to Cas, resting his arms on the railing as well, leaving a couple of inches in between his bodies, managing to feel Cas’ warmth.

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” he says careless and looks back at the city. “I can see my hotel from here.”

Dean knows that the only hotel that can be seen from his house is the Ritz. “You are staying at the Ritz?”

Castiel hums. “It’s really good when it comes to security.”

“Do you need too much security?”

“Here in Canada I don’t need much, but I tend to need a lot in USA and UK.” He sighs, making some slight, white mist appear in front of him. “The good thing about filming in other countries that aren’t USA or UK is that I can walk without security. I really don’t like having someone following me around the whole day.”

“How is that you are filming in Vancouver?” he wonders.

Castiel smiles. “Vancouver is cheaper when it comes to filming than any other city. You still have to pay some amount of money, but it is cheaper and easier than filming in New York or London. Taxes here are quite low.”

Dean makes a pout. “I didn’t know that.”

“You would be surprised to know the amount of films and TV shows that are filmed in Canada. The film industry has a lot of secrets and tricks that you might not know, Dean,” he says looking at Dean, who turns his face to meet his eyes. They look darker under the dark night, but the moon makes them shine prettily. “It’s another big world.”

Suddenly, Castiel shivers and Dean gives him an ‘I told you so’ look that Castiel returns with a bitch face. “C’mon, get inside before you get a cold,” Dean says with a father voice. Castiel smiles and rolls his eyes, but he does get back inside. Both of them thank the warmth of Dean’s apartment the moment they are in it and the terrace’s door is closed. “You still need to get used to the coldness of Vancouver.”

“You don’t seem to have gotten used to it yet.”

“Yeah, but at least I know how to keep myself warm.”

Castiel grins, but that grin doesn’t last long because his mobile beeps. It’s like he immediately closes off whenever his phone rings. Castiel takes a deep breath, showing that he isn’t happy at all.

“Let me guess, you have to leave?” Dean asks, sounding a bit sadder than he intended. He doesn’t want Cas to leave yet.

Castiel nods and sighs, rubbing his eyes, almost exhaustedly. “Yes, my agent wants me back in the hotel. It’s better if I go, because I really don’t want to hear her yelling at me on the phone and then in the hotel room.”

“She sounds like a really lovely person,” Dean says sarcastically. Castiel makes an uncomfortable grimace and looks at his feet, trying to hide his sadness and embarrassment. “Hey, Cas,” he murmurs as he approaches him, making Castiel lift his eyes. “Don’t worry. Besides, tomorrow I have to get up early and I bet you do too, so just go and get some rest.”

“Thanks for understanding, Dean.” He sounds really moved and Dean wonders if this is the first time Castiel has heard that somebody understands what his job involves. “I really hate having to leave this soon.”

“Maybe one of these days you can stay longer.”

“I highly doubt it,” he whispers, sounding even sadder. “I don’t think I will be able to see you this weekend,” he begins to say as he walks towards where his trench coat is, being followed by Dean. “It’s going to be very busy for me and—”

“Cas,” Dean interrupts, giving him a knowing look. “I know. Whenever you can, just come and visit me. You know where to find me, here or at the bookstore.”

“Yes, I know, but I have the feeling that I’m disturbing you and interrupting your personal life.”

Dean can’t help chuckling. “You aren’t disturbing me at all. Trust me, if you were, I would have told you so. I’m very direct when it comes to somebody annoying me.” His words make Castiel smile shyly and give Dean an appreciating stare. “And my personal life isn’t that interesting or busy. Sometimes I go out with friends or I see my brother, but if I already have plans with them, I’ll tell you. So stop thinking all that shit.”

“You are really a gentleman, Dean,” he teases.

“Shut up, I’m not. I’m a badass dude. Not a gentleman, for fuck’s sake.” He sounds disgusted and a little insulted and it seems to amuse Cas because he is giggling. “Anyway, don’t worry about it. I know we’ll see when you are free.”

“Okay,” Castiel says. “I think I will get some free time on Monday, but I can’t promise you anything.” Dean nods. “Thank you so much for being this comprehensive, Dean. I really appreciate it.” Dean blushes and smiles. “And thank you so much for the extraordinary dinner.”

Dean laughs. “You’re very welcome.”

Castiel has already put on his trench coat and he is opening the door, but he turns to give Dean a warm smile. “See you, Dean.”

“See you, Cas.”

The door closes and Dean stares at it for a little bit. He doesn’t know for how long he stares at it, but he turns around when he goes back to reality. Dean doesn’t get why he is acting and feeling like this. He has to admit that he didn’t think that he and Cas were going to get on very well this quick. It is something quite strange for Dean. This is the second time they do something together and Dean can feel that something in between them has grown really fast.

Usually, it takes time for Dean to know a person and built a friendship, but this thing with Cas is going faster than with any other person and it is going better. The more Dean tries to find the reason, the more confused he gets.

This is only a friendship, nothing else. He will repeat to himself that thing over and over again.

Still, he is looking forward to see Castiel Novak and he hopes that they will see on Monday. He is a busy guy, but Dean suspects that the actor will find a way to get away from his busy life and pay a visit to Dean, or at least that’s what Dean really hopes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_March the 29th, 2015_

 

The doorbell rings and Dean runs towards the door to open it, fearing that the pancake might burn if he doesn’t hurry. When he opens the door, he sees Sam and Jess. He knew they were coming; they tend to visit him on Sunday’s mornings because they both love Dean’s breakfast. Before they can even exchange their hellos, Dean is running towards the kitchen to flap the pancake. Thankfully it didn’t burn.

“Where are your good manners, Dean?” Sam says from the door before closing it.

“I didn’t want to burn the pancake!” Dean yells. “That’s the main reason why you two come here!”

“We love you too,” Jess sasses. Dean doesn’t have to turn around to know that his sister-in-law is behind him.

Dean looks at her and smirks. “Yeah, sure.”

“As if you didn’t enjoy our wonderful company.” She laughs and she takes a seat while Sam goes directly to the cupboard where the mugs are and then he goes to the coffee machine to serve himself and his wife some coffee.

“I specially enjoy yours.” He turns off the stove and puts the plate with the tower of pancakes on the table, next to the bacon and the fruit salad. Before he sits down, he winks his eye to Jess, just to mess up with Sam.

Sam slaps his bicep and glares Dean. “Stop flirting with my wife.”

Jess smiles and grabs Sam’s arm, pulling him down to sit next to her. “He’s just messing with you.” She kisses his lips, sweetly. “You know that he is not my type.”

“Yeah, I would have to let my hair grow and put flowers on it to become her type,” Dean jokes before he takes a sip of his coffee.

Sam kicks Dean’s foot under the table. “Shut up, jerk.”

“Bitch.”

“You two are unbelievable,” Jess mutters, laughing.

“You knew what you were getting into when you married me.” Sam smirks and looks at his brother, who also smirks, Jess, instead, rolls her eyes and chuckles. “So,” Sam begins to say. “How’s been your week?”

“Quite awesome,” Dean answers, grinning as he remembers Cas and the few times they have seen each other during this week.

Jess notices Dean’s happiness a she makes an inquiring look, studying his face. “How’s that?”

“Do you guys know Castiel Novak?”

“Yes.”

“Of course.”

Dean smirks. “He came by the bookstore on Monday and we have been seeing each other a few nights, just having dinner together and spending some time together.”

“Like a date?” Sam asks, lifting his eyebrows in surprise.

“No, not like a date. Why does everybody keep saying that?” First Kevin, then Charlie and now Sam. Castiel and Dean’s nights together aren’t dates. They are two men that are becoming friends that enjoy their company. It’s not his fault that Cas can only meet during dinner. “We’re just something like friends.”

“How’s that Castiel Novak, one of the most famous actors is spending his time with you?”

“I'm a joy to be around! Why does it sound so surprising?” His question isn’t answered with words, instead, Sam and Jess give him a bitch face. In moments like this, Dean knows that these two are perfect for each other. “Don’t look at me like that! He wanted to spend time together with someone who wasn’t part of the film industry and he thought I was nice.”

“Seriously?” Jess asks, incredulous.

“Why is it so hard to believe?”

“It’s just—” Sam beings to say. He takes a breath, looking for a word that describes perfectly the situation. “Odd.”

“Yeah, I know.” He sighs and makes a guilty face. He grabs some pancakes and puts them on his plate before he puts some whipped cream onto them. “I found it too when he told me that, but he seemed like a nice guy and I accepted. It turned out that he’s quite awesome and so damn nice.” When he looks at his brother and Jess, they both are making a surprised face. Then, they look at each other. “I know that stare means something, so tell me or I will take your breakfasts and eat them in front of you.”

“Don’t you dare!” Jess exclaims and Dean can’t help laughing, but he makes sure that his stare is challenging. “So, you’re saying that you two are only friends?” He doesn’t miss the insinuation tone in her voice.

“I’m not sure we’re even friends yet.” He shrugs, casually. “But we’re kind of. And that’s all. I know what you’re insinuating, Jess. But sorry, it’s not like that.”

Jess giggles and eats some bacon. Sam is making that smartass smile of his that Dean knows too well. “And you two are gonna see again?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “We like our company.”

Sam’s smile gets wider. “Yeah, I see by the big grin you are making.”

Dean didn’t realize he was grinning. He immediately presses his lips into a thin line and glares his brother, who laughs as he sees that Dean is blushing. “You’re the fucking worst, Sammy.”

“I just pointed what was obvious.”

“Shut up, bitch.” Dean rolls his eyes. “Can’t I get on well with him? Can’t I like spending time with him? It’s nice for me to spend some time with someone else, and before you say something else,” he says, warning his brother with a deadly look. “I mean it in the friendship way.”

Sam bites his lower lip, trying to suppress something; Dean isn’t sure if it is a snarky comment or a laugh, but before he finds out, Jess speaks, “We know it, Dean. It’s just that it is fun to tease you.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “What about you two? Something new?”

“Nope,” Sam says shrugging. “Same old thing. Quite busy with work.”

Sam and Jess explain a few things about their work that Dean has heard a couple of times before. He knows that their jobs can be very stressful, but these two always find enough time to be together and take a break. Regardless, both of them are really happy with their lives. Work can keep them busy, but they enjoy every aspect of it.

Even when there isn’t any food left on the table, the three of them keep talking. Dean likes having Sam and Jess at his place because it lightens up the mood. Dean loves his home, but he can’t help having that loneliness feeling once in a while. It must be because he spent his whole life growing up with Sam and he got used to live with him. Dean enjoys being alone and he finds himself looking for some time alone, but other times he would like to have someone living with him.

He knows that he isn’t alone, he has an awesome family and awesome friends, but Dean is lonelier than he would like to and he likes to admit. Quietness is good, but not in excess.

Before midday arrives, Sam and Jess decide to leave, not before they help Dean to wash all the dirty dishes and some utensils that were already waiting in the sink. It’s the last thing they can do for the free breakfast.

“As always, thank you so much for the amazing breakfast,” Jess says as she puts on her coat, waving her long, blonde hair so it doesn’t end up inside it.

“You are welcome. At least you thank me,” Dean says, looking at his brother with a playful, cocky face.

Sam rolls his eyes, but he smiles. “You’re a dick.”

Dean chuckles. He can’t help remembering when he told Cas that.

“Are you gonna see Castiel today?” Sam’s voice is innocent, but Dean knows his brother and he knows those words hold a second meaning.

“Is your life that boring that now you wanna gossip about mine?”

“I’m guessing that means ‘yes’?” Jess inquires, making a funny face.

“No. He’s busy filming. He will drop by whenever he’s free.” He tries to sound casual, making a huge effort to hide his enthusiasm. He wants to see Cas again, he truly does, but he knows that if he shows his desire to see him, Sam and Jess will start to imply things and tease him even more.

“Guess we’ll have to wait for your next date to know more about him, huh?” Sam says and his words earn him Dean’s deadliest glare accompanied by showing him his middle finger. “I was just kidding, Dean.” He laughs.

Dean turns his face to look at Jess. “Tell me why on earth did you marry him?”

Jess grins and grabs Sam’s arm, pulling him closer. “He was the prettiest Winchester.”

While Sam smiles proudly, Dean pretends to be hurt, bringing his hand to his chest. “Jess, that’s such a low punch! How dare you!”

She smiles and stands on the tip of her toes to reach Sam’s lips and kiss them. Then, she approaches Dean and kisses his cheeks as a farewell. “See you soon, Dean.”

Sam moves towards Dean after Jess has moved away and the Winchester brothers pull into a tight hug. “See you, Sammy.”

“See you, Dean.”

They open the door and leave the apartment. Dean is the one who closes it. His apartment is filled with his usual quietness, only broken by Dean’s tiny sigh. Alone again. Like always.

He doesn’t have any interesting plan. He could go outside and take a walk, but today is one of those cold days when the only thing you want to do is stay at home, wrap yourself in a warm cover, have some hot beverage and watch TV shows on your laptop. Now that he thinks about it, he has an interesting plan for today.

That’s how Dean spends his Sunday. He doesn’t have anything else to do. He could read or play his guitar, but he is not in the mood for it. Sundays tend to be so lazy for him.

Tomorrow he will go back to his bookstore and he might see Cas; the actor said that he might come by Monday, but he also said that he couldn’t promise him anything. Still, Dean is hoping that Cas can finally make it. He is looking forward to see him. There’s something about him that has Dean willing to spend his time with him. It must be his eyes, or the way he talks or the way he is, He isn’t sure what exactly, but Dean knows that Cas makes him feel great.

It’s like Cas gives him something to wait for. Dean has the feeling that he is somehow stuck in his life. He likes his life, he has a job he adores and a wonderful family and wonderful friends, but he has that feeling that there’s something missing to complete the puzzle of his life. Everyone he knows is achieving things one way or another, it feels as if everyone was advancing with their lives but Dean couldn’t. But after all, Dean has never fit in this world, not completely. Maybe seeing Cas gives him a sense of moving.

Why is he thinking all that stuff? Did he suddenly become a psychologist? He is beating around the bush and it’s stupid. Cas isn’t any of that, he is a buddy that it happens to be a really nice company. Dean likes him, as a friend, not as anything else like everyone around him seems to be willing to imply, that’s all. And Cas makes him feel less lonely.

But part of Dean wants to believe that there’s another reason. Cas is great, for all he knows about him for now. He has gotten inside Dean’s skin faster than he expected to and he suspects that he has caused the same effect in the actor. The blue eyed man gives him an awesome feeling whenever they are in the same room, as if there was some kind of bond in between them. Shit, he shouldn’t think about that kind of crap.

Dean shouldn’t forget that this friendship, or whatever they have, will only last for as long as Cas stays in Vancouver. Once he stops filming in this city, Cas will leave and it is very likely that they won’t see each other again. But he doesn’t want to think about that. This is just a temporary thing, but why does he have the feeling that it truly isn’t?

He realizes that he has barely paid any attention to the episode of Orphan Black. He has seen it already, but he doesn’t like when his mind rambles about a lot of things and he doesn’t pay attention to something he likes. His thoughts can be a big pain in the ass.

Dean stops the episode and starts it over, hoping that this time he will pay proper attention to it. Thinking about all that stuff is a waste of time. He will see how things develop in between he and Cas within time.

 

_March the 30th, 2015_

 

Whenever Dean hears the bell, he looks at the door, hoping that Castiel will appear, but he doesn’t. Still, Dean greets every customer with his usual charming smile, but he can’t help feeling a bit disappointed whenever he sees that the customer that steps inside isn’t Castiel.

“You’re waiting for him to come, right?” Charlie murmurs, driving Dean away from his thoughts. He looks at her with a confused frown, making her sigh. “For Castiel. You are waiting for Castiel to come.”

Was he being that obvious? “Yeah,” Dean whispers. He attends the old lady who carries five books and begins to scan each barcode. “He said that maybe he could have some free time on Monday.” Every time the barcode is read, the reader makes a beep, but Dean is so used to that sound that he barely hears it anymore. “That would be $53,97,” he says, looking at the old lady.

Charlie grabs the books and puts them inside the plastic bag. She helped Dean to design the logo of the bookstore that’s on them. It’s a simple design with the name of the bookstore in red and a few lines that are books under it. She hands the woman said plastic bag once she has paid and Dean and Charlie wish her to have a nice day, which makes the lady smile and return the wishing.

“You didn’t see him during the weekend?”

Dean shakes his head. “He was filming.” His voice comes out quite sad and Dean instantly hates himself for it. He shouldn’t be this affected, why is he being like this?

Charlie leans her elbow on the desk, trying to take a look at Dean’s face. He manages to see that his friend has a worried face. “Are you okay?”

From all the things she could have said, that wasn’t the one Dean was expecting. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

“I don’t know; you seem upset. Is everything all right?” She places her hand on Dean’s arm and looks at him with concern.

“Of course that everything’s all right, Charlie.” But Charlie doesn’t buy it; Dean can see it. He looks at her with convincing eyes. “I’m fine.”

She places her hands on her hips, something Dean knows as the thing Charlie does when she is annoyed and wants to be like one of those moms who is about to quarrel her kids. “You do know that when people say they are fine it means the opposite, right?”

Dean smirks. “The dictionary says otherwise.”

“The dictionary should change that meaning.”

Dean chuckles and busies himself with the computer, making sure that everything is in order, that they don’t have to get books from the back of the store or order anything. He also does it in an attempt to let the topic go.

“Dean,” Charlie insists, this time sounding sweeter, but also more worried. “Something’s wrong, I can tell.” Charlie has the ability to see when something isn’t right. It is really helpful, but Dean isn’t someone who can put his worries and feelings into words. Instead, he buries all that stuff and tries not to think about it. “Is it about Cas?”

Yes, it is. “No. Don’t worry, it’s nothing, I swear.”

He doesn’t have to look at her to know that she is making a frustrated face.

“Excuse me,” A man says, catching Charlie’s and Dean’s attention. “Can you help me?”

“Yes,” Charlie says, walking away from the desk to approach the customer. But before she leaves behind the desk, she turns around and looks at Dean with a soft smile. “I’m sure Cas will come.”

Dean makes a tiny, shy smile that he hides from everyone by looking down at the desk. He can even feel how his cheeks get slightly hotter with the tiny blush that is appearing on them. He wants to see Cas so bad. He wants to see those stunning eyes and the way he smiles and he wants to hear his low and nice voice. When he is with Cas, he feels happy and he smiles more than usually.

He definitely needs to lock those thoughts in a coffer and burry it in the darkest and deepest nook of his mind.

But he keeps looking at the door whenever somebody comes in and he keeps feeling a tiny ache in his heart when he sees that again, that somebody isn’t Castiel.

Morning passes and lunch time soon arrives. Like always, he takes a quick trip back home and he makes something quick for lunch. He usually prepares a sandwich, an omelet, a salad… Things that don’t take a long time to cook; he only has one hour to eat. He could bring a Tupperware to the bookstore, but Dean prefers eating at home things that have been made recently than a few hours ago. He doesn’t like cold food. Besides, the idea of eating in his office isn’t too appealing for him.

The rest of his workday is spent like the morning; selling books and looking expectantly at the door, waiting for Castiel Novak to appear. But once again, he doesn’t make an appearance. And like Charlie, Kevin notices that Dean is waiting for him and he also expresses his concern.

Dean spends his whole workday with the feeling that Cas might appear the next time the bell rings and he hates it. But he can’t stop hoping it and looking at the door.

Kevin leaves when it’s his time to go back home and Dean tells him goodbye. The bookstore is now empty and there are only five minutes left to close it, so he begins to do his usual routine before he leaves. He is surprised to find that today was a productive day and they sold more books than usually. At least there was something good about this Monday.

When Dean has closed the office, he turns off all the remaining lights and leaves the bookstore, turning the sign from the ‘open’ to the ‘close’ side and he grabs the key to close the door. When he is out in the street, he looks at his left and at his right, searching for Castiel, but the man is nowhere to be seen. Guess he didn’t get any free time today. After all, Cas told him that it wasn’t sure that he could pay him a visit, but Dean can’t help feeling disappointed and sad.

It’s not like Cas isn’t going to visit him as soon as he can. For all he knows about Cas, Dean is sure that the moment he is free, the first thing he will do is come and see him, but Dean wanted to see him today. It must have to do with the lonely feeling he has been having during the weekend. Or that he wishes that they could have spent some more time together during Friday. He doesn’t know for sure.

While Dean’s life is simple and not too busy, Cas’ life, on the other hand, is the opposite. They are lucky that their schedules allow them to share some time together. But it helps that Dean’s schedule doesn’t vary, because it seems that Cas’ is a complete mess that can change almost every hour.

He gets into his dearest Impala and starts the engine. He switches on his music and plays it as loud as always. _Roadhouse Blues_ by The Doors plays in his car, just where it stopped when he parked the Impala in front of the bookstore. Dean finds himself drumming his fingers on the wheel along the beat of the song and he is soon singing the lyrics with Jim Morrison. It helps him to fade away that shitty lonely feeling.

Tomorrow will be another day. Cas might or might not appear. Dean wishes that Cas will come by. It all depends on his job. It’s not his fault that he can’t come whenever he wants to. The guy is busy and if it was it for him, Dean is sure that he would have come today. Dean shouldn’t feel disappointed because Cas’ work didn’t allow him to take a break and come to see Dean. It’s not Cas’ fault or that Cas didn’t want to see him, it’s just that he is busy, that’s all.

He is soon in his apartment, the warmth of it caressing him as wonderfully as always, giving him that perfect sense of being finally at home, safe from the cold weather. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, the characteristic smell of his apartment getting through his nose, making him smile.

Dean goes to the kitchen and starts to make supper while he puts some music on. The volume isn’t as high as in his car because he doesn’t want any of his neighbors to complain; some of them are really nice, but there are a few that are a bunch of dicks. Despite of the low volume, he can listen to his music perfectly.

As he prepares a nice burger, the memory of Cas helping him on Friday night comes to his mind and Dean is soon grinning. He wasn’t the best scullion, but he tried to help as much as he could. Soon he is also remembering how happy he seemed when he tasted the pasta. Dean wonders if he would be as happy if he tasted Dean’s burgers.

He can’t get Cas out of his mind, can he? It doesn’t make sense. The more he tries to find a reason about why he is so attached to someone he only knows for a couple of days, the more confused he gets.

It turns out that once he starts to eat, his thoughts about Cas seem to disappear. His mind is quiet for the rest of the night, but once it’s time to go to bed and sleep, Dean’s last thought before he closes his eyes is that he might see Cas tomorrow.

Castiel Novak has definitely made its way into Dean’s life all of sudden, hasn’t he?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_March the 31st, 2015_

 

The phone in the office rings and Dean walks, almost runs, towards it. He looks at Charlie and she nods, knowing that Dean wants her to take charge of the cash while he speaks on the phone.

“Hi, this is _Ramble On_ bookstore,” Dean says when he picks up the phone.

The person at the other end of the line is a man that works in one of the many publishing houses Dean orders the books from. He is calling because there’s an order that Dean made that will take another day to arrive because there has been a problem with the printing. The man apologizes and Dean tells him that it’s okay, that there’s no need to worry.

Once the conversation is over, the man says, “Have a nice day, mister Winchester.”

“You too.” He hangs the phone and he walks back to the desk. As he approaches it, he sees and hears Charlie talking to someone, and the moment he recognizes that voice and that face from the person in front of her, Dean’s heart skips a beat. It’s Cas. “Cas,” he says, grinning.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greets with his usual beautiful smile.

Charlie turns and looks at Dean with a knowing look that isn’t innocent at all. “Look who finally came by,” she says grinning, a teasing pitch slipping into her voice.

When Dean stands next to her, he makes sure that he kicks her calf softly, but warning her. “It’s nice to see you again, Cas.” His eyes go directly to Castiel’s blue ones and both of them smile.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it yesterday,” he begins to explain, sounding ashamed. “I finished filming almost at ten P.M. and it was too late and after having dinner I went straight to bed. I’m sorry.”

Dean smiles, comfortingly. “Yeah, I figured it out. Don’t apologize, work’s work.” Once again, they spend a small moment of silence looking at each other’s eyes. Dean could spend hours looking at those blue eyes, getting lost in the sapphire sea they are made of. But Dean comes back to reality, knowing that their stares have been locked together for too long. “You’ve got the day off?” he asks, clearing his throat and blinking, hoping that he doesn’t flush.

Castiel grimaces. “Partially. I don’t have to go back to the set until five P.M.”

It’s a shame. Dean only has free time during lunch time and when he finishes work at seven. He wanted to spend more time than usually with Cas, but it seems that today it’s Dean’s job the one that is going to avoid it.

His worries must show in his face, because Cas immediately makes a guilty face and says, “I suspected that you were going to be working during that time.” He smiles softly, trying to not give any importance to it. “I already knew it, but I just wanted to see you,” he adds, almost in a whisper. He blushes and Dean thinks that flushing looks good on him.

Obviously, Dean is grinning widely, all gums and teeth, because Cas has said that he wanted to see him and it makes Dean really, really happy. He is so rapt on looking at Cas that Charlie has to bump his side to make him see that there are two customers in line, waiting to pay. When Dean looks at her, Charlie has a look that is half warning and half smug.

“Well, I— I’m free during lunch time,” Dean says to Castiel as he scans the barcodes of the couple of books the customer has handed him. “But that won’t be ‘til two.” He looks at the wall where the clock is and sees that it is only 11:54 A.M. That clock is one of the most popular decorations in the store. It consists on a black stain where it looks as if butterflies came out of it. Dean really likes it.

After charging the first customer and giving him the plastic bag with his books, Dean is about to attend the next customer when Charlie speaks, “You could take the morning off.”

“What?”

“I can take charge of the bookstore while you are gone, don’t worry,” she says casually, grabbing from Dean’s hands the book of the second customer. “You barely go out lately and you truly deserve a day off. When was the last time you took a vacation?”

The customer leaves after paying and Dean looks at Charlie with incredulous eyes. “Are you kidding? I’m not gonna leave you here by yourself.”

“Why not? Don’t you trust me?” She smirks, playfully.

“It’s not that, you know I completely trust you.”

“I can wait, you know?” Castiel suddenly says, sounding uncomfortable. “I don’t want to intrude in your schedule.”

Dean is about to say something, but Charlie speaks first, “Cas, don’t worry, I’ll take charge of the bookstore while Dean’s gone so you two can go and have fun.” She smiles, as charmingly as she usually does and when he looks at Dean, she makes that look that means that something can’t be argued. “Besides,” she adds, this time turning her face to Castiel. “He is willing to spend time with you. Yesterday he spent the whole day wondering if you would come or not.”

“Charlie!” Dean yells. His voice comes out too loud that it echoes in the store. He is flushing and he can see that Castiel is it too, but not as much as him. “I’m gonna kill you,” he mutters, low enough that Charlie can be the only one to hear it.

“C’mon, boss, go and have fun with Cas!” She punches his arm, encouraging him. “Don’t make me push the two of you.”

Dean sighs and looks at Cas. He might have the feeling that this is disturbing Dean, but Dean can also see that the actor is hoping for him to agree on leaving the bookstore. Truth is that Dean wants to go with Cas but he doesn’t want to leave his workplace because he wants to have fun. It doesn’t feel right, but it won’t kill him if he just did it for one day, right? It’s the first time he is going to do such thing.

“Don’t forget to close when you leave,” he says looking at Charlie. His words make her and Castiel smile. “And you better not get used to me leaving my work to go out with you,” he adds, this time looking at Castiel, who is glowing with happiness.  
“I didn’t encourage you to do it. I said that I could wait for your lunch time,” he says innocently.

“You just encouraged her, which is worse.” He points at Charlie, who grins and then winks her eye at Castiel. Dean walks towards the office and grabs his leather jacket and puts it on. When he walks away, he walks towards Castiel and looks at Charlie. “Don’t screw up anything.”

“Your lack of trust is insulting,” she says, glaring him, but not so much. “Your padawan is ready to become a jedi.”

Dean laughs while Castiel frowns confused at the Star Wars reference. When Dean looks at him, the actor is still frowning. “I don’t understand that reference.”

“Are you kidding me? You are an actor and you don’t get a _Star Wars_ reference?” Dean asks. Castiel shakes his head. “Cas, you’ve gotta watch those films.”

“But the original ones, the new ones suck,” Charlie adds and Dean nods in agreement. “Now leave and have fun.”

Dean rolls his eyes but smiles before they walk away from the bookstore. Castiel waves his hand to Charlie, who smiles widely and waves back at him. The moment they are outside, Dean feels that the weather isn’t too cold today, which is something he is grateful for.

“Okay, Cas, what’s on your mind? Where do you wanna go?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. He is wearing his trench coat. Dean realizes that it seems old, judging by the faded color of it. “Somewhere you like. Are you sure you are okay with leaving your bookstore? I feel bad for making you leave it.”

Dean chuckles. “I know that it’s in good hands.” He takes a look behind, taking a peek of Charlie. “Besides, I didn’t have a choice,” he adds, walking towards his Impala. “Charlie would have kicked me out one way or another. She can be so fucking stubborn.”

Castiel smiles. “She seems really nice.”

“Yeah, she is.” He opens the Impala’s door and he gets in it. Cas walks towards the other door and gets in as well. “But don’t piss her off, trust me.” Both of them chuckle. “Have you been in Queen Elizabeth Park?”

“I don’t have the pleasure.”

Dean smirks. “Now you’re gonna have it.”

Dean starts the engine and drives towards said park. It is one of his favorites. It was the first park he and Sam visited when they arrived to Vancouver. He can’t help smiling at the memory. It’s been a long time since they arrived to the city and since then, both of them have made memories in this city. Dean wasn’t very sure about how his life would develop in Canada, but it turned out to be a nice surprise.

The drive isn’t too long and soon both of them are in the park. Dean makes a mental photography of every delighted face Castiel makes when he looks around and sees the beauty of the park. His eyes shine brightly with the many different colors of the trees, bushes and flowers.

“Awesome, huh?” Dean says.

“It truly is it.” Castiel keeps looking around, his grin getting wider. Dean barely pays any attention to the park and instead, he focuses on the beautiful face of Castiel, wanting to remember every expression of his. “I’ve wanted to come here. I heard that it was a beautiful park, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this beautiful.”

When Castiel turns his face to look at Dean, he smiles and tries his best to hide the fact that he was staring at Cas. He doesn’t know if Cas realized it, but the actor grins wider and blushes slightly. Dean finds himself blushing too, feeling shy. He is such an idiot sometimes.

They keep walking and Dean clears his throat. “It’s a nice change for you, right?”

Castiel hums in affirmation. “And I’m sure it’s a nice change for you too.”

Dean shrugs. “I guess. I don’t know, I like working at the bookstore, but— yeah, having some time to come here it’s cool.”

“When was the last time you took a day off?” He looks at him, arching his eyebrow and making a sassy face.

Dean puffs. “Does August vacation count?” Castiel answers him by shaking his head. “Then, never.”

“And I thought that my job barely gave me a rest,” he says sarcastically.

“Fuck you,” Dean says, mockingly. Castiel laughs. It is a sound that Dean really loves. Castiel has a beautiful laugh that Dean would like to listen more often. “I’m a self-employer after all. Taking days off isn’t something I can do. I could leave Charlie or Kevin, but most of the time, the bookstore can be too much for one single person. That’s why I hired them.”

“I know, but you work really hard. You deserve some free time.”

“I’ve got my free time. And it’s not like I’m making the hardest job, y’know?”

Castiel nods and smiles shyly.

They keep walking through the park in a comfortable silence. They reach the viewpoint where the whole city of Vancouver and the beautiful landscape of the mountains can be seen. They sit on a bench and admire the view.

“I really enjoy our time together, Dean,” Castiel says. He is smiling and looking at Dean, who turns his face from the landscape to look at his friend, dedicating him an honest smile.

“Me too, Cas.” He stares at his eyes. The sun makes them look more beautiful than usually, making it seem as a real sea. He looks away after a while, feeling the fast beat of his heart. “It wasn’t such a bad idea to leave the bookstore.”

Castiel makes a soft chuckle. “I’m glad to hear it. I was worried my company would turn out to be boring.”

Dean turns his face, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not kidding,” he says quite serious.

“What makes you think that you’re boring?”

The blue eyed man sighs and shrugs. “I’m not that interesting when you take the actor out of me.”

“Bullshit.” He doesn’t understand why Cas has such a low opinion of himself. Castiel looks at him with his usual confused frown, tilting his head to one side, something that Dean finds more adorable than he should. “You are a great guy, Cas and you aren’t boring. I’ve really enjoyed so far our time together, and we’ve barely been like, I don’t know, three hours together in total?” His words earn him an honest, shy smile from Castiel. “I don’t know, there’s something about you that I really like.” Once those words are out, Dean realizes that he shouldn’t have said it. Cas is looking at him with wide eyes and Dean needs to clarify what he meant. “I mean— y’know, that I like as a friend, because— because I like spending time with you and— yeah, I’m completely fixing it.”

Castiel laughs and Dean’s worries fade away. The guy has a beautiful laugh that warms every tiny inch of Dean’s heart. Shit, he is getting cheesy.

“To be honest,” Castiel begins to say, once his laughter has faded away. “You are different. You aren’t like anybody else I’ve known.”

“That’s a nice compliment, Cas.” He grins. “Although that could be taken in a bad way.”

Castiel rolls his eyes and glares him. “I meant it in the good way, assbutt.”

Dean smirks. “You really need to use another word when it comes to insult me.”

“I like assbutt.”

“It doesn’t exist.”

“I will myself put it on the dictionary.”

Dean bursts into laughter and Castiel joins him. They are two grown up adults teasing each other as if they were ten years old. “You’re so fucking weird, did you know that?”

“Yes, you have already told me that.” He sounds so tender that Dean’s heart melts. “You meant it in the good way, right?” he teases, making a rogue smile.

Dean pushes him, playfully, earning him a giggle. “Asshole,” he murmurs. Castiel grimaces funnily. “See? ‘Asshole’ is better than ‘assbutt’. ‘Assbutt’ is a redundant word, you are saying ‘ass’ two times.”

“I’m going to keep saying ‘assbutt’ and you know it.”

Castiel’s phone rings and it feels as if both of them were dragged to reality. Castiel sighs unpleased while Dean looks back at the landscape, hating the fact that this great moment has come to an end.

“Guess you have to leave,” Dean whispers, hating the bitter taste left in his tongue once the words are said.

“No, I don’t,” Castiel says. Dean turns his face back to the actor as fast as humanly possible. He finds his friend smiling. “It was just a reminder for me to be at the set at the time I told you before.” Immediately, Dean grins at the good news. “Sorry, but you will have to put up with me for a little be longer,” he teases, smirking.

“You’re just lucky that I don’t find you boring.”

Castiel gives him one of his sassiest looks. “You are an insufferable friend, Dean.”

“You started!”

They keep teasing for a little bit longer. After a while they keep walking around the park, admiring its beauty as they keep talking, learning a little bit more about each other, looking at their eyes for so long that it seems that they are locked. Dean learns about Castiel’s interests, like music, painting and photography. He also discovers that he has barely seen most of the movies Dean likes because he barely has time for that, that’s why he didn’t get the _Star Wars_ reference before.

Dean talks about his family and friends and the things he likes too. Cas smiles in his usual lovely way and pays attention to every word Dean says. It turns out that Castiel is a great listener and he enjoys stories.

Once the time for lunch arrives, they leave the park and Dean heads towards a food truck he knows where they sell the best burritos in town. And not only they are delicious; they are quite big and not too expensive. Dean especially likes those burritos because he never ends up hungry when he finishes it.

While Dean orders two burritos, one for Cas and another for him, the actor is sitting on a bench, waiting for him. Dean looks at him as he waits for the cook to give him their food. Cas is— Cas is Cas. He isn’t like anyone Dean has met before. And the more he knows him, the more he likes him. Cas is one of those special guys that makes your time happier and worthier by just spending time with you.

How is it possible that Cas has caused such a big impact on Dean? It isn’t normal to feel this way for a guy that he knows for only a week, right? It’s not even a week, it’s just a bunch of a few hours. Still, how can it be? It’s just friendship, isn’t it? He is overthinking it again and Dean knows it won’t do any good to think about any of that stuff.

The cook hands Dean the burritos and Dean thanks him before he goes to the bench Cas is sitting on. Dean leaves less than a hand of space in between them, not giving a single damn about their proximity. He likes being close to Cas and it’s not as if Cas has an issue with being close. For the small time the two of them have been hanging around, Dean has seen that Cas doesn’t get the whole personal space thing, at least with Dean, and Dean won’t admit it out loud, but he kind of likes it.

When he hands Cas the burrito, Castiel opens his eyes widely and gives him an incredulous look. Dean smirks. “I told you they were big.”

“Yes, but I wasn’t expecting this size,” Castiel admits, looking surprised at the burrito.

Dean tries to shut his mind up. They are talking about burritos. He fucking hates his mind. It’s the fucking worst. “Careful with the sauce,” Dean says as he hands him some napkins. “I’m sure you don’t want to stain your clothes.”

Before he takes the first bite, Dean watches Castiel’s face when he does it. Once again, the blue eyed man seems really pleased with the food and he even makes a tiny moan.

“Good, huh?” Dean asks, smirking.

Castiel nods, enthusiastically. “I don’t know how you do it, but every time I eat with you, the food is delicious.”

“I’ve got an awesome taste and I’m an awesome cook.”

“I have to agree with it. Your taste is superb and you are a magnificent cook.”

Dean kicks Castiel’s leg and rolls his eyes. “Stop flattering me, Cas.” He doesn’t like it when people flatter him. He enjoys it when people say that something he cooked is delicious, but that’s all. He doesn’t deserve any flattering.

“I’m just telling the truth, Dean.” He sounds confused. “I wouldn’t be saying any of that if it wasn’t true.”

“Whatever.”

Castiel frowns. “Why don’t you like being flattered?”

“I just don’t.” He sounds harsher that he would like to. He isn’t going to get into deep with that topic. He doesn’t like when people say he should hate himself less or when people pity him. He truly hates it.

“Okay,” Castiel simply says, sounding a bit heartbreaking.

“I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“No, it’s okay, don’t worry.”

It’s not okay and Dean can see it on Cas’ face; he doesn’t even look at Dean’s eyes and he hates it. He moves closer and moves his face until their eyes meet. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I don’t like talking about that stuff.” He sees that Castiel’s eyes soften, but not as much as they should. “And also, I’m a dick, I already told you that.”

Castiel rolls his eyes but he finally smiles.

“There’s that nice smile of yours,” Dean says, making another smile of his own. “You should smile more often, Cas. You’ve got a pretty smile.”

“You are terrible,” Castiel mutters, still smiling as a blush appears on his face, almost reaching the tip of his ears. “You make me blush too much, I hate you for it.”

Dean laughs. “You should be grateful that I only make you blush and not embarrass you.”

“I guess I should just give it time, am I right?”

“Yeah.”

They chuckle. There’s a small pause as they keep eating the burrito. Once in a while Dean looks at the people or the cars that pass by. The sky is clear and the sun shines weakly, but warm enough that it happens to be a nice day to be at the street.

“I’ve never eaten anything from a food truck before,” Castiel confesses.

“Not even when you go out with friends?” Dean asks with his mouth full.

Castiel makes a sad grimace. “I think you are the first friend I have.” His voice is a sad whisper, but Dean heard it perfectly. “Working in the film industry means loneliness. I know a lot of people, but the relationship I have with them can’t be considered a friendship.” He looks down, ashamed and sad.

Dean wasn’t expecting that. How is that someone as awesome as Cas doesn’t have friends? Working as an actor means having so little time to hang around friends, he knew that, but he didn’t know that Cas could be that alone.

“That sucks,” Dean says. Castiel sighs and shrugs, as if it wasn’t important at all. Dean feels bad about it. Cas is a great guy and he doesn’t deserve that. “And it kind of sucks that you ended up having a terrible friend as me,” he teases, hoping that Cas will lighten up.

When Castiel looks up, his eyes are full of fondness. “Don’t think so little about you, Dean. You are a wonderful friend.”

“Seriously, you need to stop your flattering.” He is blushing; he can feel the heat on his cheeks rising.

Castiel smirks. “I would, but it turns out that I like it when you blush.”

“You are the fucking worst, Cas!”

Castiel laughs and Dean finds it impossible to stay mad at him when he hears that wonderful and happy sound. He is soon smiling, but he kind of glares him a little, but only for pride.

“I don’t understand why a guy as awesome as you only has me for a friend,” Dean says once Castiel has stopped laughing and he is back at eating his lunch. “You’re a really likeable guy.”

The actor smiles, thanking the compliment. He sighs and looks at Dean’s eyes. “I suppose I didn’t find anyone who I could establish a friendship. I don’t know.”

There’s a small silence. Dean makes sure to change the topic and they end up talking about the different types of food Castiel has tasted in the many different places he has been. Dean envies him a little, because he loves food and he would like to taste the different cuisine from every country, except from some weird things like frogs, bugs and weird parts from some animals. It turns out that Cas also hates that stuff and he makes sure to know what there’s on an unknown dish before he eats it.

The burritos are soon gone, but they keep talking for a while. Their conversation ends this time because Dean has to go back to the bookstore and open it. He knows he has to do it, but he can’t help feeling a little bit sad, because he was having a really good time with Cas. That’s what Cas might feel whenever he has to leave because of his job.

“Do you want me to drop you by the set?” Dean asks, caressing the hood of his Impala. They are standing in front of each other, ready to part, but it feels as if no one of them wanted to leave yet. 

“I have some time to kill before I have to go to the set,” Castiel begins to say. “I think I’m going to take a look at some of the museums. But thanks for the offer.”

Dean nods. “I’m glad we could spend more time together.”

“Me too.” He smiles. “I hope we will get another chance to spend more than an hour together soon.”

“I could talk to the director and try to convince him, you know?”

Castiel chuckles. “Good luck with that.”

Again, there’s a small silence in between them. “Will I see you soon?”

“I hope so. I will drop by your bookstore or by your apartment whenever I can.”

“I’ll be waiting.” Like he always does. “Thanks for the awesome morning.” Both of them smile. “Have a nice afternoon, Cas,” he says as he opens the Impala’s door, taking a last glance at him.

“You too, Dean.”

Dean gets in his car and he starts it. As he drives away from Cas, he can see him on the rearview mirror, getting smaller the further Dean drives. He has barely left him behind and Dean is already wanting to see him again.

Hopefully he won’t have to wait for too long.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_April the 1st, 2015_

 

It’s a boring Wednesday morning. Costumers come in, but not as many as usually. These things can’t be predicted. Sometimes the bookstore is busy and sometimes is empty. Dean hates days like this, when his bookstore is almost empty. He knows that _Ramble On_ is one of the most popular and most visited bookstores in the city, but that doesn’t mean that Dean doesn’t get slow days when there aren’t any clients at all.

“Tell me more about your date,” Charlie says, leaning on the desk and looking at Dean with a curious look. She is bored, as much as Dean. He can’t blame her; this morning is becoming one of the most boring ones in the history of this store.

“It wasn’t a date.” He glares her, pissed at the fact that everyone assumes that he and Cas are dating. If he is truly honest to himself, Dean knows that he wouldn’t mind if things developed into a date. But he would rather die than let such thought out in front of anyone.

Charlie rolls her eyes. “It was totally a date. You’re over heels for the guy; it can be seen from miles away.”

“I’m not!” His protest comes out with a high pitched voice that he doesn’t like at all, resonating into the walls of the bookstore. Charlie makes a bitch face and Dean puffs, frustrated. “He’s awesome and really handsome, but there’s nothing else, I swear.”

“If that was the case, you wouldn’t be looking forward to see him, or you wouldn’t look at him with that longing stare, or you wouldn’t be trying to spend as much time as you can with him or—”

“Shut it, Charlie.” He is angry, because he doesn’t want to talk about that stuff, but unfortunately, everything Charlie said is true. “He’s just a friend.” He wishes he could have something to do to avoid the topic, but right ow, the bookstore is empty and there’s nothing to do. Everything in the store is in order and Dean doesn’t know what to do to occupy himself.

“I’m not arguing that, what I’m saying is that I can see that you want something more. You really like the guy, and I mean like, _like_.”

Dean sighs and looks at the end of the store, staring at the blue bookcase, where the poetry books are. The color of it reminds him of Cas’ eyes under the sunlight. He clenches his jaw and keeps looking at the same spot, hiding from Charlie’s eyes.

“Dean, we’ve known for several years now, and I can’t remember seeing you this happy before. I know that Castiel Novak is something more to you.” Her voice is soft, but cautious at the same time. She doesn’t want to push but she also wants Dean to realize about something. “I don’t understand why you don’t want to make it like that.”

Dean takes a deep breath and focuses his eyes on Charlie’s. “Because I don’t want to.”

“And why not?”

He rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. He is afraid, he has to tell her, but saying it out loud makes it real and he doesn’t like it. “Because he is here just ‘cause of work. Once he’s done, he will leave. Yeah, it’d be fun to y’know, but—” He takes a deep breath and looks at his hands as he plays with a red marker. “I don’t even think he is interested in someone like me. He’s a famous actor and I’m just a simple bookseller.”

“Don’t say that! You’re great and you know it.” She sounds frustrated. Charlie has always shown how much she hates that Dean considers himself not worthy. “Look at me,” she says, voice insisting. Dean huffs and looks at her. Charlie immediately places her hands on his shoulders and stands really close to him. “You’re amazing, don’t ever doubt it or forget it.”

He pulls away and shakes his head, knowing her words can’t be true. “Whatever.”

His words earn him an angry punch from his friend, but all Dean does is chuckle bitterly at that while Charlie grunts, frustrated. There’s a silence in between them that Dean spends looking at the marker, as if it was the most interesting thing in the store. From the corner of his eye, he can see that Charlie is still looking at him.

“He likes you,” she whispers after a while. She places her elbow on the desk, resting her chin on her palm, taking a look at Dean. “I’ve seen it in the way he looks at you. And he always comes back to see you again, no matter what.”

“Just let it go, would you?” His vice comes hurt. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He likes Cas a lot and he knows that whenever they are together, Dean wants to draw himself closer. He is well aware that there are some feelings blooming in his chest but he knows that can’t happen.

“I would, but I know you aren’t telling me the truth.”

Dean rolls his eyes. What he would give at this moment for a customer to step into the bookstore so they could stop talking about this.

“I think that the reason of why you are holding back is because you are afraid of falling in love with him and knowing that he might leave anyways.”

Is he that transparent?

Before any of them can say anything else, the bell rings. Both, Dean and Charlie greet the customer. Finally, somebody has come by. Dean was desperate for a distraction that would make the topic go. He knows that Charlie won’t forget it, but for now, he hopes that she will. He is not ready to dig in deeper into that.

“You know,” Dean begins to say. “I’m starting to think that we’re having few customers because yesterday you fucked it out somehow.”

Charlie shots him a deadly glare. “How dare you. I did a great job and sold a lot of books. You saw the record on the computer.”

It’s true. Charlie did a great job, but Dean is only teasing her in order to change the subject. Dean smiles playfully and Charlie rolls her eyes. “I know I left it in good hands.”

Charlie smirks. Another customer comes in and again, both of them greet her before she approaches the desk and asks if they have any books by Virginia Woolf. Dean tells her to follow him, because they are in the second floor.

A few more customers come during the rest of the morning, which makes it a little bit busier, but not as busy as usually, but still, Dean thanks it. He doesn’t like it when his workday is spent by standing behind the desk doing nothing.

The rest of the morning passes quite fast and soon, Charlie is grabbing her coat to go back home and have lunch. Dean will remain in the bookstore for five more minutes.

His friend comes out the office, with her warm clothing already on. “See you tomorrow, Dean.”

“See you.”

She is about to walk towards the door when Castiel opens it and gets into the bookstore. Dean’s heart skips a beat when he sees him. He wasn’t expecting to see him in less than twenty-four hours and he is so damn glad about it.

Castiel immediately grins when he sees him, Dean mirroring the grin too. He realizes that Cas is wearing his trench coat, but he is also wearing a suit and a blue tie and Dean can’t help arching his brow at the outfit. “Dude, are you filming _Constantine_?”

Castiel frowns, narrows his eyes and tilts his head, giving what Dean calls Cas’ brand own confused look. Dean points at the outfit and Castiel looks at it.

“He isn’t blonde,” Charlie says.

“Keanu Reeves wasn’t blonde and he played Constantine.”

“Let’s not talk about that disaster.”

Meanwhile, Castiel’s confusion still hasn’t disappeared. “I’m afraid I don’t understand what you are talking about.”

Charlie chuckles and she approaches him. She places her hand on his shoulder and gives him a warm smile. “Believe me, Cas, it’s better if you don’t.” It makes Dean chuckle. “Well, I’m gonna go back home. I hope you two have fun!” And before she leaves, she winks her eye and shows Dean her thumb.

Dean glares her, making Cas turn around to look at her, but all Charlie does when Cas looks at her is wave at him and Cas waves her back. Both of them watch her leave and then, Castiel walks towards the desk.

“Is something weird with this outfit?” Castiel asks, looking down at his clothes.

“Nothing at all, it’s just that you look like Constantine. He’s a character from DC comics,” Dean explains, smiling.

Castiel nods and lifts his eyes, meeting Dean’s. “I only had time to grab my trench coat, so except from that, all I’m wearing are clothes from the set.”

“Even the underwear? I have always wanted to know if they make you wear specific underwear.”

“Only if it is going to be showed. The rest of the time we wear our own underwear.” He gives him a charming smile. “Did you really have that question in mind?”

“Yeah, it’s something that I’ve sometimes wondered.”

Castiel arches his eyebrow and gives Dean an incredulous look. “Anyway,” he says, leaning further on the desk. They are really close, despite of the furniture in between them, and Dean feels how the beating of his heart increases. “I have a tiny break; do you want to have lunch with me?”

“Do you even have to ask?” He makes sure of showing him one of his smuggest smiles, earning him a lovely blush from the gorgeous blue eyed man. “What do you say to go to my place so I can cook something?”

“I would love it.”

“Awesome.” He can see himself reflected in those eyes. They are so deep and blue. “Let me grab my leather jacket, close the bookstore and let’s go.”

Once he does all of that both of them get into Impala. Dean starts his baby and he drives towards his home.

He takes a quick look at the passenger seat, smiling to himself as he stares at Cas. It feels right to have him by his side in his beloved car. It feels as if the blue eyed man belonged there somehow.

Before Castiel notices Dean’s longing stare, Dean looks back at the road. That’s where his eyes should be and not in the gorgeous man seating next to him. This is starting to be a crush and Dean doesn’t like it.

He might have been telling to himself that he doesn’t want one night stands because he isn’t in the mood for it, that one day he will go to a bar and hook up with someone and have a fun night, but he knows he’s been lying to himself. He is tired of doing that. He is getting old and he is tired of waking up and finding the other side of his bed empty. He wants to have what Sam and Jess have, but at the same time, it scares him, because Dean isn’t the kind of guy you would choose for something like that. He is poison and full of shit; something nobody wants and deserves.

Dean likes Cas a lot. And he wouldn’t mind at all sleeping with him, but he knows that Cas isn’t like any hook up; Dean is starting to realize that he has a crush for him and crushes don’t end up well for him. Besides, all this time they spend together will fade away the moment Cas leaves Vancouver.

“Are you okay, Dean?” Castiel inquires, worry slipping into his voice, stopping Dean’s thoughts. “You are unusually quiet.”

He might be quiet on the outside, but in his mind, he is talking really loud about things he won’t let out ever. Still, he makes an easy smile, trying to dissipate Castiel’s worries. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that I was thinking what I’m gonna make for lunch.” Again, he smiles, this time looking at Cas, who seems relived by Dean’s answer.

The Impala arrives to the parking and Dean drives towards his spot. After Dean parks, both of them step out of the Impala and walk towards the lift. Dean presses the button and they wait.

“Do you have any request?” Dean asks. “I can cook almost anything you want.”

Castiel smiles. “I would enjoy anything you cook, Dean. I’m sure of it.”

Dean smirks and blushes. The lift’s doors open and they step inside. “Didn’t I tell you not to praise me yesterday?”

“I remember.” Castiel presses the button of the fifth floor and he turns to look at Dean, barely leaving any space in between them. Dean wonders if he does this with everyone or only with him. He wants to believe on the last. “But I’m not praising you; I’m only stating what’s obvious.”

Dean rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Are you always this charming or is it just with me?” he asks, a big, cocky smirk appearing into his lips.

He can see how Cas tries to keep a straight face, but he can’t avoid the blush that immediately appears on his cheeks. Not so after it, his soft stare turns into a glare that Dean knows it means that he hates him so much right now.

Dean could simply laugh, but it is so fun to tease Cas that he keeps talking, “Didn’t know you liked me that much, Cas.”

“I’m now wondering why I have an assbutt as a friend.”

“Because you’re terrible at choosing friends.”

There’s a beep, indicating they have arrived to the fifth floor and the doors open. Castiel is the first one to step out of the lift. Dean takes a few more seconds and he watches him walk away as he grins. He wastes no more time and he follows him, searching in his jacket for the keys.

As he opens the door, he glances at his friend, who is leaning against the wall, and sees that he is uptight and Dean is soon concerned. Did he upset him?

“Hey,” Dean says, stepping into Cas’ personal space. He places his hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. His blue eyes meet Dean’s green ones. “Are you mad at me?”

Castiel sighs. “No, I’m not mad at you.”

“Then?”

“It’s nothing, Dean.”

“Bullshit. What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong? I was only teasing you, I didn’t wanna upset you.” He can tell that something is upsetting Cas and Dean has the suspicion that he is the one responsible of that.

“No, it’s not that, Dean, believe me.”

“Okay.” He takes a deep breath. He pulls his hand away, but he doesn’t move away from Cas. “But I know that something’s wrong. I can tell.”

“And how can you tell that?” His question comes out almost in a snap, but both of them know that it isn’t on purpose.

“Your eyes,” he simply says.

Dean doesn’t understand why or how, but his answer earns him a pretty grin from Cas. It almost seems sad, but not so much. “You are unbelievable. And I really like it.”

Dean rolls his eyes, but he smiles. He is about to say some come back, but instead, he says, “It’s nice to know.” They look at each other’s eyes for a brief moment, both of them smiling softly. “Don’t you think we should get in and start eating?”

“Yes, please.”

Castiel steps inside Dean’s apartment, followed by Dean, who closes the door. He still doesn’t know what upset Cas, but he doesn’t seem upset anymore. Dean doesn’t know. He sighs and takes off his leather jacket, hanging it next to Castiel’s trench coat and he walks towards his kitchen.

He finds that Cas is sitting on one of the chairs and Dean shoots him a soft smile on his way to the fridge. When he opens it, he puffs; he needs to go to the supermarket and buy a couple of things.

“Do you like BLT sandwiches?” Dean asks, turning his eyes from the fridge to Cas.

“Of course.”

Dean smirks. “Alright.” He grabs the bacon, the lettuce and the tomatoes and places them on the worktop. He goes back to the fridge and grabs a Tupperware that contains his homemade coleslaw. “And coleslaw?” He slips the Tupperware along the table, ending on Castiel’s hands. “It’s homemade.”

“Give me a fork and I will tell you my verdict.”

Again, Dean smirks. He opens one of the drawers and picks up a fork that he hands to Castiel. The blue eyed man has a fork of the coleslaw under Dean’s watchful eye. “So?”

“If I were you I would hurry with those sandwiches if you want to have some of these.”

Dean bursts into laughter. “So it’s good, huh?”

“It’s delicious, Dean.” He grins and has another fork. “You are really talented.”

“It’s just practice.” He shrugs and shows his back to Castiel in order to prepare their sandwiches.

“I’m sure I would never get this good if I practiced for decades, trust me.” He sounds sincere and it makes Dean smile. “Is there anything I can help you with? I don’t like sitting here and eating while you are preparing our lunch.”

“Don’t worry, Cas. This is really easy.” He has already cut the lettuce and the tomatoes. He has done this sandwich hundreds of times and the process comes almost automatic for him.

Suddenly, Cas is next to him, barely leaving an inch in between their bodies, making Dean’s heart beat faster. “At least let me help you clean.”

“Are you offering yourself to help me because it’ll stop you from eating the whole coleslaw?” He arches his eyebrow and makes a cocky smile. Teasing always eases things for Dean and it makes him forget the fact that their shoulders are bumping and that he can feel Cas’ wonderful warmth.

Castiel glares him, but before he can say anything, Dean gives him a bitch face. “I want to help you. But also, yes, it is a way to leave some coleslaw for you.”

Dean chuckles. “I knew it. Fine, you can clean the worktop and wash the knife.”

The blue eyed man nods and starts to do those tasks while Dean toasts the slices of bread. He can’t help smiling. He likes having Cas at his home, in his kitchen, helping him. He wishes they could do this more often. It feels so damn good to have Cas by his side and he wouldn’t mind if they just—

Time to stop those thoughts again. What’s wrong with him? Can’t he just shut it out? He keeps thinking about all that stuff and he doesn’t even know if Cas is into guys. The man could be perfectly straight and Dean is assuming that he likes men and willing to kiss him and feel him in his skin everywhere and—

Definitely, this isn’t the best way to shut up his thoughts. If he doesn’t stop, he is sure he is going to end up half hard and this isn’t the moment or the place. He is so fucking attracted to Cas, and not only physically, he is attracted to Cas in every sense and that’s a dangerous territory that Dean shouldn’t consider to enter.

He focuses on the bacon, frying on the pan. That will distract him. And it does, until Cas is pressed against his arm, his chin almost resting on his shoulder, but leaving some space. He is looking at how Dean is cooking the bacon and he is doing it with that intense gaze of his.

“Cas,” Dean begins to say, clearing his throat. He feels how his skin is about to set on fire with their proximity. “Personal space?”

“My apologies, Dean,” Castiel says, moving away.

Dean immediately hates the loss of Cas’ body pressed against his, but he is glad to feel able to breathe again. But he still needs to chill out. Cas doesn’t have any idea about the things he makes to Dean or how he drives him crazier the more time they spend together. Dean is so screwed up.

“Do you really find my cooking skills that interesting?” Dean asks, hoping that conversation will calm down his feelings and thoughts.

“Yes, I do.” He makes that adorable grin, the one that makes Dean smile widely and melt his heart. “I really admire how you enjoy it. Even if it’s just bacon.”

“Cas, everyone loves making bacon, whether they like cooking or not.”

When he turns his face to shoot a charming smile, he finds Cas grinning, happily and beautifully. He would give the whole world, if he owned it, just to kiss that smile and feel it against his lips.

Instead of kissing him, because that would be completely out of place because they are friends, Dean returns his sight back to the bacon. He only needs to think about bacon. That’s all he has to do.

After all the strips of bacon are done, Dean begins to build both sandwiches. Once again, Castiel watches everything Dean does with amusement.

“Voilà,” Dean says handing him the plate with Cas’ sandwich.

Castiel smiles and licks his lips, clearly hungry for it and Dean can’t help blushing slightly at the sight of his pink tongue.

They sit in front of each other. Before Castiel completely places his ass on the seat, he is already taking the first bite of the sandwich. Almost immediately, he makes a soft, pleased moan that has Dean smirking and blushing.

“Man, do you want me to leave you alone with the sandwich?” Dean teases.

Castiel glares him, but he is making a smug face. “It’s your fault. This sandwich is so delicious that it is quite difficult to repress my reactions.”

“You dick.” He kicks Castiel’s leg from under the table. Cas chuckles and kicks him back. “Seriously?” He kicks him again.

He shrugs. “You started.”

“What are you? Twelve?” He brings the coleslaw closer to him and starts eating it. Cas eat almost half of it. “Thanks for letting me some.”

Castiel blushes, as lovely as usually. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist myself.”

“I guess it’s my fault again that it’s delicious, huh?” He wiggles his eyebrows.

His friend presses his lips into a thin line, making a funny face. “You truly enjoy hearing it. It’s good for your ego, isn’t it?”

“Hey, I’m not the one who moaned.”

Dean thought Castiel’s blush couldn’t get redder; he was completely wrong. “Shut it up, Winchester.”

“Make me, Novak.”

Castiel throws at him his napkin, aiming for Dean’s face. It doesn’t hurt at all and it is the silliest thing Dean has ever experienced that he immediately bursts into laughter. Cas joins him within seconds and the kitchen is soon filled with the sounds of their happy laughs. The crinkles on the corner of their eyes appear and both of them have their cheeks painted in a pink blush.

They keep laughing for a while, until their stomachs hurt and they need to take a breath. Dean chuckles and shakes his head before he looks at Cas and gives him a smile that he has been using only for the blue eyed man.

“I really like spending time with you.”

Castiel mirrors his smile. “Me too, Dean.”

There’s a small silence in between them and their attention is back to their sandwiches. Soon they fall into a conversation, asking about each other’s days. Dean wonders how this easiness in between them happened without any notice. Does it even matter? He adores it; that’s what matters.

After eating, they wash everything and go to the rack to grab the leather coat and the trench coat. Their free time is almost finishing and both of them need to get back to work.

“Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you drive me to your bookstore? I would like to buy a book.”

Dean smiles and nods before he opens the door. “Do you even have time to read? You barely have free time.” His friend mentioned him a few days ago that he already finished the other book he bought. Cas said he was a fast reader, but given the few breaks he gets, Dean is surprised by how fast he devours books.

“I always find time to read when I’m filming.” He waits for Dean to close the door and then they start walking towards the lift. “It’s a good way to disconnect.”

“And don’t you get messed up with the script you have to memorize and the books you read?”

“My memory is extremely good. I barely forget things.”

The doors of the lift open and they step in it. “That comes in handy for your job.”

“It can be a blessing, but sometimes it’s a curse.”

“Why?”

Castiel sighs. “Because there are things I don’t want to remember because they are useless or things that I wish I could forget.” He takes a deep breath and looks down at his shoes. Dean watches him, wondering what his friend must be referring to. “But sometimes it can be a really good thing, like I said.” When he lets out those words, he looks directly at Dean’s eyes.

The lift stops and its doors open again, revealing the parking. Both of them walk towards the Impala. Dean watches Cas with curious eyes, but he doesn’t say anything, he remains quiet.

The drive back to the bookstore is short. There are a few minutes left before Dean normally opens it, but he moves the sign to the ‘open’ side anyway. He leaves Cas wandering around the bookstore while he goes to the office to leave his leather jacket. When he comes back, he finds Cas in front of the green bookcase. It is a bookshelf that is completely green, but it has leafs painted on it.

“Do you have any book in mind?” Dean asks.

“Not really,” Castiel says, sighing. He takes a look at the bookcase, trying to find a book. “I was hoping you could recommend me something.” He turns to look at Dean, who grins. “Have you read every single book in this store?”

“I wish I had.” He chuckles. There are too many books and Dean isn’t sure that any human would be able to read every single book in this world during a lifetime. Besides, there are books that Dean isn’t interested on and writers that he really hates, but he has read so many books.

“Have you read some books from this bookshelf?”

“Most of them, yeah. Why?”

“I want you to recommend me one from here.”

Dean looks at him with an arched brow. “Why did you choose this bookshelf?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs and looks at the books in front of him again, this time shortly. His eyes are soon back to Dean’s. “I guess it reminded me of the color of your eyes.”

Dean clears his throat. “You can’t say that kind of stuff, Cas.”

“Why not?” he asks, almost hurt, and Dean wonders why he sounds like that.

Because it makes his heart want to jump out of his chest. Because it makes him feel special. Because it makes him want to kiss Cas. But he isn’t going to say any of that. Instead, he says, “Because I hate it when you make me blush.”

Castiel grins and Dean wants to lean and kiss him.

Dean turns his eyes away from the gorgeous man and he picks a book. “This is one of my favorites. You might have read it.”

Castiel grabs it and read the title, “ _On the Road_. No I haven’t read it but I’ve heard it’s a classic.”

“It is, but I don’t like it for that. I like it because the characters are anti-heroes, but in the good sense. You really have to read it. It’s another perspective of seeing life and the world.”

“I trust your taste.” He smiles and Dean chuckles. “Will you charge me?”

“Of course.” He grabs the book and both of them walk towards the cash. Dean scans the code bar, tells him the price, Cas pays and Dean puts the book in a bag and hands it to Castiel. “I’m wondering how long it will take you to finish it.”

“Sooner than you expect.”

Dean grins. “Will I see you soon?”

Castiel sighs. “I don’t know. I’m afraid I won’t be free until Monday.”

Monday is too far away, but there’s nothing they can do. Dean truly hates it. “Well, I’ll wait, like always. You know where to find me.”

“Yes, I know.” His eyes shine and his smile is the most honest one he has ever seen him make. “Thank you for the delicious lunch and the wonderful time.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “You’re gonna be late, Cas.”

Castiel chuckles and begins to walk away. “See you, Dean.”

“See you, Cas.”

The actor leaves the bookstore and waves at someone outside. Dean founds out that said person is Kevin, who is soon entering the bookstore. He gives Dean a questioning look as he makes a smug face.

“Not a word, Kevin.”

Kevin chuckles and walks towards the office to leave his coat, but before he gets in, he says, “You two couldn’t be more obvious.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)
> 
>  **IMPORTANT:** My finals are coming, which means I'm going to take a long hiatus and I won't be able to post the next chapter until **February 16th**. I'm sorry for this long hiatus, but I really need to study.

_April the 5th, 2015_

 

Sunday morning finds Dean in his plaid pajamas pants and his Henley long sleeve shirt, spread on his couch reading Stephen King’s last book, _Revival_. Sam and Jess decided to come and have breakfast, but it has been an hour or so since they left. That’s why it surprises him, and even startles him, when someone knocks on his door.

Dean frowns confused and leaves the book on the coffee table, bookmarking the page he was on. He isn’t expecting anyone today. He barely receives unexpected visits; his friends and family usually let him know they are coming by. Still, Dean goes to the door and opens it, surprised to find the person standing in front of him.

“Cas,” Dean says, surprised and happily. Like it always happens when he sees Cas, he grins.

“Hello, Dean.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you said you weren’t gonna be free ‘til Monday.”

“It turned out that everything went better than expected and the whole crew got ourselves a free Sunday.” He grins too. His eyes take a quick trip on Dean’s body. “Nice pajamas.”

Dean can’t tell if that was a compliment or a sassy comment, so he arches his eyebrow in confusion. “Are you talking serious or—?”

“Of course I’m being serious.” He frowns and tilts his head, giving Dean an inquiring look. “I like plaid pajamas. But to be honest, I like pajamas with bees on it.”

“Bees?”

“Yes, bees. I have a light blue one with bees on it.”

Cas says it so casual that Dean finds himself giving him an incredulous look before he bursts into laughter. Picturing Cas wearing that pajama is really adorable, but after all, he is a grown up adult. That must be a picture worth seeing.

“I fail to see what you find so hilarious about that,” Castiel mutters, scowling.

“Oh, nothing, it’s just that I don’t see you wearing that. Although I bet you look pretty cute with it.” Once those words are said, Dean swallows hard and blushes. He shouldn’t have said that. Even Cas is blushing. He clears his throat and speaks, “Uhm, wanna come in?”

“Ye— yes.” Cas stuttering is something that doesn’t happen. He is very confident when he speaks. Dean wants to hit his head against the door right now, but all he does is close it after Cas has gotten inside. “I’m not interrupting you, right?”

“No.” He walks towards Cas, who has left his trench coat on the rack, next to Dean’s leather coat. Dean likes to see both of those clothes together. “I was just reading. Why?”

Castiel gets his hand in his pocket’s jeans and Dean observes that today, Cas is wearing a dark blue sweater, a white shirt and jeans. His clothes look expensive but really comfortable. The best thing is that those jeans mark the shape of his legs and the curve of his ass and it does crazy things to Dean.

“We were given these tickets to Playland,” Castiel begins to explain as he shows two tickets. “And I was wondering if you would like to come with me. I will understand it if you don’t want to because you already have plans or because you don’t like amusement parks. But I would really appreciate it if you came.” He sounds so shy and cute that Dean can’t help smiling. “Why are you smiling?”

“You’re really adorable when you’re shy.” He needs to stop saying those things, he really needs to. But he has to admit that he loves the way Cas blushes when he says that kind of things. Dean Winchester needs to get a grip. “One, I don’t have plans, two, I really, really, really like amusement parks, and three, it’d be awesome to go there with you.”

He doesn’t miss the way Cas’ eyes light up. “Really?”

“Really. Just let me get dressed and we’ll drive to it.”

Before Dean walks towards his bedroom, he gets a gorgeous smile from Cas that warms his heart.

It’s been a while since Dean went to that amusement park, mostly because of the weather, and he is willing to go, not only because he likes Playland, but also because he is going with Cas. Besides, today isn’t a cold day. He still has to wear a couple of layers of clothes, but he will do fine with a Henley’s shirt, a shirt and his leather jacket.

It doesn’t take him too long to dress up, but before he leaves his bedroom, he takes a deep breath. This isn’t a date. This is two friends going to an amusement park. That’s all. Why is his brain insisting on saying this is a date? It isn’t!

Maybe because Dean wants it to be a date.

No. That’s dangerous territory. Dean Winchester doesn’t do dates. He isn’t into that stuff. He doesn’t even do feelings, but here he is, with a major crush on Cas. When did this happen? When did things change? They don’t have to change if Dean doesn’t do or say anything. But things with Cas are so different compared with anyone Dean’s been with, if casual one night stands can be considered a thing, and these feelings he is developing towards Cas are so new and confusing…

He takes a deep breath. Why does he have to be such a mess?

He takes another deep breath and shakes his head. It isn’t time to think about that crap. It’s time to go and have fun with his friend.

Dean leaves his bedroom and walks towards the living room, where Cas is waiting for him, sitting on the couch. He smiles prettily when he sees Dean. “Ready?” Dean asks, ignoring how that smile warms his heart and the way said feeling spreads through his body.

“Yes.”

They put on their coats and leave Dean’s apartment to go to the Impala and drive towards Playland. It’s a bit far from where Dean lives, but he doesn’t care; he likes driving and he likes having Cas next to him in his car.

 _Immigrant Song_ by Led Zeppelin plays in the car and Dean can’t resist the urge to sing it and use the wheel as his personal drum. He is well aware of Castiel’s sassy look and Dean looks at him and dedicates him a big, smug grin. Cas rolls his eyes but smiles.

“C’mon, Cas, Led Zeppelin is awesome!”

Castiel chuckles. “I’ve noticed. It’s just that you are adorable when you sing.”

Dean thinks he hasn’t blush this quick ever. “Taking your revenge from before?”

“Maybe.” The bastard smiles cockily, making his face the perfect definition of smugness. “Or maybe I’m just pointing what’s obvious.”

Dean chuckles. Sometimes he underestimates Cas’ teasing.

The parking lot is quite full and it makes it a bit difficult to find a free spot, but finally Cas finds one and points it out to Dean. It’s Sunday and the amusement park is quite crowded on the weekends, but it is even more crowded when there’s good weather, like today. Also, this is the first weekend of the year the amusement park opens, which means there is going to be a lot of people in it, willing to ride in everything after the five month hiatus.

Dean knows and expects that there will be queues for almost every ride, but he has a good company to spend the time with. What he doesn’t expect is that the moment they are in the amusement park, a bunch of teenage boys and girls approach them and ask Castiel for photos.

Castiel poses in every photo with an easy and charming smile that Dean is sure he has done millions of times in occasions like this. Dean watches him, keeping a distance from him and the group of young fans. Cas interacts with them, being nice and showing some of his charm. This isn’t the first time Cas has done this and he knows it won’t be the last.

Once the teenagers thank him the photos, Cas begins to walk towards Dean, but before he takes two steps, more fans come to him and ask him for a photo. This time it’s people from different ages. Castiel gives Dean an apologetic look and Dean shrugs and smiles, telling him that it’s okay.

While Cas attends his fans, Dean finds a bench and sits on it. Sometimes he forgets that Cas is famous. He sometimes forgets he is a famous actor. When he is with Cas, Dean doesn’t think that he is with Castiel Novak, the actor, he thinks that he is with Cas, his friend.

More than five minutes pass before Cas is left alone and can walk towards Dean, this time without anyone interrupting him.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Castiel apologizes, sounding sad.

“It’s not your fault.” He stands up and makes a comforting smile. “You’re famous and you’ve got your fans. I’m surprised this never happened ‘til now.”

“Still, I’m sorry for your waiting.”

“Again, it’s not your fault.” He looks into his eyes and sees that Cas isn’t too comfortable. “Hey, are you all right? If you aren’t comfortable being around so many people we can go.”

“No, it’s not that, Dean.” He sighs and takes a look around. “I really want to be here with you, I really do. The thing is that I don’t feel comfortable with you waiting for me whenever someone wants to take a picture with me.”

Dean chuckles. “Do you always worry that much for me?” he asks, half teasingly, half sweetly. Castiel makes that funny face with a glare and a smile. “You’re so sweet.”

“Shut up, Dean.”

Again, Dean chuckles. “It’s fine for me, Cas. Besides, we both know you like me a little bit more than them.” He begins to walk, but he doesn’t miss the blush on his friend’s cheeks.

“Assbutt,” Castiel whispers once he is walking next to him.

As Dean expected, the queues for the rides are long, but he and Cas spend the time talking. Sometimes somebody recognizes Cas and ask him for a photo and Cas does it. Then, he goes back to his conversation with Dean.

The best thing about being in the amusement park with Cas is the faces he makes in every ride. He looks so happy and it makes Dean really happy to see that joy in his friend’s face. He is like a child who entered in a candy shop where everything was completely free.

But he has to admit that Cas’ best smile is the one that appears because of Dean. And the same happens to his laughter; it sounds wonderful when Dean is the one responsible of it. It is a picture and sound that will never leave his memory.

Lunch time arrives and both of them decide to buy something. They end up buying some fries to share, all covered with cheese and bacon, and two slices of pepperoni pizza.

“When was the last time you went to an amusement park?” Dean asks curious before he puts some fries in his mouth, being very careful with the cheese, because he doesn’t want it to end up on his clothes.

Castiel grimaces thoughtfully. “Ten years? Eleven? I’m not sure.”

“That long?”

“Yes. I like to come to these places with someone, but—” He sighs and doesn’t finish his sentence, but Dean knows what he wanted to say. “Anyway, I’m having a lot of fun with you.”

“You always have fun with me.” He winks.

Castiel glares him. “I’m starting to understand why you told me you were a dick the first time we had dinner together.”

“If I’m not wrong, I told you that all you had to do was give me some time and I’d show you.”

Castiel smiles, sweetly and easily. “You do know you aren’t that terrible.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He gets more fries in his mouth and looks away from those baby blues, hoping that his flush doesn’t make it out.

“Dean,” Castiel says, but Dean looks away from his eyes, focusing on some spot above Castiel’s shoulder. He startles when he feels Cas’ hand cupping his chin and forcing him to look at his eyes. The touch is soft, but the grip is firm. “You are a good and amazing man.”

“I’m not.” He is poison, unworthy, a complicated mess and a man full of shit. How can Cas not see that? “You only know me for a few days, Cas. You’re exaggerating.”

“No, I am not.” He pulls his hand away, his warmth leaving Dean, who hates it. His skin feels now cold, left with a tiny tingle from Cas’ touch. “I’ve known a lot of people in my life, Dean. And I can tell you that you are a good man.” Dean is about to complain, but Castiel stops him. “You really don’t want to piss me off, Dean,” he says with a warning, low voice that it kind of scares Dean.

“Did you know that you can get truly scary if you want to?”

Castiel laughs. “Yes, a little.”

Dean chuckles and looks at his pizza. He wonders why Cas appreciates him this much.

“Dean,” he says again, and Dean lifts his eyes from the food. “I know that look, what’s wrong?”

They may know each other for a few days, but truth is that Cas can read him easily. Dean can read Cas easily too. Somehow they connected and it feels as if this wasn’t a friendship of a few days, but more of a few years.

He looks into his eyes, finding that peace and confidence he only finds when he looks at Cas. “How’s it that a guy like you likes to spend his time with a guy like me?”

“I could ask you the same.”

Dean chuckles. “Good answer.”

They don’t speak about that topic again and Dean is grateful for that. The more he gets to know Cas, the more he knows that Cas is awesome. He is intelligent, handsome, caring, dedicated, sweet, adorable and he has an awkward sense of humor. He is simply great. He has too much to offer while Dean is just another guy without anything special to give. But Cas seems to disagree and Dean doesn’t understand why he can’t see his crap. Maybe Cas can see the best of people. But Dean believes he doesn’t have too much of that. He isn’t worthy; he will never be.

They fall into another conversation as they keep eating the junk food. Once everything is eaten, they go to the slowest rides, because it’s the best plan after eating. The last thing they want is to spoil their day by throwing up.

Dean doesn’t want to think about what he is going to do once Cas leaves Vancouver. He doesn’t know when Cas is exactly going to leave, but he doesn’t want that day to arrive. He doesn’t want his friend to leave.

It isn’t time to think about that. Thinking about the future has always caused Dean anxiety. And thinking about all those things isn’t going to help him. He will sweep that stuff to the back of his mind and burry it as deep as possible, hoping he will forget it. It’s the best he can do.

Once their stomachs don’t feel as heavy as before, they decide to go to the fastest rides. The queues are spent in the same way they were before lunch. And it goes like that until it is closing time.

It was a really fun day and Dean is extremely glad that he got to spend almost the whole Sunday with Cas. Until today, the most they could spend together were a couple of hours. Thankfully, today they managed to spend the morning and a big part of the afternoon. Dean was looking for a day like this, a day when he and Cas could be together without any of their schedules screwing it up.

They are in the Impala, already seated, but Dean hasn’t started the car. He looks at Cas, who is still smiling. “Wanna have dinner at my place?” Dean prompts. He knows he has to wake up early tomorrow, but there are so many hours left before his bedtime.

“I would like to, but I think it would be better if I went back to the hotel,” Castiel says.

“Okay.” He hopes his sadness and disappointment don’t slip into his voice. He really wanted to spend more time with Cas, and having dinner together would have been the perfect ending for this day. But he guesses that Cas has things to do. “The Ritz, right?” he asks as he starts the Impala.

“Yes.”

Dean puts on his music, _Laugh, I Nearly Died_ by The Rolling Stones plays and fills the silence in the car. Dean hums along with it. During the middle of the song, he sees that Cas is moving his fingers on his knees, following the beat of the song. Dean smirks proudly and stares at him until Cas looks at him.

“You should keep your eyes on the road,” Castiel mutters.

“Sorry.” Thankfully, he is driving slower than usually. He is a bit tired and he also wants to dilate his time with Cas. “You’re gonna end up liking rock as much as I do for what I’m seeing.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “That would make you really happy, wouldn’t it?”

“I like people with good taste in music.”

Castiel smiles and slides on the seat, resting his nape on the top of the seat and sighs. “I’m tired.”

“Yeah, me too. Amusement parks can drain you.” Every time he goes to the amusement park and spends the whole day in it, Dean always comes back exhausted. But he suspects that it doesn’t only have to do with the amusement park; he is getting older for these things; his body isn’t what it used to be ten years ago.

“I am drained, but I feel good.” He looks at Dean and gives him a sweet smile that Dean returns.

Dean keeps driving, keeping the same speed. There’s no rush. He wants to enjoy his driving and the company he has in his beloved car, listening to the music he adores.

They arrive to the Ritz Hotel soon, sooner than Dean wanted to, but he can’t do anything about it. Cas looks sleepy and he looks really cute. He sits properly on the seat and stares as the hotel as Dean stops in front of it.

“Here it is,” Dean says.

Castiel sighs. “Yes, it is.”

“Will I see you soon or will I have to wait for a few more days like this time?”

He looks at Dean with a sympathetic smile. “I wish I could tell you. But I don’t know.”

“Are you saying this because you truly don’t know or because you want to surprise me?”

Castiel chuckles. “A little bit of both.” He turns his face to look at the hotel and he sighs. His hand in on the door handle, but the door remains closed.

“Something’s wrong, Cas?”

“I really don’t want to go,” he whispers. It is really low that Dean almost misses his words. “I had a lot of fun and I know that once I get out of here I—” He doesn’t finish the sentence and takes a deep breath. Dean looks at him with concern, but Cas simply smiles, but Dean knows it is a forced smile. “I guess I don’t want to get back to the real world.”

“No one truly wants to, Cas.”

Whenever Dean is with Cas, the real world seems less lonely, less hard. He guesses that Cas isn’t the only one who finds in the friendship a place for peace and place to get away from the world. Dean’s life isn’t as busy and stressed as Cas, but sometimes he needs to get away from his routine. His life is good, but the real world can be too hard on everyone, even if things are going right.

There’s a pause where the only thing that can be heard is the music and the sound of the traffic. The lights of the cars that pass by light the Impala, painting in yellow, orange and red the inside along with the streetlights.

Cas keeps looking at the hotel. Dean can’t see his eyes, but he knows that his friend feels sad. He doesn’t know why exactly, but he dares to think that Cas gets a freedom he barely has when he is with Dean, and that freedom ends when they part.

“The offer of having dinner at my place is still on, if you wanna accept it,” Dean says after a while, almost whispering.

It makes Castiel smile. He turns to show him his face. “It is a really tempting offer, Dean, and I would agree on it, but tomorrow I have to wake up at 4 a.m.”

“Holy shit, that hurts.”

“It truly does.” He giggles. He looks back at the hotel and he finally opens the door, but he doesn’t leave the car yet. “I will try to see you as soon as possible, Dean,” he says, making an apologetic smile. “Will you wait for me?”

“Do you even have to ask that, Cas?” Of course that he will wait. He will wait for the blue eyed man to come back. Cas always comes back to see him.

Castiel blushes and steps out of the car. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Goodnight, Cas.”

Castiel closes the door and walks towards the hotel. Dean watches him leave and get inside the building. When he disappears from his sight, Dean drives back to his apartment, missing the presence of his friend next to him.

He is barely aware of the drive back home and he is surprised when he finds himself in front of the door, getting the key in the lock. He must have disconnected from the world for that short period of time.

When he gets inside and closes the door, he leaves his leather coat on the rack and sees the empty place where Cas uses to hang his trench coat. Dean presses his forehead against the wall and takes a long, deep breath. What is he doing? This shouldn’t be happening. Crushes come and go, don’t they? It’s just a matter of time before it disappears. Once Cas leaves he will stop feeling like this, he is sure of it.

But what if he doesn’t? Dean closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. This isn’t normal. People don’t feel things like this about someone they have known for a couple of days. He blames those eyes, those stunning, beautiful, blue eyes. He let himself get caught in them and now he is drowning.

It is only a crush. A big crush. Nothing else, nothing more. Things will get back to normal sooner than he expects, he is sure of it. It’s not like something is going to happen in between them. Cas is not interested in him in that way. This is only a crush.

But then, why does he have the feeling that it isn’t only that?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait guys, but I'm finally back, and I will try to update this fic every 15 days or so.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_April the 8th, 2015_

Kevin says goodbye before he leaves the bookstore and Dean waves his hand at him. It is almost closing time and the bookstore is empty. He doubts any client will step in when there are only two minutes left, so he walks towards the door and turns the sign to the ‘closed’ side before he goes to his office and begins his usual routine.

He has his leather jacket on when he hears the bell, which means someone got inside the bookstore. Kevin must have forgotten something.

“What did you forget, Kevin?” Dean asks before he steps out of the office. He is expecting to find Kevin, but the man in front of him isn’t Kevin. “Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.” He always smiles when he sees Dean. And Dean will never get tired of seeing that smile. “I saw the lights on and the sign said it was closed, so I guessed you were still here.”

“Yeah. I was about to go home.” He turns and closes the office’s door. He tries to hide his too obvious, big, happy grin. “Free night?”

“Yes.”  
Dean turns around and walks towards Cas after turning off the lights. “What do you wanna do tonight?” They leave the bookstore and Dean closes it once they are outside, getting his keys in his pocket after it. “Apart from having dinner. Or you only have time for dinner?”

“I would like to invite you to have dinner,” he says casually. Dean looks at him with an arched brow, ignoring the flip his heart just made. “You’ve been cooking to me and since I don’t own any decent cooking skills, I would like it if we went somewhere out to dinner and I paid for it.”

“Cas, you don’t have to—”

“But I want to, Dean. Please.”

He makes puppy eyes, and although Dean has experience with that stare, thanks to his brother Sam, he doesn’t have any experience with Castiel’s. Those eyes are too powerful. “Fine. But only tonight. I don’t like that you’re inviting me.”

Castiel smiles and he even hops a little, which is truly adorable. “Do you have any place in mind?”

“As long as it isn’t one of those restaurants where you have to suit up or a place where the only thing they serve is rabbit food, I don’t care.”

“I’ve heard there’s a nice buffet of Asian food not so far from here.”

Dean knows that place but he has never eaten there. He likes Asian food, but he has never had the chance to visit it. It is a restaurant that opened about two years ago and he has always wanted to go, but the occasion never came until today.

“I’ve heard that too. Wanna walk or go by car?” Dean says.

“I want to walk.”

Dean smiles and they start to make their way to the restaurant. They walk side by side, barely leaving a couple of inches in between their bodies. They are inevitably drawn together somehow, but no one of them complains about it. It is one of the many unspoken things in between them.

The moment they get into the restaurant and wait for an Asian guy to guide them to a table, the smell of food is overwhelming and Dean feels how his mouth starts to water. The smell is delicious, really delicious. He can almost taste the food he is going to eat by its wonderful smell.

As they wait, Dean manages to take a quick look at the food, which looks really tasty. He hasn’t tasted anything yet, but he is one hundred percent sure that everything is going to be tasty and delicious and he is going to be very pleased. He should have come to this place before.

The man who attends them makes a surprised face when he sees Castiel, but he doesn’t say anything about it. He must have recognized, but Dean is guessing that he must not be allowed to take photos or ask for an autograph while he is working, so the man simply smiles and guides them to a table. As they walk towards it, Dean takes another look at the place where all the food is waiting for him.

The restaurant is quite full, despite of being Wednesday, but Dean guesses that it must be because of the food. People who have come here must try to come back whenever they can.

“I think you are drooling, Dean,” Castiel mocks once they are seated and they are waiting for their drinks.

“Of course I’m drooling, the smell is fucking delicious!”

Castiel laughs and rolls his eyes. A waiter appears with two bottles of water and serves the beverage on each cup. “Shall we?” he asks pointing the big stand of food.

“Hell yes.”

Dean almost jumps out of the chair, earning him a curious look from his friend. Dean Winchester loves food and he is in a buffet, which is something like paradise for him.

Dean serves himself on a plate a few of the typical things from Chinese food, like rice and noodles. Then, he grabs another plate and starts putting on it some spring rolls and a few fries and another thing he doesn’t exactly what it is but it is fried and it looks really good.

Both of the plates he is carrying are full and look like tiny mountains. Castiel gives him a look that is half incredulous half impressed. Dean smiles awkwardly and blushes. He knows he grabbed a lot of food, but the only limit here is what your stomach can handle.

“It’s a buffet,” Dean says casually. “And I’m hungry.”

Castiel chuckles and shakes his head before he pours some soy sauce on his rice. “I can tell.”

They go back to the table and Dean hurries to taste a bit of everything to confirm that everything is delicious. He even moans a little with everything he tastes. He is going to try coming back to this place as soon as possible.

When Dean lifts his eyes from his plate, he finds Cas staring at him with an arched brow. Dean sometimes lets himself go with food and he knows that sometimes it isn’t a good picture.

“I’m a bit passionate about food,” Dean explains, shyly.

“No kidding?”

Dean grimaces and kicks Castiel’s foot under the table, earning him a beautiful laugh. “May I remind you that you act the same with anything I cook?”

Castiel glares him, but Dean doesn’t miss the flush his cheeks have acquired at the accusation. “Okay, next time I won’t show that enthusiasm over your food.”

“Oh, c’mon! That’s one of the greatest things about cooking for you!” He pouts and makes puppy eyes.

“Do you really think that’s going to work for me?”

Dean leans closer, leaving a few inches in between their faces, staring directly at Castiel’s eyes, seeing himself reflected in them. Cas immediately blushes even more and Dean barely notices their proximity. “I can be very persuasive, Cas.”

Castiel makes a funny face and smiles. He places his hand on Dean’s face and pulls him away. “You are the worst, Dean Winchester!”

He chuckles. “I don’t know why I try to convince you; we both know you’re gonna moan over my food, like it or not.”

“You are so sure of yourself.”

Dean smirks. “When it comes to cooking, I’m always so damn sure of myself.” It’s one of the few things he is always sure of himself.

Castiel smiles, biting his lower lip. “We’ll see next time.”

They keep eating, and although Cas finishes his food first, he waits for Dean to finish his so they can grab more food together. Again, Dean picks two plates and fills them as much as possible. Castiel keeps looking at him, but this time he does it with a big grin on his face that Dean knows it says that Dean is an assbutt.

They are about to go back to the table when Cas grabs another plate to serve himself more food. Dean gives him an impressed look and grins goofily.

Dean is about to say something, but Cas glares him and says, “Not a word.”

Dean can’t help laughing. Cas doesn’t make a pile of food like Dean, but his dish is quite full too. Everyone that sees them give them weird looks when they see the amount of food they are carrying.

As they eat, they sometimes share what’s on each other’s plates so the other one can taste it. There’s too many different food to choose that it is barely impossible to taste everything, but they chose different things so they could share it and taste almost everything.

“Taste this,” Castiel says holding his fork with what it looks like a fritter.

Dean grabs it and tastes it. It’s like bread with prawns and it tastes really good. “Wow,” he says with his mouth full. Castiel smiles. Dean swallows and he approaches his plate to Cas, pointing the rice with vegetables. “Try it.”

Cas is about to eat it when his phone rings. Dean feels how the good mood disappears with the sound of it. If Cas’ phone rings, it means he has to go. He truly hates it when he has a call or a message, but Cas can’t ignore it.

But Cas doesn’t answer the phone. Instead, he hangs up and puts it back to his pocket. Dean gives him a questioning look. “It’s nothing important,” Castiel answers Dean’s unspoken question. “It can perfectly wait.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I am completely sure.” He smiles widely before he tastes the rice.

Dean repeats another round after that one, but this time, he only grabs one plate. Cas, on the other hand is full and he is leaving space for the dessert. There’s a freezer with several ice-creams and you can serve yourself as much as you want. But he doesn’t go there until Dean has finished his round.

There are many different flavors; chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, mint with chocolate, stracciattella, cream, caramel and white chocolate. It is so hard to decide that Dean grabs an ice cream ball from each flavor. Cas serves himself one of white chocolate in one bowl and one of cream and one of strawberry on another bowl.

“How can you eat so much?” Castiel asks concerned once Dean is about to start eating the fourth flavor. “It’s not even human; you are going to get sick.”

“I’ve got an iron stomach.”

“I highly doubt that.” He gives him a sassy face and Dean rolls his eyes. “I’ve never seen anyone eat as much as you ate tonight.”

“There’ve been times when I’ve been to a buffet and ate twice as tonight.”

Castiel opens his eyes widely. “You are kidding me.”

“No I’m not.” He remembers a time he went to a buffet with Sam and he ate like ten plates. It was a buffet of American food. Dean doesn’t remember eating as much as he did that time. He was younger, but still, nothing happened to him.

“Holy shit.”

Dean bursts into laughter. Hearing Cas swear is something that never happens. “I made you curse, I’m impressed. And proud of myself.” He nods and smirks, satisfied with himself.

Castiel blushes and smiles timidly. “You are a terrible influence for me.”

“Yeah, I know.” He makes a sad smile and keeps eating his ice-cream, avoiding those blue eyes.

“Dean,” Cas says, worry slipping into his low voice. “I was joking.”

“Yeah, I know, but it’s kind of true.”

“No, it isn’t.” Their eyes meet and Dean can see Cas’ honesty in them. “In fact I think you are a good influence.”

“Then, there must be some terrible people in your life.”

Castiel chuckles bitterly. “Do you always have to make a joke to ease any situation you are uncomfortable with?”

“It’s the best way of dealing with it.” He should be surprised about Cas’ ability to see him through perfectly, but he isn’t.

“Why?” His question sounds sweet, the tone of it surprising Dean.

“Because it’s easier for me.”

Castiel hums and nods. He doesn’t say anything. He looks down at his hands while Dean keeps eating the ice-cream. He doesn’t like the silence in between them. It doesn’t feel like the comfortable ones they usually have.

“Hey, wanna taste any of these flavors?” Dean asks, hoping the silence in between them will fade away.

Castiel’s beautiful smile reliefs him. “Yeah.” He grabs a bit of the vanilla one and smiles around the spoon, really pleased.

Conversation finally happens and soon they are both laughing about something. The weird feeling from before soon disappears. Long after every ball of ice-cream is eaten, they keep talking about everything and anything at the same time. From books, to politics, to their day, to something they saw on TV… Dean really likes talking with Cas. He really likes Cas.

After a while, Cas pays the bill and they leave the restaurant. Vancouver’s night is cold and the cold breeze caresses their skins in a not too friendly way. Dean is used to this and it seems that Cas is getting used to the temperatures of the city. April is a month where you have nice temperatures during the daylight, but once the sun goes down, the temperatures tend to go really low.

They walk back to the bookstore, where Dean’s Impala is. Neither of them has talked about what they are going to do now, they are so wrapped in discussing about the last book Cas bought, On The Road, that they are simply walking to Dean’s car.

But once they are next to it, Dean is the one to ask, “Wanna do something else?” He hopes that Cas says yes. Although it is quite dark, it isn’t too late, so they still have some time to kill and Dean doesn’t want Cas to leave yet.

“I don’t know. I just want to be with you,” Castiel answers.

Despite of being night, the streetlights make it easy to see Dean’s blush. How can Cas say that kind of stuff like it doesn’t mean anything? How can those words be so easy to say for Cas? Dean tries to act casual, but those words are making his heart speed up, hammering behind his chest, wanting to be free.

“I can’t say that kind of things, right?” Castiel asks, a smug smile making its way into his face. The bastard truly likes seeing Dean this way.

“You truly enjoy it, don’t you?”

Castiel laughs. “A bit, yeah.” Dean can’t help chuckling too. “But I really meant it.” This time, Dean’s heart skips a beat. He hasn’t realized until now how truly close they are. If Dean takes a deep breath, his chest will touch Castiel’s. “I— I really like spending time with you, Dean.” His voice is soft, almost a whisper, as if it was a secret for the two of them.

“Me too,” he says, breathy. “I mean, that I like spending time with you, not that I like spending time with me.” He makes a nervous smile and blinks repeatedly. He wants to punch himself for acting like this. He is so pathetic. He is worse than any kid in front of their crush.

Castiel smiles, gorgeously. He must think that Dean is a fool. “You are cute when you are nervous.”

“I’m always cute, Cas.” He wiggles his eyebrows and makes a flirtatious smile. They are extremely close; Dean can feel Cas’ breath ghosting on his skin and the wonderful warmth of his skin trying to caress his own.

“Yes, you are.”

Dean is surprised; that was definitely a flirtation, there’s no doubt. Cas even approaches him a little bit more. They are looking at each other’s eyes with their usual intense gaze, wanting to get lost in their eyes, to find the secrets locked in them. They are so fucking close.

The only sound Dean is able to hear is the sound of his heart beating, still hammering, wanting to leave his chest. He wants to kiss Cas so bad; his lips are only a few inches away, he barely has to lean to feel those pink lips against his. No one of them is moving at all and Dean knows this is his chance to finally kiss Cas, to finally know what it feels like to have their lips touching.

It is so easy; all he has to do is lean and press their lips, close his eyes and let himself go as he enjoys the feeling and gets even closer to him. And all he has to do is lean a little bit, only the few inches that separates them.

But before he moves a single inch, Cas’ phone rings, breaking the bubble that surrounded them. The moment is long gone. That fucking phone. Why did it have to ring in this exact moment?

Castiel grunts and looks at his phone, clearly pissed off. When he looks at Dean, who is trying to act casual, as if the previous moment never happened, his eyes are soft.

“Just pick it up, Cas,” Dean says, hoping he doesn’t sound too mad because of the interruption. After all, it isn’t Cas’ fault that whoever is calling him decided to do it in this freaking moment.

Before Castiel answers, he makes an apologetic look. “What is it, Naomi?” he asks, almost hissing. Dean can’t hear most of the words the woman at the other end of the line is saying, but he manages to understand a really pissed off _where the hell are you?_ and _I’ve been calling you for an hour_. He hears another few words, but Cas cuts her off. “I was out; I have the right to do that.” He sounds really harsh and Dean is surprised to hear him talking like that. Cas is usually sweet and nice, but now he sound really rough and Dean has never heard him like this.

Naomi says another few words that Dean doesn’t get, but whatever she must be saying has Castiel frowning in an angry and frustrated way and rolling his eyes. The conversation seems more like a monologue than an actual phone call conversation.  
After a while, Castiel speaks, cutting off Naomi. “Okay, I will be there soon.” And he hangs up, grunting after that.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he lies. Dean gives him a bitch face. “My agent likes to control my life way too much.” He saves his phone on his jean’s pocket and takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “She’s really pissed off at me.”

“I guess you pissed her off when you didn’t answer her calls,” he says. Castiel looks at him shocked. “She yells a lot, so I could hear that,” he adds and Castiel makes a guilty face. “I thought you said that call wasn’t important.”

“And it wasn’t important.” He sighs and rubs his hand on his hair, messing it even more. He always has sex hair and it really looks good on him. “And okay, yeah, I put my phone on silence after that first call and I put it back to normal when we left the restaurant, but I was having fun with you and I knew that whatever Naomi wanted wasn’t important and—”

“Cas,” Dean interrupts, placing his hands on Cas’ shoulders. “You don’t have to explain me anything. In fact, I feel a bit proud of you for doing that.” Cas always answers his phone and knowing that he chose to ignore it so he could stay with Dean, makes Dean truly happy.

Castiel chuckles and rolls his eyes. “Of course you do.” He takes a deep breath and looks down, almost ashamed. He moves away a little, letting Dean’s hands fall down, abandoning him. “I’m afraid I must return to the hotel.”

“I know.” He sighs. Guess they can never spend too much time together. But Dean keeps hoping that they will have another day like when they went to the amusement park and spend so many hours together. “Do you want me to drive you there?”

“No. Knowing Naomi, she might be able to get down and quarrel you.”

Dean arches his eyebrow. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“I wish I was.” He rolls his eyes. Dean blinks perplexed. That Naomi must be such a terrible pain in the ass. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. We’ll see each other any other day.”

“As soon as I can, I promise.”

Dean smiles. He knows that Cas will keep that promise. “Thanks for the dinner.”

“You are very welcome. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Cas walks away and Dean gets into his Impala. The moment he is inside, he can’t help cursing the damn phone. If it had rung a few minutes later, he would have been able to kiss Cas. They were so fucking close to kiss. Cas wasn’t moving, he was even flirting with him and they were having a moment when nothing else mattered. And then the fucking phone had to ring and break everything.

He slaps the wheel and grunts before he presses his forehead on it. They were so damn close. But maybe it is good that Cas’ phone rang. Maybe that kiss would have been a huge mistake. Dean wasn’t thinking at that moment, he wasn’t thinking about what that kiss would have meant or what it would have leaded to.

But he wanted to kiss him so bad. He would have screwed all those thoughts. After all, Dean has always been reckless and someone who likes to live the moment and doesn’t think about the future.

Now he is sitting in his car, playing in his mind the different scenarios that could have happened if Cas’ phone hadn’t rung and popped the bubble. He grunts and moves away his face from the wheel until he feels the back of the seat on his nape and he stares at the roof of the Impala.

He should be starting his beloved car in order to go back home and go to bed, but all he does is stare are the roof of it, trying to figure out what he is going to do. He won’t know until the occasion presents itself. After all, it seemed that both, Dean and Cas, forgot that almost kiss moment when Cas’ conversation with Naomi ended. Maybe Cas was trying to ignore it; Dean doesn’t know.

The best thing Dean can do is to forget said moment the next time he and Cas see each other, and unless Cas brings it out, Dean won’t say a single word. And if they have another moment like that, Dean will do something, but he doesn’t know what exactly.

Apart from that, the rest of the night was awesome. And the best thing is that Cas ignored his phone so he could spend more time with Dean. How awesome is that?

Dean finds himself grinning at that thought. He should better focus on that thing than on what might have happened.

He finally starts the car and drives back home. He doesn’t know when he and Cas will see again, but he hopes it will be soon. He knows that Cas always comes back, no matter what.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_April the 11th, 2015_

 

While Charlie is on the cash, Dean is on the second floor, changing a lightbulb that started blinking a few minutes ago. He has in the back store some LED lightbulbs in case something like this happens. It’s not usual, but lightbulbs don’t live forever, so he has to be preventive.

He goes back to the back store to trash the lightbulb, leaving the door open. Before he gets back to the store, he hears Charlie say, “Hi, Cas!”

Dean almost runs away from the back store. What happened to being subtle? But he can’t help feeling excited to see his friend. They haven’t seen since Wednesday and for Dean, it’s been a long waiting. He was scared that Cas was avoiding him because of that moment when they almost kissed.

“Hello, Charlie,” Castiel says with a big smile. When he sees Dean, he turns his face and his smile gets even wider. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas,” Dean greets, mirroring Cas’ smile. He walks towards the desk and sees that Cas is wearing the same suit he wore that day they had lunch at Dean’s apartment. “Again with the Constantine look?”

Castiel looks down at his outfit. He still doesn’t get the reference, but he remembers Dean and Charlie saying that, so he smiles. “Well, I don’t have much time; I have to go back to the set in a few minutes.”

Dean frowns confused. Cas only comes to see him when he has a couple of hours, but not just a few minutes.

“It’s Saturday and I wasn’t sure if you were going to be home tonight, by six p.m. or so, so I decided to come here and know if you don’t have any plan tonight,” Castiel explains.

“Actually I do,” Dean says with a sorry smile. “I’m gonna meet with some friends. We’ve got this planned for a couple of weeks. Sorry.” He is going to meet with Sam, Jess, Charlie, Kevin and Benny. They are going to Sam and Jess’ house and have dinner together. They try to do it whenever their schedules let them.

“Oh,” Castiel says, sadly. “I kind of imagined it.” He makes a smile, but it is sad.

“Why don’t you come?” Charlie asks suddenly, making both men look at her. “You can join us. There’s no problem at all.”

“I— I’m not sure if that’s appropriate. I’m a stranger to the rest of the people.”

“No, you aren’t,” Charlie says with a charming smile. Dean is looking at her with wide eyes. He wouldn’t mind Cas coming with him, but that would mean that his friends will start asking questions to him and Cas, and Dean doesn’t want to go through that and he is sure that Cas doesn’t want to either. “You know Dean, you know me and you know Kevin. The only ones you don’t know are Sam, Jess and Benny. You know fifty percent of the people.”

“Charlie, I appreciate it, but I don’t think I would be welcomed.”

“Of course you will be welcomed, Cas! Don’t be silly! Besides, everyone knows about you. Dean talks about you with everyone.”  
Dean doesn’t know what to do with Charlie or where he can hide. He feels so embarrassed. Now Cas must think that Dean must gossip about him.

“But in the good sense,” Charlie adds when she sees Cas’ frown. “Nothing about gossips and all that crap. He talks about how much he likes your friendship and spending time together.”

“Charlie, please, shut up,” Dean says with a nervous smile, kicking her calf. When he looks at Cas’ face, the man is blushing and smiling lovely. At least it seems that he doesn’t think that Dean is a dick.

“Just come, Cas. And if you don’t feel comfortable, feel free to leave.”

Castiel makes a thoughtful, nervous face and he looks at Dean. “I don’t know. What do you think?” Castiel asks.

“It’s your call, Cas. If you wanna go, it’s fine and if you don’t want to, it’s fine too. Whatever you choose, I’ll be okay with it,” Dean says, sweetly. He wants Cas to go, even if meeting his friends might be a challenge. They aren’t bad people, but they really like teasing Dean, and he knows that even if he pretends not to like Cas, his friends are going to see it. But if Cas doesn’t want to go, Dean will accept it too.

“Dean’s gonna cook his famous homemade burgers,” Charlie says, wiggling her eyebrows.

That seems to motivate Castiel. “Are you?”

“Yeah. I always cook burgers when we meet at Sam and Jess’,” Dean answers with a smirk. It’s a tradition. When they meet at somewhere else’s house they eat some other things, but Dean is always the one who cooks.

“Now I’m definitely going.”

Charlie smiles and hops while Dean grins. “Really?”

“Yes. I’ve been waiting to taste your burgers. There’s no way I’m going to miss that.” He makes a cocky smile and Dean rolls his eyes, but smiles too. “Besides, I bet I’m going to hear some really good, embarrassing stories about you.”

Dean covers his face in embarrassment while Charlie and Castiel laugh. “Don’t worry, Cas,” Charlie says. “We’ve got plenty of that.”

“I hate the two of you,” Dean mutters, glaring the two of them, but his words only make his friends laugh again. He doesn’t know how he is going to survive the night.

“At what time should I come by your apartment?” Castiel asks after his laughter has faded away.

“By six fifteen. Sam and Jess’ place isn’t too far from my place, so we’ll just walk. That’s right for you?”

“Yes, it is.” He smiles again. “I have to leave now. I will see you two tonight.” He starts to walk away from them. “See you,” he says, waving his hand before he opens the door.

“See you,” Dean and Charlie say.

When Cas has left the bookstore, Dean looks at Charlie, who is acting as if she was completely innocent. “You better don’t embarrass me or say something that will upset him,” Dean says, giving her a warning glare.

“I will never do anything that will upset Cas. He is a great guy and I like him.” She sounds offended by it. “And don’t worry, I won’t embarrass you too much in front of your crush.”

Dean rolls his eyes and grunts. “He’s not my crush.” Yes, he is. But he isn’t going to let that out. Charlie gives him a bitch face that Dean glares in return. “Do you think he’ll be comfortable? Everybody knows him because of his films, but he doesn’t know anyone except a few of us. I don’t want him to feel awkward.”

“Don’t worry, Dean.” She places her hand on his bicep and gives him a comforting squeeze. “Everybody will like him and I bet he’ll really like being there. And if something goes wrong, which I doubt, he has you.”

Before Dean can snap at her, a lady comes to the desk to be charged, so Dean takes care of the purchase. He hopes that Charlie is right. His friends are nice and awesome, but they are strangers for Cas. But Charlie is right; Cas is a really nice guy and he will get along with everyone.

The rest of the workable morning is really busy and they sell so many books. Time to close the bookstore comes really soon and Charlie and Dean head to their respective apartments.

After having lunch and taking a small nap, Dean decides to take a shower. He took one when he woke up this morning, but he wants to take another and change into cleaner clothes. Not that the ones he was wearing are dirty, but he wants to feel fresher. The moment he is under the spray of hot water, he lets out a pleased moan. He likes the feeling of the warm water falling on his body. It always gives him a feeling of restarting, as if the water took away everything.

It is a quick shower, but it feels awesome. He feels awesome and fresh after it.

He spends more time than usually on picking up his clothes. He might want to look pretty in front of Cas. But if he dresses a bit differently than he usually does, he will be very obvious and everyone will start teasing him and he knows that there’s going to be enough teasing already without him wearing something special.

Dean finally picks a dark gray t-shirt, a red plaid shirt and black jeans. It’s one of his usual outfits, so nobody will say a word about it.

He spends the hours left until Cas arrives watching _Game of Thrones_ , still getting pissed at the many changes they did compared to the story in the books. He wishes they could keep the original story, but he knows that the TV show looks more like fanfiction work than an adaptation. Once the next book comes out, Dean knows he will have trouble separating what happened on the books and what in the TV show.

Somebody knocks on the door and Dean doesn’t have to open it to know that person is Cas. He switches off his TV and walks towards the door, finding Cas. He arrived a few minutes before the time.

“Hey,” Dean says, smiling.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says.

Dean looks at Cas; he is wearing a blue grayish shirt, a black blazer and jeans, along with his trench coat. He looks like he was going on a date. Dean arches an eyebrow and Castiel blushes.

“I didn’t know if I had to dress casually or smart,” Castiel explains. “So I made a mix.”

Dean chuckles. “It’s a friends meeting with burgers. What are you expecting?” He walks towards the rack and grabs his leather jacket to put it on.

Castiel shrugs. “I don’t know.”

This must be the first time Cas does something like this, Dean is sure of it. “C’mon. They must be waiting for us and I’m the one who has to cook.”

They leave the building and start walking towards Sam and Jess’ place, which is in the opposite direction of Dean’s bookstore. It is a fifteen minute walking. They could have gone by car, but Dean knows he might have a couple of beers and he doesn’t want to drive back home after drinking a little. He doesn’t want a fine.

As they walk together, Dean takes a look at Cas; he looks gorgeous. He always looks gorgeous because he is beautiful, but those clothes make him look extremely good. He is sure that once he takes off his trench coat, Dean is going to see how really good he looks. He likes Cas’ trench coat, but it is a big bigger for him and it hides the wonderful shapes of his body.

Shit, the night has only started and Dean is already thinking inconvenient things.

“Are you okay, Dean?” Castiel asks suddenly.

“Yeah,” Dean says, hoping his nerves don’t show up. “I’m just worried about how many embarrassing stories about me you’re gonna hear.”

Castiel laughs. “As many as I can.”

Dean glares him. He wants to be mad at him, but he can’t when Cas looks so genuinely happy. “I fucking hate you, Cas.”

“No, you don’t.”

No, he doesn’t.

They get inside the building where Sam and Jess live. The apartments on this building are really big and that’s why most of the time, when all the friends decide to meet, they meet here. There’s more than enough space for the six of them; there’s even space left for another person.

Dean rings the doorbell when they are in front of the door. He feels his hands tingling and he feels his nerves running in his body. He shouldn’t be nervous. This is only he meeting with his awesome friends and bringing Cas with him. But he can’t help feeling really nervous.

Jess is the one who opens the door. “It was about damn time, Dean!” she says with a big grin. “The cook should be the one to come here first! Everybody is already here!”

“I’m glad to see you too, Jess,” Dean sasses.

Jess giggles and she throws herself at Dean’s arm to give him a hug that Dean naturally returns. “Hey, Cas,” she says when she pulls away. Cas is about to say something but Jess hugs him as tightly as she hugged Dean. Castiel looks at Dean with a shocked face before he puts his arms around her. Dean can’t help laughing. “It’s really nice to have you here.” She gives him a soft squeeze before she moves away.

“The pleasure is mine,” Cas says, really politely.

Jess moves away from the door to let them come in. As she said, everyone is already there. The moment they spot Dean and Cas, everyone turns their faces towards them. Dean knows he has to present everyone to Cas.

“Okay, everyone,” Dean begins to say as he takes off his leather jacket. “This is Cas, as you may know.” He makes an obvious face and Cas smiles shyly. “And Cas, you already know Charlie and Kevin,” he explains as he points at them, who are seating on the couch. “This is Jess, this is Sam and this is Benny.”

“Hello,” Cas says, sounding really shy.

“It’s really good to finally meet you, man,” Sam says approaching him and offering his hand, who Castiel shakes as he makes a pretty smile. “Dean hasn’t stopped talking about you since he met you.”

Dean covers his eyes, embarrassed. He was hoping that they will start embarrassing him as soon as he went to the kitchen, but he guesses his brother couldn’t wait for that long. 

Castiel smiles. “I believe you have some embarrassing stories to tell me about Dean,” he says, grinning.

“We all have,” Benny says, and he smirks at Dean.

“Okay, I’m directly going to the kitchen,” Dean says as he hands Jess his leather jacket. “For the record, I hate you all.”

He hears everyone laughing as he makes his way to the kitchen. Jess and Sam have left him all the ingredients and utensils on the counter so he can start preparing his famous burgers. He rolls the sleeves of his shirt and he begins to put the mince in a bowl so he can add a pinch of a few different spices.

As he works on the kitchen, he can hear the sounds of his friends talking. He can even hear Cas’ laugh. He really doesn’t want to know what kind of stories his friends and family are telling him. At least Cas is having fun, even if it means that Dean’s reputation is going to be seriously screwed.

Dean is cutting the tomatoes when Benny comes into the kitchen. “Your boyfriend is really nice.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Benny chuckles. “So you two are only sleeping together?”

“We’re not sleeping together!” That came out quite loud and he hopes nobody else could hear it. Judging by the chatter that comes from the living room, he is sure to say that he is safe.

His friend grabs the lettuce and washes it. “Brother, you’re head over heels for the guy.” There’s no teasing in his voice. Dean doesn’t look away from his tomatoes and hopes that his face doesn’t flinch with Benny’s comment. “He’s it too, y’know?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“He’s gonna keep denying it, Benny, I don’t know why you try it,” Sam says suddenly, startling both men.

“For a man as big as you, you surely don’t make any sound,” Benny protests.

Sam chuckles. “Things of growing up with a brother who liked pranking more than anything and I needed to take my revenge.” He opens the fridge and grabs some beers and a couple of refreshments. “Cas is really enjoying every story about you.”

“Sam, you really don’t wanna piss a man who is holding a knife,” Dean says, turning around and showing his brother the knife.

“You’ve gotta understand him, Sam,” Benny says with a rogue look. “He doesn’t wanna look bad in front of his crush.”

“What are you? Two teenage girls gossiping about me and my cr— my friend?” He was about to say ‘crush’ but he could stop himself at time.

But Sam and Benny knew what he was going to say; their smug faces confirm it. “ _Dean likes Cas, Dean likes Cas,_ ” Sam begins to sing, mockingly. He sings it low enough to only be heard in the kitchen, but it still pisses Dean off.

“ _Dean likes Cas, Dean likes Cas,_ ” Benny sings too, joining Sam.

“Get out the two of you before there’s a massacre,” Dean mutters, really pissed off, dedicating his brother and his friend his deadliest glare.

Both of them laugh and leave the kitchen. What on earth did Dean do to go through this? The worst of all is that they are adults and they are behaving like kids. Karma must hate him or whatever that it is causing this. He hopes that they don’t mention anything about this to Cas. They won’t, but Dean knows his brother and his friend; they won’t say a word, but they might insinuate it. He is so screwed.

He can still hear the chatter from the living room, but he doesn’t manage to hear actual words. By the time he is frying the first burger, he hears someone approaching the kitchen. He wonders whose turn it is to piss him off. But he is delighted when the person that arrives to the kitchen is Cas.

“Hey,” Dean says smiling. Cas is no longer wearing his trench coat and his blazer. He is only wearing his shirt and it looks so damn good on him. “Having a good time?”

“Yes. Your friends are really nice,” Castiel answers with an honest smile. “I didn’t know you had that amount of funny stories.”

Dean groans. “What have they told you?”

“Sam told me wonderful stories about your childhood.”

“Let me guess, the one where I stole a car to bring Sam to the hospital after he decided to jump from a roof, because he thought that his Batman costume would let him fly, and the one where Bobby got really mad at me because I dyed all his underwear in pink because there was a bully in school who was mean to girls, and I wanted to show him a lesson, and before I did that, I had to try it at home.”

Castiel grins. “That ones. And also the one when you tried to prank a teacher and ended up all covered in glitter.” Dean laughs as he remembers that day. “Everyone has told me a different story about you,” Castiel keeps saying. He walks a little bit closer to Dean, leaving some important space in between them, giving Dean enough space to fry the burgers. “You are a really interesting man.”

“If you are saying that, it’s ‘cause they didn’t tell you the worst ones.”

“Like the story where you lost a bet and had to be at Benny’s bar attending the bar and only wearing pink panties?”

Dean turns his face and gives Cas a wide eyed look as he feels his face getting hotter with his blush. “I’m gonna kill Benny for that story.”

Castiel laughs. “He also told me that Sam lost that same bet a few weeks later and he had to wear a thong.”

“Still, I’m gonna kill him.” He definitely is going to kill his friend for it. He had fun that night, to be honest. He needed to show Benny that the price he had to pay for losing that bet wasn’t going to bother Dean at all. “Let me give you an advice, Cas,” Dean says. “Never accept the challenge of eating that spicy burrito unless you want to attend Benny’s bar only wearing strange underwear.”

“Got it,” he says laughing.

“I can’t believe he told you that story.”

“I think that was the only one you might consider embarrassing. The rest were funny and even adorable.” He grins and Dean gives him an intrigued look. “Like I said, you are a really interesting man, Dean Winchester.”

Dean huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. “If you wanna think that… But I’m relieved to know my reputation is still safe.”

“It is, don’t worry.” He walks a little closer and takes a look at the burgers. “They look and smell great.”

“Did you even doubt it?”

Castiel rolls his eyes and punches his arm and Dean laughs.

“Dean,” Charlie says, peeking in the kitchen. “Is it gonna take long? Because the smell is glorious and we’re really hungry in here.”

“There’s only two more left to cook, don’t worry. Start bringing the beverages to the table and anything else that’s left.”

Charlie nods and gets in the kitchen, getting all the stuff that’s needed. Cas offers his help and Charlie smiles. Dean is glad to see him so natural around the house. He is relieved that he is having fun and not feeling uncomfortable at all.

Dean begins to build the burgers, putting the meat in the bun and adding lettuce, tomatoes, bacon and cheese. He smirks happily at them before Jess comes and helps him to bring them to the table.

Everyone is seated and there are only two seats left. One is next to Sam, which Dean knows is for Jess, and the other one is next to Cas. He doesn’t know if his friends planned this, but Dean isn’t going to complain about it.

They begin to eat and Dean watches closely Cas’ face the moment he tastes the first bite. He even makes a moan that everyone hears and Castiel blushes immediately while Dean is grinning, bigger than he has ever done in his life.

“So, what’s your verdict?” Dean asks, teasingly.

“My verdict is that you should cook another round of burgers,” Castiel teases.

Everyone laughs as Cas keeps eating his burger with devotion.

As they keep eating, they talk. Thankfully, they don’t tell more embarrassing stories about Dean, but there’s a lot of teasing going on, but not only in Dean’s direction; there’s teasing directed to everyone. Even Castiel joins that teasing. The more time that passes, the gladder Dean is about Cas deciding to come here.

For dessert there’s pie. It’s a pie Dean baked for Sam and Jess a couple of days ago. Again, Cas looks really happy when he tastes it and Dean smirks. He is proud whenever he sees Cas enjoying his food.

Again, they fall into conversation. Dean doesn’t know when or how, but he and Cas end up sitting closer to each other than when they started eating, almost leaning onto each other, but keeping some space in between. Dean can see that his brother keeps looking at the two of them with an intrigued look, nothing mischievous, but Dean ignores him.

“Okay, time to decide who brings all these stuff back to the kitchen and puts it on the dish machine,” Jess says, pointing at the mess of plates, glasses and cutlery on the table. “And the one who cleans the tablecloth and the kitchen.”

“Hey, I left the kitchen pretty cleaned!” Dean protests as he stands up and grabs the notebook next to the phone and a pen. “I’ve gotta make 6 cards tonight, right?”

“Cards?” Castiel asks confused.

“It’s a tradition we have,” Sam begins to explain. “Dean makes three different types of cards, in this case, given that you have joined us tonight, there are going to be four stars and two hearts; one painted and one that isn’t painted. He is gonna leave them on the middle of the table, face down, amd after shuffling them, we’ve gotta pick a card. The one who gets the painted heart gets the dishes and puts them in the dishwasher. The one who gets the unpainted heart has to clean the rest. The stars just have to remain seated and enjoy.”

Castiel chuckles. “That’s a fun way of doing it. But why don’t you participate?” he asks looking at Dean.

Dean smirks. “Because I’ve already cooked. My job’s done.” He doodles two hearts and paints one of them. Then, he cuts the different doodles until he has six cards and leaves them on the table face down and shuffles them. “Ready?” he asks and everyone moves their hand closer to the cards. “Now!”

Like always there’s a fight for picking the cards, even if nobody knows which card they are picking. Once everyone has their card, they turn it around to see which their fortune is.

“Oh, c’mon! You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Kevin exclaims, showing the unpainted heart. “The last time we met I got it too!”

Charlie laughs. “Guess you don’t have your lucky star!” She shows him a car with a star, moving it happily in front of his face and Kevin glares him. Once again, Kevin is responsible for cleaning.

“Did you do it on purpose?” Castiel says glaring Dean, showing him that he got the painted heart.

Dean laughs. “You chose the card, don’t blame me!” He can’t believe Cas got the painted heart.

“Dean, if you wanted to tell the guy something, you could’ve chosen another way,” Benny teases.

Castiel frowns confused while Dean glares his friend in the deadliest possible way. Thankfully, before Cas can ask something, Jess speaks up, “Okay, guys that got hearts, you know what you’ve gotta do.”

Kevin sighs, frustrated, while Cas simply does it, with a tiny smile on his face. It takes them a few minutes, but then, both of them are heading to the kitchen to do what their cards wanted to do. The moment they are out of sight, Sam looks at Dean and smirks.

“What a happy accident with the card and Cas, don’t you think?” Sam says.

“Shut up, Sam,” Dean says with a bitter smile.

“Leave him alone, guys, you’re terrible,” Charlie says, sounding warning. Benny and Sam chuckle. “Stop it, seriously.”

“Fine, fine, sorry, Dean,” Sam says, and Dean knows that he means it.

“Yeah, sorry, Dean,” Benny says.

Dean makes a soft smile. “Thank you.”

Sam leans a little on the table, and Dean arches his eyebrow. “But you’re gonna ask him out, right?” Sam whispers, checking that nobody from the kitchen is going to come.

Dean rolls his eyes and grunts, hiding his face in his hands. “Can we leave the topic?” He rubs his face and glares his brother.

“Oh my God, Dean, you’re so blushed!” Jess exclaims, almost giggling.

“You guys are the fucking worst.”

Before Cas and Kevin come back from the kitchen, they stop talking about it and Dean gets some time to calm himself down and let his blush disappear. When Cas and Kevin sit back again on their seats, they find the group talking about some funny case Sam got this week.

They keep talking about a little bit of everything until it is almost eleven p.m. It is quite late and all of them, except Sam and Jess, have to go back home, and Cas has to go back to his hotel.

They say goodbye to each other and put their coats on. Before Dean and Cas leave, Sam and Jess tell Cas that it was a pleasure to meet him and that he is welcomed to come by whenever he wants and to another friend meeting like this. Cas smiles pleased.  
Despite of being a bit late, there are a lot of people on the streets. This part of the city is one of the busiest ones. Besides, it’s Saturday and people usually go out on Saturday and have fun on many different places like bars, disco or they simple want to walk around the city.

“Your friends and family are really nice and lovely,” Castiel says suddenly. “I had so much fun tonight.”

“I’m glad,” Dean says, smiling. “I was kind of worried that you might have a bad time. They can be a bit of a pain in the ass sometimes.” He chuckles. There’s a lot of people in this sidewalk, but they don’t have too much trouble to walk together.

“You can be it too and I’m never uncomfortable with you.”

“That’s an insulting compliment, Cas,” he sasses, glaring him. Cas laughs. Suddenly, he stops walking and turns around, looking shocked. Dean frowns confused. “Cas, what’s wrong?”

“Do you see that man with mane, stubble and wearing a black suit?” Castiel whispers. Dean looks for that guy and he spots him. It is a man that clearly isn’t in this part of the city to have fun. In fact he looks as if he was looking for someone. “That’s Ion.”

“What kind of name is that?”

“He works for Naomi,” Castiel keeps explaining. “She always sends him to look for me when she thinks I’ve got to come back to the hotel.”

“That woman has a controlling problem.” That woman has a serious issue. “But you said you had the night off, right?”

“Yes, I do. And tomorrow I don’t have to film until midday, but I bet she doesn’t like that I went out tonight. She can’t leave me alone.”

Dean looks again at the man and he is frowning at him and at Cas. Dean turns around and grabs Cas’ arm, forcing him to walk with him towards the opposite direction. “Shit, I think he saw you.”

“Damn it.”

Dean grabs his phone and uses the front camera to see if Ion is following them. “Fuck, he is following us.” He puts back the phone in his jeans. “I’m supposing that you don’t want to get back to the hotel yet.”

“Not really. We need to get rid of Ion.” Castiel looks at both sides of the street. As they walk, they can hear Ion’s steps behind them. “I have a crazy idea.”

“How crazy is that?”

“A little.” He grabs Dean’s wrist and they turn towards an alley.

Dean frowns confused. Suddenly, Cas turns around and stops Dean, using Dean to hide him from anyone who passes by. The sound of the steps keep coming closer and Castiel grabs the flaps of Dean’s leather jacket and pulls him into a kiss.

Definitely, Dean wasn’t expecting this, and it takes him a little to process what’s happening, but the moment he is aware that Cas’ lips are on his, he kisses him back, placing his hands on the small of Castiel’s back, pulling his body closer to his. He tastes his lips, really content at knowing they taste better than he expected.

They hear the steps really close and how Ion stops, but then, he continues walking, ignoring them. Still, Dean and Castiel keep kissing, taking their time to taste each other’s lips. It’s really hot, awesome and intense.

After a while, when it seems that Ion is not going to come back, they pull away. Both of them have swollen lips covered with saliva and they are panting. They look at each other, not fully believing what just happened.

“I—” Castiel begins to say, blushing. “I should have asked for permission first.”

“No, no, don’t— don’t worry,” Dean stutters. He notices that Cas is looking at his lips, but looks back at Dean’s eyes when he notices he was being stared. “It was a— It was a really good kiss.” He smiles nervously.

Castiel smiles. There’s a silence in between them that they spend looking at each other, their stares going to their lips and their eyes repeatedly.

“I—” Castiel tries to say. “I would really like to kiss you again.”

Dean lets out a relived breath. “Oh fuck, yes.” He cups Castiel’s face and kisses him again.

This time, the kiss is deeper and more spirited. Cas places his hands on Dean’s hair and runs them desperately. Dean pushes his tongue inside Cas, meeting his, and both of them moan. He has waited too long for this and it seems that Cas has it too. Right now, Dean isn’t worrying about anything; all he wants to do is kiss Cas until they can’t breathe anymore. His lips, tongue and mouth are so fucking good.

They stop kissing for a few seconds, just for enough time to catch their breaths before they go back kissing. Their hands are restless on each other. Castiel moves his on Dean’s hair, lowering them until they are on Dean’s back. Dean, meanwhile, tours Cas’ sides, feeling the shapes of his body hidden under all those clothes.

Cas pulls away. “How far is your place?”

“Not so far if we run,” Dean pants.

“Then, let’s run.”

Dean smirks and steals a quick kiss from Cas before he grabs his hand and they start running towards Dean’s apartment.

Dean feels his heart beating and the arousal building in his body as he and Cas run together. It doesn’t take them too long to reach the building where Dean lives. And while they wait for the lift, they kiss. And once they are in the lift, they keep kissing passionately.

When they are in the floor where Dean lives, they run towards the door of Dean’s apartment. As Dean searches for his keys in his pocket, Cas kisses his jawline, making Dean moan and making it hard for him to get the key inside the lock. He doesn’t know how he manages to do it. But once they are inside the apartment, Dean closes the door and presses Cas against it and kisses him with all the fire in his heart.

Cas gets his knee in between Dean’s leg, rubbing it against Dean’s crotch and he has to pull away to let out a half hiss, half moan. He manages to see Cas’ smirk and his dark eyes, only leaving a tiny ring of blue. Dean pulls him closer and kisses him again, letting Cas’ tongue get inside his mouth.

As they start moving towards the bedroom, they start to take off each other’s clothes. By the time they reach the bed, they are only wearing their underwear and their shirts.

Dean throws them onto the bed, being Cas the one with his back pressed against it. He keeps kissing him as his hands caress the inner of his thighs, earning him a pleased moan. He moves his hands up and begins to unbutton Cas’ shirt, admiring his wonderful chest. When his glorious chest is revealed, Dean leaves a trail of kisses, feeling the hot skin on his lips.

Cas grips his hair and pulls him back into a kiss before he takes off his shirt and then takes Dean’s t-shirt off, breaking the kiss. He caresses Dean’s torso and leaves a trail of kisses as well before he goes back to pay attention to Dean’s mouth.

They are still wearing their boxers, but they can feel their erections rubbing together. Dean doesn’t waste more time and he takes off Castiel’s boxers at the same time Cas takes off his and they throw it somewhere, not caring where they end up.

Dean bites his lip and smirks when he looks at Cas’ cock; it is so long, thick and pretty. He sees that Cas blushes but smirks too. He takes a look at Dean’s and grins before he places his hand on Dean’s nape and pulls him down into a kiss.

The feeling of their skins touching everywhere is awesome, as well as their hands tracing down each other’s bodies as they kiss.

Dean pulls away and uses his mouth and tongue to play with Cas’ left nipple. He is so sensitive and makes the best sounds Dean has ever heard whenever he nibbles. His hips even lift from the bed and he closes his eyes as a moan escapes from his lips. Dean can’t help smirking at it.

When he pulls away, Cas grunts, but he is immediately back to moaning when Dean gets his mouth on his pretty cock. This time the moan is really loud and his hips almost jump from the bed. Dean places his hands on his sharp hipbones and he swallows him down, taking all his length in his mouth.

“Dean—” Castiel moans desperate.

Castiel hands come to Dean’s hair, gripping it tightly but not painfully, making him swallow deeper and Dean happily does it. The sounds Cas is making are making his own cock twitch. He is so erotic and beautiful that it arouses Dean too much.

Dean keeps blowing Cas for a little bit longer, tasting his cock and enjoying the sounds he makes. He pulls away because he doesn’t want to come him in his mouth, not that he wouldn’t mind, in fact he would like it, but right now, Dean wants Cas to come with his cock buried deep inside him.

Before Cas can groan because of Dean’s mouth no longer in his cock, Dean kisses him and the blue eyed man gets his tongue inside his mouth, making him moan into it. As they kiss fervently, Dean searches in his bedside drawer for the lube and the condom. He puts the condom on, stopping their kiss. Cas watches him with hungry and attentive eyes. He is already panting and really flushed, and it really looks good on him.

Once Dean has spread the lube on his hand and on his cock, he leans onto Cas and starts to get his finger inside his tight hole, making Cas gasp. Dean opens him slowly but with certainty, adding another finger when he feels Cas a bit looser. They share some kisses as Dean opens him up. Until he doesn’t have four fingers inside him, he doesn’t touch his prostate, which makes Cas moan louder than the previous times.

Dean is sure that Cas is ready for him and pulls his fingers away, wiping them on the sheets. Cas spreads his legs and places them around Dean’s hips, pulling him closer. Dean leans onto him and kisses him sweetly. He places his hands on Cas’ thighs and lines up his body with his before he pushes into his tightness.

The moment the head of his cock makes it into the tight ring of muscles, Dean lets out a half moan, half groan that gets louder the further he buries himself in that wonderful tightness and heat of Cas. And judging by the sounds Cas is making, he feels as overwhelmed as Dean.

When Dean feels settled down inside Cas, he lets out a breath he was holding and he opens his eyes to look at Cas, who is biting his lower lip and looking at Dean with desire. He cups Dean’s face and kisses him, both of them moaning into it.

Dean starts fucking Cas and both of them moan really loud. Cas digs his nails in Dean’s back while Dean places his hands on Cas’ hips to have a good grip and be able to thrust into and out of him easier.

Whenever Dean hits that sweet spot, Cas moans really loud, sounding really obscene and he clenches so tight around Dean that Dean’s whole body shakes.

“Holy fuck, Cas,” Dean moans, pressing their foreheads together, feeling their raggedy pants.

“Dean— more— mo— oh, Dean—!”

“Cas— Cas— fuck—”

Cas grinds into him and keeps clenching around him. He is so tight and warm around Dean that it is so fucking overwhelming that it makes Dean fuck him faster and harder. Cas even pulls Dean closer, trying not to leave a single inch in between their bodies.

Their moans increase their volume; it is a mess of their names and curses. Dean’s thrusts increase and he keeps hitting that wonderful spot over and over again, making Cas’ body to jump from the bed and clench and grind. It feels better than any other fuck Dean has had. Their bodies slot together perfectly and the feeling of their skin all hot and sweating is extraordinary.

“Dean, I’m going to—”

“I’ve got you, Cas.”

Dean feels Cas’ cock twitching under his stomach. He has barely paid any attention to it since he started fucking him and it makes him so proud to know that Cas is going to come untouched.

Before Cas comes, Dean can feel his orgasm building in him. Cas is the one to come first, and it is a sound and a picture Dean is never going to forget. It is too fucking awesome to see and hear Cas coming. A few moments later, Dean is coming too, his hips moving faster with it until all his release is done.

He collapses onto Cas, who slides his legs down and stretches them. Dean buries his face on Cas’ neck, feeling how both of them are panting, how they are covered in sweat and how there’s Cas’ come on both of their bellies.

It’s been too long since Dean last had sex and he didn’t remember that it could be this awesome. He is still seeing stars behind his eyeballs. He feels so damn good that he doesn’t want to move from Cas’ warm body.

Cas places his index finger under Dean’s chin, urging him to lift his face. When Dean looks at him, Cas is smiling and he looks even more beautiful than usually. Dean finds himself smiling and meets him in a kiss before he pulls away from him, an action that makes Cas grunt, but Dean shushes him with another kiss. He knots the condom and throws it at the bin before he lies onto his back, with Cas on his left side.

“This was really, really amazing,” Castiel says, his voice still showing that he is panting.

“Fucking awesome,” Dean agrees, chuckling. “I can tell you this is the best fuck I had.”

Castiel chuckles. “I can say the same.”

Dean turns his face and looks at him with a grin. He leans to kiss him again, placing his hand on his jaw, feeling his soft stubble. “You’re stayin’, right?”

“Yeah,” he whispers, smiling before they kiss again.

 

_April the 12th, 2015_

 

Dean opens his eyes and rubs them at the sunlight that leaks through the curtains. He closes his eyes again and snuggles on the bed, feeling Cas’ body pressed against his side. He opens his eyes again to take a look at Cas. His hair is messier than ever and it tickles Dean’s chin. His head is resting on Dean’s shoulder and his arm is spread on Dean’s chest, holding him tight. Dean is also holding him, and now that he is awake, he tightens said grip a little bit more, pressing Cas closer. It feels so damn good to have Cas in his arms.

He closes his eyes and sighs happily.

When he feels Cas shifting next to him after a while, Dean opens his eyes again and he adores the frown Cas is making, clearly unhappy to be waking up.

“Good morning, handsome,” Dean says. Cas makes a grumpy face which is too adorable and makes Dean laugh. “Don’t tell me you aren’t a morning person.”

Cas tightens his grip and pulls Dean closer. “Don’t want to wake up. You are warm. This feels really nice.” He opens his eyes and looks at Dean, who can’t resist kissing him. It is a sweet, lazy kiss that leaves the two of them smiling.

They keep sharing kisses, making out lazily. Cas places himself on top of Dean. Their hands move slowly, taking their time to explore the shapes and curves of their bodies. It’s only making out, but it feels perfect.

Dean’s stomach growls and it breaks the moment, making Cas arch a brow at him. “Sorry for that,” Dean apologizes, blushing. “How does a shower together and then me making breakfast sound to you?”

Castiel smiles. “Really good.” Then he kisses him.

They share a couple of kisses before they leave bed and walk towards the bathroom to take a shower together. Under the hot water, they keep kissing each other, pressing their bodies impossibly closer. Soon they are hard and they grab their cocks together, jerking both of them together. After they come, they share another passionate kiss and they take a shower in the proper sense of the word.

Before all the hot water is gone, they leave the shower and they dry. They get out of the bathroom after that and they put on some clothes. Dean puts some of yesterday’s clothes in the dirty clothes basket and he puts on a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Cas has to put on yesterday’s boxers and his shirt.

“Don’t button it completely,” Dean says, stepping into his personal space and pulling Cas’ hands away from the buttons.

Castiel chuckles. “Do you like my chest?”

“I like your everything,” he murmurs with a sexy voice.

Castiel smiles and pulls Dean into a kiss, embracing Dean’s neck with his arms. “Then, I guess you don’t want me to put on my jeans yet.”

“That would be a shame, Cas. Besides, I’m not gonna put on any pants yet.”

Castiel rolls his eyes but smiles. They kiss one more time before both of them leave the bedroom and they walk towards the kitchen. As they walk towards it, they can see the trail of clothes they left last night in their way to the bed.

“How did we even make it to the bedroom?” Castiel asks as he picks up his blazer from a lamp.

“Kissing, mostly.” Dean chuckles. “I should pick up all of these.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it while you make breakfast.”

“Awesome.” He leans and kisses Cas again. The man gives awesome kisses. “What do you want, pancakes or waffles?”

“Pancakes, please.”

While Cas starts to pick up all their clothes, Dean begins to make breakfast. In addition to the pancakes, he is also going to make some scrambled eggs with slices of bacon. Also, there’s some fruit if any of them wants to.

Cas comes back from Dean’s bedroom and joins him in the kitchen. He starts to make coffee after Dean tells him to. Like always, Cas pays attention to everything Dean does while he cooks, although this time they also share a few kisses too.

It doesn’t take too long for breakfast to be done and they sit on the kitchen table to enjoy it. Cas makes pleased sounds at the food and Dean grins happily.

“I thought you said you weren’t gonna moan over my food,” Dean reminds him with a rogue smile.

Castiel glares him. “Assbutt.” It makes Dean laugh. “It is impossible. Everything you cook is delicious, Dean.”

“Thank you.” He takes a sip of his coffee, enjoying the taste of it. He detects that there’s something different on it that he really likes and he frowns at it. “Did you add something to my coffee?”

Castiel smiles. “Some brown sugar. Do you like it?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Castiel blushes. “Coffee is one of the few things I’m good at.”

“See? You don’t suck that much in the kitchen then.”

“If you say so…” He rolls his eyes. He takes another bite of the pancakes and makes another moan, which makes Dean arch his brow. “They are so delicious and really fluffy that I can help it!”

“At least you don’t sound as loud as last night.”

“I wasn’t the only one who was being loud.” Cas dedicates him a sassy look.

Dean smirks and bites his lip, playfully. “No, you weren’t.” He takes another sip of his coffee and then he keeps eating his pancakes. “I just hope the neighbors don’t complain. We were really, really loud.”

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“Not at all,” Dean says. Castiel blushes and chuckles. Suddenly, someone rings the doorbell. Dean frowns confused; he isn’t expecting anyone. “I wonder who that might be,” he murmurs as he stands up. He walks towards the door and opens it, finding a brown-ginger woman with blue eyes, but her eyes aren’t as warm as Castiel’s; her eyes are cold as ice. “Yes?” Dean asks.

“I can’t believe it!” she exclaims with a harsh voice.

The woman tries to walk inside but Dean stops her. “Who are you and why are you trying to get inside my home?” He doesn’t like her attitude at all.

“Naomi,” Castiel says from behind Dean, who turns to look at him. Cas is quite pale from the shock, but he also looks irritated. So this is the famous and annoying Naomi; now Dean can understand why Cas doesn’t like her too much. “What are you doing here?”

“Don’t you think I should be asking that to you?” Naomi says, clearly pissed off and irritated. She tries to come in, but Dean keeps blocking her. “Excuse me, would you let me come in?” It seems that she is asking for permission, but actually, she is demanding it.

“No,” Dean says harshly. “I’m not letting you in.”

Naomi gives him a deadly glare but it doesn’t affect Dean at all. “Castiel,” she mutters, looking at Castiel. “You have to be in the makeup room in less than two hours, so you better get dressed and come with me as soon as possible.”

Castiel takes a deep, frustrated breath. “Give me ten minutes,” Castiel says.

“I’m not giving y—”

“He said ten minutes,” Dean says before closing the door in her face. Then he turns around and looks at Cas. “What a wonderful bitch.”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says ashamed. Dean walks the distance that separates them. “I don’t know how she knew where I was.”

“Maybe she activated the GPS of your phone.”

Castiel rubs his face. “That’s so hers.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I—” But he doesn’t manages to finish the sentence because Dean kisses him.

“I know, don’t worry.” He caresses his arms and Castiel smiles. “Finish your breakfast and get dressed.”

Castiel nods and pulls away, going back to the kitchen to finish his remaining breakfast. He looks sad and frustrated. They were having a really good morning but Naomi had to come and fuck it up.

After they finish their breakfast, Castiel begins to put on the rest of his clothes. He left them on the couch after picking up from the different places they were scattered and he left them carefully folded. Dean watches him getting dressed.

“I’m terribly sorry that she ruined us the morning,” Castiel murmurs after tying up his shoes.

“It’s not your fault, Cas.”

Castiel sighs and walks the small distance that separates them and they meet in a kiss. “I will try to see you again as soon as I can.”

Dean smiles. “Yeah, I know.”

They kiss again. Cas places his arms on Dean’s hips, moving his thumbs soothingly as Dean caresses Cas’ hair. The kiss deepens, making them make tiny moans in it.

“Castiel!” Naomi yells from the hall and Castiel and Dean pull away from the kiss, grunting in frustration. “Those ten minutes are gone!”

“How can you stand her?” Dean asks, irritated.

“I don’t,” Castiel answers. He pulls away, walking towards the door, followed by Dean. Before he opens the door, he turns around and cups Dean’s face, kissing him tenderly, making Dean smile in it. “See you soon, Dean.”

“See you, Cas.”

Castiel gives him another smile before he opens the door, leaving Dean with a big grin on his face.

When the door is closed, Dean rests his back on the wall and sighs happily.

 

***

 

When Castiel closes the door, his smile is gone and he glares at Naomi. She glares him back and doesn’t say anything. Castiel knows her well enough to know that she won’t say a word until they are in the lift. She doesn’t want anyone to hear them talking.

Castiel was right, and the moment they are in the lift and its doors are closed, Naomi turns to him and glares him.

“What do you think you are doing?!” Naomi yells. Castiel rolls his eyes and huffs. “This is the reason you have been leaving my sight every time you have a break? This is why you come this late to the hotel? Because of that unworthy man with a pretty face?”

“I won’t tolerate you to talk about him like that,” Castiel hisses. Dean isn’t unworthy and he isn’t just a pretty face. He is much more than that.

Naomi smirks bitterly, proud that she managed to piss off Castiel but not so happy at hearing Castiel defending Dean. “This man is a terrible distraction for you and—”

“Say another word about him and I swear you will regret it.”

Naomi can talk about him all she wants, but he won’t let her talk about Dean. She doesn’t know him and Naomi has the terrible custom of judging people before meeting them. But Castiel knows that even if she got the chance to meet Dean, she would still hate him. Naomi is a woman that hates people unless she can’t make money with them.

Naomi makes a frustrated face. She wants to keep talking about Dean, but Cas isn’t letting her. He won’t let Dean get into Naomi. Dean is all the goodness Castiel has in his life while Naomi is the opposite. She is good at finding him roles, but she likes to control him too much, as if he was his puppet. Castiel can tolerate it when it comes to his job, but not when it comes to his personal life; Naomi doesn’t have any right.

“How on earth did you know I was here?” Castiel asks. The lift opens its door and both of them step out of the building, where a black car is waiting for them.

“I first sent Ion to find you,” Naomi begins to explain. “I activated your phone’s GPS.” So Dean was right. He is so smart and he never gives himself enough credit for that. “I told him where he could find you but after hours of looking for you, he couldn’t find you. So when I woke up, I followed your signal.”

Before they get into the car, Castiel glares her with all his fury. “You need to stop doing this. It is my personal life and you don’t have any right to get into it.”

“It is my concern to know that you aren’t doing inappropriate things while you are filming.”

“I wasn’t filming! I was in my break!”

“I don’t care! Those breaks are given to you because of filming, so technically, it is still of my concern to know what you are doing.” Her eyes are cold and hard on him; they have always been. “It would be wise if you stopped seeing that man. I don’t want to have to deal with him once we leave Vancouver.”

Naomi doesn’t say anything else and she gets in the car, leaving Castiel with a bitter taste in his mouth. He doesn’t want to think about leaving Vancouver yet because it means leaving Dean behind.

Castiel takes a deep breath and gets in the car.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_April the 13th, 2015_

 

“Good morning, Dean,” Charlie greets happily when he gets into the bookstore.

Dean grins widely at her. “Good morning, Charlie.”

Charlie gives him an intrigued look and starts to approach the desk. Dean arches his eyebrow in confusion as Charlie examines his face in concentration. “You’re really happy this morning.”

“Can’t I be happy?”

“It’s Monday.” She leans her elbow on the desk, resting her chin on her palm as she keeps studying Dean’s face. Dean tries to keep a poker face, but Charlie’s gaze is really intense that he ends up grimacing and biting his lip. “No way!” Her jaw drops open. “Did you and Cas finally get together?”

“Well— I don’t really know what it is, but—” He blushes and rubs his neck nervously. “We kissed and slept together and had breakfast together, until his agent came and forced him to leave.”

“What a cockblock.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.” He grunts. They were having such a good time and Naomi had to ruin it.

“But apart from that,” Charlie keeps saying. “You guys are together, together?”

“I don’t know.” He sighs. “It’s not like we talked about it. After all, once his filming finishes, he’ll leave but—” He has tried so hard not to think about this, but it has been present in his mind most of the time, only that he has been ignoring it. “I guess we’ll be doing this for as long as he stays here.” He shrugs casually and gives Charlie a charming smile.

“And you are okay with that?” she asks worried.

“Yeah, why not? He’s awesome, nice, funny and gorgeous. I’m more than okay with this.” He is okay with it, but he knows that deep inside him, there’s something telling him that he wants more. “At least I’m not blushing and acting like a teenage girl with a crush.”

Charlie laughs. “That’s an improvement.”

She goes to the office and takes off his warm clothes before they start their workday.

The morning goes as any other Monday morning. It isn’t boring but it isn’t too busy, but it keeps the two of them doing stuff most of the time. It makes time fly and Dean finds that it is already midday when he looks at the clock in the wall.

A few minutes after Dean has looked at the clock, Castiel appears. He is wearing his trench coat and that outfit from filming in the set; suit, white shirt and blue tie. When he finds Dean, he grins and Dean does it too.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says.

“Hey, Cas.” He wants to kiss him, but he doesn’t know if it is right when there are some customers on the store. “I wasn’t expecting to see you this soon.”

“I have a tiny break and I had to come here because I need Charlie to help me with something,” he explains. “Not that I didn’t want to see you. It’s always great to see you.” He sounds really shy and he even blushes, which makes Dean grin. “But I’m afraid I won’t be able to have a proper break until tomorrow, at eight p.m. or so.”

Dean hums. “That’s good for me.” Castiel smiles. Then, Dean looks for Charlie and sees her coming to the desk, holding an empty cardboard box; she was putting some books that came today. When she seems then, she smiles. “Charlie,” he begins to say. “Cas needs your help.”

Charlie makes a surprised face and leaves the box on the floor. “What can I do for you, Cas?”

Castiel grabs his phone and gives it to her. “You told me that you were really good with technology and I was hoping you could block or remove the GPS option. I don’t want my agent to activate it whenever she wants to.” He also grabs his phone cable and hands it to Charlie. “Can you do it?”

Charlie smirks. “Just give me ten minutes.”

“I can give you even twenty.” He smiles widely as Charlie walks towards the computer and starts working on the phone. “I don’t know how to thank you this.”

“You don’t have to, Cas.”

“But she really likes chocolates,” Dean says, smirking.

“I will buy you one box, then,” Castiel says nodding. Charlie grins at him and she keeps typing stuff. “I just don’t want Naomi to keep interrupting my life.”

“Did she quarrel you too much?”

“The usual.”

A man comes to pay and Dean takes his books and Dean scans each code bar. He doesn’t miss the surprised face he makes when he recognizes Castiel, but he doesn’t say a word.

“She even told me to stop seeing you,” Castiel keeps saying as Dean collects the money. 

Dean looks at him with an arched brow and puts the books into a bag. “Have a nice day, sir,” he says to the customer, who nods and gives another quick stare at Cas. “And are you gonna do it?” he asks, looking at Castiel.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” He smiles and Dean blushes. Castiel leans on the desk, leaning closer to Dean. “Can I kiss you?” he whispers.

Dean nods. “Yes, please.” They share a kiss. It is short, but it is sweet and awesome.

“You guys are so cute,” Charlie says, grinning. Castiel blushes while Dean simply chuckles. “Okay, Cas, I got it.”

“That was really fast,” Castiel says surprised, walking towards where Charlie is.

“It was easy. The hard part came when I had to create an app that will block anything that has to do with GPS. She won’t be able to track you but you are gonna be able to use maps and all that stuff if you ever need it as long as you add a password.” She hands him his phone and Castiel keys what it must be the password.

“You are extraordinary, Charlie.”

“I know,” she says grinning. “Also, there was this.” She grabs a small chip, tinier than the pad of her little finger. “It is a tracking chip that works in case the app she installed you stops working.”

Dean walks towards them and looks at the chip. “Cas, your agent is one step behind of becoming a psycho.”

Castiel makes a frustrated face. “I should be surprised but I’m not.” He takes a deep breath and looks at Charlie. “What if she gets another chip in my phone?”

“It won’t work. I installed one of my programs that disable chips like that,” Charlie says grinning.

“I’m going to buy you a whole chocolatier, Charlie.” He sounds really happy and relieved. “Thank you so much, thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, Cas.”

“I will buy you those chocolates, I swear. Now I’m afraid I have to leave.”

“I’ll see tomorrow night, right?” Dean asks.

“Of course.” He leans and steals him another kiss that leaves Dean smiling. “See you.”

“See you, Cas,” Charlie and Dean say at the same time.

Castiel walks out from that door. Dean has lost count how many times he has seen the blue eyed man leaving his bookstore. He wonders how many more times he will see him leave the store to come back again another day. And he wonders when he will see Cas leaving the bookstore for the last time and never come back.

That thought makes Dean’s heart ache. He doesn’t want to think about it. He knows that day will come. Cas told him he was going to stay in Vancouver for about a month and he will leave after it. They both are aware that this thing they have built is only temporary, but Dean doesn’t want it to be like this.

It’s not as if they talked about this. What do they have to talk about? It’s only two guys that are attracted to each other and sleep together, but in the back of Dean’s mind, there’s a voice telling him that there’s something deeper in this strange relationship he has with Cas.

It would be better if Dean didn’t think about it. Cas is going to leave one way or another when his filming is done. Things haven’t been explicitly explained, but Dean can read in between lines; this is only going to last for as long as Castiel stays in this city. This thing in between happened and there’s not going to be hurt feelings because both of them are aware of the short time they have together. It’s better to enjoy it for as long as they can than try to change what’s going to inevitably happen.

“Dean,” Charlie says quite loud. Dean blinks perplexed for a few times and sees that there are a couple of clients waiting in line to be charged. How long has he been drifting in his own thoughts? “Are you okay? You seem off.” She looks really worried and she gives him that look that she uses to try to know what’s up with him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Dean says clearing his thoughts. He grabs the books from the client and dedicates her an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, madam, I was thinking about books’ stuff and I’ve got drifted.”

The woman doesn’t seem to mind, but Dean doesn’t like to get caught in his thoughts. This is why he shouldn’t try to overthink all the stuff related with him and Castiel. They have a lot of fun when they are together and the sex is really awesome. It happened and they can’t go back in time and even if they could, Dean wouldn’t want to.

This thing can get complicated if Dean wants to, but he doesn’t want to. He will keep things the way they are. He and Cas will spend some time together and have sex. And once Cas leaves, it will be the end of this. But both of them knew this the moment Dean agreed to Cas’ petition to hang around together.

But what Dean didn’t know at that time it’s that he would become this attached to Cas.

 

_April the 14th, 2015_

 

Castiel said yesterday that he was going to be free by eight p.m., that’s why Dean hasn’t started cooking anything yet. He has all the ingredients resting on the counter, waiting for him to dip in the tempura mix and put them in the wok he bought in Ikea. He has zucchini, eggplant and shrimp, hoping that Cas would like it.

Cas didn’t say that he was going to come over Dean’s place, but he said he had a break, and whenever he has a break, he always comes to see Dean to the bookstore or to his apartment.

Dean looks at the clock again. It is 8:12 already and Cas isn’t here. Maybe he is still changing his clothes from the set. Or maybe he isn’t coming to see him. Dean sighs and rubs his hands on his jeans. He is nervous and his sweaty palms are proof of it.

His heart almost jumps from his chest in excitement when someone knocks on the door. He runs towards it and opens it, revealing Cas, as handsome as always, wearing his old trench coat. Before they can greet each other, Dean grabs the lapels of said trench coat and pulls Cas into a needy kiss, making Cas moan and hum pleased, placing his hands on Dean’s hair.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says, almost breathless. He also grins.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says, smirking. “I was waiting for you to start making dinner.”

Castiel gets in the apartment and closes the door behind him. “You have waited for me?” he asks surprised as he takes off his trench coat. “Are you saying that you have been waiting for my arrival to eat? I am impressed.”

Dean makes a guilty face. “I ate some cookies because I was hungry, but that’s all.”

The actor chuckles. “I knew your stomach would betray you.”

The moment Castiel has gotten rid of his trench coat, Dean sees that he is wearing a waistcoat and he looks so fucking hot. His waistcoat suits him perfectly. He is also wearing a grey shirt and dark jeans. Dean knows he is staring and his mouth is parted, but he doesn’t care.

Castiel gives him a confused look. “Why are you looking at me like this?”

“Because you’re fucking hot in a waistcoat, Cas.”

Castiel looks down at said clothe and he blushes. “Thank you, Dean.” He smiles and walks the distance that separates them, cupping Dean’s face and kissing him tenderly. Dean hums in the kiss, tasting Cas’ wonderful lips. “I’m kind of hungry, you know?” he whispers into Dean’s lips after the kiss.

“All right,” Dean says chuckling and pulling away. “It’s your fault. You’re so sexy that it’s so distracting.” He begins to walk towards the kitchen, rolling his shirt’s sleeves. He hears Cas chuckling form behind him and his steps as he approaches the kitchen too. “Do you like tempura?”

“Yes, I really do.”

“Awesome.” He turns the stove on and waits for the oil to heat. Cas is soon standing next to him, only leaving a couple of inches in between their bodies. Dean welcomes the proximity in between them and doesn’t feel as nervous as he used to. “Do you have all the night free or do you have to come back to the hotel or the set?”

Castiel makes a smug smile. “I have the whole night.” He leans closer, bringing his lips to Dean’s ear. “I’m all yours tonight, Dean,” he whispers before he catches Dean’s earlobe in between his lips.

Dean moans and shivers, biting his lower lip and closing his eyes. “Cas,” he tries to say. Cas’ mouth moves to the skin behind his ear and Dean squirms. “Not that I’m complaining or that I don’t find this arousing, but there’s some oil heating in here and I don’t think it’s a wise idea to do this.”

Castiel pulls away and giggles. “It’s your fault, Dean. You are so distracting.”

“Did you know that you can be a bit of a dick sometimes?” He grabs some zucchini and dips it on the tempura and then, he puts it in the wok, where the heated oil is waiting for it.

The blue eyed man smiles and he peaks Dean. “Only a little.” They look at each other’s eyes for a while, both of them with soft smile drawn on their lips. “Shall I set the table?”

“Yeah.”

Before Castiel moves away, Dean steals another kiss. Cas’ lips were made to be kissed multiple times.

Naturally, Castiel finishes his task way before Dean. Tempura takes its time, but it’s worth it, because it is really delicious. Even though Castiel finishes soon, he stands next to Dean, looking at the green eyed man cooking with curious and attentive eyes. Dean would like to teach Cas how to cook, but he knows he will never have a chance to do so.

Once everything is done, they sit around the table and enjoy dinner as they chat about their day, not before Cas expresses how delicious the dinner is. Dean smirks and he even blushes a little.

He likes having Cas in his apartment; he makes it seem less lonely and really warm. Just the simple sight of Cas’ trench coat hanging next to Dean’s leather coat brings something extremely heartwarming to the place and Dean has found that he really likes it.  
After eating, they wash the dishes together. It is a quick task, even if there’s some many stuff to wash, but there are two pairs of hands, and that always speeds up things.

The moment Dean places the last dish, Cas throws himself at Dean and starts kissing him passionately, pressing him against the counter and resting his hands on Dean’s hips, his fingers sneaking under Dean’s t-shirt. It catchest Dean off guard, but he doesn’t take too long to kiss him back and open his mouth to let Cas’ eager tongue to explore his mouth. It makes his knees go weak and Dean has to fist the back of Cas’ waistcoat to keep himself from falling.

“Now there’s no oil to worry about,” Castiel murmurs into his mouth, looking at Dean’s eyes.

Dean smirks and kisses Cas, desperately and passionately, feeling how the other man moans and how his fingers run through Dean’s short, spiky hair, deepening the kiss, getting lost in each other’s mouth until they run out of air.

They are panting by the time said kiss finishes. Their pupils are blown up and they are half hard in their pants. They kiss again, fiercely and they begin to make their way to Dean’s bedroom as best as they can, stumbling with some walls and furniture, but it doesn’t hurt and the kissing feels too damn good that they don’t care.

By the time they make it to bed, Cas throws Dean onto the mattress and places on top of him. Dean immediately grabs Cas’ waistcoat and pulls him into a kiss, rocking his hips to feel their hard cocks hidden under their clothes.

Cas is the first one to start undressing Dean, who does the same with Cas. They do it as fast as possible and soon the two of them are completely naked and kissing again, rocking and pressing their bodies to feel each other everywhere. Dean maps Castiel’s body with his hands, tracing down his back until he reaches his butt and his squeezes it. Castiel pulls from the kiss and makes a surprised moan and looks at Dean with an incredulous look.

“You’ve got a tight and firm ass, Cas,” Dean says, squeezing it again, earning him another moan.

Castiel chuckles and kisses Dean again, briefly, before he moves his mouth to his neck and he starts kissing and sucking the soft skin, leaving a hickey where his shoulder and neck meet. Dean can’t help groaning at it. There’s going to be a proof in his body that Cas spent the night with him and it makes his cock twitch.

When Castiel pulls his mouth away from Dean’s neck, he goes back to his lips and he moves his body, making sure that their dicks rub together. Both of them groan and Castiel seizes the occasion to bite Dean’s lower lip before pulling his mouth away.

He presses a few more kisses on Dean’s torso, paying attention to his nipples, swirling his tongue on them and nibbling, which makes Dean moan really pleased. Cas doesn’t spend too many time of them, because he pulls away sooner that Dean would like to, but before Dean complains, Cas’ lips wrap around the head of Dean’s cock, his tongue playing with it and there’s no way Dean is going to complain about that.

Cas swallows him down completely and Dean groans and moans really loud that he is sure the whole building heard him, but he doesn’t care. He places his hands on Cas’ hair and fucks Cas’ mouth.

The blue eyed man moans around his cock and keeps sucking his cock with effort, swirling his tongue along his shaft with every bob of his head. It has Dean moaning and tightening his fingers on Cas’ hair. His mouth is really warm and the feeling is too overwhelming that he can feel how his orgasm is starting to build in his stomach.

But he wants to come with Cas’ cock in his ass. Not that the idea of coming in Cas’ mouth isn’t appealing, he would really like to do that, but he wants Cas to fuck him and come untouched, and if Cas keeps blowing him like that, he knows he won’t last.

“Cas—” Dean tries to say. It is so difficult to connect his mouth to his brain when Cas’ mouth is working on his dick. “Just—” He uses his hands to stop Cas, who looks at him with a frown. “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna come in your mouth.”

Castiel’s frown doesn’t disappear. “You sound as if it was a bad thing.”

“It’s not a bad thing, trust me.”

“Then?”

“I wanna come with your cock buried deep in my ass.”

Castiel’s confusion disappears and his frown turns into a playful grin. “I can make you come twice.” He licks the head of Dean’s cock and kisses it after it.

Dean grins. “That sounds awesome, but I’m telling you it’d take me a while to get hard again.”

“There’s no rush, Dean.” His voice is low and sexy and Dean’s cock twitches with it. “What do you say? Shall I make you come in my mouth and then with my cock buried deep in your ass?”

Dean hasn’t heard Cas doing dirty talk before and it makes wild things to him. “Fuck yeah.”

Cas smirks and he gets back to blow Dean, who moans pleased the moment he feels that warmth around him. He starts to fuck into Cas’ mouth again, making the loudest and dirtiest possible sounds with Cas’ name in them. Cas swallows him down completely again and Dean arches his back off the bed.

Just a few more bobs and Dean is coming in Cas’ mouth with a loud moan with the blue eyed man’s name on it. Cas keeps working his mouth on him during his release, swallowing his come. He pulls away with a wet sound and leans to kiss Dean, who tastes his come on Cas’ lips.

Dean doesn’t want to move, he feels so damn good after coming and kissing Cas, but Cas is still hard and despite of Dean wanting to remain still, he also really wants to take care of that pretty cock of Cas and return the favor.

Dean rolls the two of them, reversing their positions. Cas looks at him surprised and Dean leans to kiss him before he says, “I also wanna make you come twice, y’know?”

Castiel bites his lower lip in a smile before Dean wraps his lips around Cas’ cock, only tasting the head of it, but Cas already lets out a pleased groan. Dean doesn’t waste more time teasing and swallows Castiel down, earning him an awesome moan slipping from Cas’ lips.

Dean keeps working down on Cas, taking all his length into his mouth. Cas’ hips begin to move soon, fucking into Dean’s mouth and tightening his fingers on Dean’s hair. Dean takes him a little bit deeper and both moan. Dean surely likes receiving, but he also likes giving head too much. Especially if your partner makes the sounds Cas is making and if they are as enthusiastic as Cas.

Dean uses his tongue too and increases his speed, matching Castiel’s hips rhythm. He tastes Cas’ length, enjoying the feeling of Cas’ dick in his mouth, feeling how it twitches. He knows that Cas is really close, so he swallows deeper and bobs his head faster. Every once in a while, Dean looks through his eyelashes at the faces Cas is making whenever he moans his name; it is a wonderful sight.

Cas comes in his mouth, filling it with his come and Dean swallows it all, still working on him, this time slower but with the same enthusiasm. He loves the way Cas sounds when he comes and how he looks.

Dean pulls away and kisses Cas slowly before he rests next to him. Cas is panting harder than Dean, but both of them are a sweaty mess. Dean can’t help smiling at how great Cas looks after coming.

“Are you still up for round two?” Dean asks.

Castiel smiles. “Yes, Dean, I am. But you have to give me a few minutes.”

“I know, I was just making sure.”

Castiel takes a deep breath and turns his face to look at Dean sassily. Dean can’t help chuckling and he kisses him lazily. Both of them make tiny little moans.

“How’s that you’ve got the whole night to yourself? Isn’t Naomi gonna come here to get your ass back to the hotel?” Dean asks. He wants Cas to stay the whole night with him and wake up tomorrow with Cas sleeping by his side.

“I’m sure she might suspect where I am,” Castiel begins to say. “But I don’t think she will come here again. I told her that if she came by here again, you might report her.” He chuckles at that. “But I’m afraid that I will have to go through some quarreling tomorrow morning.”

“You seem okay with that.” He studies Cas’ face. He doesn’t seem to mind the fact that Naomi is probably going to yell at him for spending the night with Dean.

“I’m not okay with that, but after so many years, I’m really used to that. There’s a moment when I disconnect from her and I don’t know what she is saying. Besides, spending the night with you makes it worth.”

“That’s a weird compliment, y’know?”

Castiel laughs. “I know.” He sighs happily and places himself on top of Dean. “But I mean it, Dean. You are like an oasis in the middle of a dessert.” Before Dean can say that’s bullshit, Cas is kissing him, eagerly and Dean’s words get lost. “Do you still want to come with my cock in your ass?”

Dean smirks. “Oh yeah.”

Castiel smirks too and kisses Dean spiritedly, pushing his tongue inside Dean’s mouth to meet his tongue and swirl them together. As they kiss, their hands keep mapping each other’s bodies, exploring every inch of them, feeling the hot skin under their palms, studying the curves and sharp lines that define their bodies.

The kiss deepens a little bit more and they groan and moan. Their lips only pull apart when they need to catch their breath, but it only lasts a few seconds and their lips are soon sealed together.

As the kiss grows warmer and more intense, they start to get hard again. They rub their cocks together, searching for that maddening friction. It makes them pull away from the kiss and groan, resting their foreheads together and look at each other’s eyes.

Dean searches in the drawer for the lube and a condom and hands it to Cas, who smiles and kisses him once he has said items. He puts on the condom and he starts to lube his cock and his hands under Dean’s watchful and hungry eyes.

Castiel leans onto Dean and he kisses him sweetly as he gets his finger into his tight hole. Dean hums at the feeling, fucking into it. Cas soon joins a second finger and this time, Dean moans at the nice burn of Castiel’s slender fingers inside him.

Cas keeps preparing him, adding more fingers to loosen the tightness. He avoids Dean’s prostate, which has Dean fucking into his fingers to feel it, but Cas pulls them away and smirks at Dean, clearly aware of what he is refusing to give him. Cas is such a teasing bastard and he enjoys it. But when Dean has four fingers working inside him, Cas finally touches that spot and Dean moans and arches his back.

A few more touches that leave Dean breathless and Cas pulls away his fingers, cleaning them on the sheets. He settles onto Dean, who brings his legs up to Cas’ waist, placing them around them and bringing his partner closer onto him. He feels Cas’ cock on his rim and Dean moves slightly, just enough to feel it and make the two of them groan.

Castiel finally starts to push into Dean, who moans really loud. It’s been a while since he has had a dick in his ass and he forgot how truly good it feels.

When Castiel is fully inside Dean, he gives him some seconds to let him adjust around him. Cas is really big and Dean feels so wonderfully full and great. And the moment Cas starts to fuck him, Dean feels even greater.

Dean tightens his legs around Cas and grinds into him. Cas’ thrusts are hard but not painful and it makes Dean moan his name and curse. Whenever he hits that spot, Dean clenches around him so tightly that Cas shudders and almost stops his movements.

“Dean—” Castiel hisses, moaning. He rests his forehead on Dean’s and closes his eyes, trying to catch his breath and trying to keep the speed of his thrusts, but Dean tightens again and Castiel shudders and moans again. “Fuck, oh, fuck, Dean.”

Dean smirks. “Love it when you curse.”

Castiel finds his mouth and gives him a dirty kiss and keeps fucking Dean, colliding both of their hips with every thrust. They pull from the kiss to moan. The speed of Cas’ thrusts increases and it is really maddening that Dean’s hips move in their own will, wanting Cas to push in deeper, to hit that spot over and over again, and Cas gladly does it.

They are a mess of moans and pants and it feels too damn awesome. Dean doesn’t remember being fucked this good before or feeling this full before.

There’s a moment when Cas cups Dean’s face and looks at him in a way Dean has never been looked at before. There’s too much sweetness in those eyes, something Dean isn’t sure what it is, almost as if he was precious, but it can’t be that. Dean doesn’t deserve to be looked like this. Why is Cas looking at him like this, as if he was full of worth?

Dean kisses Cas, forcing them to close their eyes as they share a kiss. Dean doesn’t want to see Cas looking at him like that. Dean is unworthy of that stare.

When they pull away, it’s because Cas hits that wonderful spot and Dean clenches really tight again, and they need to let out their moans and groans. When Dean looks at Castiel’s eyes, that stare from before is gone. Maybe it was the heat of the sex; Dean isn’t sure.

A few more thrusts and Dean feels how his orgasm is about to reach him. Cas keeps fucking him with his awesome thrusts, hitting over and over that fucking wonderful spot. It feels so damn good and it is so damn awesome to see how Cas looks while he fucks Dean and how he moans his name.

“Cas, I’m—” Dean begins to say, but before he can finish his sentence, he is coming, painting both of their bellies with his release.

He sees stars behind his eyes, feeling how Cas keeps fucking him during his orgasm. Only a few seconds later, Cas comes too, saying Dean’s name in a way that drives Dean crazy. Dean still has his eyes closed, but he feels how Cas collapses onto him and he brings his arms to hold him.

Dean opens his eyes and finds that Cas has his face buried in his neck, panting. He can feel his smile on his skin and it is a feeling that Dean truly likes and it makes him make one of his own.

“You doing good, Cas?” Dean asks after a while.

Castiel nods and moves his face away, enough to look at Dean. “I’m doing great.”

Dean smirks and he cups Cas’ chin, bringing his lips to his in order to kiss. It is a lazy but sweet kiss that has Cas making sweet, little moans into it. When they pull away, they look at each other. There’s something in their eyes that Dean can’t put a name on it, but it isn’t like the way Cas looked at him before, but there’s something really warm in their gazes.

They share another kiss and Castiel gets out from Dean, who whines at the loss of Cas’ cock. “Sorry,” Cas says before he kisses him. He takes off the condom, knots it and throws it to the bin before he lies aside, pressing his chest against Dean’s side, placing his face on the curve of Dean’s neck and caressing his chest. “Is this okay?” he asks, almost shyly.

“It’s more than okay,” Dean murmurs. He brings his arm around Cas, holding him while his other hand caresses his wild hair, pressing their bodies together. “Didn’t know you were a cuddler.”

“Only with the right people.”

Dean blushes and sighs. He is about to complain about it, but Cas chuckles.

“I know. I can’t say that kind of things,” Cas say, tightening his grip on Dean and looking at him.

Dean doesn’t say anything, he only stares at Cas. He wants to ask what the hell this is, but words never make it to his tongue. What he does is dedicate Cas a soft smile and kiss him, letting himself get lost in his mouth, making out slowly until both of them agree to go to sleep. After all, both of them work tomorrow and they have to get up early.

Cas falls asleep in Dean’s arms without any trouble at all. Sleep takes longer to reach Dean, mostly because of his thoughts, but he finally falls asleep with the wonderful feeling of Cas next to him, holding him as tightly and he is holding him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_April the 18th, 2015_

 

Creedence Clearwater Revival sounds at Benny’s bar. The song is _Fortunate Son_. Dean is sitting on a table, beer in his hand, waiting for Sam to arrive. Benny isn’t at the bar today; he must have the day off. As Dean waits for his brother, he drums his fingers on the bottle, along with the song that’s playing. There are a lot of people in the bar, but Dean can hear the song coming from the speakers.

It is easy to spot Sam coming inside the bar. His hair and height makes it easy to spot him in between the crowd. Dean lifts his hand and his little brother immediately sees him and approaches the table where he is.

“I’m sorry,” Sam says when he reaches the table and starts to take his coat off. “Parking was hard.”

“Don’t worry,” Dean says. He motions Ash to come over the table to take their order. He works in this bar and Dean and Sam know him for years. He is a weird, crazy guy, but a really nice guy.

“Hey, Winchesters,” Ash says grinning. “Family dinner tonight?”

Sam chuckles. “Yeah.”

“What can I get for you, shorties? The usual huge combo mix?”

“With extra jalapenos, don’t forget it,” Dean says. Food in Benny’s bar is really good and the beer is awesome. But that huge combo mix is a masterpiece with fries, onion rings, chicken wings, mozzarella sticks and jalapenos. They always order that. “And a beer for Sam.”

“You’ve got it, gentlemen.”

Ash leaves their side and immediately comes back with Sam’s beer, then he leaves again. The food will take a while, but it is a worth waiting.

“I thought you were gonna be busy tonight,” Sam says before he takes a sip from his beer. “Isn’t Cas free tonight?”

“No. He told me he was gonna be quite busy and he won’t get a break ‘til Sunday,” Dean begins to explain. “He came to the bookstore yesterday to bring Charlie the biggest chocolate box I’ve seen in my life.”

He doesn’t know where he bought it, but it was huge and it weighed a lot. Charlie’s mouth hung open the moment she saw it. She immediately hugged Cas and thanked him over and over again the detail. Cas didn’t stop smiling the whole time and he looked so damn cute that Dean had to kiss him.

But he didn’t only come to the bookstore to give Charlie that gift; he also wanted to have lunch with Dean, and like always, they had a great time together.

“Why did Cas buy chocolates for Charlie?” Sam asks confused.

“She removed the GPS locator and some apps Cas’ manager got in his phone. She likes to control him too much. She even came to my place when we spent the night together because—”

“Wait,” Sam interrupts, blinking perplexed. “When did you spend the night together?”

“Oh, right, I didn’t tell you.” He makes an uncomfortable smile and rubs his neck. He hasn’t told anyone about he and Cas, only Charlie and that’s because he sees her at work. Actually Charlie knew before Dean said a word, but still, he hasn’t told anyone because the topic hasn’t come out. “We’re sleeping together,” he murmurs. He doesn’t like how it sounds, but it is the best definition to this strange thing they have.

“Since when?”

“Since last week. Right after we left your place.”

“And you’ve waited a week to tell me?”

Dean frowns and glares his brother. “Since when do you care who I sleep with?”

Sam rolls his eyes and gives him a bitch face. “Since never. But you clearly have feelings for Cas. We all saw it last week. And knowing that you two are together—”

“We’re not together, Sammy,” he says, giving Sam a knowing look. His brother frowns. Dean takes a deep breath. “It’s just a— a— I don’t know what it is.” He looks at his bottle of beer and grimaces, feeling Sam’s stare on him. “We’re two friends who like spending time together and they have sex.”

“Are you sure of that?”

Dean scowls at him. “Yeah, of course I’m sure.”

“Bullshit,” he snaps, quite fiercely that it startles Dean. “Damn it, I’ve seen the way you two look at each other, there’s no way this thing you two have it’s only sex.”

“I never said it was only sex. It’s something without a tag, but that’s all. What I’m saying is that we aren’t together in the sense of a relationship. But we aren’t fuck buddies either, it’s something in between.”

Sam sighs and rubs his face, clearly annoyed at his brother’s words. “Shit,” he mutters. “You clearly like Cas and Cas clearly likes you, why do you have to have this strange, messy thing?”

Dean gives him an incredulous look. He is going to have to explain this and he isn’t a big fan of this kind of talk. “He’s gonna leave Vancouver the moment his filming is done. I don’t want to have something like a relationship with someone who is gonna leave to New York and I’m probably never gonna see again. Relationships are complicated, Sammy, and okay, yeah I like him, a lot, but me and Cas know this isn’t gonna last, so we’re just gonna enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts.”

His little brother takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his long hair, almost combing it. “Well, if you see it like that, it kind of makes sense, but—” He sighs and looks at Dean’s eyes. “Maybe you could try to be with him once he leaves.”

“Are you hearing yourself?” he asks, arching his eyebrow in disbelief. Sam is a smart guy, how can he say something as stupid as that? “Cas has another kind of life very different from me and we don’t want a relationship. We only like spending time together; it’s not as if I was planning on establishing something with him, Sam. He’s just a—” He wants to say ‘a guy’, but he knows that Cas isn’t just a guy. He has never been it. But Dean doesn’t know how to finish that sentence.

“You want to say he is just a guy but you know it isn’t true,” Sam murmurs. Damn his brother. He can read Dean better than he gives him credit for. “It’s your life, Dean, and I’m not gonna tell you how to live it, but what I can tell you is that Cas is someone important to you. I’ve never seen you look at anybody the way you looked at Cas, and you were only friends by that time! He’s someone special to you, Dean, and you know it. You should think about what you really want with him.”

Dean rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He hates to admit it, but Sam has a point. He sighs and takes another sip of his beer. “He’s still gonna leave, Sam. It’s a waste of time thinking about it.”

Sam wants to reply, but Ash comes back with the huge combo and they stop talking about the topic.

 

_April the 19th, 2015_

 

Dean wakes up from his nap when he hears someone knocking on his door. He doesn’t know when he fell asleep on the couch but he did. He rubs his eyes and groans. He is awake, but it seems that his body is still sleeping.

He stretches and yawns before he walks towards the door, hearing how that someone is knocking on his door again. He opens it and finds Cas, frowning when he sees Dean’s sleepy face.

“Did I wake you up?” Castiel asks regretful.

“Yeah,” Dean says with a soft smile and rubbing his face, hoping that the remaining of his sleep will disappear. “I don’t know how or when, but I fell asleep on the couch.”

“I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t be. It’s really nice to see you.”

Castiel smiles and he cups Dean face, pulling him into a sweet kiss. Dean places his hands on the small of Cas’ back, pulling him until their chests press together. “Have I told you how adorable you are with your pajamas and your sleepy face?”

“You should be thankful that I don’t have a snappy comeback because I’m still a bit asleep.”

Castiel laughs and Dean seizes the occasion to kiss him again. He loves kissing him when he laughs or smiles. Feeling his happiness in each kiss is something Dean will never get tired of.

When they pull away, Dean sets aside to let Cas in, closing the door when he starts taking off his trench coat. “How long is your break?” Dean asks. He hates that they are limited by Cas’ schedule, but they try to do their best with it.

“About three hours,” Castiel answers as he leaves his trench coat next to Dean’s leather jacket. Dean tries his best to hide the grin that tries to make its way into his lips at seeing that.

“Do you have any plan in your mind?”

“Not really. I just wanted to come here and be with you.” He sounds so shy and really sweet and he is even blushing.

Dean smiles and walks towards him, placing his hands on Cas’ waist. Their eyes meet before Dean kisses him tenderly. He won’t say it out loud, but he really likes knowing that Cas wants to spend his time with him. “Then let’s stay here,” Dean whispers, leaning his forehead on Cas. “How about we watch a movie?”

Castiel nods and smiles. “Great.”

“You told me you’ve never seen _Star Wars_ , do you wanna watch the first one, _A New Hope_?” he asks excitedly. “I’m telling you that I’m a huge fan of the saga, so I might get a little excited during the movie and I might comment a lot of things.”

Castiel grins. “Yes, Dean, I would really like to watch it with you.” He kisses him again, sweetly and slowly, taking his time to taste him. It isn’t an intense kiss, but it has Dean’s knees feeling as if they were made of jelly. “Are you going to make popcorn?”

“Hell yes.”

They go to the kitchen and Castiel helps him with the popcorn. It is a task that doesn’t need help, but Castiel insists on showing Dean that his skill with the microwave is really impressive.

Popcorn is soon made and dropped in a big bowl and they walk towards the living room, Cas carrying said bowl and Dean carrying some cokes, leaving them on the coffee table before he walks towards the shelf where all his favorite movies are. He finds _A New Hope_ easily and gets the disc in the DVD player, sitting next to Cas and giving him an excited grin.

Dean has watched this movie tons of times and he could recite all the dialogues without any problem at all, that’s why he spends most time of the movie looking at Castiel’s face, studying his expressions, explaining things that might not be completely clear to him and commenting some things. Judging by Cas’ expressions, he is enjoying the movie.

It is a shame that Cas doesn’t have the whole afternoon and night free, because if he had, they would make a marathon of all the original Star Wars movies. Dean has seen the recent ones, but he doesn’t like them. The effects are great, but the story and the plot is terrible.

The movie finishes and Dean presses the stop button when the credits appear and he turns to look at Cas’ face. “So, did you like it?”

“Yes, it was really enjoyable,” Castiel answers with a pretty smile. “Despite of the few physics inconsistences.”

“What physics inconsistences?”

“For starters, the sound can’t be spread in space, so whenever you hear spaceships exploding or the sounds or the lasers, there shouldn’t be any sound at all.”

Dean scowls at him. “Then half of the movie would be in complete silence! Imagine all those spaceships battles without any sound at all!” He uses his hands to represent two spaceships moving towards them and then he opens his left hand to show that it has exploded, making no sound. He glares at Cas, who chuckles.

“They could just leave the music.”

“It’s not the same, Cas.” Dean doesn’t care if sound can’t be spread in outer space; not hearing the lasers and the explosions would be terrible. “What else did break the laws of physics?”

“Lasers can’t be seen. It is impossible to see them and much less to make them glow.”

“What? Are you kidding me?” he asks startled. Cas shakes his head. “But that wouldn’t be cool either! Besides, not seeing lasers is useless. How do you know where your sword is hitting or if the laser has aimed its target? It is logical that it has to be seen.” He sounds really astonished and Cas is giving him a curious face. “Y’know what? Fuck physics, I like _Star Wars_ ’ physics, it’s more awesome.” He pouts and crosses his arms.

“There’s also another mistake,” Castiel says, innocently.

“Stop screwing up one of my favorite movies,” he warms, arching his eyebrows. Castiel chuckles and rolls his eyes. “And anyway, when did you become an expert in physics?”

Castiel sighs and rests his nape on the backrest, looking at the ceiling. “My mother used to be a physics teacher,” he begins to say with a sad voice. “She had a notebook full of physics stuff, written by her. I remember that she used to bring it to class and she used it to teach her students. I also remember that her students were very grateful, because she made physics fun and easy to learn. I used to read her notebook after she died. Whenever I missed her, all I had to do was read all her physics notes and learn stuff.”

This is the first time Cas talks about his family in deep. Dean only heard him talk about the death of his parents. “I didn’t know that.”

“You are the first one who I tell this.” He turns his face to look at Dean and smiles weakly.

“What’s the other inconsistence in the movie?” Dean asks after a while.

Castiel frowns. “I thought you said you didn’t want me to ruin the movie.”

“You can’t ruin _Star Wars_. Even if it breaks all the laws of physics. Which movie doesn’t do it at some point?” He knows that Cas wants to talk about that remaining inconsistence. It is something his mother liked it and Dean knows what it is to do or say something that your death mother liked.

Castiel studies his face. Dean is sure that he suspects why Dean wants him to go on, but he doesn’t say a word about it. “Actually it’s two in one. You can’t travel beyond the speed of light, it is impossible, and if you could, the duration of the journeys at the speed of light in unreal. Galaxies are at least a few light years away from each other, how is that they travel such long distance in a few minutes?”

Dean makes a thoughtful face. Cas is right in that. “I guess that George Lucas missed all his physics classes.” It makes Castiel laugh. “You should talk to him and tell him all of that.”

“If I ever meet him, I will let him know.”

“But apart from all of that, did you like the movie?”

“Yes, Dean, I really liked it. I will try to watch the rest whenever I can.”

“But don’t see the recent ones. Trust me, they suck.”

Castiel frowns. “Why do they suck?”

“Are you sure you are ready for this conversation?” Dean gives him a warning glare and Castiel chuckles. “It’s a long conversation and I’m sure I’m gonna spoil the whole saga to you. And though I don’t think there’s a problem with spoiling the recent ones, I don’t wanna spoil you the original saga. The story is really awesome and there are some great awesome plot twists and you don’t expect what’s gonna happen. You’ve gotta see them, Cas, really.”

Cas is smiling at him, with fond eyes. The cute crinkles on the corner of his eyes have appeared and Dean doesn’t know why Cas is looking at him like that.

“What?” Dean asks puzzled.

“I’ve read somewhere that people look even more beautiful when they talk about something they are passionate about. I now can see that they were telling the truth.”

Dean blushes and covers his face in embarrassment. “You’re the fucking worst, Cas.”

Castiel grabs his wrists and pulls his hands away for his face. “Blush suits you, Dean.”

“Bite me, Cas.”

Castiel smiles and he kisses Dean. He takes his time, tasting his mouth. Dean makes little noises and gets his hands on Cas’ hair. It is really soft, almost like silk, and like always, it is a complete mess, but he really likes it like that.

The kiss stops, but Castiel nibbles Dean’s lower lip, letting it go after he feels it swollen. Then, they look at each other’s eyes. Without breaking eye contact, Castiel sits on Dean’s lap and Dean’s hands immediately go to Cas’ thighs, his thumbs caressing soothingly that part hidden under the jeans.

“Have I told you before that I really like your freckles?” Castiel asks. His slender fingers caress Dean’s cheeks, where a big amount of freckles are scattered.

“Don’t you think they are childish?” Dean murmurs, never looking away from Castiel’s eyes.

“No, I don’t. I find them beautiful.”

Cas keeps calling him beautiful and Dean doesn’t understand why. Beautiful is such a strong word that Dean doesn’t think it can be used for him. People have called him attractive, pretty or sexy, but never beautiful. Beautiful is a word really pure that Dean doesn’t deserve.

Cas’ fingers keep caressing his skin, following the chaotic pattern of his freckles. It is too much for Dean to feel the devotion of Cas’ touches and the way he is staring at Dean, almost telling him that Dean is precious. Why does he look at Dean as if he was someone special? Dean is no one. Dean is nothing special.

Dean kisses Cas. He doesn’t want to think about anything; he only wants to kiss Cas and caress him. Nothing else matters right now, only the man he is kissing and stroking. He tries to bury all his thoughts and feelings in the depths of his being and he focuses on how good it feels to kiss Cas, to feel him under his palms, to hear the sweet moans he makes into the kiss, to feel Cas’ hands touching him tenderly.

Their kisses turn into a great make out session. There’s a moment when Dean ends up lying on the couch with Cas onto him. They take their time kissing. They don’t want to take this further; they only want to kiss and touch. Dean doesn’t remember when the last time he made out with someone in a couch was, but he is sure that it didn’t feel as good as it feels with Cas.

Everything feels better with Cas. He brings something to Dean that nobody else has brung before. Things with Cas feel better and right. It is a strange but heartwarming feeling. Dean doesn’t know what it is exactly; it’s always like that with Cas. There’s always something about him, something that Dean can’t put a name on that makes him feel like he has never felt before.

Dean deepens the kiss and feels how Cas moans and hums, his body rubbing Dean’s in his usual delicious way. Cas’ hands are cupping Dean’s jaw, feeling his stubble under his fingertips as Dean’s hands are fixed on Cas’ hair. Sometimes he moves his hands. There’s too much to touch about Cas and everything feels really good that Dean doesn’t know what to do. There’s a moment when he is cupping Cas’ cheek with one hand and tightening his bicep with his other.

The sound of Castiel’s phone is what stops the make out session and Castiel pulls away from Dean’s lips, looking upset about the sound coming from his phone. He sits up while Dean is still lying under him.

“It’s my alarm,” Castiel explains as he turns off the sound. “It means it’s time to leave.”

Dean sighs. “Yeah, I figured that out.” He looks at Cas; his face is flushed and his lips are swollen and covered with saliva, but he really looks annoyed by the idea of having to leave. “Is there something I can do to keep you here?” He knows the answer, but he wants to try. He never likes it when Cas has to go.

Cas shakes his head and makes a sad smile. “I’m afraid there isn’t.” He sighs and he stands up.

Dean sits up and grabs Castiel’s wrist, pulling him closer by placing his other hand on the small of his back. “Just five more minutes, Cas. That’s all I ask.”

“And once those five minutes are gone, you will ask for five more.” His stare is sympathetic and Dean doesn’t like it. Cas places his hand on Dean’s cheek and Dean finds himself leaning into that touch. “You know I would stay if I could, Dean. But I have to go to the set.”

“Yeah, I know.” He lets his grip on Cas go and he stands up. “Can’t blame me for trying, huh?”

Castiel smiles and kisses Dean. It is soft with a taste of not wanting to finish it, but Cas pulls away eventually, but he doesn’t move away. Instead, he rests his forehead on Dean’s and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. Dean knows that something is going on with Cas.

Finally, Castiel opens his eyes and moves away, but not too far. “Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“Next week is my last week in Vancouver,” Castiel murmurs. Those words feel like daggers stabbing Dean’s heart. “My flight is scheduled for Monday the 27th at eight a.m.”

“Oh,” Dean simply says. He doesn’t know what else to say. He could say many different things, neither the words make it out nor said words are something he should let out. Cas is looking at him with a confused frown; he must be waiting for something else than an ‘oh’ from him. Dean clears his throat and hopes he doesn’t sound too hurt. After all, he knew that this day was going to come sooner or later. Although he was hoping it would come much later. “That’s really soon.”

“It is.” He takes a deep breath and makes a tiny, sad smile. “The bright side of this is that I will be free almost every night, except for three days. So I’ll be able to see you more often that I have been before.”

At least that’s something good, but Cas is still going to leave. “Then I expect you to come here as much as possible,” he says with a charming smirk. He has to pretend that knowing that in a week Cas will be gone doesn’t affect him.

Castiel grins, easing the pain in Dean’s heart a little. “I will, don’t doubt it.” He cups Dean’s face and kisses him happily, surprising Dean. When he pulls away, Cas’ grin is even bigger. “I should better leave before you start distracting me again.”

“Excuse me?” Dean asks sassily. “You’re the one who’s been initiating kisses.”

Castiel chuckles as he starts to walk towards his trench coat, followed by Dean. “You could have stopped me at any time.”

“Do you even know how stupid that sounds?” Dean’s words earn him a cute bitch face that makes him smile. He watches how Cas puts on his trench coat and he steps into his personal space, placing his hands on his hipbones, feeling the sharpness of them hidden under the clothes. “When do I get to see you again?”

“Tuesday night, if there aren’t any changes.”

“This would be easier if I had your phone number.” They’ve known each other for almost a month and they have never asked for each other’s numbers.

“I know, but given that Naomi has managed to get into my phone for a couple of times, I don’t want to risk it. She already got into this building once; I don’t want her near you again.”

“I can take care of myself, Cas.”

“I’m well aware of that. But I don’t want Naomi around you. She will try to convince you to stay away from me or anything like that.” He sounds really pissed off and it surprises Dean. Cas barely sounds angry at things or at people. “She is involved in too many aspects of my life, I don’t want her to involve in anything I do with you.”

Dean nods. He understands Cas. This thing he and Cas have is a tiny island of freedom and peace that keeps them away from the real world. Not that Dean’s life is that bad or as stressed as Cas’, but when he is with Cas, the world is quiet. He knows that this little thing they have is one of the few things Cas has by his own, that Naomi doesn’t control, and he doesn’t want her to take it away from him.

“Okay, Cas,” Dean says before he kisses him. “You better not jilt me on Tuesday.” He gives him an obvious look, which earns him a gorgeous smile from the blue eyed man.

“I won’t.” He cups Dean’s face and kisses him sweetly. “I will see you on Tuesday, Dean.” He pulls away and begins to walk towards the door.

“See you, Cas.”

Cas opens the door and Dean closes it, leaning his forehead on it. He knows that in a week, it will be the last time he sees Cas. He doesn’t want that time to come. They have spent less than a month together, some hours from a few days, but Cas has gotten so deep into Dean’s skin that he doesn’t want to let him go.

But there’s nothing holding Cas in Vancouver, right? Of course that there isn’t. His life is in New York. He hasn’t lost anything here.

Dean takes a deep breath and rubs his sore eyes. He knew this day was coming, he was well aware of it, but knowing when Cas is going to finally leave makes things harder. It shouldn’t be like this. He knew what he was getting into when he agreed on hanging around Cas and when their friendship happened and when they kissed. He shouldn’t be this affected.

Maybe he will feel better later, after some weeks have passed since Cas’ departure. He wants to believe that. He wants to believe that he will get used to it. After all, he has to, right?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions!

_April the 21st, 2015_

 

“We can call it a day,” Dean says once the last client has left the bookstore. He stretches his arms and grunts.

“You’re quickly getting old,” Kevin teases with a casual voice.

“Fuck off, Kevin.” His friend chuckles as he makes his way to the office to grab his coat. “I’m older than you, but I can still kick your ass if I want to.”

“I’m not gonna argue that.”

The bookstore door opens, making the bell sound and Dean turns around to greet the really late customer. It is almost time to close, but if there’s a customer, Dean will attend him. But when he turns around, he finds that it isn’t a customer; it is Cas.

“Got out earlier than you thought?” Dean asks, leaning on the desk and shooting a charming smile at Cas.

“Yes.” Castiel approaches the desk and when he is in front of Dean, they kiss.

Kevin clears his throat and Dean and Castiel pull away to look at Kevin, who is smirking. “Just letting you know I was here before you two start going further.”

“You really find this hilarious, don’t you, Kev?” Dean asks with a glare.

“It was funnier when you had an incredibly crush on Cas and you couldn’t tell him.”

“Did you have a crush on me?” Castiel asks, looking at Dean with a raised eyebrow.

“As much as you did,” he snaps with an obvious face, making Castiel bite his lip and blush. Both of them had immense crushes for each other; Dean doesn’t know why Cas is surprised to find about Dean’s. They were pretty obvious.

“Have a nice night, guys,” Kevin says, walking towards the door.

“See you, Kevin,” Dean and Castiel say at the same time.

Kevin turns the sign to the ‘closed’ side before he leaves and Dean walks towards the office to grab his leather coat, followed by Cas, who waits for him on the doorstep.

“Tell me, how much of the night we have for ourselves?” Dean asks. He searches in his leather coat for the keys to close the bookstore.

“All the night,” Castiel answers with a rogue smile.

“Really?” That’s some great news.

Castiel nods. “I don’t have to be back on the set until tomorrow morning at 10 a.m.”

Dean arches his eyebrows in surprise. “So that means breakfast together, right?” He closes the door and locks it with the key, managing to see Cas’ happy smile and nod. “Awesome.”

Once they leave the bookstore and Dean has closed the door, they get in the Impala and Dean drives towards his place. The drive doesn’t take too long and they soon find themselves at Dean’s place, in the kitchen, with Dean cooking and Castiel observing everything he does, sharing a few kisses in between and talking.

For dinner there’s buffalo chicken wings. Castiel moans the moment he tastes the first bite, which makes Dean grin as wide as usually. There’s also a small salad and Cas enjoys it too. He really likes Dean’s cooking.

When they finish supper, Castiel washes the dishes and Dean dries. This has become a deal in between them. Cas always wants to wash the dishes because he always says that Dean makes an amazing dinner while he doesn’t do anything and he doesn’t like to feel useless. Dean knows Cas is quite stubborn, worse than him sometimes, so it is better not to argue with him on this.

The moment everything is washed and dried, Dean fists the front of Castiel’s sweater and pulls him into a fervent kiss that it is very well returned, placing his hands on Dean’s hair, moving them desperately.

The kiss grows hotter and more arousing, having the two of them moaning and touching everywhere their hands can reach. It is really intense that Dean can only think about it and Cas. He doesn’t know how his brain connects to his legs and starts walking, guiding them towards his bedroom. He needs to feel Cas’ skin everywhere and have sex with him.

As they keep kissing, they walk towards Dean’s bedroom. The path is almost memorized by now, so they don’t stumble across anything for almost the whole path. They could make it without kissing, but neither of them wants that.

Cas drops onto the mattress and Dean follows him and he immediately starts to take Castiel’s clothes; he has too much wonderful skin that it is a shame that his clothes hide it. He is really eager to get Cas undressed and his movements are fast. He is surprised that he doesn’t tear anything up. But he is not the only one with said eagerness; Cas is undressing Dean the same way.

Clothes are soon out of their way and it is skin against skin. Cas’ hand comes to rest on Dean’s nape and brings his neck to his mouth, kissing and sucking, making Dean moan and groan at the feeling, closing his eyes and tilting his head to the opposite side, giving Cas all the room he needs.

He finds that spot that drives Dean crazy; the one behind his ear and when he hears Dean’s loud moan, he smirks and repeats the motion, making Dean dig his nails on his scalp. Cas works on that spot for a few seconds before Dean pulls him away and kisses his mouth, his tongue pushing in deep, wanting to hear and feel Cas’ half groan, half moan.

Dean moves away and brings his mouth to Cas’ right nipple, kissing it at first and then nibbling it while his hand works on the left, pinching it. Cas’ breathing comes in raggedy pants, moaning as Dean plays with his nipples. Dean watches him through his eyelashes, enjoying the pleasurable faces his partner is making. He can see his eyes are dark, filled with lust. Dean keeps working on Cas’ nipples, hardening the bud, feeling how Cas caresses his hair, wanting him to go on and Dean happily complies.

After a while, Dean pulls away and kisses, playing with his lower lip, holding it for a little bit more before he pulls away and says, “I wanna ride you, Cas.”

Castiel lets out a chocked sound. He kisses Dean, fiercely, almost as if he wanted to take all the air from his lungs. When they pull away, they are panting and Castiel leans closer, brushing their lips together but not kissing.

“Good,” Castiel says. “But I want to open you up first.”

“Awesome.”

Before Dean can react, Cas manages to roll the two of them, reversing their positions. Dean makes an impressive face. Cas is fit and he knew he was strong, but he wasn’t expecting to be manhandled like this. He finds it really sexy.

Cas smirks; he must have read the surprise in Dean’s face. He kisses Dean, his tongue exploring every inch of his mouth. As they kiss, Cas gets his hand on Dean’s hard cock, giving it a few strokes, making Dean pull away from the kiss to moan.

He moves away, placing his hands on Dean’s thighs, urging Dean to spread his legs and he starts to kiss the inner of Dean’s thighs. Dean moans and hums pleased, groaning when Cas sucks a few hickeys on his tender flesh. The green eyed man bites his lip and closes his eyes, enjoying the way Cas’ mouth feels there and how his stubble feels against his skin.

“Cas—” Dean starts to say. “You should better get the lube.”

Castiel pulls away from Dean’s thigh. “I will, once I finish doing what I’m about to do.”

“What you—” But before Dean can finish his question, Cas licks his rim and gets his tongue inside Dean’s hole. “Oh— fuck!” Dean moans, tilting his head on the pillow.

Castiel starts to loosen him with his tongue, eating Dean out like he has never been. His legs spread wider as he moans fucking into Cas’ tongue. It feels too damn good. Cas places his hands on his hipbones, holding him in place and Dean brings his hands to his hair, wanting Cas to get his tongue deeper.

There’s a moment when Cas even blows and Dean shudders. Cas gets his tongue back into Dean’s hole, smirking. He soon joins a finger in and Dean moans even louder, tightening his grip on Cas’ hair.

Dean is wrecked by the time Cas pulls his mouth away. When Dean opens his eyes, Cas is leaning onto him and kisses him, cupping his face and rocking his hips deliciously, rubbing their hard cocks together. Dean seizes the moment and searches for the lube and a condom and presses them onto Cas’ back. Cas immediately pulls away and puts on the condom and spreads the lube on his hands and on his cock.

He opens Dean’s up with his fingers, kissing his jaw as he does it. Dean is quite loose already, but he needs a little bit more of preparation. Cas scissors his fingers, brushing his prostate and making Dean moan and groan. It doesn’t take too long, and when Cas’ fingers are out of him, Dean rolls the two of them, making Cas chuckle.

Dean sits on Cas’ lap, feeling Cas’ cock on his rim. His partner hisses and moans. Dean would like teasing him, but he is as desperate as Cas is, so he doesn’t want to waste more time and he pushes down on Cas, taking his whole length in one thrust.

“Holy fuck—! Dean!” Castiel moans extremely loud, almost groaning, digging his nails on Dean’s thighs.

Dean moans, really pleased, and bites his lower lip. He places his hands on Cas’ nipples, caressing them, earning him some sweet, little hums. Cas slides his hands up from Dean’s thighs until they arrive to his hips, and that’s when Dean starts to ride Cas.

They find a perfect rhythm together. Dean slides Cas’ cock in and out of him while Cas moves his hips with maddening thrusts. Dean rocks back and forth, changing his speed, playing with the different angles he can manage, tilting his head whenever Cas’ cock hits his prostate, caressing Cas’ chest with his restless hands, looking back at his partner’s face to look at his expressions. It feels too damn good.

“You’re so tight, Dean,” Castiel moans, almost breathless. His hands stroke Dean’s sides, going back to his hips to hold him tight and move his hips along with Dean’s thrusts. “Dean— Dean— Dean—”

Dean loves it when Cas says his name. He fucks into Cas’ cock, grinding into him and clenching around him, adoring how Cas sounds when he does so. Dean slows his movements a little, wanting to extend their time, but his thrusts are still quite hard. That’s when Cas rises, sitting on the mattress, pressing their chests together. He cups Dean’s face and kisses him passionately until they pull away to moan.

Cas starts to kiss Dean’s neck and he gets his hand on Dean’s cock, jerking him off. Dean increases the speed of his movements, fucking into Cas’ cock and into his fist, filling the room with a mess of moans, curses and each other’s names.

Cas tilts his head back and Dean works his mouth on his neck, never stopping his maddening rocking. He pulls away when the head of Cas’ cock touches that sweet spot and both of them end up leaning their foreheads together, increasing their thrusts.

Dean closes his eyes and parts his lips, moaning, “Fuck, Cas— oh fuck, fuck— so fucking good, there— ah— fuck— Cas.”

“Dean— oh, Dean—”

A few more fast and hard thrusts and Castiel is coming, Dean following him after a second, coming really hard. He feels so good and alive, even if he feels as if he hasn’t breathed for centuries, but it doesn’t matter; he feels too fucking good. Cas is holding him, they are pressed together and he still has Cas inside him.

When Cas recovers his breath, he cups Dean’s jaw and kisses him, sweetly, almost lazily, but like every kiss they share, it is awesome. They are smiling by the time their lips are no longer pressed together.

Dean pulls away from Cas, hating the loss, and he lies down. Cas takes off the condom and tosses it away, lying down as well, next to Dean. Cas is still panting and he looks exhausted.

“You still need to catch your breath?” Dean teases, smirking, looking how Cas’ chest goes up and down with every pant. His partner always looks gorgeous and amazing after sex. It is a picture Dean would like to see every day.

“Yes, I do. I’m really exhausted,” Castiel confesses, still panting.

Dean chuckles. “You know I was the one who moved more, right?”

Castiel turns his face and glares him. “Don’t be so presumptuous, Dean.” It makes Dean laugh. “This must be so good for your ego.”

“Oh, you’ve got no idea.” He chuckles and he kisses Cas, feeling how a smile forms into his swollen lips. “You’ve got to admit we’re really good on this.”

“Yes, we are.” He hums happily and kisses Dean again. “And you are incredibly good.”

Dean smirks. “Thanks. You’re not that bad yourself.” His words make Castiel blush slightly. “By the way, I’ve gotta tell you that you are the first one who has eaten me out.”

“Really?” He lies aside, pressing himself closer to Dean and placing his elbow on the pillow, resting his cheek on his palm. “Did you enjoy it?”

He arches his eyebrow. “Didn’t my moans answer that question?” Castiel chuckles. “It was fucking good, Cas.”

“I’m glad.” His other hand comes to rest on Dean’s chest and he starts to caress him, drawing invisible doodles on it. “How’s that you were never rimmed?”

“Dunno. Though I’m sure women don’t like doing that and the men I’ve slept with didn’t seem to be into it. But I’ve never asked for it, so.” He shrugs. He looks at Cas, who is making a curious face. “What?”

“I didn’t know you were bisexual,” he says with a smile.

“You thought I was gay?” he asks with an arched brow. Castiel nods. Dean is surprised; usually people think he is straight, not gay. “Nah, I like both men and women. Why choose when you can enjoy all the awesome things about both?” He smirks and wiggles his eyebrows. Castiel chuckles. “What about you?”

“I’m gay,” he answers softly, smiling.

Dean hums. “Can I ask you something a bit personal?”

“Of course.”

“When you have to kiss a woman in a movie, is it hard for you to pretend that you are into women?”

“It’s acting after all, so it is easy for me to pretend,” he begins to explain. “My character is always someone I am not, and I have to become that person, so after I finally get under the skin of said character, it’s like I do not longer exist, I’m other person and the only thing left about me is my body.”

“I know you want to sound deep and professional, but that came out a little creepy.”

Castiel chuckles and rests his head on the pillow, rubbing his face. “Assbutt.”

“Sorry, but you made it sound quite creepy.” It earns him a small punch from Cas that instead of hurting him, it makes Dean grin. “You’re adorable when you are pissed off.”

“Trust me, you don’t want to see me pissed off.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean asks with a rogue voice.

“Stop it, Dean,” he protests smiling.

Dean seizes the occasion and kisses him, tenderly, feeling how Cas gets his arms on his back and pulls him impossibly closer. “And what about sex scenes in movies?”

“That’s really awkward,” he answers, blushing. “You have to pretend that you are having sex while a lot of people are staring at you. And the worst part comes to women, because they usually have to be almost naked and they don’t give them those especial skin colored clothes because women’s nudity sells and it isn’t considered porn.”

“That sucks.”

“It truly does.” He sighs and caresses Dean’s hair. “Movie industry is hard and cruel, but it is harder and crueler with women.” Suddenly, Castiel’s mobile phone rings and both, Dean and Castiel look in the direction the sound comes from. Castiel is about to leave bed to grab it, but Dean stops him by lying onto him. “Dean.”

“You know who’s calling you,” Dean says. He knows it too; it is Naomi. Nobody would call Cas at this time except her. “Don’t answer it.”

“What if is it someone else?”

“Do you believe that?” Cas doesn’t answer his question, but Dean knows his answer too well. He cups Cas’ face and leans closer, brushing their lips and their eyelashes. “Don’t answer it, Cas, you don’t want to. Just forget about her and your duties for one night. This is you and me, no one else.”

Castiel smiles and half closes his eyes, but he still keeps his eyes locked with Dean’s. “And what if she comes here tomorrow morning?”

“She can eat me.”

Castiel chuckles. “She could totally do that.”

Dean should be surprised, but after his brief encounter with that woman, Dean knows that Cas isn’t exaggerating. “Let’s stay here and forget about the rest of the world.” He leans and kisses Cas, making a slow, delicious movement with his body, feeling Cas’ skin everywhere, making Cas moan and dig his nails on Dean’s blades. “I’m sure you don’t want anyone to interrupt us.”

“You are a terrible bad influence, Dean,” Castiel says, almost moaning, rocking his hips to feel Dean.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Dean, you can’t seriously think that.” He sounds concerned, but Dean doesn’t want to get into deep in that conversation. Cas overrates Dean, thinks awesome things about him. He shouldn’t.

“Just shut up and kiss me, Cas.” His voice comes out a bit more desperate than he intends to and Dean hates himself for it.

Castiel cups his face, looking at him with an intensity that only Castiel is able to do, as if he wanted to get in the depths of Dean’s soul and heart. “You are wonderful, Dean. Don’t ever forget it.”

Before Dean can snap a comment, Cas is kissing him again and every word and thought Dean had, gets lost in the feeling of those perfect lips against his own.

 

_April the 22nd, 2015_

 

The alarm clock wakes the two of them. Dean hears Cas grunting at it while Dean turns it off, rubbing his eyes once the bedroom has fallen into silence. When he opens his eyes, he sees Cas on top of him, with his head under Dean’s chin. Dean smiles when he feels that Cas has his limbs tangled around him and that he is holding Cas tightly.

“Morning, Cas,” Dean murmurs into his ruffled hair.

“Good morning, Dean,” Castiel mumbles, snuggling with Dean, tightening him, not wanting Dean to leave bed yet.

“Cas, we’ve gotta wake up, we’ve gotta go to work.”

Castiel nuzzles Dean’s neck. “It’s cold outside the bed, and you are so warm.” He sounds quite childish, but Dean has to admit that Cas being grumpy in the mornings is really cute.

Dean chuckles and tightens his grip on Cas, who hums pleased, but he immediately grunts when Dean rolls the two of them and ends up on top of him. Cas opens his eyes and he is about to protest, but Dean shushes him before any word comes out from his lips by kissing him tenderly. Castiel relaxes under Dean, bringing his hands to his light, brown hair, moving his fingers slowly. Their tongues swirl together and they moan into the kiss.

When Dean pulls away, he looks at Cas’ eyes, admiring how the morning light that leaks into the bedroom makes them shine beautifully, adding intensity to the color blue. He doesn’t want to think that in a few days, he won’t see those eyes again, he won’t be able to get drown in that sapphire ocean. He doesn’t want to think about it, he doesn’t want to get sad. This thing in between them doesn’t mean anything, it is only a short romance and both of them knew the rules before they started playing.

Dean shuts up his thoughts by kissing Cas again. He doesn’t want the blue eyed man to search in his green eyes and find what Dean is feeling and thinking. What’s the point of it? Cas wants to leave. It’s not as if Dean was reason enough for him to stay. This isn’t love; this is a romance that happened, a romance with an expiration date. If it wasn’t like this, both of them would know.

“Wanna take a shower with me?” Dean asks, pressing little kisses on the corner of Castiel’s mouth. He will focus on the pleasure, not in his feelings. It will make his pain go away; it always does.

Castiel smiles. “Do you even have to ask that, Dean?”

Dean keeps leaving a trail of kisses on Cas’ jaw, feeling the soft burn of his stubble. “That would mean leaving bed, and you aren’t willing to do that.”

He cups Dean’s face, locking their eyes together and he presses quick little kisses on Dean’s lips. “I think I can make an exception if it means showering with you.”

Dean smiles and steals another kiss before they leave the bed and head towards the bathroom. Their shower consists on washing each other and sharing kisses under the spray, stroking each other’s bodies softly, nothing too arousing, just feeling their bodies and the shapes of them.

Once they are done in the shower and they have dried, they go to Dean’s bedroom to get dressed and they make the bed together. Dean still gets surprised by the little glimpses of a domestic life they have developed when they are here. It simply happened. Despite of their schedules, they have found a way to fit almost perfectly in each other’s lives.

They go to the kitchen and Dean starts to make breakfast while Cas sets the table and makes coffee. Dean doesn’t have too much time, so he won’t be doing pancakes or waffles, but he has enough time to make some scrambled eggs with bacon, a few toasts and have some berries.

“Sorry I can’t make pancakes or waffles,” Dean says to Cas, who is serving coffee in two mugs.

“Don’t worry,” Castiel says with an easy smile. He kisses Dean’s cheek after pouring coffee on said mugs, making Dean blush. “Bacon and scrambled eggs are a wonderful breakfast too.”

Dean smiles and keeps working on those scrambled eggs. Castiel’s phone beeps with the message ringtone and Dean gives him a curious look. “How many times did Naomi call you last night?”

“Too many,” he answers, sighing. He doesn’t pay too much attention to his phone and he puts it back in his jeans. “She must be angry because she might have tried to locate me with the GPS and she must have found that she can no longer do that.”

“I would’ve really liked to see her face when she found on she couldn’t track you.”

Castiel rolls his eyes and he chuckles. “Assbutt.”

“C’mon, I know you would’ve liked to see it too.” He gives him an obvious face and Castiel bites his lip, guiltily.

“Okay, maybe a little.” It makes Dean laugh. “But I’m sure she is well aware that I’m here. And she’s not going to be very pleased.”

“It’s your personal life, why can’t she respect that?”

“She doesn’t deal too well that I’m homosexual. She accepts it but doesn’t like it.”

Dean makes a grunt. That woman is pure gold. “Cas, I don’t wanna get into your life, but,” he starts to say. He puts the scrambled eggs and bacon on a dish and he gets the bread from the toaster. “Why is she still your agent? She’s a pain in the ass, likes to control your life way too fucking much and she doesn’t accept your sexuality.”

Castiel grabs their mugs and the bowl with berries to bring them to the table while Dean does the same with the toasts and the scrambled eggs with bacon. “Because she’s good at her job. Naomi is one of the best agents in the film industry, and she gets me good roles and good movies.”

Both of them sit on the chairs, leaving the food and coffee on the table. “And getting to work in good movies is worth standing her?” He doesn’t know how Cas can stand her. Dean knows that if he had to work with that woman, he would go insane in just a day.

“Hollywood is cruel, Dean. And the whole film industry. You might not believe it, but Naomi brings less trouble than you think. But there’s always a price to pay in this world. In my case, it’s standing Naomi.” He takes a deep breath and grimaces. “Trust me, having Naomi as an agent eases things, but only professionally.”

Dean looks at him perplexed and confused. When Castiel meets his eyes, he makes a soft smile and he starts to have breakfast. It seems that he doesn’t want to continue the conversation, so Dean doesn’t push.

Breakfast is soon gone and Castiel washes the dishes while Dean dries. They go to the bathroom to brush their teeth. Dean always has a spare toothbrush in his bathroom and he gives it to Cas.

They walk towards the hall where their coats are waiting for and they put them on. Like always, Dean checks for all his keys; the one from home, the one from the Impala and the one from the bookstore.

“Do I have to drive you or—?” Dean begins to ask.

“I will pick a cab, Dean, don’t worry,” Castiel answers, smiling.

Dean nods. “When’s your other free night?”

“Friday, Saturday and Sunday.”

“Three in a row?” he asks and Castiel nods. “That’s really good.” This is the first time they are going to see this consecutive. Dean smiles and kisses Cas tenderly, taking his time to taste him. He will have to wait until Friday to see him and kiss him again, so he better seize this moment. “I’ll be waiting for you, Cas.”

Castiel hums pleased after the kiss. Even his cheeks have acquired a lovely blush. “You always do.”

Dean is about to open the door when Cas fists the laps of his leather jacket and pulls him into a passionate kiss that has Dean moaning and groaning and leaves his knees trembling. When they pull away, Dean looks at Cas with an arched brow.

“I couldn’t resist,” Castiel says casually.

Dean chuckles. “Of course you couldn’t.” He finally opens the door and both of them leave the apartment, being Dean the one who closes it. “Though we still have some time in the lift to make out.” He looks at Cas with a naughty look and Castiel blushes, the flush reaching the tips on his ears. “Blush looks good on you, Cas.”

“I hate you so much,” he mutters.

Dean laughs and they being to walk towards the lift. “I’ve told you I’m a dick.”

“And I’ve told you that you are more an assbutt than a dick.”

Dean chuckles. The lift’s doors open and they get inside, pressing the buttons of the floors they are going to stop on. Cas is going to the hall while Dean is going to the garage.

The moment the doors are closed, they throw at each other and they start to kiss passionately. Dean presses Cas against the wall and the blue eyed man moves his hips needy as his hands go from Dean’s hair to the small of his back. It is really hot and Dean loves it too much.

There’s a ring and the lift stops, indicating that they have arrived to the hall. They pull away, looking at each other with dark eyes, being flushed, panting and with their lips swollen. It is a shame they don’t have more time for this.

“See you, Dean,” Castiel says, cupping Dean’s face to have a sweet, last kiss.

“See you, Cas,” Dean says before Cas pulls away and walks away from the lift. “Have a nice day.”

Castiel turns and smiles. “You too.”

The lift closes its doors, Cas disappearing behind them. Dean leans the back of his head on the wall and sighs, feeling the wild beating of his heart, licking his lips and tasting the remaining of Castiel’s lips on him.

He is going to miss him so much when he is gone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_April the 24th, 2015_

 

The bookstore was really crowded today, especially during the afternoon. Dean doesn’t stop in the whole afternoon. He moves through the bookstore to help those clients who can’t find a book or need some recommendation. He walks back to the desk to charge them. Thankfully, Dean has Kevin to spare the work, but still, the day is a bit stressed for just the two of them.

Time to close will come in five minutes and the bookstore is finally quiet, and all the customers are gone. Even Kevin has just left to go back home. Dean feels exhausted. He doesn’t remember a day like this. He has had stressed days when the bookstore was almost full, but today has been the day with more clients since ever. And also, this is the day he has most earned.

Although Dean makes a good earning every month, he is happy to have days like this when he earns way more than usually, because in case someday things don’t go as well as usually, he has some savings that will help him anytime.

As he gets today’s earnings in the safe box placed in his office, he hears the bell. “Just a minute!” Dean yells from the office. He gets all the money in and closes the safe box, getting out of the office once he is done. He is pleased when he finds Cas in front of the desk. “Hey, Cas,” he greets happily.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greets, smiling, but then he frowns. “You look terrible.”

Dean glares him. “Well, thank you. You’re such a charm.”

Castiel squints his eyes in confusion and in concern. “Dean, you look drained, are you okay?”

Dean rubs his eyes and sighs. Cas is worried about him; it warms his heart. “Yeah, it’s just that today was a really long and stressed day. I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“I guess that you are willing to go home to take a rest,” Castiel starts to say, concerned. “And I’m sure you don’t want me to disturb your resting.”

“Woah, Cas, wait.” He is tired, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to spend his night with Cas. He doesn’t want to miss the chance of being with Cas. “Are you kidding me? I’m only tired, but I really want to spend the night with you.”

“You should rest, Dean.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “You’re such a pain in the ass sometimes.” Naturally, Cas glares him, but Dean tries to soften his tiny anger with a soft smile. “I can rest in the couch with you, while we watch something and eat some Chinese food, because I’m not in the mood of cooking, so I’m gonna order some food, if that’s all right with you.”

“It’s more than all right with me,” Castiel says, a tiny smile making its way into his lips. “But you better get in bed before it’s too late.”

Again, Dean rolls his eyes, but he smiles. He leans to kiss Cas’ lips, briefly. “You’re so damn bossy.”

Castiel grimaces and Dean smirks before he starts his usual closing routine. It doesn’t take him too long and they are soon in the Impala, going to Dean’s apartment in less than three minutes.

The moment they are at Dean’s apartment, after sharing a few kisses in the lift, Dean orders some Chinese food. He knows that Cas likes what Dean likes, he knows it from that time they went to that Asian food buffet, so there isn’t any problem in ordering things.

As they wait for their food to arrive, they sit on the couch and talk about their days. It turns out that Cas really had a long day too, but he isn’t as exhausted as Dean. The TV is on while they talk, but neither of them pays any attention to it. Besides, the volume is quite low, just enough to overhear it and being able to hear each other talk.

When their food arrives, instead of eating it in the kitchen, as they usually do, they eat it in the living room, sitting on the couch and they watch TV, this time paying to it more attention than before. Castiel is zapping, not knowing what to watch. Fridays don’t tend to have an interesting programming.

As Cas keeps changing channels, pausing some seconds to know what they are broadcasting, Cas suddenly appears on the screen. “Oh no,” Castiel says, about to change to the next channel, but Dean gets the remote from his hand and puts it under his butt. “Dean!” he yells annoyed. “Do you really think that leaving the remote under your butt is going to stop me?”

“Not really,” Dean says, chuckling. “C’mon, Cas! I have you here by my side and on the screen, how awesome is that?”

Castiel grunts, frustrated. “I hate you.”

“Look how sexy you are with that suit,” Dean comments, watching the screen. Cas is wearing a black suit and it makes him look extremely handsome. When he looks at Cas, sitting next to him, he sees he is blushing. “Although you’re a million times hotter in real life.”

“You are terrible, Dean Winchester.”

“I’ve gotta congratulate the director for these awesome shots of your face.”

Castiel leaves his food on the coffee table and he pushes Dean a little, just enough to get his hand under his butt and get the remote. Before Dean can react, Cas is changing the channel and leaving the remote on the table where the phone is.

“This is better,” Castiel says. There’s a documentary about bees on and he seems really pleased about it, but Dean can detect that Cas is a bit mad at him.

“Hey,” Dean says, leaving his food on the coffee table too. “I fucked it up, didn’t I?”

Castiel sighs and rubs his face. “No, Dean, it’s not that.” He sighs again and looks down at his lap.

Dean moves closer and cups Cas’ chin, moving his face so their eyes can meet. “What is it then?”

“It’s nothing, Dean.”

“Bullshit.”

Castiel huffs and closes his eyes, resting his forehead on Dean’s. “It’s something silly.”

“It’s not when it has you like this.” He caresses Cas’ jaw, hoping that the touch can comfort him.

Cas leans into the touch and sighs, opening his eyes slightly. “I don’t want to know anything having to do with the movie world I work with or I worked at when I’m with you, Dean.” 

“Okay,” Dean whispers before he leans to kiss Castiel tenderly. He wonders why Cas wants to forget about all of it when he is with Dean, but Dean isn’t going to push him. Cas must have his own reasons. “By the way, it’s not silly.”

“It is a little.”

“Not really.” He smiles and they kiss again. When they pull away, both of them grab their food and they keep eating. “You seriously are gonna leave this?”

“I like bees.”

“Yeah, I know. You’ve got a pajama with bees.” He can’t forget that random detail. “You should show me that famous pajama of yours someday.”

Castiel blushes. “If my memory is right, you said that you were sure I would look pretty cute with it.”

Dean chuckles. Yes, he remembers saying that and he remembers how embarrassed he felt after saying it. “Damn, I wanted to sew my mouth for saying that out loud.”

“You made me blush, although you were quite blushed too.” He chuckles, filling the living room with the bright sound of it, the sound echoing in Dean’s heart. “I had a terrible crush on you that time.”

“I wasn’t doing any better.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?”

Dean looks at him. He isn’t going to be honest with that answer. He can’t tell Cas that the main reason about why he didn’t say anything or did anything is because he didn’t want to start something that he knew it was going to have a date of expiry. Not that he regrets that he and Cas became more than friends, he really likes it, but he doesn’t like the idea of losing all of this on Monday because Cas will leave.

“Because I wasn’t sure if you were interested in me,” Dean finally says. It is the truth, but it isn’t the whole truth.

“And what about that time we were about to kiss and Naomi called me? That showed that we were interested in each other.”

“You didn’t do anything either.” He gives him an obvious look and Cas makes an agreement face. “We’re just a couple of dumbasses.” Or maybe a couple who didn’t want to have something that would only last for a few weeks. But Dean isn’t sure that Cas feels the same.

“I would use the word ‘assbutt’.”

Dean grins. “That word doesn’t exist.”

Castiel makes one of his most precious smiles. “Then, we will keep it to ourselves.”

Dean is going to miss him so much. He is going to miss his eyes, his voice, his sweetness, his awkwardness, his kisses, his touches, his sense of humor, his smile… He is going to miss everything about him. How did he let himself to get so attached to Cas?

They keep eating and watching the documentary. Even when they finish supper, the documentary is still on. Dean doesn’t know how or when, but he ends up falling asleep on the couch with his head resting on Cas’ shoulder. He isn’t completely sure, but it feels as if Cas was caressing his hair, lulling him to sleep with his slender fingers. It feels right and good, and Dean doesn’t want to wake up.

But he ends up waking up when Cas starts to shake his body slightly. Dean grunts unpleased, but he ends up opening his eyes and gives Cas a sleepy frown.

“What?” Dean asks, mumbling.

“You should go to bed,” Castiel whispers. Dean nods and rubs his face. “And I should better leave.”

Cas’ words seem to wake Dean up completely, making him to turn his face and look at him worried. “What?”

Cas begins to stand up. “I have to wake up at 5 A.M., Dean. I should better get back to the hotel.”

“No,” Dean says, grabbing Cas’ wrist. “Stay here, Cas.” He sounds almost like begging. He wants Cas to sleep with him in his bed. Cas is about to protest, but Dean keeps talking, not wanting to hear any excuses. “Sleep here, and set your alarm at 5 A.M., it won’t bother me. Just stay here with me.” He knows those five last words hold a bigger meaning, but he knows that Cas will only get the meaning of staying tonight.

“Dean—”

Dean stands up and cups Castiel’s face, pulling him into a needy kiss. His partner hums and places his hands on Dean’s back, fisting his Henley shirt. When they pull away, their lips are brushing and they are swollen.

“Using kisses as blackmail, Dean?” Castiel asks with a rogue smile.

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“I haven’t said a word about staying or not.”

Dean smirks. “You would have already moved away if you wanted to leave.”

Castiel smiles and he kisses Dean, softly. “Okay, I’ll sleep here, but you better not growl at me when my alarm sounds.”

“Deal.”

They walk together to the bed. Dean lends Cas some spare pare of pajamas. It is a bit bigger for him, but it looks good on him. As Cas leaves his phone on the other bedside table, Dean grabs his alarm clock, lifting the button so it will sound at its usual hour. As he does so, Cas gets in bed with him and he presses his chest to Dean’s back, his arms coming to rest on Dean’s chest and resting his forehead on Dean’s nape.

“Are you little spooning me?” Dean asks surprised, turning his face a little to look at Cas, who nods effusively. “Seriously? I’m the taller one, I should be little spooning you.”

Cas’ grip gets tighter. “I don’t care.” He nuzzles Dean and kisses his nape. “Goodnight, Dean.”

Dean smiles. He isn’t going to let out how much he likes being little spooned. He turns off the lights and presses himself against Cas a little bit more. He wants to place his hands on top of Cas, but he isn’t sure if that would be alright, so he doesn’t do it. Instead, he caresses Cas’ thigh and says, “Goodnight, Cas.”

 

_April the 25th, 2015_

 

Dean hears Cas’ alarm clock, but he falls back asleep almost immediately.

When Dean’s alarm clock sounds, the other side of the bed is cold and empty. Cas had to wake up really early, but Dean would have liked to wake up with him. He would have liked to shower with him and have breakfast together.

He does his usual routine of taking a shower, getting dressed and going to the kitchen to have some breakfast. The apartment isn’t as cold as back in March. Spring has come to Vancouver finally and the temperatures are very nice. Even the sun that leaks in Dean’s home manages to warm the place a little bit. Its light isn’t as weak as the previous month and it paints his place with warm colors.

When Dean steps into the kitchen, it catches his attention the magnetic board on the fridge. It is a board he uses to write down the groceries. He knows that when he went to bed, the only things that were written on it were ‘garlic’ and ‘parsley’, but there’s something else written on that board, and Dean knows that it isn’t his handwritten.

Dean grins as he reads the message:

_I hope you don’t mind I had some coffee. I also left you on the counter some coffee for you, just the way you like it. You only have to warm it in the microwave._

_Have a nice day, Dean :)_

He looks at the counter and he sees that there is a mug with coffee on it, waiting for him to put it in the microwave. Cas is such a sweetheart. This isn’t as great as having breakfast together, but this small gesture and the awesome taste of that coffee, has Dean smiling the whole morning.

Charlie notices his smile when she comes into the bookstore, but she doesn’t tell him anything; she just gives him that playful smile of hers, clearly aware that the reason behind Dean’s smile is Cas.

Time to close the bookstore arrives and Dean closes it after Charlie has left. It is time to go back home and have some lunch, but before that, he is going to the supermarket to grab some groceries that he needs, apart from the ones written on the board, but also, he is going to grab some specific ingredients for tonight’s dinner. He wants to surprise Cas and make him participate with him while they cook, and he is sure that he will enjoy making pizza with him.

He has cooked pizza a lot of times that Dean knows what to grab in the supermarket. He knows where all the groceries are and he is always quite fast in his shopping. Even putting the groceries in their places at his place takes him too little time. He does this too many times that he could do it blindfolded.

After he has placed every single item, he has lunch, making some grilled vegetables, washing the dishes after he finishes eating.

He doesn’t know when Cas will arrive, so he sits on the couch and switches on the TV to put on Netflix and he decides to watch _Doctor Sexy_. He has watched all the episodes more than twice and he knows all the dialogues, but he still enjoys every single chapter.

Normally, Dean pays attention to his favorite show, but his mind starts to remind him that Cas is going to leave Vancouver in less that forty-eight hours. He will leave and they won’t see each other again. He could ask Cas for his phone number again, but he is sure he won’t give it. He already denied it by saying that Naomi takes too much control with his phone already.

Besides, what good would it give having Cas’ phone? Cas would still be really busy and whenever Dean tried to call him he would be sent to the voicemail because Cas would be working or sleeping. And having Cas’ number would mean that there could be some pointless hope in this thing they have built. But it would be some long distance crap and Dean knows how badly that kind of relationships end up. It is better if they end up things like it is expected. This was fun, but they have to keep with their lives. Life keeps running and they can’t linger anymore in this stop they have taken.

This thing they have isn’t anything serious, but why does Dean have the craving for it? He wants it to be serious, but he can’t ask Cas for it. They didn’t agree on that. Besides, if this was a serious thing, Cas would stay here in Vancouver or Dean would move to New York, but neither of them wants to do that. Leaving behind one life to start a new one because of some friendship that became something more is insane.

Their paths met, but they part. It was a random coincidence that they met. Cas stepped into that bookstore instead of stepping into any other in Vancouver. He might have lived what he lived with any other bookseller. But Cas came into Dean’s bookstore and that’s when their paths met. But it was only a happy accident.

There’s a knock on his door and Dean trashes all those thoughts immediately, walking towards the door. He checks the clock to know what time it is, surprised that it is already 7:08 p.m. and happy because it means that he gets to spend more time than he expected with Cas.

“Hello, Cas,” Dean greets once he has opened the door.

Cas smiles, as brightly as he always does when he sees Dean. “Hello, Dean.” He cups Dean’s face and kisses him sweetly, tenderly.

Dean hums into it, getting lost in the press of Cas’ lips against his. “It’s nice to have you here this early.”

“Yes, it is.” He kisses him again, stepping into the apartment and closing the door behind him.

Dean pulls away slightly, only to whisper, “By the way, thanks for the awesome coffee.”

The blue eyed man smiles and blushes. “You are very welcome, Dean.”

Dean caresses Cas’ messy hair, brushing his cheek with his thumb, Cas leaning on said touch. He kisses him again, more tenderly than usual, hoping that his thoughts remain locked down in the darkest corner of his mind.

“Tonight you’re gonna help me making dinner,” Dean says, after pulling away.

Castiel frowns. “Are you sure that’s a wise idea, Dean? I’m the worst cook in the world.”

“You aren’t that terrible.” He chuckles. “We’re gonna make some pizza. It’s easy and fun, and I’m sure you’re gonna love it!”

Castiel rolls his eyes and makes a disbelief smile. He starts to take off his trench coat, still looking at Dean with curious eyes. “You are being serious.”

“Of course I’m being serious, c’mon, it’ll be fun. Don’t you trust me?”

Castiel’s smile is soft and pretty and Dean’s heart skips a beat when he sees that tender gaze the blue eyed man is making. “I trust you more than you think.” Once those words are said, Dean’s heart skips another beat and Dean swallows hard. How can Cas say things like this in such a casual way? He is about to say something, but Cas interrupts him. “But I’m telling you, if pizza doesn’t turn out delicious, don’t blame me too much.”

“You can’t screw up pizza, Cas.”

“We will see.”

They walk towards the kitchen and Dean starts to grab all the ingredients and utensils they are going to need. They begin with the dough and Dean teaches Cas how to do it. At first, Cas doesn’t seem too confident, but once Dean grabs his hands and puts them in the bowl, motioning him how to mix all the ingredients so they will become the dough, Cas immediately starts to enjoy it and there’s confidence all around him.

There’s too much fun and laughs while they make the dough. Dean doesn’t remember cooking and having as much fun as he is having right now. He has always enjoyed cooking, but cooking with someone has always been great, but with Cas, it is a thousand times better.

The dough has to repose for a while. During that time, Dean starts to make a tomato sauce while Cas cuts in slices the pepperoni and the green peppers. They keep talking. It is surprising how they can talk about everything and anything. And even when they aren’t talking, there’s a comfortable silence in between them. It has happened since the first day, but Dean is still gladly surprised about it.

Once the dough is ready, Dean starts to give it the shape of a pizza and puts the tomato sauce on it after it has acquired a nice shape and size. Cas grates the mozzarella and they begin to put the toppings. But before they get it in the oven, they add some more mozzarella, because they really like cheese.

While the pizza is in the oven, Dean and Cas share a few kisses in the kitchen as they set on the table. It isn’t a task that shouldn’t take so long, but with them kissing all the time, said task is completed when the oven dings, indicating that their pizza is ready.  
They sit on the table and they grab some slices, being very careful not to burn their hands. It smells delicious and Dean’s mouth is watering. He wants to eat it now, but he doesn’t want to burn his tongue. Cas doesn’t seem to burn his when he takes his first bite. He moans around the food, clearly pleased that he helped to make said delicatessen.

They don’t leave a single slice of pizza. It takes them a little while to move to wash the dishes, but they are a bit full and they can wait for it, so they keep talking, Cas saying that he will try to make pizza at his home whenever he gets the chance.

After a while, they finally stand up and Castiel washes the dishes while Dean dries them. There isn’t too much to wash and once Dean has dried the last glass, Castiel steps into his personal space, placing his hands on his hips and kissing him slowly.

“Are you too full or do you think we can make it to your bedroom and have sex?” Castiel asks, looking at Dean through his eyelashes.

Dean smirks. “You’re so damn smooth.” He kisses him again, briefly. “Yeah, let’s go to the bedroom.”

They walk as they kiss, but this time they do it slower. Their kisses and movements are passionate, but they also feel more intimate than usually. It feels as if they wanted to take their time. There’s a voice in the back on Dean’s mind telling him that he won’t feel Cas like this ever again, and before that voice gets louder, he shuts it up and concentrates on the feeling of Cas’ mouth and hands on him.

They reach the bed and Dean lies onto the mattress while Cas climbs onto him, pressing their bodies together as they kiss and they start to take each other’s clothes off. Castiel kisses every part of Dean’s skin that’s revealed, leaving a couple of hickeys on his neck and chest. Dean tilts his head and closes his eyes, moaning at the feeling of Cas sucking and licking his skin, digging his nails in his partner’s scalp.

Dean knows they are taking their time, but he takes off their remaining clothes quite fast, eagerly to feel skin against skin. Once they are both completely naked and Dean can feel the marvelous warmth of Cas’ skin, Dean goes back to the speed they were before.

Cas kisses his jaw as his hands trace down Dean’s sides, mapping his body, arriving to his thighs where he rests his hands, sneaking them in the inner side of them, caressing them. He moves his mouth to Dean’s nipple, hardening it with tiny, soft nibbles that leave Dean groaning and rocking his hips, desperate for more friction, but what it earns him is a smirk from Cas.

Cas is a teasing bastard, and two can play the game. Dean gets his hand on both of their cocks and squeezes their heads, feeling how some precome spits as they moan. Castiel shoots him a playful stare that Dean answers with a big smirk.

“You are so impatient, Dean,” Castiel murmurs before he kisses Dean really dirtily.

“Can’t blame me,” Dean whispers, moving his mouth to Cas’ earlobe, catching it in between his lips. “You’re so fucking hot.” He feels how Cas shivers, almost scratching Dean’s shoulders. “I want you so bad to fuck me, Cas.” He makes sure his words sound really sexy, and judging by the groan and shiver his partner makes, he succeeded.

“Give me the lube and a condom.”

Dean complies and gets those things from the drawers, handing them to Cas. The actor puts on the condom and spreads the lube on his hands and on his cock before he starts to finger Dean, who lets out a pleased moan the moment he feels Cas’ finger inside him.

Cas opens him up slowly, not touching his prostate at first, even if Dean fucks into his fingers, wanting to feel that wonderful burn, but Cas moves them away and smirks while Dean groans frustrated. When Dean has four fingers in, that’s when Cas stops his teasing and touches that wonderful spot that has Dean moaning Cas’ name really loud.

A few more scissoring and Castiel pulls his fingers away, cleaning his hand on the sheets before he settles onto Dean, who gets his legs around Cas’ waist and pulls him down, until their chests are pressed together and he kisses Cas fervently.

Cas starts to push into Dean and both of them gasp and moan. Dean loves how full he feels with Cas inside him. He closes his eyes and bites his lower lip, enjoying the feeling of Cas getting deeper inside him. He waits a little until he is fully settled in Dean before he starts to fuck him, that’s when both of them start to moan really loud.

Cas’ thrusts are really good and quite fast, but not as fast as the previous times they had sex. It is quite tender, but it still feels really good. His cock touches that sweet spot over and over again, making Dean squirm under him and clench really tight around him that Cas trembles above him. It is so intense and Dean wants more.

The room is filled with their sounds they are making and with the soft sounds the mattress makes with every thrust of Cas. Dean rocks his hips, changing his angle a little to drive the two of them crazy. He feels how Cas’ body trembles again and he smirks against his neck before he kisses it.

Dean gets his hands on Cas’ ass, squeezing it, earning him a lascivious moan from Cas and a hard thrust that leaves Dean arching his back and lifting his hips. Cas’ cock hits that spot again and Dean grinds into him, speeding up his movements.

The speed of Cas’ thrusts increases too, making everything maddening, pushing the two of them over the edge. It is too much and it is so fucking awesome. Dean kisses him, both of them moaning and he places his hands on Cas’ sides, feelings his wonderful body.

Dean opens his eyes and looks at Cas. He looks stunningly gorgeous with his eyes closed and his mouth parted, moaning Dean’s name over and over again, almost matching the rhythm of their thrusts. There’s a moment when he opens his eyes and their eyes meet. Dean places his hands on Cas’ face, cupping it, bringing their faces together, almost breathing each other’s air, feeling their moans even closer. He doesn’t want this to end; he doesn’t want this to stop.

His orgasm hits him and Dean closes his eyes and presses his head on the pillow. Cas keeps fucking him, burying his face in the crook of his neck. A couple of thrusts and he is coming too. His hips keep rocking while he comes, but once his release is done, he collapses onto Dean, as if every single bone of his body just turned into jelly.

Dean feels how Cas’ pant caresses his skin and how his body moves with every breath he takes. Dean is still in the afterglow, still feeling how stars are crashing behind his eyeballs, but he manages to hold Cas and he caresses his hair and his back. He wishes he could stop time and stay like this.

Cas starts to kiss his neck, sweetly, almost lazily. He pulls out from Dean, who wants to grunt, but before he can do it, Cas is cupping his face and kissing his mouth tenderly, making Dean smile.

“Are you staying tonight?” Dean asks, caressing Cas’ cheekbones, looking into his eyes like he always does, wanting to drown in them.

“Yes, I am. And I don’t have to wake up as early as I did today,” Castiel answers, nuzzling Dean’s jaw.

He moves away, taking off the condom and tossing it away after knotting it. Dean seizes the moment and grabs some wipes to clean the mess he left on both of them. Cas hums pleased as Dean cleans him. When they are cleaned, Dean presses his chest on Cas’ side and rests his chin on his shoulder while he places his hand on Cas’ chest. Cas immediately holds him and runs his fingers through Dean’s hair, tenderly.

There are words that Dean wants to say, but they never make it out. What’s the point? He wasn’t supposed to develop feelings for Cas. Damn feelings; they always screw up things.

“Are you okay, Dean?” Cas asks suddenly, looking at him with concern.

“Yeah, why?” It is a lie, but Dean hopes Cas can’t tell it is it.

“You seem unusually quiet.”

Dean smirks. He is good at pretending, and he is going to do such thing. “It’s that I’m still recovering for the awesome fuck.”

Castiel rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Assbutt.”

“C’mon, Cas, you love it when I praise your fucking skills.” He lifts his head to look at Cas’ face properly. He is pleased to see that Cas is really blushed. “You’re so cute when I embarrass you.”

Castiel grimaces funnily and Dean kisses him. “You are terrible, Dean Winchester, fucking terrible.”

Dean laughs, because hearing Cas swear is something really rare and he barely gets to hear him. “Look at you, swearing and all. Who are you and what have you done with Castiel Novak?”

Castiel sighs and rolls his eyes. “Like I said, you are terrible.”

Dean places his hand on Cas’ cheek, cupping his face and tilting it until their eyes meet. “But deep down, you like me.”

“Yes, I do.” He kisses Dean before any more words are said, leaving Dean with a heartwarming feeling spreading in his chest.

After a few more kisses, they keep cuddling and don’t say anything else. Dean doesn’t want to think about Cas leaving or anything having to do with it. Right now, all he wants is to cuddle with him. It’s all he needs right now.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)
> 
>  **IMPORTANT:** There's going to be a hiatus because my finals are approaching and I need to study, so next chapter won't be posted until **June the 14th**. Sorry for that.

_April the 26th, 2015_

 

It doesn’t matter if waking up next to Cas, showering with him and having a quick breakfast together is something that Dean adores. There’s some darkness in his chest that it is hurting him and consuming him, and he knows why that terrible feeling is hidden under his ribs.

Today is that last day he and Cas will see each other and be together. It has finally come. And he doesn’t only hate the fact that he and Cas will never see each other again, he also hates the feelings he has developed for that beautiful and awesome man.

Dean has never liked farewells, even if he knows a farewell is temporary, that he will see that person any other day, but this farewell with Cas it isn’t a ‘see you’ it is a ‘goodbye’ with capital letters. They won’t run into each other again, their paths won’t meet again and they won’t see each other again. Dean could try giving his phone to Cas again, but Cas doesn’t want it, and besides, it would imply that Dean wants something more while Cas doesn’t. This is already being too hard; Dean doesn’t need to add more pain to it.

He looks through the window, contemplating the city of Vancouver, appreciating the pretty color of the sky. He spends a lot of time looking at the city, drowning in his thoughts, in the melancholy of his heart, all caused by Castiel. The worst of all is that Dean is the one to be blamed for letting himself have feelings for Cas. He knew that he couldn’t involve feelings in this thing they had, but Dean was weak and stupid.

This isn’t love, it is far from it, but there’s something and Dean hates himself so much for letting it happen. Maybe it is best if he and Cas never see each other. Dean is terrible with relationships that involve feelings. Cas is great while Dean is a big piece of shit. He knows Cas deserves better and that if they ever ended up being something more serious, Dean would screw it up. He always does.

Thinking about ‘what ifs’ isn’t helping him. Cas is leaving and Dean knew it since the first day. He is wasting his time with all this overthinking and pining. He and Cas are just a thing that doesn’t last. Dean should stop feeling like this and move on. They enjoyed the ride and that’s great. Why doesn’t the dark feeling in his chest disappear? It happened and both of them had fun and enjoyed it, what’s wrong about it?

Maybe the sadness in his heart doesn’t fade away because he and Cas have built something strong and they have bonded in a way neither of them did before with anyone else. But that’s all, right? He is sad because they are never going to see each other again and because Dean is going to miss him. It doesn’t have to do anything with feelings and that crap. It’s only the nostalgia he is going to feel.

There’s a voice in the back of his head that tells him that it isn’t only nostalgia, but Dean chooses to ignore it. He doesn’t want to feel like shit or give this thing with Cas more importance. Cas is leaving and Dean has to accept it. He is going to miss him, of course he is going to, but only because Cas is great and their time together was great. Nothing else. He has to believe that.

Cas said he wouldn’t come until almost supper time and Dean doesn’t want to seem sad. This is their last night together and Dean wants it to be a great night, which means he isn’t going to let that sucky mood screw it up. He and Cas are going to have an awesome farewell night without any sad feelings.

Dean does what he usually does on Sunday; he reads, he watches some Netflix and tries to relax on his free day. His mind stays quiet during the whole time, something he is thankful for; Dean Winchester is good at ignoring feelings, he has always been, but it seems that with Cas, it has been harder, but he isn’t going to even think about why. He better not get into that territory.

Sunday goes on and the moment Dean is in the kitchen, getting everything ready for cooking, somebody knocks on the door. Dean immediately goes to open it, ignoring the clench his heart makes at the thought of this being the last time Cas will knock at his door.

As always, Cas looks beautiful, making Dean grin. Cas blushes, lovely, and returns him a smile before he cups Dean’s face and kisses him sweetly, making Dean hum pleased at it. When Cas pulls away, his hands linger on Dean’s face for a little longer than usually and he looks at Dean’s green eyes with something Dean can’t put a name on, but there’s something different in them.

Castiel kisses him again, this time briefly, just a soft press of their lips and he smiles. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says, smiling too. “Ready to help me with supper?”

Castiel chuckles. “You have too much faith in my cooking skills, Dean.” He makes his way into Dean’s apartment, taking off his trench coat while Dean closes the door. “I don’t understand why you keep asking for my help when it comes to cooking.”

Dean looks at Cas’ trench coat, resting on the rack, next to his leather coat. He isn’t going to think about the small details; he needs to focus on having a great night with Cas. “Let’s say that I just want you to get better at cooking.”

“I’m afraid you would need years for that.”

“Yeah, maybe, but there’s always gotta be a start, right?”

Castiel smiles and kisses Dean before they start walking towards the kitchen. “What delicious thing are you going to cook, chef Winchester?”

“Shut it out, Cas.” It makes Castiel laugh and he kisses the corner of his mouth. “And it is what we are gonna cook.” He looks at Cas with both of his eyebrows raised and Castiel rolls his eyes, but he makes a tiny smile. “Some wraps with vegetables and chicken.”

“Sounds delicious.”

Before they get down to business, they share a kiss. Castiel slices the vegetables while Dean slices the chicken. Wraps aren’t too hard to cook and they are fun to make. Still, Dean is the one in charge with cooking the mix of vegetables and chicken in a pan. Cas watches him and Dean gives him a few notes. When it is cooked, Dean puts the mix in a bowl and grabs some tortillas to put said mix in it.

He shows Cas how to wrap it. He does it slowly, teaching it to Cas, showing him the way to do it in order to not let any of the filling out. Cas is a really fast learner and he makes it perfectly on his first try.

Once the wraps are ready, they sit together to have dinner, talking about their day and some random things. There’s some wonderful laughter coming from the two of them and Dean gets the occasion to memorize how truly beautiful Cas looks when he laughs. Happiness is a beautiful look on him. He is going to save that picture in his memory.

They wash the dishes after dessert. Cas washes and Dean dries. Like always. And like always, the task is soon done and Cas presses Dean against the counter and they start kissing passionately.

Dean removes from his mind every thought of this being the last time he is going to do all of this with Cas, and he focuses on kissing him back and touching him. It isn’t hard to shut up his thoughts; Cas is an incredible and awesome distraction.

They make it to the bedroom, starting to take off their clothes once they reach said room. Their hands are restless on each other, almost ripping off every piece of cloth, desperate to feel their skins. By the time Dean drops Cas onto the mattress, they are only wearing their underwear.

Dean places onto Cas, kissing his stubble, reaching his neck, taking his time licking and kissing it, adoring Cas’ little moans and the way he tilts his head to the opposite side, giving more room for Dean’s mouth. Dean keeps his trail of kisses, arriving to Cas’ perfect chest, paying special attention to Cas’ nipples, using his tongue and teeth to harden them. His cock twitches whenever Cas moans and groans with every nibble he does.

Cas’ hands get on his ass, sneaking under the boxers. He squeezes his ass and Dean moans around Cas’ belly. His partner’s hands move and his fingers brush Dean’s hard cock before he pulls down his underwear, Dean being the one who completely takes them off.

Cas still has his underwear on and Dean mouths the line of his hard dick, teasing Cas, who groans, desperate to feel more of Dean’s mouth. Cas groans and tightens his grip on Dean’s hair, which makes Dean smirk and he frees Cas from his boxers, earning him a pleased gasp that turns into a loud moan when Dean gets his mouth around his cock.

He sucks him a couple of times, not swallowing him completely, but giving his partner enough pleasure to have his breathing already ragged. When Dean pulls his mouth, Cas grunts, but his grunt is soon replaced by another moan when Dean places his mouth on his balls.

Again, Dean doesn’t take too long on them; there’s something he is been willing to do for a while and he wants to do it tonight. He places his hands on the inner of Cas’ thighs, pressing a few kisses on them before he spreads them a little bit more. Cas looks at him with anticipation; he must know what Dean is up to and he looks pleased by the thought. Dean smirks and he licks Cas’ rim, earning him one of the filthiest and most awesome moans from Cas.

Dean has never done this, but he has seen some porn and he has learnt how to do it from the time Cas did it to him. Dean finds it quite pleasing, licking Cas’ rim effusively and by the sounds Cas is making and how his hands are tightened on his head, he is finding it really pleasing.

Dean keeps eating Cas out, and when he gets his tongue in his hole, Cas’ hips lift from the mattress as a really loud moan lets out his lips. Dean places his hands on Cas’ hipbones, trying to keep him in place before he gets his tongue in his hole again, earning him the same reaction, making his cock leak a little.

“Oh— fuck, Dean—” Castiel moans, almost wrecked.

It makes Dean smirk; Cas reduced to profanity is really hot.

He keeps eating Cas out, flicking his tongue in and out. Cas rocks his hips, fucking into his tongue. There’s a moment when Dean adds a finger and Cas’ breath hitches. When Dean looks at him, his cock twitches again. Cas looks awesome right now; his lips are parted, his face and chest are flushed and his eyes are closed. He looks so wrecked and it is all because of Dean.

Dean keeps stretching Cas with his fingers and his tongue. When he feels he is ready to take him, Dean pulls away and leans onto Cas, kissing him. Cas kisses him eagerly, running his hands through his hair and along his back. As they kiss, Dean gets a condom and the lube, not wanting to break the awesome kiss they are sharing. He even puts on the condom and spreads the lube on his dick while they kiss. It isn’t a hard task; he has done it too many times that he can do it with his eyes closed.

The kiss gets deeper and more arousing that they only stop it because their lungs are craving for air. Cas seizes the moment and gets his legs around Dean’s waist, moaning when he feels how the head of Dean’s cock teases his hole. Dean barely wastes his time and he gets inside Cas, closing his eyes and biting his lower lip at the wonderful tightness and warmth of Cas.

As Cas adjusts around him, he pushes Dean down to meet him in a passionate, sweet kiss. Dean starts to move and both of them gasp and pull away from the kiss, locking their eyes together as Dean fucks Cas.

His thrusts aren’t as hard as usually. Dean wants to take his sweet time and he wants this to last and make it really good for the two of them. Cas doesn’t complain about it, in fact he is moaning over and over again Dean’s name.

Dean changes the angle a little, but he keeps the same speed. Cas closes his eyes and moans really loud, digging his nails on Dean’s back and clenching around him really tight that Dean loses his rhythm for a moment. Cas buries his face in the crook of his neck and Dean feels how he is smirking before he feels his partner kissing his neck.

There’s a moment when Cas cups Dean’s face and presses their foreheads together. They can see their reflection in each other’s eyes. They can feel each other’s moans in their bodies too. It is too much; Cas is looking at Dean as if he was something precious, something important, but Dean knows he isn’t any of that, but Cas is looking at him with such devotion that it is too much. Dean closes his eyes and kisses him, trying to forget about it and focusing in their connected bodies.

When Dean hits that wonderful spot, Cas’ hips lift from the bed and he lets out a moan that resonates in his whole body. Dean hits that spot again and Cas’ moans get louder and he clenches really tight around him that Dean can feel how quick his orgasm is building.

He knows it is going to take him a few thrusts to come, so he starts to move his hand towards Cas’ cock, but before he can reach it, Cas grabs his wrist and pulls it away. Cas opens his eyes and looks at Dean, who is frowning.

“Dean I— oh, fuck—” Castiel closes his eyes and makes another delicious moan. “I want to come untouched.”

His voice is so sexy and rough that makes crazy things to Dean. “I’m really close, Cas. I’m— Holy fuck! Fuck— Cas!” Cas keeps clenching around him and it is so maddening that Dean increases his speed.

“Dean— Dean— Dean— I’m close too, I’m— oh, Dean— fuck—”

A few more maddening thrusts that hit on that sweet spot and makes Cas clench around Dean and both of them are coming at the same time. Dean keeps thrusting in and out of Cas through both of their orgasms, feeling blissed and seeing white, collapsing onto Cas when his body seems to turn into jelly.

He buries his face where Cas’ neck meets the shoulder, breathing hard onto his skin. He feels Cas breathing as fast and raggedy as he is, knowing that he is in the same condition. When he takes a quick look from his partner, Dean finds that Cas is smiling, sweating and blushed. He wouldn’t mind seeing that picture every day.

Dean pulls away from Cas reluctantly, already missing Cas’ heat around him. He knots the condom and throws it to the bin before he lies onto Cas again, who wraps his arms around him and starts caressing his back slowly, almost lazily, but with that tenderness that it is so Cas.

Dean could say so many things right now, but he doesn’t. He isn’t famous for keeping his mouth shut, in fact he is famous for the opposite, but when it comes to relationships, words get stuck in his throat and his tongue feels useless. He could say so many things right now, but it wouldn’t change anything; in any case, it would probably make things awkward.

He kisses Cas’ collarbone and holds Cas, whose grip gets a little bit tighter. Maybe Cas wants to say something but like Dean, he doesn’t want to or he can’t. Or maybe he just wants to enjoy this moment in silence and focus on the two of them cuddling. Words seem inadequate right now.

There’s a moment when Cas cups Dean’s face and pulls him into a soft kiss. Those lips are fucking awesome and Dean is going to miss them. He is going to miss so many things about Cas. And— No, he shouldn’t think about it. He said he wasn’t going to think about it because he didn’t want to ruin the night. But it is so hard to know that this is already their farewell.

When they pull away, Cas looks at him, as if he was trying to memorize every detail of Dean’s face before he looks at his eyes. Dean hopes he is able to hide all those things wandering through his mind. Cas has been able to see him better than most of the people that knows him; he wouldn’t be surprised if Cas could see in his eyes everything that’s going on in his mind.

“You know,” Castiel starts to say as his fingers brush Dean’s cheeks. “I wish I could have gotten the chance to count all your freckles.”

Dean chuckles. “That would’ve taken you several nights.”

Castiel grins. “I imagine, but I wouldn’t have minded.” His fingers caress Dean’s face, following the wild patterns of Dean’s freckles. “Your freckles are like all the stars in the universe.”

He blushes, of course that he blushes. Nobody has praised his freckles. They have always been too childish or even too feminine in his father’s opinion. “You’re so damn cheesy, Cas.”

Castiel presses a few sweet kisses on his lips. “I’m just telling the truth.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

The blue eyed man smiles and gives him a passionate kiss that leaves the two of them panting and smiling. But Cas’ smile is soon gone when he looks at the clock. “It’s late,” Castiel murmurs. Dean looks at the clock too. It isn’t eleven p.m. already. “I should leave.”

Panic spreads in his chest. “Aren’t you gonna stay ‘til morning?” He hates how sad his voice comes out. He was expecting Cas to stay with him a little longer. He doesn’t want Cas to leave already. Actually he doesn’t want Cas to leave at all, but that’s impossible.

Castiel is already getting up and looking for his clothes. “I can’t, Dean. I still have to prepare things for the journey and pack all my stuff.” He gives Dean a guilty look and Dean sighs, trying to hold his devastation and disappointment. “My flight is quite early, so I better get everything ready before I go to sleep.”

“Yeah,” he simply says, looking at the ceiling. He looks back at Cas, who is getting dressed and he feels extremely sad. “Let me get dressed and walk you to the door.”

“I know where the door is, Dean,” Castiel teases and Dean shows him his middle finger. “Assbutt.” 

They keep getting dressed in silence, Dean trying to silence the pain in his heart. He shouldn’t feel this way, not over something that he knew it was going to be temporary. Farewells have never been easy for him. He will never get used to them.

They walk towards the door and Castiel grabs his trench coat to put it on. Dean looks at the emptiness left by that piece of cloth next to his leather coat. How is that something as simple as a trench coat can represent so much?

“Well,” Dean says once Cas has put on his trench coat. He forces his voice to come out as normal as usually; he doesn’t want any devastation to slip in it. “I guess this is a goodbye.”

“Yes, I guess so,” Castiel says. He sounds a little hurt, but Dean isn’t sure if he is imaging it or if Cas is feeling the way Dean is feeling. “Dean,” he begins to say, this time he sounds more like he usually does. “I want you to know that this month has been wonderful, and all because of you.”

Dean chuckles and blushes; Cas has always been able to say that kind of things without any difficulty at all, as if they were something casual you could say without any effort. “You wanna see me blushing one last time before you leave or what?”

Castiel smiles. “I might.” Both of them chuckle. “But I truly mean it, Dean. This month has been great.”

“I can tell you the same.” They look at each other in silence. It seems as if nobody of them wants the time to go on. “Is there— is there any chance that you may come back to Vancouver?” His question comes shy, but it is better that it comes that way than hopeful or hurt.

Castiel sighs. “I don’t know.” He makes a pause and Dean feels how his heart starts hurting again. “I may or may not.” Castiel smiles mysteriously but shyly and Dean frowns, confused. “After all, Vancouver is a cheap place for filming.”

Dean nods and chuckles, bitterly. “Well, if you ever come back here, you know where to find me.” He is almost saying that he will wait for him, how is he that pathetic? He was supposed to hold it up and keep himself together.

Luckily, Cas doesn’t seem to read in between lines and he is smiling. “Yes, I know.” He moves towards the door and opens it. This is where their paths split and Dean still isn’t ready for it. “Thank you for everything, Dean.”

Dean nods. He feels his eyes getting a little bit glassy. He isn’t going to cry. No way. He isn’t going to do such thing. He has to keep it up together. Why is this hurting him so much?

Castiel presses a lingering kiss on Dean’s cheek and Dean gasps silently, hoping that Castiel didn’t feel it. When he pulls away, they look at each other. Cas seems sad too, but not as much as Dean.

“Take care, okay?” Dean says, making a smile that he has to force a little.

Castiel smiles, shyly. “You too, Dean.”

Cas is already in the hall while Dean is still in his apartment, just right under the door frame. It is hard to let each other go. This month has been something awesome for Dean, a month that he won’t forget. Cas has become someone very important to him and he is now about to leave Dean’s life all of sudden. It is an impact that Dean thought he could bear but he is finding that he can’t.

“Goodbye, Dean,” Castiel says, finally.

“Goodbye, Cas,” Dean says, hating the taste those words leave in his mouth.

Cas walks towards the lift and Dean closes the door. He presses his forehead against it and lets some tears fall from his sore eyes. He is being stupid. He shouldn’t be crying for this. But this is what he deserves for developing feelings for Cas.

He closes his eyes and sobs, hating himself and hating the fact that he is crying. This isn’t going to change anything, but he hopes that it will ease the pain. Dean has to carry on, he has always carried on during his hard life and he has always made it. This is another time in his life when he has fallen and he has to stand up.

But the main problem and difference this time is that, for the first time, Dean feels that his heart has been broken.

No, it isn’t broken, just damaged. He can go through this. It is stupid to cry over a man he won’t ever see again. He is only affected about Cas’ departure; that’s all. There’s nothing else.

Dean takes a deep breath and wipes the trails of his tears before he goes back to his bed. All he needs is to sleep. And if he already misses Cas being in bed with him, it’s just because he doesn’t deal too well with farewells; that’s all. And if he cries for a little bit more, it’s because of the same reason.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience and I'm sorry for the long hiatus.
> 
> Thanks for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :')

_May the 12th, 2015_

 

Dean feels better, but not completely better. He misses Cas a lot. He thought it was going to be easier, but it isn’t. He knows he is dealing with it quite well, but he could be dealing it better. Even his friends and family know that he is still affected by Cas’ departure. Dean acts as if he is fine, but he knows that they know he isn’t.

Whenever the door in the bookstore opens and the bell rings, part of Dean hopes it is Cas, even if he knows he is being stupid. Cas isn’t going to come back; he should stop hoping for it. It isn’t doing him any good.

He guesses that he needs a little bit more time and get used to this. But it’s been more than two weeks; he should have gotten used to Cas’ absence already. Maybe his expectative are wrong. Time heals everything, so Dean only needs more time.

Charlie approaches the desk and starts putting some bookmarks they ordered on a small stand. Those bookmarks consist on pictures or drawings of writers and there are some of their most famous quotes. Naturally, Dean got himself the one that has Vonnegut in it.

As Charlie puts said bookmarks, the bell rings and Dean immediately looks at the door. He smiles and greets the customer, hating the stupid hope he gets. Hoping is only making things more painful. The worst of all is that Dean wasn’t supposed to develop feelings about that thing he and Cas had, but Dean’s heart has always liked to do whatever the fuck it wanted.

That thing he and Cas had was something awesome that wasn’t going to last, that it only consisted on the two of them having fun together, and yet, his heart decided to ignore his brain and decided to start feeling something when it shouldn’t. Thankfully it didn’t go worse, but it could have and it feels like it.

“You still hope that Cas might walk through that door, don’t you?” Charlie asks, almost whispering. Dean looks at her with incredulous eyes, not knowing what to say, what lie he can tell. Charlie sighs. “I see it in your eyes, Dean. Whenever that bell rings, your face lights up in expectation. But once you see it isn’t Cas, your eyes are suddenly filled with sadness.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “I miss him. I—” he sighs and bites his lower lip, struggling with words. “I don’t know why I miss him so much.” He knows why, but he doesn’t want to let it out or even think about it. It would make things real and it would only cause him more pain.

Charlie makes a sympathetic smile and caresses his back, soothingly. Dean suspects that she might know that he is partially lying, but she doesn’t push further. “Don’t worry,” she murmurs. “Things would get better eventually. You’ll still miss him, but you won’t feel like this.”

He nods. He wants to believe in those words. “I hope so.”

“And if you need anything, just tell me, okay? You know we all would do anything for you.”

Dean smiles. “C’mere.” He opens his arms and Charlie goes to hug him. Despite of being thinner and smaller than him, she is always able of giving really tight hugs. “Thanks, Charlie.”

“You’re welcome.” She cups his face, having to stand on the tip of her toes to do such thing. She squeezes Dean’s cheeks, grinning widely as Dean glares her, but he knows she is doing it just to mess up with him, hoping it will bring a smile to Dean. “How about I bring you a pie tomorrow?”

“Awesome,” Dean mumbles, managing a smile.

Charlie smiles and pulls away, nodding, before she goes back to put the remaining bookmarks in that stand. Dean sighs, happily. He still misses Cas and like Charlie said, he will miss him, but at least he has a loving family and loving friends that will try their best to make him feel better.

He feels guilty for making his friends put up with some of his crap; they don’t deserve it, but he is glad to know that no matter what, he has people that care about him. Still, Dean is going to try to be less melancholic, not only for himself, but also for his friends. He doesn’t want them to worry about him, so he has to get better, or at least pretend that he is it.

But the main problem is that since Cas left, Dean has felt an emptiness that he shouldn’t be supposed to feel. Things got more complicated in the end for Dean. How did these things happen to him? Cas isn’t going to come back and Dean still has that stupid hope that he will return. Why would Cas come back? There’s nothing here for him. Dean is just being stupid.

Time heals; it always does. Dean only needs time. The worst thing about this situation is that Dean has never felt this way about someone before. He has dated a few people in his life and when things ended up, Dean didn’t end up this devastated and it didn’t take him weeks to recover, why is this time different?

Those blue eyes are responsible of it. Those too blue eyes that got Dean and he let himself be drowned in them.

 

_May the 23rd, 2015_

 

Dean plays with the bottle of beer in his hands. Benny’s bar is really crowded, it always is it on Saturdays, but it is more crowded than usually. Despite of the amount of people in the bar, the music can be heard. _Locomotive Breath_ by Jethro Tull plays and Dean drums his fingers on the bottle, following the beat of the song.

When he looks at the door, he spots Sam getting into the bar, making his way towards Dean, who smirks when he sees his brother. It takes the younger Winchester a while to finally get next to Dean. Sam is too tall and wide and he needs a little bit more of space than any other person. He always has some difficulty when he has to walk amongst a lot of people.

Sam sits down on the stool next to Dean and sighs. “This is really crowded today,” Sam says taking a look around. “Couldn’t get a table?”

“No. Be thankful that I got us some stools on the bar,” Dean says. He looks for Benny, who catches his eyes and Dean indicates him to bring two beers; one for him and another for his brother.

“How are you?” Sam suddenly asks, looking at his brother with worried eyes.

“I’m fine.” He sounds casual. He knows that the question involves more than its usual meaning; he knows that Sam is not only referring to his life, but also to Cas. Dean is trying to let that topic go, but Sam and all his friends are still worried about it. It doesn’t help him to let things go.

Sam arches his eyebrows and gives him his smartass, bitch face, which makes Dean roll his eyes.

“I’m fine, seriously,” Dean says.

“No, you aren’t,” Benny says, coming out of nowhere, bringing them the two beers that Dean ordered. “You still got that look.”

“What look?” he asks annoyed, grabbing the beer to take a sip.

Sam is the one who answers, “The heart broken look.”

Benny hums in affirmation and Dean rolls his eyes again. “Seriously, I’m fine, stop trying to make it look as I’m not.” He glares the two of them, hoping that his warning glare will tell them that he doesn’t want to talk about it and that he is fine.

“Sometimes I forget what a fucking stubborn son of a bitch you are,” Benny says sighing. Dean’s deadly glare intensifies and Sam chuckles under his breath. “I guess you want that huge combo mix, huh?”

“Yes, Benny, thank you,” Sam says. Benny nods and walks away. Dean doesn’t say a word and takes another sip of his beer, thanking the taste and the coldness of it. “You know,” Sam begins to say, voice calm. “You can lie to yourself and to us all you want to, but I can tell that you aren’t as fine as you think you are, and I’m worried, Dean.”

Dean grunts. “Sam—”

“Dean,” he mutters sharply, taking Dean by surprise. He looks at his brother with an arched brow. Sam looks quite pissed off, but worried too. His little brother sighs and runs a hand through his hair, barely tousling it. “Stop with that façade, would you? I’ve known you for all my life and I know when something it’s not okay with you, and this is one of those times.”

Dean takes a deep, annoying breath, rubbing his eyes tiredly. This conversation is going to happen and his brother isn’t going to let it go. Dean needs to put to an end to all of this, and he is afraid that the only way to do it, it’s to have this conversation.

He looks at Sam, trying not to look affected at all. “What do you want me to say? That I miss Cas? Yeah, of course I miss him.” Dean shrugs and pouts, casually. He sees how Sam is trying not to glare him, but he knows his brother too well. “I had an awesome time with him and I wouldn’t have bothered if I got the chance to spend more time with him. But there’s nothing about a broken heart or any shit like that. I just miss him, okay? So stop trying to give it some deep meaning or whatever shit else you’ve got. It doesn’t help that you’re most of the time bringing him in any conversation, so stop it, okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam says, not too pleased. He takes a long sip of his beer and he looks away from his brother.

Dean sighs. He hates it when he and Sam get angry at each other for stupid things. “Look, Sam,” he begins to say. Sam still doesn’t look at him, but Dean knows he is paying attention to him. “He’s not gonna come back, okay? I don’t wanna think about any deep stuff about him.” He looks down at his hands, resting on the bar, struggling with the words he is going to say next. He takes a deep breath and drops the volume of his voice. “It’s gonna make things harder.”

That seems to catch Sam’s attention, because he is turning to look at Dean. “What do you mean?”

Dean licks his lips, which are suddenly dry. It takes him a big effort to look at his brother but he manages to do it. “I miss him a lot, Sam, and trying to— trying to overthink and analyze whatever me and Cas had, it’s just gonna—” He sighs again and runs his hand through his hair. “It’s not gonna do me any good. I just gotta let this go, and I’m on it, but talking about Cas— it’s not helping.”

Sam looks down, almost ashamed. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Don’t worry,” he says, casually, then he smiles, weakly. “You’ve always been a pain in the ass.”

His little brother rolls his eyes and kicks him. “Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Both of them chuckle. There’s a tiny silence in between them before Sam speaks up again, “I’m still worried about you, y’know?” He has that worried look, almost teary. Dean rolls his eyes and chuckles bitterly. “I’ve never seen you this affected about someone before. Someone who isn’t mom or—”

“I know what you mean, Sammy.” He makes a tiny smile. “I’m as surprised as you, really. I dunno, there was something about Cas that just— I don’t know. Something.” He remembers those eyes, his voice, his smile, the sound of his laughter, the feeling of his lips against his, the warmth and feeling of their bodies pressed together, his trench coat, the way he looked at Dean, the crinkles around his eyes whenever he laughs… “I guess I just need more time.”

“Do you truly think that?” Sam asks, looking at him with a sympathetic face.

Dean shrugs and makes an easy smile. He wants to believe that it will, but he isn’t sure anymore.

Benny comes with the combo and Dean’s mouth starts to water as the wonderful smell of food gets into his nose. Before the plate is on the bar, Dean is grabbing two mozzarella sticks and putting them into his mouth, earning him a sassy look from his friend and a chuckle from his brother.

“I’m hungry,” Dean mumbles, talking with his mouth full. “And this is delicious.” He loves the feeling of the mozzarella melting on his tongue.

“Want us to leave you alone with the food?” Sam asks, sassily.

Dean smirks. “Yeah, that way I can eat the whole thing by myself.” He moves the dish, moving it away from Sam’s reach.

“No fucking way!” Sam grabs the dish and approaches it to him, but Dean manages to grab the other part of the dish and move it closer to him again.

“I can’t believe you two are grown up adults,” Benny says.

“Shut up, Benny,” Sam and Dean say at the same time.

Benny laughs and moves the dish to himself, earning him two confused looks from the Winchester brothers. “Break the dish and I’ll make you two go through the same thing when you lost the spicy burrito bet again.”

“Fine,” Dean says, grabbing the dish and putting it in the middle. “Shouldn’t you be working instead of chattering? You’re being terrible to your customers. ”

“Bite me, Dean.”

“Sorry, but you’re not my type.” He winks him and makes a mischievous smile.

Benny rolls his eyes. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

“Try having him as your brother,” Sam says.

“I’m a joy to be around,” Dean says, grinning widely. “You two are the pain in the ass.”

The three of them chuckle. Suddenly, Benny whistles to catch Dean’s attention and he points at a pretty, blonde woman who smiles charmingly at Dean. “She’s been checking you out for a while,” Benny murmurs.

“Yeah, but I’m not— I’m not really in the mood for sex.” He knows it would do him some good to have some sex with a stranger, to let out some things with sex, but he doesn’t want to. He really doesn’t want to sleep with some stranger.

Benny’s surprised stare doesn’t go unnoticed by Dean. He knows that his friend wants to say something about it, but Dean can see Sam is making a long stare, and he is sure that his brother is telling Benny with that stare not to ask Dean about it, which Dean appreciates a lot.

“I never thought I’d live long enough to hear you saying that,” Sam says with a mischievous smirk, making Benny chuckle.

Dean chuckles. “Dick.” He takes another sip as he smiles. It would be easy to just let himself fall in the comfort of sex, but he knows that sex won’t feel good or right. It won’t feel the way it felt with Cas. At least not for now.

Benny excuses himself to keep attending the other customers and Dean and Sam fall into conversation easily. There’s no topic about Cas and it makes Dean very happy. He needs things to be the way they used to be before. And being at Benny’s bar with his brother talking about everything and nothing at all, it’s something awesome that helps him a lot.

He and Sam have a great time together that time seems to fly. When they realize about the time, they see that it is almost eleven P.M., which means it is time to leave. Jess must be waiting for Sam. She knows that her husband is with Dean and she doesn’t have anything to worry about, but she always waits for Sam to come home and Sam feels bad to have her waiting.

They say goodbye and part to their homes. Dean walks back home, feeling the soft chill of the night. Spring is coming to an end and summer will start in less than a month. The days are warm, but the nights are still quite chill, but not as much as they were back in March.

Dean gets home and thanks the usual warmth of his apartment. He doesn’t switch on the lights and walks to his bedroom. He knows the path and the weak light that leaks from the street makes visible parts of his apartment, so he doesn’t step on anything.  
When he is in his bedroom, he switches on the lights and starts to take off his clothes, until he is only wearing his underwear and t-shirt. He grabs his pajamas pants and puts them on before he grabs his laptop and gets in bed. He doesn’t feel sleepy yet, so he is going to look at some news about his favorite TV shows.

Most of the shows he watches are about to air their season finale, if they haven’t done it already, and Dean likes reading summaries and speculations, although sometimes those things make him expect something great and then he is disappointed with the episode. Sometimes it’s the contrary. Still, Dean likes to read them anyway.

As he reads some news about _Game of Thrones_ , Dean sees an article about what new actors and actress could appear on its next season. They are just rumors, but there’s a big list with a lot of names. Also, next to their names there’s a link to their Twitter and or their Instagram. Dean reads said list, just a quick read, when suddenly, he spots a name that makes his heart skip a beat; Castiel Novak.

Dean blinks at the screen. Cas in _Game of Thrones_ would be awesome, but these are just rumors. Suddenly, he realizes that next to Cas’ name, there’s a link to his Twitter and his Instagram. Dean opens both things in different tabs. It seems that he barely uses his Twitter, given that there’s a period of almost two weeks in between each tweet. Dean smiles at his profile photo; it’s a selfie and he looks really serious, almost awkward, as if he didn’t know how he was supposed to pose. And the banner is a blue background with a doodled bee. What a dork. An adorable dork.

His Instagram account has the same profile photo as the one he has in Twitter, but it seems that he uses this social media more than the other. But there are barely photos of him. It seems that Cas likes to take photos of pastries, flowers, bees, parks and New York. There are a couple of photos of him, mostly in different parts of the world.

Dean notices there is one photo of his bookstore and Dean clicks on it. The photo extends and next to it, appears the following comment: _The best bookstore in Vancouver and my favorite one in the world #thingsImiss_

Dean smiles. Cas misses his bookstore. He wants to believe that he misses him too.

Dean spends his time looking at all the photos Cas has in his Instagram account. He laughs at some of them, adoring how cute and dorky Cas is. Each photo represents Cas’ personality. He would like it if Cas appeared in more photos, but Cas isn’t one of those guys who likes to take photos of himself; he likes to take photos of everything that surrounds him and he likes and finds beautiful.

When he has seen every single photo, he adds Cas’ Instagram page to his list of favorite websites. Whenever he misses Cas too much, he can look at those photos and feel better. It’s not the same as having him here, but it is something.

He switches off his laptop and the lights and lies on the bed, wanting to fall asleep, but his mind is still remembering all those photos he just saw. He knows that looking at all Cas’ photos isn’t the best way of letting things go, but Dean feels a little bit better than these previous days. He only hopes that finding out Cas’ Instagram account doesn’t end up with him being more melancholic.

 

***

 

_May the 24th, 2015_

 

It is raining in New York. It isn’t a surprise; there were gray clouds during the whole morning and it was just a matter of time before the rain decided to appear on the big city. Castiel looks how it rains through the window, hearing the soft sounds of the raindrops against the glass of the window. He loves rainy days. He loves being in his apartment, sitting in his comfortable armchair, having a latte while he stares at the rain. It brings him peace.

There isn’t any appointment for him today. Naomi has the day off, which means Castiel has the day off too and he doesn’t have to listen to her yelling. There’s no going to the set, no photo session, no interviews, no premieres, nothing of the stressful life of an actor. Tomorrow will be different; he will spend his morning and part of the afternoon talking about his last movie with all the journalists from every magazine and TV program that has some interest in the movie industry, which is really big. But for today, Castiel can take a rest from his job and relax.

He keeps looking at the rain, feeling a bit chilly. Today’s weather reminds him of Vancouver. He closes his eyes and sighs, green eyes and freckles coming to his mind immediately. He misses Dean so much.

Castiel takes a sip of his coffee. There’s some cream left on it, but it will be soon melt and join the dark liquid. Dean always liked the way he made coffee. He smiles at that thought. How he wishes Dean could be here or that he could be back there in Vancouver.

It’s going to be a month since he left Vancouver. He remembers crying when he got into the lift. He dried his tears, hoping that his sobs would stop. The last thing he needed was Naomi to notice he had been crying. He also remembers how it hurt to leave Dean behind. He knew that day was going to come, but he wasn’t ready for it. He suspects that Dean wasn’t it either.

But life keeps going on for the two of them. Castiel wishes their paths could meet again, but it is unlikely. And even if they run into each other, what would happen? It’s not like Dean isn’t going to keep on with his life, right? Castiel should do the same. The thing they had was just temporary; that’s all, there wasn’t something else. Dean and he were going to part in separate ways and they knew that fact since the very beginning.

But what Castiel didn’t know since the very beginning was how deep Dean would get under his skin. The moment he saw Dean for the first time, those beautiful green eyes captivated him, and the rest just happened. If their lives weren’t so different, there could have been something in between the two of them.

He misses Dean a lot. He misses his friendship, his smiles, his eyes, his freckles, his jokes, his voice, his cooking, his enthusiasm, his passion, his lips, his kisses, his touches, his body, his blushes, his charisma, his nerdiness… everything about Dean.

Castiel should stop thinking about Dean. His life doesn’t allow him to miss him or to go back to Vancouver and pay him a visit. He could visit him, but that might lead into something they can’t have. Not that he thinks Dean would be interested in such thing, but you never know. It wouldn’t be fair for any of them.

Besides, getting Dean into Castiel’s world would be a bad idea. There’s too much stress going on in Castiel’s life, too much time away, it would be terrible for the two of them and— why is he thinking about those things? Castiel grunts and rubs his eyes. He misses Dean a lot and his mind is trying to play tricks on him. This is stupid. Thinking about a relationship that has never been and will never be, it’s a complete waste of time.

He needs to forget about all of that. He isn’t going to forget Dean, of course he won’t. Dean is a wonderful person and a wonderful friend. Forgetting him would just be rude and an insult to him. But Castiel is going to forget about all those ideas and scenarios his mind is trying to give him. He and Dean parted away. Their story is done. They might run into each other someday, who knows, but it will be a different story.

Castiel takes the last sip of his coffee and leaves it on the coffee table. His eyes have never abandoned the window, but his attention wasn’t focused on it for a while. He brings his attention to New York and the rain falling on it. If he didn’t have things to do tomorrow, he would go out and walk under the rain without an umbrella, letting the rain wash his face and hair. But he can’t do it; he can’t take the risk of getting sick.

Instead, he stares at the rain. It still reminds him of Dean, but this time, his mind is only thinking about memories, not about scenarios that never happened or will never happen. He looks at the rain and asks himself if Dean might like the rain as much as he likes it.

If they ever meet again, he should ask him that.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :')

_June the 13th, 2015_

 

It is warm outside, almost hot. Summer is about to pay its visit to the city of Vancouver and Dean can feel it on his skin. Even the soft breeze that blows is whispering summer. He can now walk without his leather coat. It is strange to miss the weight of that coat on him, but he wears it for more than half a year that when he doesn’t have to wear it anymore, he misses the feeling of it.

Dean is making his way to Sam and Jess’ apartment. Tonight, the group of friends is going to meet and spend some time together. Dean has been looking forward to tonight. He wants to have a great time with his awesome family and his awesome friends. He always does it when he is with them.

When he arrives to the apartment, he is greeted with hugs, like always, and he goes directly to the kitchen to make his famous burgers. As he is seasoning the meat with spices, just a pinch, only to add it a little bit of flavor, but not too much, because he wants to keep the taste of the burger, Jess arrives to the kitchen.

“Need help with anything?” Jess asks, taking a look at what Dean’s doing.

“Nah, Jess, I’m good,” Dean answers, shooting her a charming smile.

Jess mirrors said smile. “I always feel bad for leaving you here all alone.”

“Didn’t know I was that important to you.” His words earn him a bitch face and a small punch on his arm that makes him laugh. “You almost hurt me.” He laughs, and this time, Jess rolls her eyes, trying to fight her grin, but she can’t.

“Dean, you’re terrible.”

“So I’ve heard.” He makes a sad smile, remembering those times Cas told him that he was terrible. He doesn’t have to look right at Jess to know that she is frowning. Dean sighs. “Jess, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Dean, what’s wrong?” Jess gets closer. Her eyes are filled with bewilderment and worry.

“How did you know that what you felt for Sam was—” He takes a deep breath, struggling with words. He will never be good at it. He looks down at the meat, feeling Jess’ attentive stare on him. “How did you know that he wasn’t just a crush?”

When he looks at Jess, she is still frowning, but recognition appears in her eyes, making her part her lips. Dean knows that she is clearly aware about why he is asking that question, but she doesn’t address it, instead, she sighs and makes a shy smile before she says, “It was a feeling that I’ve never experienced before. It was something that wanted me to be with him no matter what. And there was that tiny voice at the back of my head telling you that, deep in my heart, I knew it wasn’t going to be a thing of weeks, or months or a couple of years, that it was going to last for as long as possible. It was acknowledging that I could live without Sam, but I didn’t want to. And that I wanted his happiness above mine and that I would give anything to just make him happy.”

Dean can see in her eyes that she is moved. She is also smiling and blushing slightly. Dean is processing her words, locking them inside his mind to pay attention to each word later.

“I know, it’s really cheesy,” Jess says, chuckling shyly.

“Yeah, a little, but I won’t tell anyone,” Dean recognizes with a soft smile. “Thanks, Jess.”

Jess nods. She turns over, wanting to leave the kitchen, but before she does, she turns again, looking at Dean. “Do you feel anything about what I’ve described, Dean?”

“I don’t know.” He isn’t lying; he truly doesn’t know. “But even if I did, it’d be stupid, right? He’s not gonna come back.” He makes a bitter smile, hoping it looks less painful than it feels. But he knows he fails.

“We can never control what our heart wants to do, Dean.” She sighs and makes a sympathetic smile. There’s some sadness making its way into her eyes.

Dean wants to say something, but he doesn’t know what. Instead, he nods and Jess smiles at him, this time sweetly, and she leaves the kitchen, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts and with his cooking task. He should better focus on making dinner than think about his conversation with Jess.

Dean manages to not think about it and he makes dinner. When burgers are done and he comes to the living room to be with his friends, he forgets the topic and he has a lot of fun with his wonderful friends, making it really easy to forget about all that crap about his feelings. Nobody talks about Cas or asks Dean how he is doing, which it is great for Dean. He lets himself fall in the happiness and the warmth the people he adores gives him. He would give anything to feel like this more often.

Time flies, it always does when the six of them are together. They exchange their goodbyes and everyone goes back home, except Sam and Jess, naturally.

Dean walks back home. He can’t help remembering when he and Cas were coming back from Sam and Jess’ place and they found that guy that worked for Naomi and they started to run away from him. Cas kissed him that night. Dean closes his eyes for a few seconds and he remembers the feel of Cas kissing him. That night was so awesome. Everything about that night was fucking awesome.

He remembers Cas on his bed, so beautiful and naked. He remembers his kisses, his touches, his moans, how their bodies together felt, how much both of them wanted and needed it.

But that was a long ago. And Dean can’t live in his memories. Nobody can live in their memories.

The reason of why he asked Jess that thing, it’s because it’s been almost two months since Cas left and Dean isn’t feeling any better. He doesn’t think about him every single day, but he misses Cas so damn much. He knows that he isn’t pining as much as he did during the first month, but he should have gotten over it already. Things are getting better, but not as quick as it should be. He can’t get Cas out of his head and he wishes that Cas was still here with him.

Dean finds himself in his apartment. He hates it when he does this, when he walks like a zombie to some place, disconnecting from everything, lost in his thoughts, only to wake up and find out that he has arrived to his destination.

How could a thing of a month leave him like this? Too much, too soon. Too little, too late. It was a mix of all of that and he ended up with collateral damages. He couldn’t see it coming. He thought it would be one of those things you enjoy and then you forget about it. Why can’t he forget it? Why is Cas so different from any other person Dean has been with it?

The more he tries to forget and move on, the harder it gets. But he knows that he and Cas aren’t going to see each other again. Why can’t he forget it? Why can’t he move on? He is chasing a shadow of a thing that never was and will never be.

 

_July the 5th, 2015_

 

“You’re seriously inviting us?” Dean asks Kevin, looking at the menu of the restaurant again.

Kevin sighs. “Yes, Dean. But that doesn’t mean you can order the whole menu.”

“Technically,” Charlie begins to say. “He’s going to pay with the money you give him for working at the bookstore, so it’s your money.” She makes a mocking smile and Dean shows her his middle finger, making everyone laugh.

Kevin has been granted a scholarship to study a PhD and he is celebrating it with his friends, and for that, he is inviting them to lunch in an Italian restaurant. It is a bit fancy, but not the kind that makes Dean uncomfortable and forces him to wear a suit. He looks at the menu again, not making up his mind.

“Can’t make up your mind?” Benny asks Dean, making a playful smile.

“Everything sounds delicious,” Dean answers, still unsure about what to order. There’s too many choices and he is sure that he loves everything.

“Just order something you can’t cook at home but you’ve been willing to cook,” Sam suggests and Dean grins at that great idea.

Dean ends up ordering a _calzone_ , because he has tried to make them at home once but the result wasn’t quite good. And it didn’t look as good as the one he is about to eat. Dean is really good at cooking, but there are some things that he still has to learn and improve.

“So, Kevin,” Jess begins to say. “Are you still going to work in the bookstore?”

“Of course!” Kevin says with an obvious voice. Dean can’t help smirking at it. “A part time job, well paid and easy? There’s no way I’m going to give up a job like that while I’m studying.”

Dean chuckles. “And you also got an awesome boss.”

Kevin rolls his eyes, but he smiles. “Well, you aren’t that bad, after all.”

“Don’t make me reduce your salary, kid.” He knows that Kevin is teasing him, and teasing is a game two can play, but Dean still pretends to be mad at him, even if everybody knows that he isn’t saying it seriously.

“Let’s make a toast,” Sam proposes, raising his glass with wine, everybody mirroring the motion. “For Kevin, the youngest one of us who’s gonna have no trouble at all in that PhD.”

“For Kevin!” Everyone says, except Kevin, who is blushing and smiling.

“Thanks, guys,” Kevin murmurs, shyly.

Charlie grins and squeezes his shoulder, shaking him in that friendly and enthusiastic way of hers. “We’re so proud of you. You’re growing up so fast!”

Kevin glares her. “I’m only five years younger than you!”

“And you should never forget it.”

Everyone laughs, but Dean can’t help feeling a bit sad about himself. Kevin has been accepted to the PhD, Benny has been engaged to his girlfriend Andrea for almost two weeks, Charlie has started a relationship with a girl named Gilda and Sam and Jess told Dean that they are ready to have children, although nothing has happened yet. Dean is happy about his friends, really happy, but he feels how everyone is advancing and he is stuck, unable to move forward. He is afraid of being left behind for not being able to advance in his life.

He knows that no matter what, his friends and his family won’t leave him behind, but life keeps going on for them, they are achieving things and meanwhile, Dean is still in the same place. He likes his life, he loves it, but there’s something missing. He has never been a fan of following the pattern of society; study, get a job, get a girlfriend, get married, have kids and buy things you don’t need. But Dean wishes his fear of being alone and being left behind wouldn’t be a constant presence in his mind.

Life has been hard on Dean, but since he arrived to Vancouver, his life got better. He has a great job and people that loves him and cares about him. And he is scared of losing all of this someday. It is very unlikely, but Dean doesn’t think he deserves any of this. Maybe that’s why he isn’t achieving anything at all. He is unworthy. Everything he has ever achieved it’s because he has fought for it very hard. Life hasn’t given him anything.

But sometimes Dean wishes he could get something out of life. Lately, he has been feeling lost, confused and alone. Since Cas left, more precisely. He has been thinking about his life, considering everything. He is happy, he is grateful for what he has, his family, his friends, his home, his job and his life, but even though he is happy, sometimes he has that sadness reaching him, spreading from his chest and almost consuming him. He shouldn’t feel like this, he is lucky to have this life, but that dark, sad feeling is there, appearing out of nowhere, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

Dean looks around, looking at his friends, all of them really happy. He finds himself smiling softly. He should be celebrating with his friends instead of feeling down.

Maybe there’s something missing in his life, some bigger purpose, or whatever, he doesn’t know, but his life is quite good. He is surrounded by the most important people to him, and he isn’t alone. For as long as these people stay in his life, Dean will be fine. Life isn’t easy, Dean knows it too well, and he knows that things might improve or not, but for now, things aren’t that bad. He is too dramatic sometimes. 

He feels too much sometimes.

 

_July the 18th, 2015_

 

Dean opens the door of his apartment when the bell rings. He and Charlie are going to make a _Star Trek_ marathon. It’s been a while since the two of them met to watch something they like, mostly because when they do this, they need about six hours, and Charlie doesn’t always have a day off because of her other job.

“I brought Doritos!” Charlie exclaims, showing and shaking two bags of Doritos. It’s a tradition for them. Every time they meet for a marathon, the invited person must bring Doritos.

Dean grabs one of the bags and smirks at it. “That’s my Charlie.”

“Did you think I was gonna forget it?” she asks as she comes in, going directly to the couch.

“I was trusting on your good memory.” He sits next to her and he grabs the remote. “Ready for the marathon?”

“Oh yeah. This is the kind of marathon I love.”

Dean presses play and the first Star Trek movie begins to play.

They exchange comments about the films, they always do. They even discuss some topics about which film is better or worse, but they do it in a friendly way, although sometimes they get frustrated at each other, but nothing too serious. Dean likes that Charlie shares his passion about science fiction and that he can talk about it and discuss it with her.

When the second film finishes, Dean looks at the time and then he looks at Charlie. “Want me to make some dinner?”

“Yeah, why not,” she answers with a smile.

Dean stands up and walks towards the kitchen. “Want something special?”

“Anything cooked by you.”

Dean smiles and he opens his fridge, studying what he has and what he can prepare. “How about some wraps with bacon, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes?” Instead of answering, Charlie makes a sound that almost sounds like a moan. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“If I lived with you, I would totally get fat.”

Dean laughs as he gets all the stuff he needs. “Yeah, probably.”

“Need some help?”

“Nah, I’m fine. It won’t take me too long. Don’t worry. You can watch something else, meanwhile.”

“Great.”

Dean shows his back to the TV, but he can hear it, knowing when Charlie changes the channel. On Saturdays, the programming isn’t too good, but sometimes, you can find something interesting. But on summer, programming is quite boring. Almost every TV show is on hiatus and the films that are broadcasted suck.

“Can’t find anything?” Dean teases.

Charlie grunts. “Dude, Saturdays are the worst day for TV.” Her words make Dean chuckle. “Oh, this might be good.”

Dean doesn’t turn around, but he can tell it’s a program about news about TV shows and movies. It’s very interesting and they talk about a lot of things, but most of the times, they talk about things Dean has already read on the internet. Still, this program must be the most interesting thing they are airing at the moment.

Suddenly, Dean hears a voice he knows too well. He turns around and he sees Castiel on the TV. Castiel looks beautiful. He forgot how beautiful he was, even if he has seen him in a couple of photos on his Instagram account. But seeing him moving and talking, wearing a blue blazer and a faded black t-shirt, and seeing his too blue eyes, it leaves Dean gasping for air.

Charlie looks at him briefly before she looks back at the TV. “I should better change the channel,” she says, reaching for the remote.

“No, please, don’t,” Dean says, walking the distance that separates the kitchen from the living room and sitting next to Charlie. He looks at Cas, taking a better look at him. It’s not the same as having him in person, but it’s something. “Don’t change it,” he whispers.

Dean focuses on Cas, not missing the worried look Charlie gives him before she looks at the TV.

_“…working on another film, right?”_ The reporter says. _“What can you tell us about that new project?”_

Castiel makes a shy smile and Dean finds himself smiling too. _“It is going to be half fantasy, half thriller, but I can’t tell you much because I won’t be filming it until 2016 and I have barely started reading the script.”_

_“It can be understood, this year, you have already filmed one film, you are filming another one and if I’m not wrong, you have to film another one.”_

_“Yes, all of that it’s true. It’s being a bit stressful.”_

_“Well, we wish you luck. Although we know you’ll make a great work as always. Thank you for talking to us.”_

_“My pleasure.”_

Castiel nods and waves his hand and walks away. The reporter keeps talking, but Dean doesn’t pay attention to anything she says. His heart is beating a thousand miles per hour. It’s been too long since he heard that low, perfect voice. Too long since he saw him moving. Too long since he appreciated the beauty of his eyes.

“Dean?” Charlie asks, cautiously, looking at Dean, who shakes his head and looks at his friend, seeing that she is worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” He makes an easy smile, hoping it doesn’t come out as a forced one and he stands up.

Charlie follows him and she grabs his arm. “Dean, talk to me.”

“Charlie, I said I’m fine.”

“Yes, you did, but you aren’t.” She looks into his eyes, searching for the truth and Dean sighs, uncomfortable, not knowing what to say or where to start.

He was doing great lately. He was missing Cas, but not as much as before. It felt as if he was finally moving on, but then, Cas had to appear on his TV and everything came back. Dean hasn’t forgotten Cas. He simply buried everything in the back of his mind, but he didn’t forget him. And now everything has been unearthed again and he is so screwed.

Part of him regrets watching that few minutes of Cas, but part of him was craving to hear Cas again and see him. He guesses he will have to start over again. He was having two awesome weeks without thinking too much about Cas and all that progress has gone to hell. Hurray…

Charlie is still waiting for him to say something, but Dean can’t express it with words. It is so easy to say all that stuff in his mind, but when he has to let those thoughts and words out, he finds it impossible. People won’t understand, people will find it stupid, like he does.

“I just—” Dean takes a deep breath and looks at the ceiling. His eyes feel the urge to cry, but he won’t let any tear out. It is stupid to cry for this. He already cried too much when Cas left. “I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Charlie frowns confused. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Dean.”

Dean chuckles, bitterly. “Yeah, sure. That’s why I can’t get over a guy who was some kind of crush. That’s why I feel like shit whenever I see him or remember him. That’s why everybody is going on and I’m still here, stuck in the same fucking spot, unable to move on.” He brings his hands to his face and rubs it. Words came out like bullets in a machine gun. He supposes he has been holding all of that for too long. “Cas left about three months ago and I still can’t get over it. What’s wrong with me, Charlie?”

“Nothing is wrong with you, Dean.” She cups his face and looks into his eyes, letting her certain slip into her stare.

“Then why I can’t let it go?” His voice comes out weak and trembling, and Dean feels sick by it.

“Because Cas left a print in your heart that can’t be easily removed.”

Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “It hurts.”

“I know.”

“Will it ever pass?”

“Yes, but it will take you time. More than you want to. More than you think you can bear. But it will pass, eventually. One day you will wake up and find out that it’s been a while since that pain, and that you finally made it. But there will be a presence, a reminder of it, but it won’t hurt.”

Dean makes a weak smile and nods. Charlie hugs him tightly and Dean lets himself relax on her embrace. He wants Charlie’s words to be true. “How could this happen?” Dean asks into her hair.

She sighs and her embrace gets tighter. “It just happened, Dean. But I could see it in the way you looked at him since the first day he stepped into the bookstore.”

Dean chuckles. “I think you’re exaggerating.”

Charlie pulls away and she looks at Dean with a sweet smile. “It was there, Dean, since the very beginning. But it took you time to see it.”

Maybe she is right, but Dean isn’t so sure. “I don’t think so, Charlie.” He sighs. “What am I gonna do, Charlie? I’m so tired of feeling like this. I just wanna be fine again.”

“Just keep with your life and don’t try to rush things, it’ll only make you feel worse. Keep going with everything, and if you feel the need to cry, cry, and if you want to punch something, punch your pillow, but don’t bury things because it won’t help; it’ll only make things worse and you will explode someday.”

“Like today?” he asks, huffing a laugh.

Charlie smiles. “Like today.”

Dean rubs his face. He feels exhausted. Emotions always drain him. “Thanks, Charlie, for all of this. I needed it.”

“You’re very welcome.” She stands on the tips of her toes and kisses his forehead. “But please, don’t hold things for too long, okay? If you need to talk, even if I know you hate it, just tell me. Or somebody else, if you want to. You know we’re here for you, Dean. As you are always for us.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just that—”

“You don’t want to disturb us with your problems?” she finishes with a bitch face. Dean nods and smiles guiltily. “All of us have come to you with many problems, and you have always heard us and helped us, I think you deserve it too.”

Dean ducks his face. “Yeah, but—”

“We care about you and we love you, even if you sometimes think you don’t deserve it.” Her words make Dean lift his face and meet Charlie’s eyes. He tends to forget how well she knows him. “Anything you need, I’ll be there. And Sam, Jess, Benny and Kevin will be there too. Don’t ever forget it. Don’t ever doubt it.”

She is right. Dean nods and smiles. “Got it. Thanks. Again.” He makes an embarrassed smile and Charlie nods. “Tomorrow, I’ll bake you a pie and give it to you on Monday, I swear.”

Charlie laughs. “You don’t have to.”

“That’s my way of saying thanks. And I also know how much you like them.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I should get back to making supper, don’t you think?” He gives her a happy smile, but he can see that Charlie is studying his face, wanting to know if he is feeling better. He is it. Talking about it with Charlie has making him feel much better. He knows he still has to work on his broken heart, but this is a start. This is something.

Charlie doesn’t say anything else; she smiles and walks back to the couch, leaving Dean in the kitchen, making their wraps. Cooking makes his mind be quiet and Dean thanks it. He knows himself and he knows that tonight, when he goes to bed, he is going to think about all of this stuff.

Still, he has a good feeling, something he hasn’t felt for a long time. Charlie has said it; this is going to take him time, but for the first time in months, Dean thinks he can move on. But he needs to be patient.

Time will tell.

 

_July the 31st, 2015_

 

Charlie always comes to the bookstore during the afternoon on the last day of July. She helps Dean with the accounts and registering sells. Kevin is quite busy with the customers on the last workday of July. The bookstore is always closed on the first three weeks of August and clients know it, so they come during the last day of July to get all the books they want to. July is a weak month for sales, but there’s always a lot of people on its last day.

Dean needs his holidays and August it’s the best month for it. Sales are rare on August, except on its last week, so it is the best time to take vacations. Besides, Sam and Jess also have their vacations on August, and they always pay a visit to Bobby and Ellen and stay in Sioux Falls for a week.

When the last customer leaves, a few minutes after the usual closing time, Kevin turns the sign to the ‘closed’ side and sighs, exhausted. “Holy crap, what a day.”

“Every year it’s like this, you should be used to it,” Dean says, chuckling.

“Yeah, but after having quiet afternoons, this is insane.”

“You’re getting old, Kev,” Charlie teases amused and Kevin rolls his eyes before he approaches her and punches her arm, which makes Charlie laugh. “You’re starting to be like Dean.”

Kevin chuckles and looks at Dean with a smirk. “He’s a bad influence.”

“C’mon, Kev, you can do a better comeback,” Dean protests, smirking too. Both Charlie and Kevin chuckle. “Okay,” he says as he looks at the computer, checking that everything is in order. “I guess that all the work is done.” He closes the windows and turns off the computer before he turns around to look at his friends. “Now we’re officially on vacation.”

“Woohoo!” Charlie and Kevin exclaim.

Dean rubs his face and stretches himself. He is on vacation. Time to relax and sleep for as long as he needs to. His body and mind are willing to take a break from the routine. Apart from going to South Dakota to visit Bobby and Ellen, Dean doesn’t have any other plan. He is going to stay in Vancouver for the rest of the time. Maybe he would go somewhere, but he isn’t sure.

“You guys are gonna do something interesting?” Charlie asks. She sits on the desk, hopping a little to reach it, and crossing her legs once she is sat.

“I’m going to Spain,” Kevin begins to explain, leaning on the desk and making a happy grin. “I’m going with a couple friends from college. We’re gonna do some tourism and be on the beach and enjoy the sun.”

“And have a couple of hangovers, huh?” Dean asks mischievously.

Kevin laughs. “Only a couple. Just enough to let out the stress from the scholar year.”

“You deserve it, man.” Dean claps Kevin’s shoulder friendly and he winks. “But don’t get sunburnt and watch out with alcohol.”

“I can take care of myself, Dean. You’re worse than my mom.”

Dean laughs. Sometimes he is as protective as a mother with all his friends. “What about you, Charlie? What are your plans for these holidays?”

“I’m gonna go to San Francisco with Gilda,” Charlie answers, blushing and smiling. Dean arches his eyebrow, surprised that Charlie is going to spend her vacations with her girlfriend. “Yeah, this relationship is serious, don’t give me that look.”

“This is the first time you’re taking someone on vacations with you,” Kevin explains, with a mocking voice. “You’re growing up so fast, Charlie.”

“Don’t make me kick your face, Kevin.”

Dean and Kevin laugh. Charlie has had a couple of girlfriends before, but nothing too serious. It seems that this thing she has with Gilda is something serious and that Charlie really likes her. Dean can see how Charlie’s eyes light up whenever she talks about Gilda. For all Dean knows, he is almost one hundred percent sure that Gilda is the one.

“And what about you, Dean?” Kevin asks. “You’re gonna go to Sioux Falls with Sam and Jess?”

“Yep.”

“And you’re not gonna go somewhere else?” Charlie asks.

“Dunno. I haven’t decided yet.”

Kevin’s phone rings and the three of them look at where the sound comes from. Kevin grabs his phone and he looks at it. “Gotta go, my mom says that my grandma has arrived and she’s willing to see me and congratulate me from college and all that stuff,” Kevin explains with a big grin. “I’ll see you after vacations, right?”

“Yeah,” Charlie and Dean same at the same time.

“Happy vacations, guys,” he says before he turns around and walks towards the door.

Again, Charlie and Dean speak at the same time, “You too.”

Kevin leaves, waving his hand at the two of them from outside before he starts walking quite fast, getting out of their sight.

“How are you doing?” Charlie asks suddenly.

“Better,” Dean answers honestly. He knows what she is referring to. “I hope these vacations will help me a little.”

“Why don’t you go somewhere else to disconnect a little for everything?”

“I’ve been thinking about it, but I don’t know. Maybe I would go to some cabin or whatever.” He has considered going to one of those cabins in the woods with beautiful landscapes. He needs to get out of the city to recharge his batteries.

Charlie makes a soft smile. “Just do whatever you need. But I can tell that you aren’t as bad as a few weeks ago.”

Dean chuckles. He knows he is feeling better. He is letting Cas go of his heart slowly. He isn’t trying to rush it, and for now, he is doing good. He tries not to give it too much importance, and this time, things seem to be going better than they did on his first try. He still has some hard days, but nothing too bad.

“I still miss him, y’know?” Dean says. Charlie nods, making a sympathetic smile. “But I’m getting used to not having him here. I just—” He smiles, awkwardly. “I just keep wondering how I keep missing him this much, how he got so deep under my skin. It’s insane.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Dean nods and grimaces. “Anyway, I’m gonna go home and start packing things for the journey.” He walks towards the office and start the same old routine of closing.

Charlie stands up from the desk, the sole of her shoes making a sound when they hit the floor. “Yeah, me too. Have some awesome holidays, Dean.”

“You too, ginger.” Before he turns around, Charlie is hugging him from behind and Dean laughs.

“Be okay, promise?” She sounds worried and gives Dean a warning stare.

“Yeah, I will, stop worrying.”

Charlie nods and pulls away. “See you in a few weeks, Dean.”

Dean waves his hand. “See you.”

Charlie leaves and Dean keeps closing the bookstore. He is finally on vacation. This is the year he feels he most needs this break. It hasn’t been a stressed year, but Dean is emotionally drained because of Cas. He can’t help asking himself how just a month could leave him like this. He is finally moving on and he feels better, but he still has the need to take a break from everything.

But at least things for him are getting better and his heart is putting itself back together. Finally.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :)

_August the 2nd, 2015_

 

When Dean gets his Impala in front of the building where Sam and Jess live, both of them are already outside, waiting for him with their luggage. It is a really long journey, a bit more than a day of driving, which means they will have to stop somewhere to get some sleep. They could go on a plane, but Dean is terrified of flying and he loves driving. Thankfully, both Sam and Jess like road trips. The journey is extremely long, but the three of them like driving to Sioux Falls.

However, Dean would come back to Vancouver alone. Sam and Jess will take a plane to Paris this year. They always go somewhere else after visiting Bobby and Ellen and they always take a plane from South Dakota to wherever they want to go, which means Dean will make the way back to Canada all by himself.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Dean greets when he gets off from the car, making a bright smile just to mess up with his brother and his sister-in-law. It is six A.M. and Dean knows how hard is for the three of them to wake up this early.

“The moment I sit on the backseat, I’m falling asleep,” Jess says yawning, trying to scowl him.

“Don’t protest; at least you can sleep. I’m the driver and that’s forbidden to me.”

Sam chuckles and grabs all their baggage and puts it in the trunk. “You love this drive, we know it.”

“Hell yeah.”

The three of them get in the car, Jess being the one who takes the backseat, resting her head against the window and closing her eyes to take a nap. Before Dean starts the Impala, Jess is already sleeping; she has always been able to fall asleep easily and quick.

Dean starts his Impala, turning on his music, not too loud because he doesn’t want to disturb Jess’ sleep, and as he starts driving, his fingers start drumming on the wheel with the song that’s playing: _Custard Pie_ by Led Zeppelin.

“You’re in a good mood,” Sam says with an impressive face, giving him a tiny, calculative look.

Dean smiles. “Yeah, you know this road trip always lifts my mood.” He starts mouthing the lyrics of the song and Sam chuckles. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just— never mind.”

“No, spit it out.”

Sam sighs. “It’s been a while since I saw you like this.”

“Driving and singing?”

“No, you idiot,” Sam whispers, grunting. “Happy and excited about something.” This time, his voice is lower, but there’s a hint of nostalgia in it.

“Yeah. I just realized it’s a waste of time to pine about someone who isn’t gonna come back. Finally, I’m feeling better.” He smiles, and it comes naturally, not forced at all. He thought he was never going to reach this point.

Sam looks at him, happy. He clearly can see that Dean isn’t lying or hiding anything. “Man, you’ve got no idea how glad I am for seeing you alright again.”

Dean chuckles. “You’re not the only one, Sammy. I still got some hard days, but nothing too bad.” He shrugs, casually. “But I’m good, really good.”

He has had bad days, and he has drunk a few glasses of whiskey in his harder nights, but nothing too dangerous. Dean still has the memories of his alcoholic dad and he doesn’t want to become what that old man became. But now, whenever he feels that pain in his chest coming back, he reads or plays his guitar. It helps and it eases the pain. It’s healthier than a glass of whiskey.

Dean knows that his father became an alcoholic because of the loss of his mother. And Dean doesn’t want to become that for a crush. Although he is aware that Cas wasn’t just a simple crush, but he doesn’t want to get into too deep with that thought. He is forgetting Cas and getting better. It is pointless to analyze the past. Dean is doing good and he is going to keep on his track.

Sam falls asleep after an hour of drive. He always takes a small nap during the trip, just to be rested when his time to drive arrives. Jess, on the other hand, takes long naps. She is used to the Impala and she finds it comfortable enough to take a nap of four hours or more.

Dean keeps driving, enjoying the road and its landscape. He has made this trip for years, and he is sure he could describe every tiny detail of the landscape, but he always enjoys the view. This trip always gives him a good feeling. And he loves it.

Sam wakes up after almost two hours of sleep, wondering how long it will take them until they arrive to the diner they always stop at to have lunch when they do this trip. Dean tells him that less than two hours. He even knows that it will take them six more to arrive to the motel they always sleep at.

The Winchester brothers chatter during the whole time. Jess wakes up a few minutes before they arrive to the diner, where they have a wonderful lunch, like always. They also take their time on the diner, wanting to take a break for the long trip, knowing they still have a long journey ahead. Their eyes need a rest, and so do their bodies.

When they go back to the Impala, Sam takes the driver’s seat and Jess is the shotgun. Dean takes the backseat and closes his eyes, which are sore and willing to take a rest from the road. He is getting old, and his body can’t take the exhaustion of the drive as well as it did a couple of years ago. He falls asleep easily, without noticing it, the purr of his beloved Impala lulling him.

When Dean opens his eyes, he feels rested, although parts of his body ache, after all, the Impala isn’t a mattress, but this ache isn’t something that can’t be resolved after a nice sleep on a nice bed.

Sam and Jess are talking about something about their kitchen. It’s something stupid, but it isn’t an argument. Dean watches them, smiling. He envies their relationship. They get on well perfectly and they are made for each other. Sometimes Dean wishes he could have something like this. But nobody wants a broken man.

Dean puts those thoughts in the back of his mind and he starts teasing his brother and sister-in-law. As they talk, Dean realizes that they are less than three hours away from the motel. Sam still has to drive for a while, but he knows that his brother doesn’t mind it.

Finally, after almost three hours of driving, they reach the motel and they order two rooms, one for Dean, and one for Sam and Jess. They get in their respective rooms, agreeing the time to wake up before they get in and wishing a goodnight to each other.

The first thing Dean does is go to the bathroom to relieve himself. Once he is done, he takes off his clothes, except his underwear and his t-shirt and he gets in the bed, his back immediately thanking being rested on a mattress. Dean sighs contently. This motel is really good. There aren’t weird stains or strange smells. He has been in too many motels and this is one of the best. It is clean and the mattress is wonderful.

He closes his eyes and falls asleep.

 

_August the 3rd, 2015_

 

After a long drive, they arrive to Sioux Falls, a big sign on the road telling them so. Bobby and Ellen live in the outskirts, but it isn’t a long drive, just a couple of minutes. As Dean drives, he can’t help smiling at the town. He has grown here, and there are too many memories. Most of them are where Bobby and Ellen live, but Dean knows this town too well. He always notices if something has changed or not.

Soon, the house can be seen, and the three of them start smiling at it. As the Impala turns right to get in front of the house, Ellen is already opening the door and waving at them. She always hears the Impala. She starts to walk towards where Dean parks the Impala, Bobby following not so long after her.

“It’s so nice to see you!” Ellen yells as she makes her way to hug the three of them, Dean being the first one to receive said hug.

Dean chuckles when Ellen hugs her, hugging her back. “Hey, Ellen.”

When she pulls away, she cups his face, a maternal gesture she always does, and she studies Dean’s face. “It’s good to see you, Dean.”

Dean nods and Ellen walks away, going to hug Sam and Jess. Dean, meanwhile hugs Bobby, which makes him smile. He missed the old man. “Hey, Bobby.”

“Son,” Bobby says, with his usual deep voice. It might sound gravel and even grumpy, but Dean knows that Bobby is moved for seeing Dean again. “So damn good to see ya,” he adds, grabbing Dean’s shoulders and shaking him. Dean chuckles. “How are ya?”

“I’m good, what about you? You look older,” Dean teases with a smirk.

Bobby glares him. “We’ll see how ya look when ya got to my age, you idjit.”

Dean laughs, the burst of it coming happily and naturally. How much he missed this. How much he missed his family and this place.

Like Ellen, Bobby goes to greet Sam and Jess too and Dean seizes the occasion to grab all their stuff from the trunk. Ellen comes next to him, to help him. Dean is about to protest, but Ellen turns her face and speaks, “Don’t you dare to say a word, boy. Or I’m kicking your ass.”

Dean chuckles. “Yes, ma’am.”

Both of them grab everything and walk towards the house, getting upstairs to drop all the luggage on the two bedrooms, that one belongs to Dean and the other belongs to Sam and Jess.

“How are you, sweetie?” Ellen asks when they have left the last baggage. “You seem different. Everything’s alright?”

Dean frowns confused. “What do you mean by different?”

“I don’t know. But I can tell that something’s going on that head of yours. It’s something, but I’m not sure what it is.”

Dean chuckles bitterly. Bobby was the one who raised Sam and Dean for almost their whole life. Ellen joined the family when Dean reached sixteen and she raised the Winchester brothers as well as Bobby. And although she knows them for a few years later, she knows them too well.

“Some girl?” Ellen inquires. “Or some boy?”

“Some boy,” Dean recognizes, making a bitter smile. “Long story short, we both knew it was just a temporary thing and when he left, well, I— I ended up worse than I thought. I got too attached. But I’m good, I promise.”

Ellen places her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tenderly. “You sure ‘bout that?”

“Yeah,” Dean says smiling. “It’s still a bit hard sometimes, but I’m better. Trust me. I’ve been worse.”

Ellen scowls. She still doesn’t believe that he is feeling better. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.” He is tired of talking about it. He knows he should explain it to Ellen and even to Bobby, but he would rather not do it.

“Okay, Dean.” She cups his face and caresses his cheeks soothingly, using her thumbs. Dean closes his eyes and sighs. “Do you want me to find that guy and beat him for hurting you?”

Dean chuckles. “Bobby’s a terrible influence for you, Ellen.”

“Thankfully, I’m a good influence for him.” Both of them chuckle. “Let’s get down to the kitchen. I’m sure you three must be starving.”

 

_August the 4th, 2015_

 

“Were ya dying to get your hands on cars?” Bobby asks with a loud voice so Dean can hear it.

Dean comes out from under the 1965 Mustang he was fixing. He has always liked cars and fixing them is something that calms him quite well. Whenever he spends a week in Sioux Falls, Dean always spends some time fixing a car or two.

“You know me, Bobby,” Dean begins to say as he stands up. He notices that Bobby is holding two bottles of beers, handing one to Dean, who grabs it and takes a sip. “Always happy to fix some of these beauties you’ve got.” He looks at the car again, patting its hood and smiling at it.

“I’m starting to think ya only come here ‘cause the cars.”

He makes a sassy smile. “Well, I also enjoy Ellen’s cooking.”

Bobby glares him. “Idjit.” The old man shakes his head and sits on the hood of another car. Taking a long sip of his beer as he doesn’t take his eyes off Dean. “Ellen told me about that guy of yours,” he says casually. Still, Dean grimaces and looks down at his bottle. “That’s why ya’re spending more time in the garage than usually?”

His family knows him too damn well. “Dunno.”

“Boy.” Bobby’s tone is demanding, wanting Dean to look at his eyes instead of at his bottle.

“Probably,” Dean confesses in a mutter, sighing and looking at Bobby. “This clears my head.” Again, he pats the hood before he approaches Bobby. “And I need it.”

“Okay. But ya sure ya’re okay?”

“Yes, I am. Can everyone stop asking me that? I swear that if anyone asks me that again, I’m gonna punch them in the face.”

Bobby takes a careful look, searching for any lies in Dean’s words and behavior, but Dean knows that he isn’t lying. He is okay. He could be better, he has been better, but he is feeling much better than a few months ago. He is okay, all things considered.

“What?” Dean asks when Bobby’s silence starts to get too long and awkward. “Don’t I look okay to you?”

“I’ve known ya for years, kid. And I know ya’ve been better and ya’ve been worse.” Bobby takes another sip and Dean sighs. “Ya need any other tool?” he asks as he stands up.

Dean frowns confused. He was expecting Bobby to approach the subject instead of letting it go. Bobby looks at him with an arched brow, clearly knowing that Dean is surprised by how he has dropped the topic.

Bobby huffs a bitter laugh, or some sort of it. “If this helps ya, I’m gonna leave ya alone with it. At least ya’re doing something productive with this, aren’t ya?” He swings his arm, pointing at the cars. “Again, do ya need anything else?”

Dean chuckles. “No, I’m alright, Bobby, thanks.”

Bobby nods. “Ya better come inside for dinner in time. So don’t stay here the whole afternoon.”

“I won’t,” Dean says, watching how Bobby leaves the garage.

Dean leaves his half empty bottle of beer on a table and he gets back to work, getting under the car. But before that, he leaves his phone on the table too, putting on his music. Working under a car while he hears some classics is awesome. While he is under the Mustang, fixing it, staining his hands with oil, hearing his music, Dean feels happy, really happy. He is even grinning. It’s been too long since he felt this awesome. Time is all he needed. And getting to fix a car.

By the time Dean ends, it is almost time to have dinner. But first, he needs to wash his hands. He should take a quick shower, but he doesn’t have enough time for that. He is sweating from the hot, dry temperature. He can hear the sound of cicadas in the distance. It’s really hot today and the fans in the garage aren’t working. He should ask Sam to help him fix them.

Dean washes his hands. He could change his stained t-shirt, but that would mean wasting a clean one with his sweat. It’s not the first time he has come to have dinner with sweat and the smell of car oil. This house has that smell too, it has always had. Bobby always comes back from the garage with his clothes stained. It is something characteristic from this place.

The whole family sits on the table and they start talking. Dean can’t help grinning at this picture. It brings him so many memories from when he lived here with Sam. A few things have changed, but for better. But for the rest, everything remains the same. The whole family having dinner and being happy. It brings Dean an overwhelming feeling of home.

After having dinner and helping Ellen to wash the dishes, the five of them talk for a little bit more. Then, Ellen, Bobby and Jess go to bed. It’s been a really hot day and they are exhausted, that’s why they head to bed. However, Dean and Sam stay in the porch, sitting on the swing sofa, hearing the sounds of the night and looking at the stars as they share some cold beers.

“I forgot how beautiful night was here,” Sam murmurs.

“Yeah,” Dean agrees with a smile. “You used to lie on the grass and identify every constellation.”

“You liked it too.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, I did.” He looks at the dark landscape, looking at the lights of the fireflies, hearing their sounds. The soft breeze caresses his skin. It is chill now, and after the hot day they had, it is a wonderful relief. “I miss being here.”

“Me too.” Sam takes a sip of his beer and sighs. “I love my life in Vancouver, but after all, this place’s been our home. We can’t help feeling nostalgia at it.”

“I couldn’t agree more with you.”

There’s a small silence in between them. The only sound coming from the nature. Dean likes the quietness of the place. If this house wasn’t in the outskirts of Sioux Falls, it wouldn’t be this quiet.

“You seem better,” Sam suddenly says, catching Dean’s attention. “I know I said it a few days ago when we were driving towards here, but now, you seem finally better.”

Dean smiles. “I am. Guess all I needed was to go to the country and fix some old cars.”

Sam chuckles. “Man, you’re weird.”

“And you’re a nerd.”

“Says the diehard fan of _Star Wars_ , _Star Trek_ , _Game of Thrones_ —”

Dean slaps his nape, not too hard but also not in a friendly way. “Shut up, bitch.”

“Jerk.” Both of them laugh. “But seriously, it’s nice to have you completely back.” It makes Dean smile shyly. “To the country and old cars,” Sam says, lifting his bottle, a big grin painted on his face.

“To the country and old cars,” Dean says, also with a grin, clashing softly his bottle with Sam before both of them take a sip.

It’s good to feel better.

 

_August the 5th, 2015_

 

“Couldn’t you have done this before?” Dean asks Bobby. They are in the garage with Sam, the three of them fixing the fans. Again, the temperature is high and Dean feels how his sweat runs down his back and how his hair is damp.

“Yeah, I could,” Bobby begins to say. “But Sam’s tall enough to not need a ladder, so I’ve waited a couple of days ‘til ya two came by.”

Sam chuckles. “Seriously?”

Bobby shrugs and smirks. “That ain’t an easy job for me anymore. Ellen says I should go to the damn optician and get some damn glasses. Don’t tell her I said it, but she’s right.”

“Then why don’t you go for goods and all?” Ellen says, making the three of them turn around. Dean has to bite his lower lip to suppress his smile as he sees the old man turning red and making a frustrated grimace. Nobody heard her coming in. She and Jess went to town to buy some groceries and they must have arrived a few minutes ago. “Bobby Singer, you’re such a stubborn man.”

“Ya knew it when ya married me.”

Suddenly, the fans start working and the four of them look at them, happily, enjoying the soft chill air they bring. Even their usual rattling sound is gone. Sam and Dean made a great job and Dean is really satisfied.

“You guys did it,” Jess says, stepping into the garage, carrying a tray with some glasses of what it looks like lemonade.

“Lemonade, seriously?” Dean asks, arching his eyebrow and taking a glass. “Are we now is the forties?”

“Hey, if you don’t want it, leave the glass on the tray.”

Dean chuckles and Sam walks towards Jess to give her a brief kiss on her lips. “Don’t listen to this asshole, Jess.”

Dean shows him his middle finger, which makes Bobby grunt amusedly. “I forgot yar stupid little fights.”

“You missed them, old man,” Dean teases with a grin.

“Don’t call me old, kiddo.”

They spend the time until lunch in the garage, talking about everything and nothing at all, their skins grateful that the fans are working. It’s really hot out there, but the temperature in the garage is nice. Dean misses the low temperature of Vancouver. Sometimes that city has some heat waves, but usually, its summer temperatures are bearable.

Before it is lunch time, Dean takes a shower after Sam. His little brother still beats him a rock, paper and scissors. He takes a cold shower that leaves him relaxed and less suffocated. When he steps out of the shower, his skin is cold, but he can feel the contrast of temperature. He is sure that today is even hotter than yesterday.

After lunch, Dean takes a nap on his bed, only wearing his underwear. Sometimes there’s some breeze getting into the room, but for the rest, it is too damn hot. He manages to sleep for a few minutes and he stays in bed, with his eyes closed but not getting any sleep at all for a couple of hours.

When he finally decides to leave the bed, he can hear some laughter from outside. He looks out the window and he spots Sam and Jess, playing with the hose, drenching each other. Dean laughs too. He and Sam used to do that when they were kids, during those summers that were as hot as this one. Bobby used to sit on the porch and he always got drenched too. He would get mad at them at first but he would always join them and laugh and play with them.

“Can I join?!” Dean yells happily, bringing Sam’s and Jess’ attention to the window.

“Of course! Come here!” Sam yells, a wide grin making its way into his face.

Dean puts on his t-shirt and some old jeans. They are going to end up drenched, but he doesn’t want to get any sunburn. Once he has his shoes on, he runs downstairs, Sam welcoming him with a cold waterjet the moment Dean steps out of the house.

It’s all laughter. Bobby joins them too because Jess drenches him. It’s all fun and games. Dean missed this too damn much. He needed this too damn much.

 

_August the 9th, 2015_

 

Tomorrow they will leave Sioux Falls. Bobby will drive Sam and Jess to the airport and Dean will drive back to Vancouver. Time always flies when they are in this house. Dean always feels a bit sad every year when the time to make his luggage comes. It is always a bit hard to leave this place behind. This is Dean’s break from reality and work, and leaving it means that he has to come back to those things.

Still, he is happy, because being here this year has helped him more than he expected to. He was considering going to a cabin to get away from everything, but it turns out that he doesn’t need it. This week has been very helpful and it has helped him to heal his emotional wounds. Dean feels that all his batteries are charged and he is ready to take whatever life decides to throw him.

But he still has a few days off. He should do something special. He could go home and watch some TV shows and read so many books, but he can do that any other day. He wants to do something different. Dean grabs his wallet and sees that he still has some money and he is carrying his credit cards. He starts calculating all the money he has and the amount of money he can spend. He has a lot of savings, so he can afford a whim.

There’s something he hasn’t done for years, and that’s going to the beach. He could go to California and stay there for a couple of days. He knows a few small towns that are quiet. He barely remembers what it is like to feel sand in between his toes. He isn’t one of those people who need to go to the beach every year, but Dean gets that need once every five years or more.

Dean smiles to himself. He is going to spend some days in California. And he might step by the Grand Canyon on his way to the beach. It would be awesome if he could go somewhere like Europe and Asia, but unfortunately, Dean can’t go to those places with his car. He is terrified of planes and unless one year he feels the extreme need to go to one of those places, he will have to settle with the places he can go to with his Impala.

“Dean!” Ellen yells from downstairs. “Dinner’s ready! Get your ass down here!”

Dean chuckles. “Yes ma’am!”

He takes a look at his stuff. He only has to get a couple of more things in there, but he is mostly done. He will do it tomorrow morning. He knows that they always spend their last night together chatting on the table well past midnight. It’s almost like a tradition.

 

_August the 10th, 2015_

 

It is a chilly morning and it makes Dean chuckle bitterly. The week they have been staying in this house has been one of the hottest ones, and now that they are leaving, the weather is giving them a break. It couldn’t have come sooner, right?

There’s a big breakfast in the kitchen, waiting for him. Bobby and Ellen are already awake, talking about the articles in the newspaper. Sam and Jess are still in their bedroom, but by the time Dean sits down on the table, he hears the usual sounds those two make around the house when they wake up.

“I made you some sandwiches for lunch,” Ellen says. She stands up from the table and brings five sandwiches, all of them wrapped. “And a pasta salad,” she adds, putting a Tupperware next to the sandwiches.

Dean chuckles. “Always taking care of me, Ellen. Thanks.”

Ellen nods and smiles, kissing his crown in that maternal way of hers.

“Do ya got everything?” Bobby asks, folding the newspaper and putting it aside.

“Yeah. Everything’s packed. The only thing left is this,” Dean answers, pointing at the food.

“Ya’re gonna go directly to Vancouver or ya’re gonna go somewhere else?”

“I’m going to drive to California.” He grabs the whipped cream and puts a generous quantity on his pancakes. “I’m gonna spend some days in the beach.”

“Don’t forget to put some sun cream,” Sam says, clapping his shoulder and dedicating his brother a teasing smile. “You get burnt easily. So watch out.”

“And you better watch out with those French dudes,” Dean snaps with a sassy face. “They’re gonna steal your wife when you don’t look.” His words make Sam roll his eyes. “I’ve heard they’re good at pastries and they like to buy expensive things to women.”

“You’re a jerk, Dean,” Jess says, laughing. She sits next to Sam, who is glaring at Dean. “Don’t worry, baby, nobody likes French people. They’re so egocentric.”

“House’s gonna be so quiet without this snapping festival,” Ellen comments almost laughing.

Dean smiles. “Don’t worry, you still got Bobby for that, Ellen.”

Bobby glares him. “Idjit.”

Dean finishes his breakfast and brushes his teeth. When he finishes, he goes back to the kitchen and grabs all the food Ellen made him and puts it in his portable fridge. He always carries that in his long drives. It comes very handy.

Sam helps him to carry all his stuff and put it in the trunk. When they are done, everyone is outside, waiting to exchange their farewells. Dean hugs everyone and all his family wishes him a safe drive. Sam is the last one to tell him goodbye.

“Drive safe, Dean,” Sam says, patting Dean’s back as they hug.

“Always do,” Dean says chuckling. They pull away and they exchange some smiles. “Have fun in Paris.”

It makes Sam chuckle. “And you in California. I’ll see you back in Vancouver in a few weeks, right?”

“Of course.” He nods and he opens the driver’s door, waving his hand at everyone, saying one last goodbye before he closes the door.

Dean gets his car into the road, looking at his family, who are still watching him leave. Soon they disappear from Dean’s sight and Dean is all alone in his car, driving towards California, wanting to take a stop in Colorado to see the impressing Grand Canyon.

He feels good behind the wheel, with the road in front of him and with the soft summer breeze caressing his skin. He turns on his music and a smile immediately appears on his lips. He still has too many miles to go until he reaches his destiny, but Dean feels so damn good.

Finally.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :')

_September the 18th, 2015_

 

September is one of the best months in Dean’s bookstore. The scholar year begins in September and students need a lot of books that usually are sold out in so many stores, but Dean always makes sure of having all those books in his bookstore. He always orders them before his holidays so he can have them before September begins.

This month is also one of the busiest ones, if not the most, but Dean has some experience in it. And so do Charlie and Kevin. They all come with their batteries charged after their well-deserved holidays and the job is better done than usually. Not that their job isn’t done good during the rest of the year, but this month, it is always so damn awesomely done because the break makes them have more strength for it.

There are about fifteen minutes left to close the bookstore and call it a day. There are some customers in line, waiting to be charged, but not as many as during the rest of the day. Kevin helps Dean, putting the books in plastic bags and helping any customer that has any kind of doubt or can’t find a book.

Dean’s holidays were a blessing for him. After an awesome time in Sioux Falls with his family, his trip to the Grand Canyon was great, and the five days he spend in a small town in the north of California, enjoying the nice weather and the beach, was extremely awesome. He had a lot of fun, ate amazing things and met interesting people that taught him some basics about surfing.

Getting back to work wasn’t any hard at all. He would have liked to have more holidays, of course, but he always does. And he was really glad to see his friends again and Sam and Jess after their trip to Paris. The whole gang has already met two nights to talk about their holidays and spend some time together. And as always, it was awesome.

Dean hands the bag with books to the last customer in line and he wishes her a good afternoon. There are still a few other more in the bookstore, looking at the shelves for any specific book. But Dean knows it won’t take them too long.

The bell rings, indicating that someone has come in, and Dean is about to greet the customer when he freezes in his spot, looking at the man who has arrived. It can’t be. Dean must be hallucinating. Castiel Novak is there, in his bookstore, after almost five months. He is standing there, looking at Dean with a shy smile, wearing his trench coat, with those too blue eyes and that wild hair of his. Dean’s heart skips a beat. Seeing Cas standing in front of him, only separated by a couple of feet, brings back too many feelings that Dean thought he forgot and threw away.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel finally says.

His voice. His wonderful, low voice; Dean missed it so much. “Hey, Cas.”

Kevin waves his hand at Cas, who waves his to greet him too. Kevin looks at Dean with a confused face, but Dean doesn’t pay too much attention to his friend. Cas is here, after so many months. Dean thought that everything he felt about Castiel Novak was completely gone, but now that he is here again, Dean’s heart is doing crazy things and all those feelings are blossoming again and he is so screwed.

“It’s been a while,” Castiel says with his usual sweetness.

“Yeah,” Dean says. Words don’t come out as well as they should. He is still processing the fact that Cas is back and standing right in front of him. Dean has been through a lot to forget Cas, but everything has gone to hell the moment he has seen Cas again. What the hell is wrong with him? “What are you doing here?” He hates how soft and weak his voice comes. Dean Winchester is such a mess.

“I’m filming in Vancouver again.”

“Oh.”

“Dean,” Kevin says, calling his attention.

Dean looks at where his friend is pointing at. There are two customers waiting in line and Dean didn’t see them. He immediately comes back from the strange place his mind was while talking to Cas and focuses on charging his customers. Cas doesn’t say anything while Dean does it. And Dean tries his best to not look at Cas. His heart is already hammering too hard against his chest. He doesn’t want Cas to see how seeing him again is affecting him.

When those two customers leave, Cas talks again, “Dean, are you free tonight?” Dean’s heart skips a beat again. He even parts his lips and blinks perplexed. He knows he looks pathetic. “I would like to have dinner with you, if you are okay with it.”

Dean looks at Cas, unable to let out a single word. This is happening, right? Cas is asking him to have dinner with him. There are so many things going on inside Dean; thoughts, feelings, memories… And he can’t connect his brain to his mouth to make it work.

“Yeah, he’s free,” Kevin says, giving Dean a weird look.

“Yeah, I’m free,” Dean says. He wants to punch himself on the face. He looks at Cas, who is frowning, clearly confused. Dean can’t blame him for it. Dean’s acting really weird. “And yeah, I— I’d like to. In less than ten minutes we’re closing.”

“Okay,” Castiel says, smiling, and it melts Dean’s heart. “I’ll wait for you in the café.”

“Okay.”

Castiel leaves and Dean watches him leave. His heart is still beating at one thousand miles per hour. This is insane, this is madness. What is going to happen during that dinner? It’s just two friends having dinner together, right? Just that. Only that. But there’s too much history in between them to have a casual dinner. Holy shit. He is so damn nervous.

“Dean, are you okay?” Kevin asks, placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“I don’t know,” Dean answers, almost panicked. “Cas is here and I’m having dinner with him.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Dean frowns confused, almost glaring at him. “Why aren’t you shocked about this?”

“Well, I’m surprised that he’s back, but I’m not surprised about you two going out together, as friends or whatever you were when he parted.” How can Kevin be so casual with this situation while Dean is having some sort of feeling crisis with a heart attack? “Dean, the moment you saw Castiel come in here a couple of minutes ago, your eyes lighted up like you just saw a lost love.”

Dean makes a dramatic eye roll, turning around to give his back to Kevin. “For fuck’s sake, Kev.”

But Kevin makes his way to stand in front of Dean. “Dean, I know you forgot him, but not completely. Dude, you had that look people in love in the movies have. You clearly still feel something for him. He left you speechless, and that isn’t something that usually happens to you.”

He has to admit that Kevin has a point in that. Dean sighs and rubs his face. “And what am I gonna do? I finally moved on and he’s back here again and I’m a fucking mess of everything and I’m gonna have dinner with him and—”

“Dean, take it easy,” Kevin says, concerned. “He probably wants to have dinner with you to talk about things and how your lives are going. You have to decide if you want things to go the way they did the last time or not. But I’m sure that dinner isn’t going to take any of you into the path you two were once he left.”

Dean takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “Alright.”

Kevin’s right. If things wanted to go the way they did last time, Cas would have directly greeted him with a kiss, right? That’s what Dean would have done. Probably they are going to talk about how things are going. It’s not as if they are going to end up in Dean’s place kissing and having sex. It’s been almost five months. And they have been hard for Dean, so this dinner isn’t going to be like the ones they used to have when they started to sleep together.

Suddenly, Dean feels a little bit calmer. He only needed to see the situation the way it was. Seeing Cas after so long has caught him off guard and Dean couldn’t control the situation properly. It was so unexpected. But now he feels on solid ground, and although he knows his past feelings are coming back, he knows he can control whatever it is going to happen. It is only a dinner, after all.

Time to close the bookstore comes. Kevin leaves first, wishing Dean good luck and telling him that everything is going to be alright. Dean is thankful for it.

It doesn’t take Dean too long to close the bookstore and he is soon walking towards the cafeteria where Cas is waiting for him. This brings him so many memories, but he tries not to think too much about them. When he sees Cas, Dean smiles. It doesn’t matter if they haven’t seen each other in months; Cas still manages to bring a smile to his face after all.

“Hey,” Dean says when Cas is in front of him.

Castiel smiles. That beautiful smile of his. “Hello, Dean.” There’s a small silence that they spend looking at each other’s eyes. Old habits die hard, so they say. “Do you want to go somewhere in particular?”

Dean shrugs. “Dunno. You can pick.”

“I’ve been recommended to go to a nice Italian restaurant, not far from here.”

Dean knows which one is; the one where Kevin invited them to celebrate he was going to study his PhD. “I know the one you’re talking about. Let’s go to the car.”

They leave the café and walk towards the Impala. Dean tries to ignore the knowing feeling in his chest when Cas sits next to him. This is going to be a long night for him, isn’t it? He is glad to see Cas, but this is going to bring back too many things, actually it is already bringing too many things Dean thought he managed to bury. And what if they have to talk about stuff? Dean isn’t good at talking. And if they talk about this strange relationship of theirs, what is he supposed to say? He needs to keep it cool; like Kevin said, this is just a dinner. Cas only wants to have dinner with him and chat. Nothing else is going to happen.

The short drive is spent in silence. It isn’t awkward, but it isn’t comfortable either. And it isn’t helping to calm Dean’s wild heart. Cas, on the other hand, seems calm. Dean envies him. Although he can’t help feeling some disappointment, because it looks as if this was just another dinner for Cas, as if there wasn’t history in between them.

They get a nice table and after reading the menus, they order their food. The waitress serves them some water and leaves them. Dean takes a long sip, calming his dry mouth. He wishes he could calm his heart as easy as this.

“How are you, Dean?” Castiel asks after Dean leaves the cup on the table.

Dean looks into those beautiful blue eyes, seeing concern in them. “Good, like always,” Dean answers with a charming smile that he knows it’s half fake. “And you?”

“Good too, as always.”

Dean hums. His hands are sweating and he is nervous. Suddenly his clothes feel a little bit tighter. He is such a mess. He looks at the cup, avoiding Cas’ eyes because it is too much. They should be chatting, but Dean doesn’t know what to say. There’s an elephant in the room and they should be talking about it, but Dean doesn’t want to and it seems that neither does Cas.

Dean finally finds the courage to look at Cas’ eyes and asks a question that has been in the back of his mind for a while. “For how long are you staying?”

“Two weeks.”

Less than the last time.

Again, there’s a silence in between them. The soft music playing in the restaurant can be heard, along with the soft chatter the other diners are having. Having dinner was a bad idea. They can’t pretend that everything is alright. At least Dean can’t.

“I watched _The Empire Strikes Back_ ,” Castiel says with a shy voice.

Dean arches his brows, surprised. Star Wars. He can talk about that without any problem at all. “Did you?” he asks with a smile. Castiel smiles and nods, blushing slightly. Dean missed seeing that lovely shade of red painting Castiel’s cheeks. “Did you like it?”

“I enjoyed it more than _A New Hope_ , to be honest. As soon as I can, I will watch _The Return of the Jedi_ because I’m so worried about Han Solo.”

Dean laughs, happily. “You joined the geek side, huh?” He bites his lower lip and Castiel ducks his face, hiding a grin. “So you enjoyed it despite of the many inaccuracies regarding the laws of physics.”

“You are never going to forget that, are you?”

“I’m afraid I’m not. Sorry, Cas.” Their eyes meet in one of those intense gaze things they used to do. Dean feels a bit more relaxed, but there are alarms ringing in his mind and his heart is still hammering against his chest. “And who’s your favorite character?”

Castiel makes a thoughtful grimace. “I really like the trio, Luke, Han, Leia, and I also like R2D2 and C3PO, and Darth Vader, and Yoda, and Chewbacca. I don’t know, I like all of them!”

Dean laughs again. “It’s hard to pick, isn’t it?”

“It is.” Before Castiel continues, the waitress arrives and brings their food, leaving them again after leaving their plates on the table. “What about you? Do you have a favorite character?”

“I’m a sucker for Han Solo, man.”

Castiel smirks. “I kind of imagined it.”

“Really?”

The blue eyed man nods. “You two are assbutts.”

Dean’s heart skips a beat at hearing that word. It brings a nostalgic smile to his face. He missed hearing it. He missed so many things about Cas. “You still use that invented word?”

“Of course.”

Dean chuckles. “Some things never change.” He sighs. He doesn’t want to think about sad things or about lost chances. And the best way to avoid those things and a conversation that involves feelings, is to keep talking about things Dean can handle. “And have you read any more books?”

“Just a few of them,” Cas answers smiling.

“That means a whole library, right?”

“Assbutt.” He chuckles and kicks Dean’s leg, which makes Dean grin. “How are your friends and family?”

“They’re really good.” Much better than him. “Sam and Jess are trying to have a baby, Benny’s getting married, Charlie’s dating a great girl named Gilda and Kevin’s just started his PhD.”

“I’m glad to know they are doing good.”

“And what about Naomi? Is she still as charming as always?” he asks mockingly. Castiel glares him and that look is already answering his question. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“You can be a real dick sometimes, Dean.”

“Told you that the first time we went out to have dinner, remember?”

His blue eyes soften. “Yes, I do remember.” There’s a small silence. They look at each other’s eyes, but they quickly focus on their food. Cas is the one to break said silence after a few minutes. “There’s nothing new going on in your life?”

“Nope. I’m still as boring as always, I’m afraid.”

“Dean, you have never been boring.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He sighs. He doesn’t want to get into that territory. “Have you learnt how to cook something or do you keep burning stuff?”

Castiel grins, making Dean’s heart go wild. Seeing that gummy grin after so long feels like a dream. “I still burn stuff. But less.”

Dean chuckles. “That’s an improvement.”

They keep doing small talk and unimportant conversations. Both of them avoid getting into deeper stuff. Dean knows the reasons behind why he doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t know Cas’. Maybe he feels like Dean, but he doesn’t seem like it.

They split the bill and leave the restaurant together. The night is chilly, but there isn’t any wind blowing. Nevertheless, both zip up their coats as they walk towards the Impala. But when they are next to the car, both of them are in front of each other, still outside the car, looking at each other, not knowing what to do.

“So…” Dean begins to say, not knowing how to finish his sentence.

“So?” Castiel prompts.

“I dunno.” He shrugs and sighs. “I guess it’s time for both of us to head back, right?” His question goes unanswered. “And I guess you’ll come by the bookstore sometime.” This is awkward. What is he supposed to say and do? He has to play it casual. “Do you want me to drop you by the hot—”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupts him, his voice sounding almost broken. When Dean looks at his eyes, they are a bit glassy. “Can I kiss you?” he finally asks, almost desperate.

Dean lets out a gasp. To hell with everything. “Yes, please.”

Castiel walks the small space in between them, cups Dean’s face and kisses him. The moment their lips are pressed together, it feels like coming back home. It’s been too long since they kissed, but the familiarity is still there, the knowledge of how their kisses were and the wonderful things they felt whenever they kissed is back.

Dean gets his hands on Cas’ hair, messing it. He forgot how good it felt to get his fingers in his soft hair. And he forgot how good it felt to have their bodies pressed together.

It seems as if both of them had waited a lifetime for this. Their kisses are needy and desperate, with a feeling of _finally_ in it. And neither of them wants to end the kiss. They only stop for a brief second, just to take the air they need to keep kissing.

“Wanna go to my place?” Dean asks in a whisper.

“Yes, please,” Castiel answers desperately.

They immediately get into the Impala and Dean drives them towards his place. The moment they get out of the car and walk to the lift, they start kissing again. This brings back too many memories of the first night they spent together.

As they get into the lift, they keep kissing, and even when they get into the floor Dean’s apartment is. Dean struggles to find his keys while Cas kisses his neck. Dean closes his eyes and moans, lifting his head to give more room for Cas’ wonderful mouth. He almost drops his keys a few times, but he manages to open the door and the two of them get inside.

Cas’ mouth gets back to Dean’s and they kiss as they make their way to the bedroom, taking each other’s clothes off on their way, not stopping their kisses unless it is completely necessary.

They reach the bed and they fall onto it, Dean being the one with his back pressed against it, and they take off the remaining clothes. Dean seizes that moment to get his hands on Cas’ skin and touch everywhere he can reach, mapping his wonderful body, remembering the curves and the maddening shapes of it, getting lost in the warmth it emanates.

There’s a moment when they pull away their mouths. They are panting, but their lips are brushing. They look at each other, almost as if they wanted to make sure that this is happening, that they are in this bed again, about to share another wonderful moment together. And they kiss again, fiercely and desperate.

Dean doesn’t think about Cas having to leave in two weeks, in how his heart is going to break again the moment Cas leaves Vancouver, or in any other bad stuff like that. He is only thinking about having Cas again, about kissing and feeling him again. That’s all that matters now.

Cas starts to kiss Dean’s jaw, arriving to his neck later, licking and sucking the sensitive skin, making Dean moan and bite his lower lip. His mouth reaches one of Dean’s nipples, kissing it and licking it before he nibbles it. Dean lifts his hips as Cas keeps playing with it. Soon his hand finds his other nipple and toys it too. He keeps doing that for a while and he kisses Dean’s mouth briefly before he gets his mouth on Dean’s hardened cock.

This time, Dean moans and groans and his hands immediately come to Cas’ hair. The blue eyed man swallows him completely and Dean feels blissed. He fucks into Cas’ mouth, feeling how that warmth mouth and skillful tongue work on his cock with enthusiasm. When he opens his eyes, he sees Cas looking at him through his eyelashes, and Dean gasps and that wonderful view.

Cas pulls away, but he licks the head of Dean’s dick before he comes back to kiss his mouth. And as they kiss, Cas grabs the lube and a condom. He puts on the condom and he starts to spread the lube on his dick and on his hands. It doesn’t take him too long to start fingering Dean, stretching and preparing him.

It feels so good to feel how Cas works his fingers inside him as they kiss, but it feels ever better when Cas starts to get his dick inside Dean and they hold their gazes, as if they were saying too many things. And the moment Cas is fully settled inside Dean, and Dean is adjusted around Cas, they share a passionate kiss, and before it ends, Cas starts to fuck him.

Dean closes his eyes and presses their foreheads together as Cas thrusts in and out of him. Cas is removing that awful emptiness in Dean, filling him, and it feels so fucking damn awesome to have him again, to feel him inside him. Dean tightens his legs around Cas’ hips, pulling him impossibly closer and they share more kisses.

When Cas hits that wonderful spot, Dean’s whole body squeezes under him, clenching around Cas and moaning, “Oh, fuck— Cas.”

He closes his eyes and tilts his head, pressing it on the pillow, grinding into Cas, finding a matching rhythm. Dean clenches tighter than before when Cas shifts the angle and hits that spot again, that Cas trembles and buries his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. “Dean— Dean— Dean—”

Cas’ thrusts are hard but sweet, full of desperation. Dean gets his hands on Cas’ back, moving them restlessly, not knowing where to rest them; he has the urge to touch everywhere, to feel Cas in every tiny inch of his body. They keep moaning each other’s names the whole time. There’s a moment when Cas finds his mouth and they kiss, and Cas cups his face and looks at Dean with devotion, and it is too much for the green eyed man, but he missed the way Cas looks at him, as if he was someone full of worth.

Dean kisses him and rocks his hips, grinding and clenching, driving Cas crazy, which makes him increase the speed of his thrusts. They are a mess of pants, sweat and moans, and also a mess of feelings.

Cas comes first and he keeps fucking Dean during his whole orgasm, saying Dean’s name in his release. Dean comes the moment his name has slipped from Cas’ lips. What Dean would give to freeze this moment and live it over and over again.

The bedroom is soon filled with the sounds of their heavy breathings. Dean holds Cas, who has his face pressed against the side of Dean’s neck, his hands resting on his shoulders, moving up and down with every breath Dean takes. Dean turns his face once his breathing is more calmed and he and Cas look at each other with soft smiles before Dean cups Cas’ jaw and meets him in a sweet kiss. When they pull away, Cas sighs happily.

“I forgot how good we were at this,” Dean says, smirking.

Castiel chuckles and he moves, getting out of Dean. “Assbutt.”

Dean grunts at the loss of Cas in him, hating the emptiness and the coldness that comes with it, but Cas kisses him tenderly. “You’re an idiot, you knew that?”

Again, Castiel chuckles. Once he has knotted the condom and tossed it away, he leans onto Dean and he kisses him. “And you are terrible.”

“Always been.” He grins. He gets one of his hands on the small of Cas’ back, caressing his skin while his other hand cups Cas’ face, his fingers brushing his hair. Cas leans into his touch and closes his eyes, a soft smile appearing on his pretty, pink lips.

“I missed you,” Cas whispers, opening his eyes and grabbing Dean’s hand to kiss his palm. Dean’s heart skips a beat. Cas missed him. Dean can feel a knot forming in his throat at that confession. Cas cups his face, caressing his cheek and looking into his eyes. “It’s great to see you again.”

Dean nods, unable to say any word and he kisses Cas, hoping that he gets the message, that the kiss tells him how much Dean missed him and that he is so damn happy to see him again. It is a breathless and passionate kiss, and Dean is quite sure that he managed to say what he couldn’t say with words.

“Are you staying tonight?” Dean asks.

“Of course, Dean.”

Dean grins and holds Cas tighter.

 

_September the 19th, 2015_

 

The sound of the alarm clock rings sooner than Dean wanted to and he turns it down with an unpleased groan. Even Cas grunts at the sound of it, which is really cute. Dean rubs his face and looks at the man he is holding in his arms and who is holding him too. He grins widely at it. Waking up next to Cas is one of his favorite things.

“I don’t know about you, Cas, but I have to get up because I work,” Dean says teasingly.

“Me too,” Cas mumbles, nuzzling Dean’s jaw before he presses a kiss. He moves a little so they are looking at each other’s eyes. The morning light that gets into the bedroom makes Cas’ eyes look even bluer. “But I don’t want to leave bed yet.”

Dean chuckles. “Well, I think I have five more minutes that I can spend making out with you.”

Castiel smiles, biting his lower lip. “Just five?” he asks as he gets on top of Dean.

“We can keep making out in the shower.”

“I like that.”

They spend a bit more than five minutes making out slowly, tasting their lips and mouths and touching each other with soft caresses. Then they go to the shower and they keep making out, enjoying how the hot water falls on their naked bodies as they kiss. It lasts longer than any other shower Dean usually takes, but Dean doesn’t care.

After they finish their shower, they get dressed, and Dean goes to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast. He doesn’t have too much time left, so he can’t make waffles or pancakes, so he decides to make some scrambled eggs with bacon while Cas makes coffee.

“Here,” Cas says as he hands him the freshly made coffee.

Dean takes a sip and hums happily at it. “Fuck, I missed your awesome coffee.”

Castiel blushes and smiles before he presses a kiss on Dean’s cheek. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean finishes making breakfast and Cas quickly grabs the plate with the food and sits down to eat it, moaning over it. “You couldn’t wait a few more seconds, could you?”

“I’m sorry, but you know how passionate I’m about your food.” He looks at him with an obvious face and Dean can’t help chuckling as he sits and serves himself. “I think you even got better at cooking.”

“Nah. It’s just that you haven’t eaten my food for a long time.”

Castiel shrugs. “Maybe.”

They keep eating their breakfast in a comfortable silence. Completely opposite at how last night’s dinner went. It’s funny.

“Will I see you soon?” Dean asks in a whisper.

Castiel looks at him with an honest smile. “Yes,” he answers, and Dean feels extremely happy about that. “If nothing happens, I will see you tomorrow’s night.”

“Awesome.” He knows this is going to be like their last time, Dean knows it, but right now, he doesn’t care. He hasn’t felt this happy in a long time. He knows that in a few days he will start overthinking and realizing that Cas will leave again and that his poor heart will get broken in the process, but he will ignore it for now. Cas is here again, and Dean is more than happy about it. Even if he knows that it is temporary. “Do you want me to cook anything special?”

“I can’t ask you that, Dean,” Castiel says with a shy voice.

“Why not? You know I don’t mind it. And I know that it doesn’t matter what I cook, you’re gonna find it delicious.”

“You really like it when I find your food delicious.” He gives him a sassy look and Dean can’t resist chuckling. “Would it be too much if I asked for some burgers?”

Dean grins. “Of course not.”

“Then burgers.”

“Burgers will be.”

They finish their breakfast and wash the dishes. They grab their coats and they head towards the lift. Dean is happy and he can feel that Cas is happy too. He guesses that both needed each other. The mystery is if Cas needs Dean the same ways Dean does. But Dean isn’t going to get there. Not now.

The lift stoops in the hall, because Cas is going to take a taxi to get to the hotel while Dean is going to the garage to get his Impala and get to the bookstore. The moment the lift’s doors open, Cas cups Dean’s face and kisses him tenderly, making Dean melt.

“See you, Dean.”

Dean grins and steals another kiss from Cas. “See you, Cas.”

Castiel smiles and leaves the lift, disappearing from Dean’s sight when the lift’s doors close. He smiles to himself, closing his eyes and touching his lips, still tingling from their kisses. His heart is beating at a thousand miles per hour and his chest is blooming again. He is so gone and right now he doesn’t care.

Dean gets into his Impala and drives towards the bookstore, arriving in time, even before than Charlie, like always. He gets his stuff in the office and switches on the computer. Charlie comes in as he does so.

“Hey, Dean,” Charlie greets smiling.

“Hey, Charlie,” Dean greets with a wide grin of his own.

Charlie looks at him, approaching the desk to take a better look at him. Dean frowns at her, not knowing what she is up to. Charlie blinks perplexed at first, but then she makes a sympathetic smile. “Cas is back, isn’t he?”

Dean gives her a weird look. How did she know?

“Dean,” Charlie says with a soft look on her face. “You have it all written on your face; especially on your eyes. You’re beaming.”

Dean blushes. Is he that obvious? “Yeah, he’s back.”

“Tell me everything.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :')
> 
>  **IMPORTANT:** Once again, my finals are coming, so I'm going to have to take another hiatus to study, sorry :( Next chapter won't be posted until **September the 13th**.

_September the 20th, 2015_

 

The mug filled with coffee warms his hands. Dean takes another sip and watches the rain. His apartment is chilly, but as the coffee gets in his system, he feels less cold. He should put on a flannel shirt later. Actually, he needs to get dressed and go to the supermarket and buy some stuff, but he will go in a couple of hours. Hopefully the rain will stop by then. He loves rain, but carrying several bags while holding an umbrella isn’t something he likes. The supermarket is just a five minute walk, so it will be stupid to take his car; it will be wasting gasoline for nothing.

He looks at the clouded sky. In a couple of hours the rain will stop. He is sure of it.

Dean sighs and takes a long sip, drinking the remaining of his coffee. He places the mug in the sink, and he starts to wash the dishes. Making pancakes always means having to wash a lot of stuff.

As he starts the boring task, his mind focuses on Cas. He spent a big part of his Saturday thinking about him and what it means having him back in Vancouver. Things are very similar as the first time. It is almost the same. Only that this time, Dean knows for sure how things will be once Cas parts away.

Things aren’t going to be different. Cas is going to leave when he is done filming, like the previous time. Both know the game they are playing and its rules, and Dean still accepted to play the game. He is so weak. He could have told Cas that he didn’t want to do this again, that it was going to be really hard for him to get over him for a second time, that it would be better if they didn’t see each other. But that would have meant accepting that the thing they had, was more than Dean pretends it to be, and he is not ready to accept that.

He likes Cas a lot, more than he should, more than he is willing to recognize, and having him, even if it is in this complicated and messy way, only for a while, it’s enough for Dean.

Actually it isn’t enough, because he craves for more, but he is never going to get more from this. After all, Dean is a simple bookseller, some other random person, while Cas is a famous actor and an important person.

They have fun together and that’s all. There’s nothing more hidden in this oasis they have created. At least not from Cas’ part, that’s what Dean thinks. Dean, on the other hand, is starting to acknowledge he has fallen for the guy, but he won’t allow himself to recognize it, because it will make it real and it will hurt even more.

Once he has finished washing, he starts drying. He should stop overthinking stuff. Nothing changes with overthinking. He should act like the previous time; live the moment and face the consequences once Cas leaves. His heart will break, but he knows how to fix it. It takes time, but what’s another wound, right? He doesn’t want to spoil the little time he and Cas have. He wants Cas with him, and if he has to sacrifice his heart at the end of it, he will do it.

He might feel pain once Cas leaves him, but in the meantime, Cas brings him more happiness that he can put into words.

 

***

 

After the filming day is over, Castiel always takes a warm shower. It helps him to wash off the day and the character, as if the water grabbed everything that isn’t him and carried it away. The tension from his muscles disappears, along with the stress. He usually takes more time in the shower, but he has plans with Dean and he doesn’t want him to wait him for too long.

He dries his body and his hair before he steps out from the hotel room’s bathroom and starts putting on his clothes. By the time he is buttoning up his shirt, Naomi steps into the room without any invitation.

Castiel grunts and keeps his eyes on his shirt. “People knock on doors before they come inside. It’s called politeness.”

“You are going to see mister Winchester again, aren’t you?” Naomi asks sharply. Castiel doesn’t have to look at her to know that she is giving him her disapproval look. “You are wasting your time with him.”

Castiel chuckles bitterly and rolls his eyes. “You always say that whenever I do something that isn’t in your schedule.” He goes to the wardrobe and grabs his trench coat. It is really old and it is starting to fade, but he loves it too much. It is comfortable and warm.

Naomi walks the distance that separates them, only leaving a few inches in between them. She gives him her brand own sharp and pissed off look. “Listen to me very closely; that mister Winchester is a problem. Whenever you spend your time with him, you’re less focused on your job and your punctuality is less than satisfactory. Not to mention that when you came back to New York you were disgustingly pining over him and you were unfocused, and almost about to get a stupid depression.” She narrows her eyes, in an intimidating way. Castiel is about to snap her, but she keeps talking, “I don’t have any idea what your game with mister Winchester is, but it isn’t going to end up well for us.”

Castiel huffs a bitter laugh. “Us? Right.” He puts on his trench coat, ignoring how she keeps her eyes fixed on him. “You only care about the money you earn at the expense of others. You don’t care about your acts, only about the results. That’s why you are against Dean, because he doesn’t give you money.” He dedicates her a bitter smile and he walks away from her.

“Say whatever you like, Castiel,” Naomi says from behind. “But he is a problem. And I will have to deal with you being all depressed again once you’re back in New York. Because at the end of the day, you always come back alone. Because without the acting, you’re nobody.”

Castiel shoots her an annoyed look, trying to hide the fact that those words have hurt him. But he knows that Naomi can see his hurt. He leaves the room and walks towards the elevator. When the doors close, Castiel takes a deep breath and leaves some tears out.

The worst part of Naomi’s speech is that she is right; he is nobody without the acting. He doesn’t know what else he can do. He is lost. And like it or not, Naomi guides him. Even if she is a dictator.

Castiel has nothing to offer. And acting gives him something, even if with every day that passes, he hates it even more.

He wipes his tears before the elevator reaches the main hall. Right now, all he wants to do is go and see Dean and have the glimpse of the normal life he will never get and the happiness and quietness he can only get when he is with the green eyed man.

He wishes he could have met Dean without being an actor. Maybe then, they would have been able to have something more than this. Maybe he would have been able to have Dean completely.

 

***

 

“I was starting to think you jilted me,” Dean says when he opens the door of his apartment, revealing Cas.

“And miss your amazing burgers? No way,” Castiel says as he steps inside.

“So that’s why you came? For the food? Geez, good to know I’m such a shitty company.”

Castiel laughs, brightening Dean. He loves that sound way too much. “You are an assbutt, Dean,” he says as he leaves his trench coat on the rack, next to Dean’s leather coat. Seeing that warms Dean’s heart. “You are a really amazing company, actually.” He walks towards Dean, placing his hands on his shoulders once their chests are pressed together. “The food is a plus.”

Dean arches his eyebrow and smirks. “Really?”

“Really.”

They lean and kiss tenderly, both of them humming happily into it. Dean brings his hands to the small of his partner’s back, pulling him impossibly closer. It is a long kiss, but a really good one. Both of them smile when they pull away, but they are still holding each other. Cas even buries his face in the crook of Dean’s neck, holding onto him and sighing, making Dean worry.

“Are you okay, Cas?” Dean asks, caressing Cas’ back, hoping it will comfort him. He can feel that something is going on with Cas.

“Yeah,” Castiel answers, slowly pulling his face away, his blue eyes meeting with Dean’s green ones. “I just had a stressful day.”

“Let me guess, Naomi?”

Castiel nods and pinches the bridge of his nose, making a grimace.

“Well, then let’s forget about her and get to the kitchen to taste the best burgers you’ve ever tasted.” He makes a grin that Castiel immediately mirrors. “You’ve got the whole night?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Awesome.” Dean leans again and kisses him. This time is way shorter, but it makes the two of them feel better. “You’re gonna help me with the burgers.”

Castiel chuckles. “You are not going to give up on teaching me how to cook, are you?”

“I’m surprised you have to ask that.”

As they prepare the burgers, Dean observes that Cas has gained some confidence in the kitchen. He still has a lot of to learn, but he isn’t as lost as he used to be. He does his tasks with determination, which surprises Dean. Castiel notices his surprise and he explains him that whenever he had a chance, he tried to cook. The results weren’t good, but he gained some experience.

The burgers don’t take too long to be made, and neither do the fries. They talk a little bit about everything, sharing kisses and small touches in between. Dean forgot how good it felt to have Cas in the kitchen with him. He has missed Cas in so many different aspects of his life; Cas fills his life in so many aspects.

They sit down around the table to have dinner, and naturally, Cas moans when he takes the first bite. Dean can’t help it and bursts into laughter, making Castiel blush and make cute, angry faces at him that don’t last too long, because he is soon joining Dean’s laughter. It’s been a long time since Dean laughed this hard.

Once they finish eating, Cas washes the dishes and Dean dries then, like they used to do. And once everything in its place, Dean cups Cas’ face and pulls him into a passionate kiss that leaves the two of them gasping and with trembling knees.

It doesn’t take them too long to get into Dean’s bedroom, kissing during the whole way.

They fall onto Dean’s bed, being Cas the one with his back pressed on it. As they kiss, they take each other’s clothes, their hands caressing the skin with a slow speed, taking their time to feel. There isn’t any rush and Dean wants to take his time to feel and kiss Cas. His fingers trace down his body, following the too familiar shapes and curves as he deepens his kiss, making his partner moan and burry his fingers in Dean’s light brown hair.

Soon, they are completely naked, and Dean’s mouth starts to map Cas’ body, starting with his jaw, enjoying the feeling of his stubble. Cas closes his eyes and gasps, moving his restless hands along Dean’s back. Dean keeps leaving a trail of kisses on his neck, collarbone, chest, nipples and tummy, until he arrives to his partner’s dick and wraps his lips around it, swallowing him down in one movement, earning him a loud and wonderful moan with his name on it.

Cas brings his hands to Dean’s hair while he blows him. Dean takes his time tasting Cas’ length, looking through his eyelashes at the pleasurable faces Castiel makes, pressing his lips a little bit tighter and swirling his tongue to make this even more enjoyable for Cas.

Dean pulls away after a while and brings his lips to kiss Castiel, who groans at the loss of Dean’s mouth on his dick, but he is content the moment they kiss and even more content when Dean, after lubing his fingers, starts to finger Cas, loosening him slowly, feeling the happy moans and hums Cas makes as Dean works his fingers inside him. He avoids his prostate until he has four fingers inside, and Cas moans deliciously at it, closing his eyes and parting his pretty lips, squirming under Dean’s body.

After Dean pulls his fingers out and wipes them off, Castiel brings his legs around Dean’s waist, pulling him closer. They look at each other as Dean gets his cock inside Cas, biting his lower lip as he feels that awesome tightness and warmth around him. When he is fully settled, both of them leave out a breath and stare at each other intensely, as if they wanted to say with their eyes more than both can let out with words. Dean cups Cas’ face and kisses him, not sure about what he is trying to mean with this kiss, but Cas reciprocates it in the same way, and it feels extraordinary. When they pull away, both of them are still looking at each other like that, and it is too much, but they keep their eyes locked together as they start moving together.

Dean’s thrusts and Castiel’s rocking are slow and tender; movements that belong to making love and not fucking. Dean is well aware of it and he is damn sure that Cas is also aware, but both of them are craving to do it like this tonight.

Cas cups his face and kisses him sweetly, with a tiny hint of neediness in it, never stopping the movements of his hips, grinding into Dean and clenching around him whenever Dean hits that sweet spot, making the two of them moan and tremble. It is too much, and they both know it, but they need it so bad.

They keep making love, kissing and moaning during the whole time, caressing each other and looking at their eyes, pressing their foreheads together and breathing into each other, saying their names, as if they didn’t know any other word.

There’s a moment when the speed increases, but they don’t lose the tenderness of it, although Dean loses his rhythm when Cas clenches really tight around him, making him close his eyes as his legs tremble. He feels how his orgasm starts building in him, so his movements become a little bit desperate. He is close, and so is Cas, because he can feel his cock twitching.

Dean hits that spot over and over again, and Cas moans and arches his back off the bed, clenching really tight around Dean that it is maddening. Dean comes in one of those times, but he keeps thrusting in and out of Cas until he is coming too, not so long after him, moaning Dean’s name really loud.

Dean buries his face in the crook of Cas’ neck as they both try to catch their breathes. Cas slides off his legs from Dean’s waist and holds him tighter, his fingers brushing the end on Dean’s hair on his nape. No one of them wants to move. If it was it for Dean, he would stop the time and have this forever.

But time keeps running, and Dean has to pull away from Cas, who grunts unpleased, and he removes the condom, knotting it and tossing it away. When he looks back at Cas, he is smiling, and Dean can’t help smiling too and kissing him. Both finish the kiss with a happy sigh and Dean presses his chest against Cas’ side while Cas brings his arm around him, pressing him closer.

Suddenly, Castiel’s phone rings and the actor grunts. Dean gives him an inquiring look before Castiel leaves the bed in search of his phone, which is in one of his jean’s pockets. When he finds it, he hangs it up and does something else before he puts it back in his jeans.

“Sorry, I forgot to mute it,” Castiel apologizes as he gets back in bed with Dean.

“Don’t worry,” Dean says, stealing a brief kiss from his lips. “The evil bitch?”

Castiel chuckles. “Yeah.”

“She still doesn’t like that you’re here with me?”

“She still doesn’t like that I’m not where she wants me to be.” He sighs and rubs his face, tiredly.

“Wanna talk about it?” He kisses his shoulder and caresses his chest, making Cas smile. He knows that something is bugging him.

Cas cups Dean’s chin. “Not really,” he whispers before he pulls Dean into a kiss. “But thanks for caring.”

Dean smiles. He looks at Cas and cups his face, caressing his cheekbones, getting himself lost in the sapphire ocean of his eyes. He wants to say so many things, but words never make it out. They never will. So instead, he kisses Cas, pushing all those words back to where they belong, in a lost trunk in the depths of his heart and mind and he gets lost in Cas’ mouth.

“We should sleep, don’t you think?” Dean asks after the kiss. “We both have to work tomorrow.”

“Yes, we should,” Castiel says, stealing another kiss. Dean smiles after it and switches off the lights, snuggling with Cas under the sheets. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Goodnight, Cas.”

 

_September the 21st, 2015_

 

“So,” Dean says in between kisses. He and Cas are already in the lift, about to part to their respective jobs. “When are you,” he murmurs into Cas’ mouth. They started their day kissing, and they shared even more kisses during their shower together and while making breakfast, but it seems they can’t get enough. “free again?”

“Wednesday,” Castiel answers, deepening the kiss and making it last longer than the previous ones. “Lunch time.”

“Okay.” He catches Cas’ lower lip and plays with it, making Cas smile. The lift stops, indicating they are in the floor where Cas leaves. “See you, Cas.”

Castiel cups Dean’s face and gives him a sweet and passionate kiss that has Dean’s knees turning into jelly and holding Cas’ back to avoid falling. “See you, Dean.”

Castiel walks away and Dean watches him leave while he smiles at the ghost of Cas’ lips on his. The lift soon closes its doors and Dean closes his eyes and presses the back of his head against the wall of the lift. He tries to calm down the storm of his feelings, but it is in vain; his heart is hammering against his chest, wanting to be freed from his cage. He is falling, he was already fallen for Cas, but now, he is noticing said fall.

Dean shakes his head as he walks towards his Impala. He is so screwed up, and it’s all his fault for letting himself fall for Cas. He needs to keep his heart quiet, so he starts the car and puts on his music; _Better Strangers_ by Royal Blood plays in his car and Dean sings the lyrics as he drives towards his bookstore.

He arrives as soon as always and initiates his routine. Charlie arrives at her usual hour and greets Dean with her usual charming smile before she gets her stuff in the office.

“How was your Sunday?” Dean asks as he looks through the computer to know about the books storage.

“Really amazing,” Charlie answers from the office. “I managed to get Gilda to like playing _Kingdom Hearts_ with me.” Both of them chuckle at that. “What about you? How was your Sunday?” she asks after coming out from the office.

“Really amazing too,” he answers with a shy smile. He looks down, trying to hide his blush, but he knows that Charlie can see it. “Can you make me a favor?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “Can you— can you not tell everyone about me and Cas? Kevin might know it, given that he saw Cas on Friday, so I guess he’ll ask me about it today, but don’t tell anyone else, would you?”

Charlie frowns and blinks perplexed. “Yeah, sure, but why do you—?”

“Because right now, I don’t need anyone to start telling me stuff about me and Cas. I’ll tell Sam, Jess and Benny eventually, but I’m not ready to tell them yet.”

“Dean,” Charlie says, placing her hand on Dean’s arm, turning him so they are face to face. “Did something happen in between you and Cas?”

Dean nibbles his lower lip nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and he meets Charlie’s worried eyes. “Not exactly.”

“Then?”

Dean sighs and rubs his eyes, which suddenly feel really exhausted. He takes a deep breath and looks at his shoes, because looking at Charlie’s eyes feel too much, even if those eyes have always been safe for him.

He has a knot in his throat that makes it hard to spit the words out, but somehow, Dean manages to say, “I think I’ve fallen for Cas.”

There’s a silence, and it takes Dean a while to get the courage to look right into Charlie’s eyes, and when he looks at his friend, she looks shocked, not because of the fact of Dean revealing it, because Charlie did know about Dean’s feelings for Cas, even if Dean never said anything explicit, but she is shocked because Dean has finally recognized it out loud.

“Dean—”

“Please, don’t tell them, Charlie,” Dean says, almost begging. His heart is hammering against his chest again, and he feels how his palms are getting sweaty. He is such a mess. “I need to sort things out, because right now I have like a fucking storm of feelings inside me and I— Fuck, I know you guys care about me, and that you want what’s best for me, but it’s easier to say things than doing them, y’know?” He takes a deep breath and looks at his old boots, focusing his sight on a small and old scratch. “I just gotta know what to do, and I’ve gotta be the one who figures things out ‘cause—”

“After all, it’s your own life,” Charlie finishes for him with a soft voice. Dean lifts his eyes and sees how the understanding fills his friend’s eyes. “I get it, Dean, I really do. You need to think about what you want, what it means and try to figure how to do things. And for that, you need space and quietness.”

Dean smiles. “Sometimes I forget how awesome you are, Charlie. And how lucky I am for having you as a friend.”

“Aw, Dean, that’s so beautiful. I can’t believe you just said something like that.”

Dean rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Shut up.”

Charlie laughs. “Hey,” she says placing her hands on Dean’s shoulders. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise. And if you need to talk or anything—”

“Yeah, I know. I can count on you.”

Charlie nods and pats both of his shoulders. “Meanwhile, you’re still gonna see Cas?”

“Of course.”

“And are you gonna be okay? After all, you just realized about your feelings for him. Don’t you think it might get things a little more blurry in between you two? Because I know you, and I know you two still don’t know what you are.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “Yeah, I know, but— I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.”

“You said that the last time.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah. But at that time I was in denial.”

Charlie gives him an inquiring look. “What made you realize about your feelings?”

He shrugs. “A bit of everything, I guess.”

Charlie simply nods and walks towards the door to turn the sign to the ‘open’ side. “You know which love stories are the saddest?”

Dean scowls at her, not sure about where she wants to go with that question. “The ones where one of the lovers dies at the end?”

“Those aren’t sad, those are sadistic and painful,” she answers with an obvious grimace. 

Dean chuckles. She has a point. “Okay, which stories are the saddest ones?”

She rests her elbows on the cash desk, leaning slightly onto it. “The ones that end up with a maybe or an almost.” Her answer leaves Dean frowning. What does she mean with that? “What I’m trying to say is this: _do or not do, there is no try_.”

“Okay, Yoda, whatever,” Dean says.

“Dean,” she says with a sharp voice, which is something very unusual for her. “You need to figure things out, but whatever you decide, do it. Don’t try. Don’t let this thing you and Cas have, become an almost. That’s the worst thing you can do. There’s no middle term when it comes to feelings.”

Charlie is right. Dean sighs and nods. “Thanks for the advice.”

“You’re welcome.”

Now the only thing Dean has to do is get his shit together and figure things out. It isn’t going to be easy.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the fic is back! Thank you so much to all of you for being so patient, and I'm sorry for the long wait, but don't worry, I'm back to my schedule and I will update every two weeks, like I always do.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :)

_September the 23rd, 2015_

 

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greets when he comes into the bookstore, a few minutes before the closing time.

Dean immediately smiles when he sees Cas. It doesn’t matter if his emotions are chaotic; when he sees Cas, he can’t help smiling and feeling happy. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hey, Cas!” Charlie greets as she comes out from the office, already wearing her coat.

“Hello, Charlie, it’s so nice to see you,” Castiel says with a bright smile.

“You’re even prettier than I remembered.” She pulls him into a hug that catches Castiel by surprise, but he returns it while he looks at Dean with a surprised face. Dean smiles widely.

“You are so nice with me.”

Charlie pulls away and dedicates him a big smile. “I’m so glad I got to see you.” Her words make Cas flush and Dean can’t help grinning. “I’ll leave you two so you can go and have an amazing lunch. See you!”

“See you,” Dean and Castiel say at the same time.

Charlie leaves the bookstore, not before she turns the sign to the ‘closed’ side, and she waves her hand at them from the street, dedicating Dean a last look that Dean knows it means ‘get your shit together, Winchester’.

“Just give me a couple of minutes. I need to close first,” Dean says.

“Of course, Dean.”

Dean gathers all his stuff and switches off the lights. Before he walks towards the door, Cas cups his face and kisses him passionately. Dean makes a really pleased moan and places his hand on Castiel’s messy hair, deepening the kiss, getting lost in the addictive warmth and taste of his mouth.

When they pull away, they spend a couple of seconds looking at each other’s eyes, smiling. What’s this game they are playing? Things would be clarified if Dean wasn’t too afraid to talk. Not to forget that he is also terrible with words. But Dean Winchester has never been someone who can put words to his feelings, and much less to say out those words. It’s easier for him to bury all of that in the deepest and darkest corner of his mind, than trying to explain it. Feelings weren’t made for him, but here he is, experimenting feelings for the first time and being really afraid of them, because he doesn’t know how things will go or if his feelings are returned. But he is also afraid of getting himself hurt and worst of all, hurting Cas because of him.

Dean will run away from his feelings for as long as possible. Even if he knows it will destroy him at the end.

“Shall we go?” Dean asks, as if there wasn’t a whole storm of feelings happening in his heart and mind. He might suck at words, but he’s really good at pretending. “Or do you intend on kissing until our stomachs growl?”

Castiel chuckles. “You mean your stomach, right?”

Dean rolls his eyes and steals a quick kiss. “Shut up.” Again, Cas chuckles. “C’mon.”

Both of them leave the bookshop. Dean closes it and they get into the Impala, Dean driving towards his place, enjoying having Cas sitting next to him in his beloved car once again. It’s something simple, but it brings him so much joy.

Once they are at Dean’s place, Dean starts to heat the meatballs he made the previous day while Cas peels some potatoes. It is clear that the blue eyed man has never done this task before, and Dean has to come to the rescue and help him peel half of the potatoes, making Cas blush in shame.

“I’m sorry I’m this useless in the kitchen,” Castiel says with a sad voice.

He makes a sweet face. “You aren’t useless, Cas; you just lack of experience.”

“And my lack of experience makes me useless.”

Dean rolls his eyes and sighs. He forgot about Cas’ stubbornness. “Geez, you’re so optimistic.” He grabs a wringer and washes the potatoes before cutting them. “You can’t expect to make things perfect at first if you’ve never done them before.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just that—” He takes a deep breath and rubs his eyes, not finishing what he wanted to say.

Dean lifts his eyes from the potatoes and looks at Cas, knowing that Cas’ words hold more meaning. “It’s just that…?”

Castiel makes a soft smile that looks almost painful. “It doesn’t matter, Dean. Job stuff.” He rubs again his eyes and runs his hand through his hair. “It’s stress, that’s all.”

“Hey,” Dean says, leaving his task behind and drying his hands on his jeans before placing them on Cas’ shoulders. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

“It’s only stress, Dean, don’t worry.”

“It’s more than that, I know it.” He moves his hands up, cupping Cas’ face, making him look at his eyes, because for some reason, those blue eyes have been adverting Dean’s green ones. “Just tell me, Cas.”

Castiel closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Dean’s. His hands come to Dean’s hips immediately, as if he was trying to hold himself; maybe he is it, Dean isn’t sure. “I’m just tired, Dean. I’m really tired of everything. And I— I don’t know. I’m just—” He takes another deep breath and holds onto Dean tighter, almost afraid of falling if he lets him go. “I’m really stressed,” he mumbles after a small silence.

“Then, take a break,” Dean murmurs, not sure what Cas is exactly talking about. He could ask, but he can read in his expression that Castiel doesn’t want to get further into this topic. But he’s really worried about him and he wants to know what’s wrong.

Blue eyes meet the green ones, and he smiles, it’s a smile that it isn’t almost there, but Dean can see it. “I wish it could be that simple.”

Something in the back of Dean’s mind is telling him that there’s something more hidden in that sentence than what it looks like, but he doesn’t want to push. Cas doesn’t need to be pushed right now, so Dean strokes his cheekbones and kisses him softly and briefly. “Should I go and kick somebody’s ass so they can give you a break?”

Castiel grins, and it isn’t fake or forced. Dean managed to relief him a little. “It’s not necessary.”

“You sure? I can be really persuasive.”

“I have no doubt about that, but there’s no need, Dean.”

Dean looks at him, trying to find the truth in Castiel’s expression. “Are you gonna be okay? I’ve never seen you like this. I’m worried.”

Castiel’s face melts and he cups Dean’s face. “You care too much about me, Dean.”

“You care too much about me, too.”

Castiel smiles and he hugs Dean, burying his face in the crook of Dean’s neck, fisting the back of Dean’s plaid shirt. Dean hugs him back, holding him tightly. It feels as if Cas was about to fall apart and he was trying to keep himself together by embracing Dean.

“Cas, what’s wrong? You’re worrying me, man.”

“It’s just stress. But I— but I need this.” His voice comes shaky and it doesn’t calm Dean’s worries. He wishes he could do something. “I will be okay, don’t worry. It’s only that I had a long day.”

“Okay,” Dean whispers before kissing Cas’ hairline.

They stay like that for a while. Dean feels how Cas relaxes more and more as time passes. Dean holds him for a couple of minutes, until the actor pulls away, smiling, as if nothing happened, but Dean can see a trace of something he can’t put a name to in his eyes.

“Thank you for this, Dean. I really needed it.”

“No problem.”

“I’m sorry this delayed your usual lunch time. Your stomach must be complaining right now.”

Dean chuckles. He wonders if Cas is using humor to get away from the topic from Dean. He guesses so, because he doesn’t think that’s something Cas would do. But if he wants to avoid the topic, Dean isn’t going to complain. After all, he is doing the same regarding his feelings.

“Well, my stomach will forgive you if you kiss me,” Dean says as he leans closer.

Castiel chuckles and immediately kisses him happily.

They don’t talk about that moment again. They talk about nothing and everything as Dean makes French fries. The ambient in between them turns lighter and happier, and they have fun, like they always do. The food turns out to be delicious, as always, as Castiel points out.

Lunch is over soon and after washing and drying the dishes, both of them have to return to their respective work places, not before sharing a passionate kiss in the elevator and Cas promising on coming back to see Dean on Friday.

 

***

 

Castiel makes sure to lock the bathroom door. Naomi never interrupts him when he is in the bathroom, but he locks the door, just in case. For now, the only place where he can be safe from his agent is the bathroom.

He has been filming for six hours straight and he is exhausted. He needs to let the warm water of the shower wash away all his tiredness. He starts the shower and doesn’t get in the tub until he can see steam coming out of it.

Instead of standing, like he usually does, he sits on the tub, pressing his back against the cold marble shower, embracing his legs and pressing them against his chest, burying his face in his knees. The hot water soon drenches him, but it isn’t enough to wash away what he is feeling.

Lately, acting has been too overwhelming for him. It’s the same old thing he’s been doing for years, but right now it’s too much for him. He isn’t sure if he likes it anymore; he isn’t sure if he ever liked it. But what else can he do? He is good at acting, he knows that, and it is a job that makes him have a really good life. He knows what it is like to have no home and no money, and he doesn’t want to go through that again. Acting is all that he has. And if he loses it, he is nobody.

But it’s not only the acting thing that has Castiel feeling like everything is falling apart. There’s also Dean. He knows he will have to leave him again and it hurts him. He wants to stay with him, but it isn’t a good idea. Castiel spends like ninety percent of his time out of home. Dean wouldn’t stand having Cas and not having him, although that’s their deal with this thing they have, isn’t it? He’s assuming that Dean feels the same way as he does, which is unlikely. He knows that Dean cares about him, but he doesn’t think that Dean has feelings for him.

Besides, Dean is a self-made man with too much to offer, an amazing and kind man, and Castiel has nothing to offer. He is a lonely man with nothing more than a job that takes too much time of him. Dean deserves better. He knows that, and yet, he came back to him instead of letting him go; it would have been better for the two of them. This thing they have can be extraordinary, but only until Castiel has to leave, because then it brings pain and tears; at least for him. He doesn’t know what effect it has on Dean, but he is sure that nothing good either.

Suddenly, Castiel realizes he is crying. He is so stupid and broken. Why can’t he put his shit together? He is so pathetic. He keeps crying, feeling how the tightness in his chest becomes bigger, wanting to suck everything inside him. He cries until he feels the pain fade away, but it doesn’t completely disappear. He wipes down his tears, blended with the water from the shower, and he closes his eyes, tilting up his head so the falling water can wash away the remaining tears and calm his sore eyelids.

In the silence of the bathroom, only broken by the sound of the water, Castiel realizes how truly alone and lost he is, and he sighs, a sound that comes out sounding more like a sob and that it echoes against the marble walls. When he opens his eyes, he looks at his naked body and he doesn’t see anything worthy in him. He wonders why Dean is even interested in someone like him. After all, Cas is just a simple actor; nothing more, nothing else. Everyone knows him because of his films, but no one cares about anything else about him, mostly because there’s nothing else about Castiel Novak. He is a broken man, wearing a mask all the time to hide his cracks, living a life that isn’t fully his, just because he doesn’t think he can do anything.

The water keeps falling onto his body, its sound echoing in the bathroom, sounding louder than before. Its pressure is the same, but for some reason, it sounds louder than before for Castiel. The drip drop keeps going and Castiel tilts his head down, opening his eyes and seeing how the water runs down his body, following the path that leads towards the drain. He looks at it and gets mesmerized by the swirling of the water.

He is tired, really tired. He rubs his eyes, trying to remember the comfort and warmth of Dean’s arms around him, the smell of leather and books coming from him, the softness of his eyes and the sweetness of his smile. The shower is cold compared to the warmth that Dean irradiates in everything he does. Dean is too good for him and Dean deserves someone who can give him everything and not just tiny pieces of a stressing life. He needs someone who can make him happy, who can be there for him and who can give him what he deserves; but Castiel isn’t that person.

The more he sees Dean, the more painful it gets to leave. They should stop, but it is so easy to fall into that illusion, to be with Dean and forget about his life, to let himself have a small piece of goodness. He is too scared to lose him. But it doesn’t matter what he does; at the end, he always leaves, because Castiel has nowhere to go and doesn’t know anything else. And because he is aware that Dean deserves someone better.

Castiel stays under the shower for what it feels like hours, but it is only for thirty minutes. Once the heartache has almost disappeared and his mind has gone quiet, he washes himself, letting the smell of his shampoo and his shower gel sooth his pain.

He comes out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry his hair while he grabs another one to get it around his waist. When he looks at himself in the mirror, he sees his eyes are red and swollen, but he also sees a sad man. Did his reflection ever show happiness? Maybe back then when he was a kid, before his parents died.

“Castiel!” Naomi yells as she knocks on the bathroom door, almost punching it.

Castiel feels how the disgust builds in his stomach and quickly spreads over his body by hearing her. He takes a deep breath and hopes his voice doesn’t come out shaky. “What?!”

“I’ve been calling you for almost an hour! Why are you taking so damn long in the bathroom?!”

Castiel opens the door and makes sure to look pissed off instead of how he was looking a few minutes ago. “I was taking a shower to relax myself, is there a problem with that?”

Naomi gives him a cold look, trying to win the angry stare contest. Then, without taking her eyes from Castiel’s, she hands him a few papers. “The director changed the schedule for Saturday, so here you have it.”

Castiel grabs it, without looking at it. “Thanks,” he says as dryly as possible.

Naomi doesn’t say anything and she turns around, walking away, leaving Castiel alone in the bedroom. He doesn’t look at the schedule; he leaves it on the table, and before he knows it, he starts kicking some of the furniture and punching the walls, letting out the frustration and the pain. It isn’t a good idea, because he is only wearing a towel and his skin and his limbs are exposed and everything he does hurts, but he needs to let it out.

He ends up with his knuckles bleeding, and his toes hurt more than they should, but they aren’t broken. He will deal with the physical pain later. Right now, Castiel sits down on the bed and brings his hands to his hair, feeling how his eyes start to get wet, letting some tears out almost immediately.

He is so messed up and so broken.

 

***

 

_September the 25th, 2015_

 

Dean almost runs when Cas knocks on the door. He is always excited to see him, no matter what. The moment he opens the door, both immediately grin. It’s great to see that Dean isn’t the only one who’s enthusiastic about the two of them meeting.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says with that low and deep voice of his.

“Hey, Cas.”

Castiel gets into Dean’s apartment, and before he can take off his trench coat, Dean leans and kisses him, Cas immediately kissing him back and placing his hands on Dean’s jaw, pressing his body closer to Dean and moaning happily. Kissing Cas is always amazing.

“You really know how to welcome me,” Castiel says grinning, and fuck, Dean loves it when Cas looks this happy, when the crinkles on the corner of his eyes appear. It makes him want to kiss him again, so he does it.

“Well, I like receiving you like this too, so,” Dean says, shrugging.

Castiel chuckles and steps away, walking toward the rack, taking off his trench coat and putting it next to Dean’s leather coat, sending warmth to Dean’s heart. But that warmth fades away when he notices the wounds on Cas’ knuckles. He immediately reaches Cas’ hands and looks at them.

“What happened?” Dean asks worried, caressing the hurt knuckles, trying to makes it as tenderly as possible.

“Me being clumsy on set,” Castiel answers, sounding ashamed. “It’s fine, don’t worry. This isn’t the first time I accidentally get hurt on set.”

“You should be more careful,” Dean murmurs, and he looks at Cas, who is blushing and looking away. Without thinking it twice, he brings Cas’ left hand and kisses his knuckles. Then, he does the same with his right hand, making Cas’ blush deep. Even his eyes soften. “Blush really suits you.”

Castiel chuckles and tries to push Dean away. “You are terrible, Dean.”

But Dean gets him closer. “Yeah, you like to point that out.” They look at each other briefly before they kiss again, not letting their hands pull away. “You’ve got the whole night?” Dean asks into Cas’ mouth as he nibbles his lower lip.

“I’m afraid I don’t.” He kisses Dean briefly but eagerly. “I have to wake up at 3 A.M., so I’ll have to leave after dinner.”

“Why don’t you sleep here?” He doesn’t want Cas to go that soon. “We have dinner and maybe watch something on TV and then go to sleep.”

“My alarm will sound at three in the morning and that will wake you up.”

“I don’t care, Cas.”

“Dean—”

“Just stay. You’ve done it before.” He tries to make his puppy eyes. He isn’t as good as Sam is, but he knows he can be persuasive.

“Don’t give me that look, Dean.”

“C’mon, Cas. I know you want to stay here tonight, so do it.”

Castiel presses his lips into a thin line, trying to hold a smile. Dean managed to convince him, but he doesn’t want Dean to see it. “Okay. But don’t grunt at me when the alarm sounds.”

“I won’t. Promise.” He kisses him again and walks towards the kitchen, followed by Cas.

“I don’t know what you’re cooking, but it smells delicious.”

Dean grins as he looks at the food in the oven. He knows there are a couple minutes left until it’s done. “I made some stuffed eggplants. There’s a mix of vegetables with some beef and covered with homemade tomato sauce. Does that sound good to you?”

“It sounds better than good.”

Dean can’t help laughing. “Always a fan of my food.”

“What can I do? Your food never ceases to amaze me.”

“I’m not that good at cooking, Cas.”

“I strongly disagree.” Castiel sits down on a chair and gives Dean a soft look. “I have eaten in many great restaurants that owned a Michelin Star, and yet, I consider your food better than theirs.”

“You’re really exaggerating, Cas.” Dean turns over, showing his back to Cas as he turns off the oven and gets the tray with the food out of it. “Those cooks are professionals, I’m just some amateur.”

“Many people who are amateurs at something can be much better than so many professionals. That’s your case.”

“Stop praising me, Cas,” Dean murmurs uncomfortable as he serves Cas, who looks at him with a confused frown. “You’re overrating me. I don’t—” Dean takes a deep breath. Cas is overrating him. Dean knows he is good at cooking, but he isn’t as good as Cas thinks he is. Cas tends to see Dean way better than he is, and Dean doesn’t like that. “I’m just a regular guy who cooks a little better than some people, but that’s all. There’s nothing extraordinary on that.”

Dean carefully brings the tray to the sink, using the cloth to avoid burning his hands. Then, he returns to the table and sits next to Cas, who looks at him with his intense stare.

“I forgot you didn’t like being praised,” Castiel murmurs. Dean shrugs, trying not to give it any importance at all. “You’re better than you let yourself believe, Dean.”

Dean chuckles bitterly. No, he isn’t. He is a man so scared of confessing his feelings towards the man he is having dinner with, a man who hides how truly broken he is because he is afraid of being left behind, a man who is only passing by in the journey of life, with nothing extraordinary to do or to left. There’s nothing good in that. Dean takes a deep breath before muttering, “Whatever.”

He can see how Cas grimaces and how he wants to protest, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he looks at his dish and he starts eating, making a moan at the first bite.

“Control yourself, man,” Dean says, laughing.

Castiel blushes and he kicks Dean’s leg under the table. “Shut up.”

Dean laughs again.

“You like it, don’t you?” Cas asks with a mischievous smile.

“Like what?”

“Seeing that your food pleases me.”

“Yeah.” Dean smiles. “If I’m not wrong, you told me that it was good for my ego.” When he looks at Cas, he has a soft expression on his face. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just that—” he looks down, trying to hide his pretty and shy smile. “It surprises me that you can remember our conversations.”

“Well, I can’t remember the whole dialogues, but I can remember a big part of them. Why does it surprise you?” Dean remembers too many things from Cas. It’s been more than half a year since they met for the very first time, and Dean’s memory of the time they spent together is almost intact.

“It’s not surprise, it’s— I don’t know how to call it.” He makes a thoughtful face and Dean takes his time to look at Cas’ face and pay attention to every small detail. He likes the curve of his nose, his pink lips, his stubble, his amazing blue eyes, his eyelashes, his eyebrows, his forehead, his cheekbones. Everything in his face is perfect. Suddenly, Castiel catches Dean staring at him and Dean immediately blushes when the blue eyed man arches his eyebrow, intrigued.

“You enjoy my food, and I enjoy looking at you,” Dean says with a smirk, hoping his blush will soon fade away.

“I enjoy looking at you too.”

“You’re the fucking worst, Cas,” Dean mutters, fighting back a smile, but it’s a failed attempt. His blush deepens and Cas starts chuckling, melting Dean’s heart. He kisses him, catching Cas off guard, but his partner immediately kisses him back. When the kiss finishes, their faces are only a few inches apart and they look at each other’s eyes. Dean can’t help wishing he could be the man Cas deserves.

“What was that for?” Castiel asks after a while, in a whisper.

“Do I need an excuse to kiss you?”

Castiel smiles. “You never need it, Dean.”

Finally, Dean moves away and keeps eating. Their conversation consists about their workday and the topic soon changes into books. Dinner is as enjoyable as always, and as always, when they finish, Cas washes the dishes and Dean dries them.

After that task is done, they go to the couch and sit down together. While Dean switches on the TV, Cas grabs Dean’s arm and puts it around him while he rests his head on Dean’s shoulder, pressing himself closer to Dean.

“Is this okay?” Castiel asks shyly.

“Yeah,” Dean says, tightening his grip on Cas and kissing his hair. He tries to ignore how his heart hammers against his chest and the domestic feeling of having Cas like this. Sometimes Dean gets the feeling that there’s more in this thing he and Cas have than they want to recognize. But he knows it’s only his imagination wanting him to see things that aren’t there.

They end up watching an old re-run of _Friends_ , both of them laughing together at the episodes. Cas never saw this show, but he knew about it. He seems to enjoy it too much, given how happy his laughter sounds. Dean looks at him whenever he laughs, treasuring the sound and the picture of Cas’ happiness in his mind, wishing that time could stop.

There’s a moment when there’s a commercial break and Cas starts to get sleepy, and Dean knows that both of them should head to the bed. They both work tomorrow, and Cas has to wake up extremely early, so they better get some rest.

“Cas,” Dean says, slightly shaking Cas.

“Hmmm?” Castiel mumbles, looking at Dean. The poor guy is exhausted.

“Let’s go to bed.”

“Okay.”

Both of them stand up. Dean switches off the TV while Castiel stretches himself and rubs his eyes. He is really adorable when he is sleepy. Dean places his arm around Cas’ shoulders and presses him close as they walk towards Dean’s bedroom. Cas purrs happily and brings his hand to the small of Dean’s back, kissing his cheek.

Dean lends him an old AC/DC t-shirt and some gray pajamas pants. The moment he sees Cas wearing his clothes, there’s a tingling feeling inside Dean, running through his whole body. He is so gone for him. But those aren’t fresh news, are they?

They get in the bed and Cas rolls onto his side so he can press his chest against Dean’s side. He even tangles his legs with Dean’s. Dean is surprised by how cuddly Cas is today, but he doesn’t complain; he puts his arms around Cas and holds him tightly.

“Goodnight, Dean,” Castiel says before kissing him sweetly.

“Goodnight, Cas.”

Dean switches off the lights. Cas falls asleep in a couple of minutes, but Dean stays awake for a little longer, enjoying how Cas is sleeping and how his breathing is calm. What he would do to have Cas like this every single night of his life.

If only he could stop being so afraid of everything.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions ^^

_September the 26th, 2015_

 

Cas’ alarm sounds at 3 A.M. and Dean can’t help making a disgusted sound at it. He can hear Cas protesting at it as he turns it off. In the darkness of his room, Dean can feel how Cas detangles from him and sits on the bed. It is really dark, and it is impossible for Cas to put on his clothes without turning on a light. But Dean knows him, and Cas won’t turn any light on in the bedroom because he doesn’t want to wake him up. That’s why Dean turns on his bedside lamp.

“What are you doing?” Cas asks with a pastry voice and looking at Dean. He is clearly not happy about having to wake up this early in the morning. Dean understands him.

“You can’t see where your clothes are unless there’s some light. I don’t want you to hit yourself against something,” Dean explains, almost mumbling. He puts his hand on his face, covering the annoying light from his eyes.

Cas lets out a chuckle and he leans onto Dean, caressing the side of his face. “Go back to sleep, don’t worry about me.” He kisses him slowly and Dean makes happy, little moans.

“I’ll go back to sleep when you’re safely dressed.”

Castiel smiles. “Always thinking about everyone before yourself.”

Dean watches him get undressed and how he carefully folds the sleeping clothes Dean lend him. “When do I get to see you again?”

“Tonight,” Castiel answers as he puts on his t-shirt. Dean loves how well that piece of cloth marks his muscly arms. “Although I might come later than usually. I’ll drop by ten, more or less.”

“And you have the whole night?”

“Yes,” he says smiling. He sits on the bed and he starts tying his shoelaces. Dean wants to move his hand and reach Cas, so he can stroke his back tenderly, but that would be pushing their boundaries, although he is quite sure they’ve already pushed some of those dozens of times. “Do you want me to bring dinner? I’m not sure at which time I’ll finally arrive, and I don’t want you to worry about at what time you should make dinner.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, okay, why not?”

“Do you like kebabs?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then I’ll bring some for tonight.”

“Good.”

When Castiel finishes with his shoelaces, he turns to Dean and cups his face, kissing him in a breathtaking way. “See you tonight, Dean.”

“See you, Cas.”

Dean watches how Cas leaves his bedroom and he switches off the light. Before he falls back to sleep, he hears the door closing, and the next thing he hears after so many hours, is his own alarm, telling him it’s time to wake up.

His Saturday morning goes like every other Saturday. The bookstore is quite busy and he and Charlie barely stop until it’s almost closing time. Then he goes back home to have lunch and after that, he goes to the supermarket to buy groceries. It doesn’t take him too much time, given that he knows where every single item in the supermarket is, so he is back home really soon.

When all the groceries are settled, Dean looks at the time; he has a long time to kill until Cas arrives, so he grabs his laptop and watches some episodes of his favorite TV shows. New seasons have started, so he has a couple of episodes to watch. But that only takes him a little bit more than two hours, and he still has time to kill.

He ends up looking at some news and he finds out that tomorrow, there’s going to be a total lunar eclipse, also known as blood moon, and it will be visible in Vancouver. He looks at what time it will be seen and he finds that the blood moon will be seen around 7 P.M. and it will last about an hour. He really wants to see that lunar eclipse, and hopefully, Cas will want to.

Dean bites his lower lip. It isn’t a date, right? After all they aren’t a thing, well, they are a thing, but not a conventional thing, more like a messy thing in which Dean is a coward and can’t confess his feelings and he is too afraid of telling Cas because he is sure Cas will reject him because Dean has nothing to offer. So seeing together the blood moon isn’t a date, and there’s nothing romantic on it. Why does he have to overthink stuff? He always overthinks stuff but doesn’t come up with a solution to all the problems that are causing all those thoughts. Dean Winchester is a chaotic mess.

After looking at the news, he ends up turning off the laptop and grabbing a book, _Heart Shaped Box_ by Joe Hill. He is soon immersed in the story that he even startles when there’s a knock on his door. Dean looks at the time again, seeing that there’s half an hour left until the time Cas said he would come. Dean frowns confused and goes to the door, after leaving the book on the coffee table. When he opens the door, he finds Cas, carrying some plastic bags with their food in them, its wonderful smell caressing his nose.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says with his pretty smile.

“Hey, Cas. I wasn’t expecting you this early.”

“I know.” He kisses Dean briefly before he gets inside and hands Dean the plastic bags so he can take off his trench coat. “But we managed to film all the scenes in one take, so that saves a lot of time.”

“Awesome,” Dean says smiling. As Cas hangs his trench coat of the rack, Dean walks towards the kitchen and places the bags on the table and he starts to open the drawers to get some dishes, glasses, forks and napkins. “It smells really good.”

“Not as good as your food,” Castiel says as he places himself next to Dean and helps him to bring all that stuff to the table.

Dean chuckles. “You really had to say it, didn’t you?”

Castiel tries to make an innocent smile, but it turns out to be a mischievous one.

“Asshole,” Dean says, smiling.

“Assbutt,” Castiel says, mirroring Dean’s smile.

Dean turns his face and leans onto Cas, stealing a kiss. Cas moans into it, bringing his hand to Dean’s chest, fisting his t-shirt to pull him even closer. When both pull away, they spend a couple of seconds looking at each other’s eyes, almost mesmerized, until Dean moves away towards the table and puts the dishes on it, followed by Cas.

They ask about each other’s days as they set everything and take the food out of the bags. The smell becomes more intense, and Dean feels how his mouth waters at it. The food looks delicious and it tastes even better. Dean can’t even help making a soft moan at it and Castiel looks at him with an arched brow.

“What?” Dean says with a full mouth. He swallows the food before he keeps talking, “You’re not the only one allowed to moan over food.”

Castiel chuckles and rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t that, you assbutt. It’s that I have never seen you moan over food.”

“That’s ‘cause I have better self-control than you.” His words earn him a kick from Cas and it makes Dean laugh hysterically. “How mature, Cas.”

“Don’t make me make a ball with the napkins and throw it at you.” He sounds really serious and he tries to be even scary, but Dean finds it really hilarious and his laughter comes out really loud. Cas finally ends up making said ball and throws it at Dean, hitting him on the forehead, which only makes Dean’s laughter last for longer and get louder. “Stop laughing!”

“I’m sorry,” Dean says, his words almost muffled by his laughter. He calms it down and rubs his face, feeling the heat in his cheeks. “It’s just that you’re so damn adorable.”

“You are terrible and a dick.”

“Can’t tell you I didn’t warn you.”

Castiel chuckles.

“See? You can’t be mad at me,” Dean says, poking his arm.

Castiel looks at him with softened eyes. “I know.”

Before Dean can blush or say anything, Castiel kisses him, cupping his face, holding him as if he was someone important. Cas has that power; he makes people feel as if they were special and important even when they aren’t.

Cas pulls away with a beautiful smile and Dean makes a shy one of his own. He tries to calm his steady heart, wanting him to have all those things that he wants but Dean refuses to try and get because he is so afraid. That’s when he remembers about the blood moon and his plan of wanting to see it with Cas.

“Hey, are you free tomorrow? By 7 P.M.?” Dean asks.

Castiel sighs and makes a thoughtful face. “I think I have a tiny break by that time, but then I have to film around 9 P.M. Why do you ask?”

“There’s gonna be a total lunar eclipse, also known as blood moon, and it’s gonna be visible in Vancouver around 7 P.M., so I was wondering if maybe you wanna come with me and see it? I know some nice place to see these stuff, so— y’know.” He shrugs shyly and looks at Cas, who has his mouth parted and looked at Dean in awe. Dean frowns confused and he is about to say something, but Cas talks first.

“I’d love that, Dean,” he says, grinning and blushing.

Dean grins too. “Awesome.”

“Could you pick me up at the hotel by 6:45? I could come here, but that would take me some time I unfortunately don’t have.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll pick you up.” He is so damn happy about their plan together that he knows his happiness is showing in his face.

“You look really happy.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I like space stuff.” He rubs the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed. “And not only in films. I like the universe in general, is really cool.” When he finishes talking, he looks at Cas, whose grin is all gums and teeth. “Yeah, I’m a nerd, say it.”

Castiel chuckles before he kisses Dean’s cheek. “You are adorable.”

Dean growls. “That’s for before, am I right?”

The blue eyed man makes an innocent face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Dean kicks Cas’ leg, earning him a chuckle. “You’re a dick.”

“I thought you were the dick one.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you’re the one who deserves the dick title more than me.”

Castiel kicks him again. “Stop teasing me, Winchester.”

“No way, Novak. Teasing you is funny.”

Both of them chuckle as they look at each other. In moments like this, it is easy to forget about the world and the reality that separates them. Dean gets lost in those eyes and he forgets about everything. That has always been the problem; he gets too lost.

“Don’t ever change, Cas,” Dean whispers. Castiel blinks perplexed, not knowing why Dean is saying that. Truth be told, Dean doesn’t know why he said that, but he doesn’t care.

“Okay,” Castiel manages to say. “Does that mean that you will hold the dick title no matter what?”

Dean chuckles and tilts his head down. Cas knows him so well that he knows when he has to make a joke to ease the tension in Dean. “Well, I don’t know, you’re making a lot of progress lately, so I think you should own it.”

“Assbutt,” Castiel says in between chuckles.

After some more laughing, they talk about some space stuff. They finish their dinner and they do their usual task of washing and drying the dishes. Dean smiles at Cas, who blushes and hides his timid smile. The task doesn’t take them too long, and the moment they are done, Castiel places his hands on Dean’s face, holding it, and he spends some time looking at Dean’s face, appreciating every feature of his face. Dean stares at him, unsure of why Cas is doing it.

Finally, Cas’ eyes finish their journey on Dean’s face to end up looking at his green eyes. He smiles and pulls himself closer, using his thumbs to caress Dean’s cheeks, delicately. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are, Dean?”

Dean blushes, of course he blushes. He even averts Cas’ eyes. He hears Cas chuckling, but he still doesn’t look at him. “Yeah, whatever, Cas.”

Cas moves his hand and combs Dean’s hair. Dean finds the courage to look at Cas’ eyes, and when he does it, he sees tenderness in them and something he can’t put a name to. “Why do you think so little of you?”

Dean sighs and closes his eyes. This is too much for him. This isn’t a conversation he wants to have. He knows he is capable of answering that question, he has it marked all over his head, but he can’t let out the words. “Can we— can we not talk about it?”

“Okay,” Castiel murmurs. Dean sighs in relief and opens his eyes. “But before we completely let the topic go, I want you to know that for me, you are extraordinary.” His words make Dean’s heart ache, and he wants to protest, but Cas puts his index finger on his lips, shushing him. “Not a word that can tell me otherwise.”

Dean chuckles bitterly. “You overrate me.”

“No, I don’t. But I think you are the one who overrates me.”

“What? No, I don’t overrate you,” Dean says frowning. Cas smiles. “Why are you smiling?”

“Because we are a couple of assbutts.”

Dean smirks. “Yeah. Yeah, we are.”

Dean wastes no time and he leans to kiss Cas, sweetly and slowly, taking his time on tasting his mouth and tongue, placing his hands on the small of his back, encouraging Cas to get closer, who happily complies as he kisses Dean back.

They slowly start moving towards Dean’s bedroom, kissing on their way, slowly taking off each other’s clothes. When they arrive to the bedroom, they are only wearing their jeans and underwear. Dean drops the two of them onto the bed, Cas being the one pressed against the mattress, and they keep kissing and they take off their remaining clothes, slowly mapping each other’s bodies, feeling their heat.

Dean deepens the kiss and Cas moans and tightens his grip on Dean’s hair, rolling his hips desperately, driving Dean crazy. But Dean wants to make this really good for Cas, and he wants to touch him and kiss him everywhere, taking his sweet time on praising Cas and his magnificent body. He starts caressing his sides, not pulling away their joined mouths, and he places them on his nipples, his thumbs make circles on them and Cas breaks the kiss to let out a sweet groan that makes Dean smirk.

As he keeps playing with Cas’ nipples, Dean moves his mouth to leave a trail of kisses on Cas’ jaw, enjoying the feeling of his stubble. Then, he reaches his partner’s earlobe and that earns him a desperate moan and another wonderful roll of hips.

“Dean—”

Dean slides down his hands, stopping on Cas’ hips. He starts kissing Cas’ neck, his collarbone, his chest, making a pause to dedicate some more attention to his nipples, nibbling and sucking one at a time, until he feels them hardening under his persistent tongue.

“Dean—” Cas keeps moaning, as if that was the only word he knew. He moves his hands restlessly on Dean’s hair, desperate for more, but Dean can see through his eyelashes that he is enjoying this. “Dean.”

Dean leaves a trail of kisses on Cas’ tummy, which apart from making him moan, it also makes him chuckle; he is a bit ticklish there. Then, Dean starts pressing kisses on Cas’ dick, enjoying how Cas bites his lip and closes his eyes at the soft touches of his lips. Dean doesn’t tease him for long and wraps his lips around the head of his dick, licking it softly and Cas moans relieved when Dean swallows him down.

His movements are slow, and Cas’ grip on his hair isn’t too tight; both know this is to get things nice and started, but both of them are enjoying this. Dean looks at Cas’ blessed face, hearing how his name comes out of his lips every time Dean swirls his tongue or presses the head of his cock against his throat.

He finally pulls away and he places his hands on Cas’ thighs, encouraging him to spread them. Cas does it, and his long and tanned legs are really welcoming. Dean begins kissing the inner of his thighs, which has Cas moaning and groaning. Cas’ thighs are fascinating and Dean can’t stop touching and kissing them.

Dean pulls his mouth away and waits for Cas to open his eyes so their gazes can meet. When he does so, Dean dedicates him a smile and places his hands on Cas’ hipbones and starts moving his face towards Cas’ rim, never breaking eye contact. Cas’ eyes immediately fill with anticipation, and he immediately closes them and presses his head on the pillow the moment he feels Dean’s tongue on his rim.

Dean really enjoys eating Cas out, mostly because this is Cas and he loves the way his partner is saying his name right now and how his whole body is reacting at his tongue. Dean is doing it slowly, but it seems that Cas really likes it like this.

He starts fucking Cas with his tongue, slowly opening him up and Cas brings his hands to his hair, pushing him a little bit further. Dean keeps moving his tongue inside Cas, feeling how his dick spurts some precome with just feeling and hearing how much Cas likes this.

After a while he joins some fingers, and Cas starts to rock his hips, fucking into Dean’s tongue and fingers. There’s a moment when Dean has to pull away and grab the lube and the condom because he is craving to get inside Cas and feel his tightness and warmth, and he is well aware that Cas is more than craving to feel him inside him.

Dean finishes prepping Cas with his lubed fingers and pulls them away when he feels Cas is loosened enough. Cas grabs his face and kisses him slowly but desperately, making Dean’s knees go weak. When they pull away, Cas places his legs around Dean’s waist, and brings him closer. Dean doesn’t waste more time and lines his cock with Cas’ entrance, moaning when the muscle gives away and he feels the wonderful tightness and heat of Cas.

Cas bites his lower lip and closes his eyes, feeling how Dean gets inside him. He moans and opens his eyes when Dean is fully settled in, and they look at each other’s eyes intensely. Dean cups Cas’ face and presses their foreheads together before they share a tender kiss, and before said kiss ends, Dean starts his thrusts, and once again, his movements are the making love type, and also Castiel’s. They know it, but they don’t care, in fact, this is what they want and need.

Dean feels something warm building in his chest, slowly spreading through his body, he knows what it is, and it should make alarms ring in his mind, but it isn’t; he looks at Cas and keeps making love to him, saying his name when he clenches around him and kissing him, trying to say with his body what he can’t say with words.

Castiel keeps saying his name every time Dean reaches that sweet spot. He holds Dean like he is holding his life, and maybe he is, Dean doesn’t know anymore. He looks at Dean with something more than lust, something deeper and stronger that Dean is too scared of, because he isn’t worth of that, but right now, it feels as if both were forgetting their game and they dropped their masks for only this moment. Everything will stay the same when this love making finishes, but right now, the façade isn’t there, it is unspoken, but deep down they know it, even if both of them are too afraid to acknowledge it.

“Cas—” Dean moans, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead on Cas’. “Cas— Cas.”

Cas kisses every part of his face that his lips can reach. “Dean,” he moans, moving his hands on Dean’s back. “Dean—” He tilts his head and closes his eyes when Dean hits that spot, his whole body trembling and squirming under Dean’s.

Dean seizes the moment and kisses his neck, burying his face in it. He is close to coming and so is Cas. He changes the angle of his hips and the speed of his thrusts increases, desperate to achieve his release. Even Cas’ hips roll faster, but their movements are still the love making kind.

Cas clenches and Dean keeps hitting that spot over and over again. Cas is the one to come first, moaning Dean’s name. A few seconds later, Dean is coming in Cas, moaning Cas’ name. Dean keeps thrusting in and out of Cas during their releases and Cas rolls his hips in trembling movements, clearly exhausted. Dean collapses onto him and feels how Cas embraces him tightly as his legs slide off him.

Dean feels boneless, and so does Cas. Both of them are panting and unwilling to move yet. Dean is still buried deep inside Cas. He knows he should pull away soon, but he can’t find the strength in his body to do such a simple task like that one. When his breathing has calmed down, he finally does it, both regretting the loss of their joined bodies. He knots the condom and throws it at the bin before collapsing onto Cas’ body, kissing his neck and making Cas chuckle.

Castiel brings his hand to cup Dean’s chin and brings Dean to his lips so they can kiss, both of them smiling happily during it and making tiny, happy moans. They are still smiling by the time they pull away. They look at each other and Dean can see that both of them are really happy right now. It could be so easy to just tell him now, but like always, his words don’t make it out, because Dean is still too scared of it and he isn’t sure if he is ready at all.

“What are you thinking?” Cas asks as he runs his hand on Dean’s hair.

 _Too many things I’m scared to tell you_ , Dean would love to say, but instead, he smiles and says, “I’m thinking about how nice and awesome this was.”

Castiel smiles and he even blushes slightly. “Yes, it truly was it.” He brings Dean’s face down and they kiss again. Again, they spend some time looking at each other, in silence, until Castiel smiles and caresses Dean’s cheek. “I think more freckles have appeared on your face.”

Dean frowns at him. “And how are you so sure about that? I’ve got like hundreds.”

Castiel grins. “I don’t know, but I just know.” His thumb caresses the constellation of freckles across Dean’s face. “You have a whole galaxy.”

“You’re so damn cheesy, Cas,” he says chuckling. Castiel chuckles too. Dean kisses him, slowly and sweetly, and when he pulls away, he buries his face in the crook of Cas’ neck, pressing his chest against Cas’ side and holding him. Cas holds him too and caresses his hair lazily. “I like this.”

“Cuddling?”

“It’s not cuddling.”

Castiel frowns at him. “Of course it’s cuddling. We’re holding each other and pressed together.”

“Okay, fine, it’s cuddling.” He rolls his eyes and tries to hide his blush. “And yeah, I like doing this,” he whispers.

“Me too.” He sighs and kisses the top of Dean’s head.

They stay like that for a while, in silence. Dean caresses Cas’ chest and Cas caresses Dean’s hair. It’s great to be able to do this without having to say a word or without having to initiate anything, just the two of them cuddling, enjoying being together, holding each other.

After a while, they both decide it’s time to sleep, so they switch off the lights and cover themselves with the sheets and the bedcover, but they stay in the same position, holding each other, and they easily fall asleep.

 

_September the 27th, 2015_

 

Dean wakes up first and smiles when he sees Cas sleeping next to him, holding him. Dean sighs happily and holds him tighter, closing his eyes again, not wanting to leave Cas and the bed yet. He will wait until Cas wakes up, which doesn’t happen until half an hour later.

“Good morning, handsome,” Dean greets him with a smile and opening his eyes. Castiel mumbles something that Dean doesn’t understand and grunts, not willing to open his eyes yet. He holds Dean tighter and buries his face on Dean’s hair, which makes Dean laugh. “Such a morning person.”

“It’s you and your bed’s fault,” Castiel mumbles. “You two make it so hard to wake up.”

Dean smirks and manages to get on top on Cas. The sunlight that leaks into the bedroom makes him appreciate his beauty; his skin looks amazing and his eyes look even bluer. There’s also his hair, which is a mix of sex and bed hair and it shouldn’t look as good as it does on him. “What if I make something to wake you up?” Dean says, biting his lip and looking at Cas mischievously.

Castiel smiles and bites his lower lip, flushing slightly. “Like making out?”

“Like making out.” He leans and they start kissing.

It’s just kisses and light touches, nothing that goes too far, but it feels so damn good and amazing. It’s a lazy morning make out session, but it is great. Dean would like to wake up every morning with this. Actually, he would love waking up with Cas next to him; that’s all he wants. Waking up and finding Cas in his bed is the best feeling.

Suddenly, Cas’ alarm sounds and both of them grunt. “Don’t tell me you have to leave right now,” Dean protests before getting back to kiss him.

Castiel rolls the two of them and gets out from the bed, leaving Dean sighing in frustration. Castiel grabs his phone and turns the alarm off. “No, I don’t have to go right now,” Castiel starts to say as he comes back to the bed, placing his knees at each side of Dean’s legs. “But it’s time for me to take a shower and have breakfast.”

Dean smiles and he caresses Cas’ arms. “So, you still have some time with me?”

Castiel grins. “Yeah.” He kisses Dean, who opens his mouth to let that eager tongue do amazing things to him. He places his arms around Cas’ back, tracing it down. “But I highly recommend you to move our making out session to the shower.”

Dean smirks. “Done.”

They move their making out to the shower and after a while, they end up washing each other. It is something that Dean really enjoys, getting the chance to wash Cas’ hair and massage his scalp, hearing his soft purrs as he does so, and carefully washing his body. And he really enjoys it when Cas does it to him.

Dean puts on his underwear and t-shirt and Castiel does the same, although he has to go to almost the kitchen to put on his t-shirt. He also seizes the occasion to pick the rest of his clothes scattered on the way from the kitchen to the bedroom while Dean starts making breakfast.

“Pancakes or waffles?” Dean asks when Cas comes to the kitchen to make coffee.

Castiel makes a thoughtful face. “Do you have blueberries?”

“Yeah, in the fridge,” Dean answers smiling. “Okay, I’ll make waffles.”

“Thank you.” Castiel kisses his cheek and goes to the fridge to grab the blueberries.

“You want them in the dough or you put them after they’re done?”

“I put them when they’re done. I like putting them in the squares.”

Dean laughs. “I’m gonna also make some bacon and eggs, you want some?”

“Of course.” The coffee machine dings and Castiel grabs two mugs and pours coffee in them, adding some brown sugar to it. “Here,” he says handing Dean his with the R2D2 pattern.

“Thanks.” He gives Cas a brief kiss before he takes a sip, enjoying the taste of the coffee. Then, he starts the waffle maker and starts cooking the bacon and the eggs while Cas peels some fruit. “You always have to eat fruit for breakfast?”

“You always have to eat tons of grease and cholesterol for breakfast?”

Dean chuckles. “I don’t see you turning down all these grease and cholesterol.”

“That’s why I’m going to eat some fruit. To balance things. You should do the same.”

“I normally have healthy breakfasts, but I always make an exception on Sundays.” He likes junk food and grease more than he should, but he tries to eat as well-balanced as possible. One of the benefits of knowing how to cook almost everything, is that Dean can have a varied diet. “I usually don’t have this time for making breakfast the rest of the week. So I have some coffee, some cereals, some juice, some toasts, once in a while some scrambled eggs with bacon, or some sausages, and even some fruit.”

“Some fruit? Wow, unbelievable,” Castiel sasses with a pout.

Dean kicks his leg, earning him a chuckle. “Shut up, you dick. At least I know what I eat. I bet you live from caterings or pre-cooked meals that have tons of nasty shit on it.”

“Pre-cooked meals still have to be cooked, and I always end up making something that’s burned and frozen at the same time.”

Dean bursts into an uncontrollable laughter. “How is that possible? Isn’t that against the laws of physics? How can something be burned and frozen at the same time?”

“I can show you that it is possible.”

Dean has to bring his hand to his mouth to control his laughter, but he can’t. Cas is soon laughing too, but not as loud or as hysterically as Dean, but still, it makes Dean’s laughter last for longer. He even keeps laughing while he cooks, although it has become softer. “Man, you’re unbelievable.”

Castiel chuckles and hands him some dishes; one for the waffles and two for the eggs and the bacon. “I’m terrible at cooking, I’ve told you thousands of times. Although instant noodles are my specialty.”

“They don’t come out raw and soft?”

“Luckily, no.” Both of them chuckle.

“Well, you’ll get better, trust me. You just need to practice and stop being so pessimist about it.” He gets the two eggs on each plate and them he divides the six strips of bacon on said two plates.

Castiel grabs them and brings them to the table while Dean puts the pans in the sink and brings their mugs and the waffles. “And I also need time for that, which I barely have.”

“Yeah, well, that’s true. Maybe when you retire from acting, you’ll get plenty of time for that.”

Castiel sighs. “Yeah. But that’s a long time, Dean.”

Dean looks at his eyes and he sees that Cas is sad. He wants to ask what is bothering him, but Cas gets some bacon in his mouth and makes a really loud moan that has Dean grinning. “Y’know, I think you moan on purpose because you really like teasing me.”

“I can guarantee you that I don’t do it for that. Even if I like the smile you make whenever I moan over your food.”

“You’re making that not so innocent smile of yours, so don’t lie to me!”

Castiel laughs and Dean shakes his face, not fighting his own grin.

They keep having breakfast. Dean asks Cas about his schedule and he also reminds him at what time he has to drive by the Ritz to pick up Cas. Both of them are really excited about the blood moon that they hate the fact of having to wait so many hours to it.

Once they finish their breakfast, they wash and they dry, and then Cas starts getting dressed in the living room, while Dean watches him.

“Do you enjoy seeing how I dress up?” Castiel asks with an arched brow.

“Well, I enjoy seeing how you get undressed more,” Dean answers with an obvious pout. Castiel rolls his eyes. “I don’t know why my answer surprises you.”

“Yeah, I don’t know either, you are such an assbutt.”

Dean chuckles and rolls his eyes. “You really love using that word.”

“Only with you.” He has finished getting dressed, so he walks towards the rack to grab his trench coat and put it on, followed by Dean. “I’ll see you at 6:45, right?” he asks as he places his hands on Dean’s waist and pulls him closer, brushing his lips with his, but not kissing.

“Yeah,” Dean says before kissing him passionately, cupping Cas’ face, feeling his partner’s knees tremble. “I’ll see you tonight, then,” he adds before kissing him again, walking the small distance that separates them from the door.

“I’ll see you tonight, Dean,” he murmurs before kissing Dean again.

Without stopping kissing, both of them find the handle of the door and open it, getting their hands back to each other, and that’s when both of them hear two surprised gasps that make them pull away.

Dean looks at the entrance and he sees Sam and Jess, looking at Dean and Cas with wide eyes. Dean feels his blood turning cold. Neither of them knew that Cas was back in town and much less than he and Cas are back to whatever the hell they have. He remembers that Sam texted him saying that this Sunday he was going to come over his place with Jess to have breakfast, but he completely forgot it.

“Yeah, right,” Dean says, because someone has to break this silence before it becomes tenser and more awkward. “You two were gonna come here to have breakfast.”

“Yes, we can actually see you forgot it,” Sam says, dedicating his brother a deadly glare that Dean knows it holds too many meanings.

Dean doesn’t miss Cas’ puzzled look before he turns to greet Sam and Jess with a charming smile. “It’s so great to see you, Sam and Jessica,” Castiel says.

“You too, Cas,” Sam and Jess say at the same time, smiling too.

“I’m afraid I have to leave. But I hope you enjoy your breakfast.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Sam says.

“I forgot how polite you were,” Jess says with a wide grin.

Castiel blushes. “See you, Dean,” Castiel says before kissing him briefly.

“See you, Cas.”

“Bye,” he says to Sam and Jess.

“Bye, Castiel,” the couple says.

The three of them watch how Castiel leaves, and the moment he gets in the lift, both Sam and Jess turn to look at Dean. Sam is glaring at Dean and Jess is looking at him with her brows arched and pressing her lips into a thin line.

“Yeah, I think I’ve got some things to tell you,” Dean says, stepping aside to let his brother and sister-in-law in. “What do you want? Pancakes? Waffles?”

“I want an explanation with waffles,” Sam says while making a bitch face. Dean rolls his eyes. This is what happens when you hide this kind of stuff to your family.

“I’d like the same with some coffee and some fruit too,” Jess says.

“Yeah, that too.”

Dean sighs and starts making the dough for the waffles again. “Alright, so what do you wanna know?” Dean asks. He knew he would have to go through this interrogation sooner or later.

“When did he come back?” Sam asks. He is next to Dean, grabbing some mugs for their coffee.

“About ten days ago.”

“Ten days ago?!” Jess exclaims. Sam doesn’t say anything and looks at Dean with a shocked expression.

“Yeah. He came by the bookstore, we had dinner, and I thought it was just that, but when we finished, we kissed and went here and had sex.”

Sam sighs, rubbing his face tiredly. “So you two are back to the thing you had the first time?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re still okay with that?” Jess asks.

Dean sighs. Instead of answering he shrugs. He puts the dough in the waffle maker and starts peeling some fruit and piecing it, dropping them in a bowl.

Sam looks at him with worry. “And what are you gonna do? Are you gonna pretend that this is only sex or—?”

“This has never only been sex, Sam,” Dean interrupts him, not looking at him. He knows his brother and Jess interchange a stare that holds a whole silent conversation. “And I’m still trying to figure out what am I gonna do and what I want.” He brings the bowl with a couple of fruits to the table, feeling how the couple keeps looking at him. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just that— I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Yeah, well.” Dean shrugs and makes a weak, almost sarcastic, smile.

“Whatever you decide, you have our fully support,” Jess says with a sweet voice. Dean smiles. “But if you do something stupid, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

Dean huffs a chuckle. “When have I ever done something that it isn’t stupid?”

Sam grunts. “Please, don’t do anything stupid, Dean.” Dean rolls his eyes and grunts. Before he can protest, his bother keeps talking, “Just don’t do anything stupid, alright? I know you two were okay with ending whatever you had, well, okay is a misunderstanding.” Again, Dean rolls his eyes. “But I know how much you suffered, and I don’t know about Cas, but I’m quite sure he suffered too, so whatever you do, whatever you choose, don’t do anything stupid that ends up hurting you, okay?”

Dean makes a soft smile. “Okay.” He sighs. His brother will always care so damn much about him. “I still have to figure things out, so, don’t worry. I won‘t do anything stupid. Promise. ” He takes out the waffles and puts them on a plate. “Anything else?”

“Yes, put on some pants.”

Dean looks down and his underwear and he nods. “Yeah, right. Sorry.”

He goes to his bedroom and puts on some pants, and when he goes back to the kitchen, neither Sam nor Jess ask anything more about he and Cas. They must know that it is better if they give Dean some space. Dean recognized in front of them that the thing between he and Cas has never been only sex and that he has to figure things out, so his family must have seen that Dean is taking this seriously.

After Sam and Jess leave, Dean does some cleaning in his house before lunch time. After that, he takes a nap, setting up an alarm just in case he sleeps for longer than he should, but it turns out that he wakes up twenty minutes before it rings, so he has plenty of time to get dressed up before he has to go and get his Impala and drop by the hotel Cas stays by.

They aren’t going to have too much time, only a couple of hours, but it is going to be enough to enjoy the lunar eclipse. Dean is used to having little time with Cas, but every tiny amount of time he spends with Cas is awesome. He would love to have more time, but unfortunately they can’t, but they try to make the best out of it.

He has some couple of minutes left until he has to drop by the hotel, but Dean decides to leave his place and take a slow drive to the hotel, just in case Cas manages to sneak out sooner than their meeting time.

Dean arrives ten minutes sooner than their agreed time. He is parked across the street, in front of the hotel. He knows that Cas will recognize the car the moment he comes out to the street. He spends said ten minutes listening to his music, drumming on the wheel and singing. 

He sees Cas coming out of the hotel, almost running. He crosses the street and this time he really runs. Dean waves at him before he gets in the car, frowning confused at him, and before he closes the door, Castiel says, “Go, go, go, go!”

Dean complies and he starts the car and drives away from the hotel as fast as he can. “Something’s wrong?” Dean asks as he sees Cas panting.

“I think Naomi was following me, but I managed to mislead her. Given that you have a distinct car, I bet she could be able of tracking it so she can find me.”

“That woman is fucking crazy.”

“Yeah,” he says, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t tell her where I was going, I just disappeared from her sight, silenced my phone and ran as fast as I could, trying to mislead her.”

“I bet she’s gonna be all paranoid.”

Castiel smiles. “Yes, she is.”

Dean drives towards a small hill that has some amazing views. It is a lonely place and he has never seen anyone driving towards. There are a few trees covering that place and it looks as if there was nothing important to see there, but they hold an amazing view.

When he gets the car out of the road to follow the nonexistent path that leads to that place, Castiel frowns. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

Soon, the trees disappear and in front of them, the sky can be perfectly seen and the whole city of Vancouver can be seen too. Dean stops the car, leaving an important distance in between his baby and the edge; there’s an important height from there, so he doesn’t want to risk anything. When he looks at Cas, he sees he is impressed, with wide eyes and his mouth parted.

“Awesome, right?” Dean asks.

“This place is incredible, Dean,” Castiel says, looking at the landscape.

“C’mon, let’s get out and enjoy the night sky.”

Both of them get out and sit on the hood, admiring the starry night and the moon that it is already starting to look red. They are sitting next to each other, their shoulders pressing together, and both of them have their heads tilted up to contemplate the beauty of the night.

“It looks extraordinary, doesn’t it?” Castiel asks, grinning.

Dean looks at him and he smiles. Cas looks beautiful under the light on the night. And he even looks more beautiful than usually because he is really happy. “Yeah,” Dean answers, not only talking about the sky.

“Thank you for bringing me here, Dean.”

He rolls his eyes. “There’s no need to thank me anything, Cas.”

Castiel smiles and cups his face, kissing him tenderly. When he pulls away, he rests his head on Dean’s shoulder and sighs happily. Dean’s heart skips a beat before he brings his arm around Cas’ shoulders, pulling him closer.

“Isn’t it amazing how something as simple as light and an adequate position can create something as beautiful as a lunar eclipse?” Castiel asks, emotion filling his voice.

Dean chuckles. “You’re even cheesier when it comes to space stuff.”

“Shut up, assbutt,” he protests, chuckling and punching Dean, who laughs. “Deep down you agree with me.”

“Yeah, but I don’t say it ‘cause I’m not that cheesy.” He doesn’t have to look at Cas to know that he is rolling his eyes. “But yeah, Cas, it can be really amazing.”

Castiel hums. “It’s a shame we don’t get to see the many incredible things in space.”

“Well, at least we get to see an amazing tiny piece of it, which it isn’t bad at all.”

“No, it isn’t,” he says smiling. “We’re lucky to see this.” He makes a happy sigh and kisses Dean’s neck.

They watch how the moon becomes redder and redder with every minute that passes, talking about more space stuff and being in a comfortable silence. They watch how the red starts to disappear, but it is still really beautiful. Dean is really glad to be right where he is, enjoying something that he doesn’t know when will happen again with Cas.

During the whole time, they remain pressed together. There’s a time when Cas places his arm around the small of Dean’s back. It feels so intimate to be this close, and it feels so right.

Finally, the red in the moon disappears completely and both of them sigh, almost sadly because it has already ended, but they aren’t sure. Cas pulls his head away from Dean’s shoulder, but he keeps looking at the sky as his arm still remains on Dean, his hand slowly caressing him.

“This was really nice,” Castiel says.

“Yeah, it was.” Dean takes a deep breath and looks at the sky. They share a small silence. “I guess it’s time to drive you back to the hotel, right?”

Castiel grabs his phone and looks at the time. It isn’t 8 P.M. already. He puts it back in his pocket and he immediately places himself in front of Dean, cupping his face and kissing him in a breathtaking way that catches Dean by surprise and has him fisting the back of Cas’ trench coat with one hand and running his other one on Cas’ hair.

When they pull away, barely leaving an inch in between their lips, Cas whispers, “I still have an hour to be with you.”

Dean licks his lips, feeling his anticipation grow inside him. “Then, I’m all yours.”

“Good.” He presses a brief kiss on his lips. “How about we get in the backseat of your car?”

Dean can’t suppress a moan. “Fuck, yeah,” he mumbles before kissing Cas spiritedly. “Just let me—” He pulls away and walks towards the trunk, searching for a blanket. Castiel looks at him with a confused frown, but when he sees the blanket and how Dean puts it on the backseat, he chuckles. “I’m not gonna let my baby get stained.”

“Of course you aren’t,” Castiel says, chuckling and before Dean can say anything, Cas is kissing him again and dropping him onto the backseat, closing the door before leaning onto Dean.

Cas kisses him with sweetness, pressing his body onto Dean, who gets his hands on Cas’ shoulders encouraging him to take off the trench coat. The backseat of the Impala isn’t the most spacious place, but it can hold the two of them, although taking their clothes off in that reduced space can be a difficult task. Dean’s arms hit the roof of the Impala when he has to take off his shirt, and Cas accidentally hits his head when he takes off his t-shirt, but those accidents only make them laugh.

They keep taking each other’s clothes. Cas is unzipping Dean’s jeans as he leaves a trail of kisses on Dean’s chest, never leaving his green eyes. Dean lifts his hips and Cas takes off his jeans easily, dropping them on the front seat. Then, Dean starts unzipping Cas’ jeans, making sure of caressing his hardened dick, hidden in his boxers, with his fingertips, earning him a happy moan.

Their underwear comes next and they are soon naked, skin against skin, kissing and tracing each other’s bodies with their hands. Cas begins kissing the skin behind Dean’s earlobe, making Dean moan and close his eyes. He then kisses his jaw and his neck. His nipples come next and Dean rolls his hips needy, making Cas smirk. He keeps kissing Dean’s body, praising it with his mouth and his soft touches. His lips wrap around Dean’s cock and he swallows him completely, making Dean put his hands on his partner’s hair, encouraging him to go as deep as possible, which Cas does. Dean groans and moans, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of Cas’ warm mouth and his playful tongue. Cas bobs his head for a couple of times, looking at Dean through his eyelashes and then he pulls away with a wet sound, not before licking the head of his cock.

Castiel moves up, cupping Dean’s face with one hand while the other is placed on his rim, his thumb caressing that sensitive part. They kiss slowly but fervently, Dean moaning at the feeling of Cas’ hand on his rim and his tongue in his mouth.

“Do you have lube and a condom?” Castiel asks after pulling away.

“Yeah,” Dean says with a hoarse voice. “I’ve got lube and some tissues on the glovebox and I think there’s a condom in my wallet, in my jeans’ pocket.”

“Okay.” He kisses him and pulls away, almost leaning onto the front seat as he tries to reach for the glovebox. He is showing his perfect ass to Dean, who can’t help leaning and kiss his buttock and place his hand on his rim, doing the same thing Cas was doing to him less than a minute ago. “Dean—” Castiel moans sweetly. Dean keeps touching him and pressing kisses, feeling how Cas’ body squirms and hearing those wonderful sounds. “Keep doing that and I’m going to stain the whole front seat.”

Dean smirks before he pulls away, but he makes sure of slowly caressing Cas’ rim as he moves his hand away, making him feel it. “I couldn’t resist.”

Castiel dedicates him a squinty look with a smirk before he hands him his wallet and Dean looks for the condom. “How old is this lube?” he asks, giving the bottle a frown.

“It’s from last year’s summer,” he answers. He always forgets about it. It’s been too long since he had sex in his Impala. “And I think this is also from that year too,” he adds, handing Cas the condom before dropping his wallet onto the front seat.

Castiel leans onto Dean and kiss him again, rubbing their cocks together one more time. Then, he pulls away and puts on the condom and applies lube on his cock and on his fingers. He leans onto Dean and he starts preparing him, getting one finger at a time, stretching him, avoiding his prostate until he has four fingers inside Dean. That’s when he touches that wonderful spot that has Dean arching his back and rolling his hips, craving for more.

Castiel pulls his fingers away and wipes them with a tissue and when he is done, Dean places his legs around Cas’ waist, Cas holding his thighs and caressing the inner skin as he leans onto Dean. It doesn’t take him too long to press the head of his cock against Dean’s entrance. Soon the muscle gives away and Cas starts to get deeper, holding his breath and biting his lip as Dean closes his eyes and enjoys how the emptiness fades away.

When Cas is settled inside Dean, who is adjusting around him, they look at each other and they smile before they share a tender kiss. Dean gets his hands on Cas’ sides, stroking him delicately as Cas holds his face. They look at each other again before Cas starts thrusting in and out of Dean. And like last night, their movements are the making love kind.

The Impala is soon filled with the sounds they are making. They moan each other’s names, as if those were the only words they knew. They kiss as much as they can and they have their eyes locked on each other. It is too much, too intense, there are too many feelings right now, and Dean feels as if he was going to fall apart in million pieces, but Cas keeps him together.

Dean kisses him, almost desperately, not sure what he is trying to say with that kiss. Maybe everything, or maybe nothing, he doesn’t know. But Cas kisses him back in the same way, and it feels as if he was having the same problem. They pull away, moaning each other’s names when Cas hits that wonderful spot and Dean clenches really tight around him. Cas closes his eyes and rests his forehead on Dean’s, his body shaking because of the tightness around his cock. And Dean holds him tighter.

Cas changes the angle and Dean lets out a really loud moan, arching his hips off the seat and burying his face in the curve of Cas’ neck. Cas brings his mouth to his and they kiss. When they pull away, Cas caresses his hair and looks at him in a way that leaves Dean on the verge of tears. Cas is looking at him like someone who is precious and worth, with too much affection. Dean has to kiss him to keep his feelings and the ache of his heart at ease.

They keep making love, moaning their names in the silence and security of the Impala, tarnishing the windows with the heat their bodies release, kissing, looking at their eyes and never letting their hold on each other go.

Dean feels the heat of his incoming orgasm building in his stomach, and he knows that Cas is close too, because his movements are becoming a bit faster and a bit jerky and he also can feel his cock twitching inside him. Just a few more thrusts that touch that amazing spot and Dean is coming with a broken moan that holds Cas’ name in it. Cas comes almost at the same time, moaning Dean’s name and still thrusting with a lost rhythm in and out of Dean, who keeps rolling his hips, until both of them are done with their release.

Castiel drops onto Dean, who lets his legs fall from Cas’ waist, feeling soreness in them, but he doesn’t care, because the afterglow is amazing and he and Cas are still joined and holding each other. They are exhausted, but it feels so damn good.

Cas doesn’t move until his breathing has calmed down. That’s when he pulls away from Dean and takes off the condom, knotting it. Dean indicates him that there’s a plastic bag in the glovebox and he can put it there, that he will toss it away when he is at home. Castiel does as he is told and he also grabs some tissues to clean the mess of Dean’s come on their bellies. He first cleans Dean, doing it with all his fondness. Then he cleans himself, and when they are both clean, Cas lies onto Dean again, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder and spreading his arm on his chest, his hand caressing Dean’s chest slowly but sweetly. Dean presses his chin on top of Cas’ head and he holds him, one of his thumbs making soothing circles on his hip while the other does it on his left shoulder.

They remain in silence. Dean has his eyes half-closed and he has a soft smile drawn on his lips. He is happy, really happy.

“Next Sunday is my last day here,” Castiel suddenly says, whispering. “I leave on Monday the 5th.”

Dean manages to hold a shaky breath. His happiness has soon faded away. He feels his eyes watering, but he isn’t going to cry right now, he needs to stay calm, to pretend that his heart isn’t breaking into million pieces again, that he isn’t feeling how everything is falling apart, but his voice comes shaky when he says, “That’s really soon.”

“It is,” Castiel says, his voice shaky and almost as sad as Dean’s. Dean wants to look at him, to study his face, but he knows that if he does so, some tears will fall from his eyes.

“But you still got some time to spend with me, right?” He hates how weak his voice comes, but he can’t help it. Cas is going to leave again, and he still hasn’t figure things out. Time is running out and Dean can’t stop it, even if that’s what he wants more than anything. As he thinks about it, something invisible and constricting force is tightening around his chest, making it hard to breathe. 

Castiel takes a deep, shaky breath. “I can only see you on Thursday at lunch time and on Sunday at dinner time.”

“That sucks.”

“I know.”

Dean manages to look at Cas, but his blue eyes are focused somewhere in the back of the front seat. Dean sighs and he feels Cas’ hold on him getting tighter. He isn’t ready to go through this again. He needs to think about them and stop delaying doing so because if he doesn’t do so, he is going to lose his chance. If he even has one.

He feels terribly sad and hurt by knowing that they only have two days left together. And it isn’t only even days, it’s only a couple of hours, but it has always been like that in this thing.

“You’re gonna leave and you haven’t even bought a book in my bookstore this time,” Dean says, hoping that his words will cheer the two of them up a little bit.

Castiel chuckles and he finally looks at Dean. “I’ll buy one on Thursday, don’t worry. I already had that in mind.” He leans and kisses Dean, sweetly, but it feels sad. When they pull away, they look at each other’s eyes, and there’s too much sadness. Dean wonders why Cas feels sad. His heart wants him to believe that he is it because of the same reasons at Dean’s, but his mind tells him that it isn’t possible. His thoughts get interrupted when Cas cups his face and he caresses his cheek. Dean leans onto the touch and closes his eyes, sighing, fighting the burning tears in the back of his eyes. He can’t cry. Not right now, not in front of Cas, or Cas will know. “Can we stay here a little bit longer? I don’t want to leave yet,” he murmurs with a heartbroken voice.

“As long as you want to, Cas.”

Castiel nods and he kisses Dean before he goes back to the position they were. Dean doesn’t know how long they have before he has to drive Cas back to the hotel, but he doesn’t care about it. All he cares about right now is being with Cas, holding each other in the backseat of the Impala, trying to let the cuddling ease the pain in his heart.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :')

_October the 1st, 2015_

 

Dean had three days to think about Cas and everything related with him, but he still hasn’t figure out anything. He hasn’t because he is really afraid, and because whenever he thinks about it, he feels a painful sensation in his chest that contracts around him and makes him feel terrible, almost panics him. Why can’t he react to feelings and relationships like a normal person? Why does he have to be such a terrible mess? He doesn’t know what to do because he is pretty sure that he will get rejected, because after all, Dean Winchester isn’t worthy. He can’t even figure his feelings out and what he wants. Why would anybody want to be with someone as fucked up as him?

His morning day in the bookstore has kept his mind busy, thankfully, and he hasn’t thought about Cas. He should, given that Cas is leaving in a couple of days, but Dean is going to leave everything for the last minute. It is a bad idea, but that’s the story of his life.

A couple of minutes after saying goodbye to Charlie, Castiel comes into the bookstore and grins the moment he sees Dean, who also grins. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says. He walks towards the desk and leans onto it so he and Dean can kiss.

“You ready to go?”

“Yes, but before that, I really want to buy a book. But I don’t know which one, so I want you to recommend me one.”

Dean makes a smug face. “You trust my taste?”

Castiel smiles, shyly. “Of course I do.”

“Alright. Follow me.”

He leaves the desk and he walks towards the bookshelf that is painted like the outer space. It has a couple of colors, black, dark blue, purple and pink, and it is covered in white dots that look like stars. It is one of Dean’s favorites. As he looks for the book, Cas stands next to him, taking a look at the bookshelf and the books that belong to science fiction, smiling shyly, but his eyes are shining brightly. Dean can see it from the corner of his eye and it make his heart skip a beat at that beautiful picture.

“Here you go,” Dean says, picking the book and handing it to Castiel, who looks at the cover before deciding to read the brief summary on its back. “ _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_. A classic that you really need to read.”

“You say that about every single book I buy here,” Castiel sasses, dedicating him a sweet smile.

“But you’ve gotta agree that I’m never wrong, am I?”

Castiel ducks his face, hiding his beautiful smile and his blush. “No, you’re never wrong.” He hands Dean the book and they walk towards the desk so Castiel can pay for his new reading. “Thank you, Dean,” he says after Dean gives him a plastic bag with the book in it.

Dean thanks him with a charming smile. “You hungry?” he asks as he walks towards his office to grab his leather jacket. “I thought about making some amazing integral rice with vegetables and chicken, how does that sound to you?” He makes sure he has all his keys and he comes out of the office, closing the door.

Castiel gives him an obvious stare. “It sounds delicious. I don’t know why you even have to ask me.”

The green eyed man grins and he walks the small space that separates them, cupping Cas’ face and kissing him, feeling Cas’ happy hum. In moments like this, Dean realizes how good things could be if they were actually together. These are glimpses of a life they could have but they don’t. And Dean wants this so bad. Deep down, he knows what he wants, but he isn’t sure if he could ever have it or if he is worthy enough to have this. Knowing him, it’s very likely that if he ever got the chance to have this, he would lose it eventually, and that terrifies him.

When they pull away, they look at each other. It is still surprising how their eyes always find the other’s and how intense their gazes on each other are, never wanting to let go, not wanting to pull away, just wanting to get deeper into each other, almost looking for their souls.

Cas leans and they kiss again. The actor places his hand on the back of Dean’s hair, burying his fingers on Dean’s light hair, pulling him closer, kissing him deeper, making Dean’s knees go weak. It’s a deep kiss, but it is full of fondness and it makes Dean’s heart go faster.

The moment breaks when Dean’s stomach growls. Dean blushes and pulls away from the kiss, resting his forehead on his partner’s, squeezing his eyes shut, ashamed by the loudness of his hunger.

“Shit,” Dean mumbles.

Castiel chuckles. “Your stomach can’t wait any longer, huh?”

“I’m so sorry for that.”

Again, Castiel chuckles. “Don’t worry, Dean.” He kisses him briefly and Dean finds himself making a sweet smile. “Let’s eat before your stomach starts eating himself.”

“Very funny, Cas,” he says, mockingly.

Castiel makes a wider grin, the one that Dean loves way too much.

They walk towards the Impala after Dean has closed the bookstore. Soon, Dean turns on the engine and he starts driving towards his place, with Cas in the shotgun. Dean doesn’t hide his smile; he adores having Cas next to him in his beloved car.

“How was your day?” Dean asks, looking at Cas as he drives.

Castiel sighs and he suddenly looks sad and tired. “I would rather not talk about it.”

“That bad?” Dean doesn’t know what it has been going with Cas’ work lately, but something’s wrong and it has Dean worried about Cas.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, mixing his answer with the sigh, almost making it inaudible.

“Cas, what’s wrong? I’m worried about you. Is there something I can do?”

When Castiel turns his face to look at him, there’s softness and appreciation in his eyes, but there’s still sadness. “It’s just that I’m tired of this film. As soon as we finish filming, I’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

“You know that you’re better at acting than at lying?” he asks as he parks the car. He stops it and turns to his side so he can properly look at Cas, who looks down, almost ashamed. Dean cups his cheek and he moves his partner’s face so their eyes can meet. “What’s wrong?”

Castiel makes a weak smile. He takes his time before he answers, leaning onto Dean’s touch, searching for comfort. Dean moves his thumb soothingly, feeling Cas’ stubble. Finally, Castiel sighs and answers, “I’m tired and I don’t find motivation in what I do, and it has been happening to me since we started filming this movie in Vancouver. I do it because it’s my job, but I—” He takes a deep breath and looks down at his lap, hiding from Dean’s eyes. “I’m tired of it. And I’m starting to dislike it.”

Dean wasn’t expecting that honesty, and much less that answer. Cas looks really tired. Dean gets closer and he places his other hand on Cas’ other cheek, lifting up Cas’ face. “Then, quit this movie.”

“It’s not that simple, Dean.”

“Yeah, I guess, but—”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupts him, pressing his forehead against Dean’s and fisting the front of his t-shirt. “Can we not talk about this?” His voice comes out almost broken, and Dean thinks he sees how Cas’ eyes have gotten a bit glassy. “Please. I— I don’t want to think about all of that. All I want right now is to be with you. Can we just—?”

“Yeah, of course.” He kisses him sweetly and Cas lets out a relieved sound. His hands immediately come to rest on Dean’s blades, and they kiss, almost desperate, but still sweetly. “Sorry, it’s just that I’m worried about you.”

“I know. You care too much.” He smiles, this time it isn’t sad, and Dean is glad to see it. “It’s okay, Dean. I’ll be fine when I’m done with this film, I promise.”

“Okay.” He kisses him again. He hopes Cas will feel better soon. “Let’s go before my stomach makes another protesting sound.”

Castiel laughs, and it echoes in Dean’s heart. Hearing and seeing Cas happy is one of the best things.

They leave the Impala and they wait for the lift. Soon, they arrive to Dean’s apartment and both leave their leather coat and trench coat on the rack and Dean begins to cook, with a small help from Cas, who is slowly getting better at cooking.

Lunch turns out to be delicious, something that Castiel points out almost with every bite. Also, Cas seems happy as the two of them enjoy their lunch, but Dean can’t help feeling worried about Cas. He seems really tired, but he also seems to be a bit hurt; he has never seen him like that and he hopes that his friend will soon feel better.

Time to go back to work arrives and they part on the lift, not after sharing a couple of kisses and agreeing to see each other again on Sunday’s night. As the lift closes its doors, leaving Dean alone in it, Dean feels his heart sinking when he realizes that Sunday is their last day together. He is going through this painful moment of knowing that Cas is leaving and not being ready for it again. Time isn’t going to stop for him, and as the day gets closer, the more panicked Dean feels.

He still needs to think about things and figure out his feelings. He knows what he feels, but he is scared of it. The turning point isn’t figuring out his feelings; it’s admitting them and being brave enough to confess things.

What he needs to decide is which path he wants to choose. That’s what terrifies him.

 

_October the 4th, 2015_

 

Dean feels how his heart hammers as he fills the homemade raviolis with mozzarella and eggplant. He wanted to make something special for dinner and he decided to made fresh pasta. He doesn’t know how he manages to make proper raviolis because he is so nervous. This is his last night with Cas and Dean hasn’t decided anything yet. He tried to make a decision, but he couldn’t. Whatever he decides to do, it’s going to hurt. He doesn’t know what he is going to do. Right now, the best option is to go along with what happens tonight and forget that this is their farewell night. He will try to keep himself together as best as he can, and then, when the time to part arrives, he will see what he does. It’s a terrible decision, Dean knows it well, but it will ease the pain for a while.

When he finishes filling the raviolis, Cas knocks on the door and Dean immediately goes to the door to greet him. The moment he sees Cas, Dean smiles widely, loving how beautiful he is, the way his hair goes in every possible direction, how his blue eyes have their own light and how his gummy smile is perfect.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says, not removing his grin.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says, mirroring him.

Cas comes in and when Dean closes the door, they kiss, both of them initiating the kiss. “It smells wonderful,” he comments when he pulls away.

“You almost sound surprised,” he says, pretending to be insulted.

Castiel chuckles and he kisses Dean. “I sound delighted.” He kisses Dean again, placing his hands on Dean’s hips. Dean can’t remove his smile. “What’s for dinner?”

“I made some raviolis with fresh pasta and I filled them with mozzarella and eggplant.”

“Holy shit,” Castiel says perplexed. Dean bursts into laughter; hearing Cas swear is something that barely happens, but when it does, it always makes him laugh. “Don’t laugh at me, assbutt!”

“Sorry, but I can’t help it when you swear, it’s so strange.”

Castiel rolls his eyes, but he smiles, moving away from Dean, who follows him to the kitchen.

There isn’t too much left to do; just to cook the pasta and put the sauce once the raviolis are done, but Cas helps Dean with everything he can. Everything is done pretty quickly and they are soon sitting on the table, ready to eat.

Before Dean takes a bite, he hears Cas’ moan, which sounds really pornographic. Dean gives him a wide eye look, raising his eyebrows as much as possible. Castiel blushes, well aware of how he sounded when he took the first bite.

“You sounded like when you come,” Dean says. He might be exaggerating a little, but truth is that Cas sounded almost like when he comes.

“Shut up!” Castiel protests, his whole face flushing quickly because of embarrassment. “It’s your fault! This is the best pasta I have ever tasted!”

Dean shakes his head as he chuckles. “You’re fucking unbelievable.” He takes a bite, enjoying it. He did a good job, to be honest. “It’s just pasta, Cas.”

“It’s not just pasta, Dean. It’s the best pasta. I’m even considering stealing some from your plate.”

“Don’t you dare!” he exclaims, pulling the plate closer to him.

Castiel chuckles. “Seriously, Dean, this is the best pasta. You are truly amazing and talented.”

“Shut up.”

Castiel cups his cheek and kisses him. “I love it when you blush.”

“I hate you so damn much right now. Don’t make me take away your pasta.”

“Don’t you dare!”

Both of them laugh.

They finish their dinner soon, and like always, Cas washes the dishes and Dean dries. It’s their routine. Dean avoids any thought related with this being the last time they do this, but he can’t help looking at Cas with a longing feeling and making a silent sigh. He needs to keep himself together, but his heart keeps stuttering in his chest, anticipating the oncoming departure.

When they finish, Cas gets into Dean’s personal space, pressing the small of his back against the counter. One of his hands is on Dean’s hip, his thumb moving in circles, while the other hand cups Dean’s face. Dean leans into the touch and they spend some seconds looking at each other’s eyes before Cas leans closer and Dean removes the remaining space so their lips meet in a sweet and slow kiss.

Even though they are doing it slow and sweetly, there’s too much passion, accompanied with fondness. Dean brings his hands to Cas’ back and pull him closer, so their chest can be pressed together. The kiss grows hotter and they begin to walk towards Dean’s bedroom, never pulling their hands and their mouths away.

They reach the bedroom soon. Dean falls onto the mattress and Cas falls onto Dean. They start to undress each other, taking their time, kissing and touching everywhere, praising each other’s bodies. While Cas kisses Dean’s chest, Dean traces down his back with his hands. When Dean kisses Cas’ nipples, Cas caresses the inner of Dean’s thighs.

Soon they are completely naked, but they keep kissing and touching each other. Cas gets his hand in the drawer, looking for the condom and for the lube while his other hand traces down Dean’s side. He moans when Dean catches his earlobe in between his teeth and sucks it.

Once Castiel has put on the condom and applied lube on himself, he starts to finger Dean, opening him up. Dean moans delighted as Cas fingers work in him. Cas avoids his prostate when he has two fingers in Dean, but he goes straight for it after getting his third finger, making Dean moan desperately and fucking into those wonderful fingers. It always feels too good when Cas fills him.

Cas pulls away and wipes his hand clean before he settles onto Dean, who gets his legs around Cas’ waist. They look at each other, as if they haven’t seen each other for years. Dean brings his hand to cup Cas’ face and Cas lets out a shaky gasp before they kiss, Cas bringing his hand to cup Dean’s face as well. When the kiss finishes, Cas starts to push inside Dean, both of them moaning at the wonderful feeling and both gasping when Cas is fully settled in and Dean has adjusted to him. And then, Castiel starts to move.

Having sex, or making love, Dean doesn’t even longer know what exactly they do, eases things for the two of them. When they are joined together, with nothing in between their skins, holding each other and kissing, things aren’t as complicated as they are. Both of them use this to speak what they can’t with words. Their touches, their kisses, their movements and their eyes express something that both of them have deep buried in them. They might not understand the language of their partner, but there’s something in there that words can’t express, and during that moment, both feel like this is how it should be.

Maybe that’s why they always end up in bed whenever they have a chance, because it’s their gateway from all the crap in their lives and in their minds, because this is the moment when they don’t have to pretend, when nothing can pull them apart for some minutes, when the world doesn’t matter. Because it’s Dean and Castiel, being together and showing to each other all the things they are both so scared to say.

They moan each other’s names, as if that was the only word they know. Dean closes his eyes and moans and groans as loud as he can, grinding into Cas, rocking his hips in a matching rhythm, clenching around him and feeling how Cas removes his emptiness. He kisses Cas every time he can, until a moan makes them pull away. Dean pulls Cas impossibly closer, pressing their foreheads together. And when Cas opens his eyes and their eyes meet, Dean swears his heart explodes.

Cas cups his face again and they kiss, saying too many things in that kiss. Dean gets his hand on Cas’ and they intertwine their fingers together. No one seems to care about the meaning of that. Dean is sure he knows and that Cas knows. They hold hands for a while, until Cas has to move it to hold himself after changing the angle. Both of them moan really loud, because Cas is touching that wonderful spot over and over again and Dean is getting really tight around him.

Dean kisses him again, not wanting this to end. This feels like making love again and it feels so damn good. Cas looks at him in that way that makes Dean stop feeling worthless and Dean wails. He digs his nails on Cas’ blades when Cas touches that wonderful spot and says his name again, adoring the feeling Cas’ name leaves in his mouth. Cas says Dean’s name and it drives Dean crazy to hear Cas saying his name like that.

Cas keeps his thrusts steady, changing the angle once in a while, getting as deep as he can, touching that wonderful spot that leaves Dean arching his back off bed and pressing his head against the pillow. Their hips collide together with every movement they make. Dean brings his hand to Cas’ cheek, his fingers brushing his hair and he looks at him, making Cas wail and kiss him with something that makes Dean feel special, treasuring this moment as he feels Cas moving inside him, his cock removing the awful emptiness and hitting in the right spot, feeling the hot and warm body of Cas pressed against his, making him feel alive.

Both of them start to lose their rhythm as they get closer to the edge. Both of them are close, but both of them want this to last. But it feels so good that it only takes a couple of maddening thrusts from Cas to make Dean come, saying Cas’ name in his orgasm, and Cas immediately comes after Dean, saying his partner’s name as well.

Cas keeps thrusting in and out of Dean during their release, until his body can’t take it anymore and he collapses onto Dean, panting against his skin. Dean immediately puts his arms around Cas, holding him closer and tightly, not wanting him to go just yet. They are still joined and pressed together, enjoying the afterglow of their orgasms. It feels so damn good.

It takes them a while to catch their breaths, and when they do, they look at each other and they grin. Dean loves seeing Cas all blushed, with a gummy smile, with his eyes shining bright and his hair being a wild mess that is stuck to his forehead because of the sweat. Dean kisses him, happily, because for a moment, he completely forgets about reality and he just thinks about him and Cas, exhausted from making love, but both being really happy and satisfied.

As they kiss, Cas pulls away, which makes Dean grunt, but Cas shushes him with another kiss. He removes the condom, knotting it and throwing it to the bin. He wipes both of them clean, doing it gently. When he is done, he keeps kissing Dean, cupping his face and both hum happily into it.

They don’t say anything. They remain on the bed, Cas still on top of Dean, with his face buried in the crook of Dean’s neck, his hand tracing up and down part of Dean’s chest while Dean holds Cas, one of his hands caressing his shoulder lazily. It feels good.

Dean doesn’t know how long they spend being like that, but it feels shorter than what it really is when Cas pulls away and says, “I should better get going.”

Everything falls apart and crashes into million pieces, bringing Dean back to the painful reality. “Can’t you stay a little bit longer?” Dean asks with a shaky and sad voice. He caresses the small of Castiel’s back, hoping it will make him stay, but deep down, he knows it won’t work.

Castiel makes a sad smile. “If I could, I would, you know it.” He leans and kisses Dean before getting out of bed to start getting dressed.

Dean sighs. He feels his eyes getting glassy. He would give anything just to stop time, but he can’t. He looks at Cas, who is showing his back to him. He is so close to him but at the same time he feels he is so far. He hates this situation, he hates that everything has to be so damn complicated. And he hates himself for not taking a decision.

“Let me walk you to the door,” Dean finally says, hoping he doesn’t sound really hurt. Before he gets out from bed, he manages to see Cas’ grateful smile.

They get dressed in silence. It doesn’t take them too long. They walk together towards the door. Cas gets his trench coat from the rack and Dean hates seeing his leather coat alone again. Dean watches Cas put on his trench coat in silence, almost being able to hear the painful sound of his beating heart. There’s a black pit forming in his stomach and quickly spreading to his chest, making him feel terrible.

“I guess this is it,” Castiel says, lower than usually. He makes a sad, weak smile and he begins to walk towards the door, only taking a couple of steps, but not reaching the doorknob.

Dean isn’t sure if he gasps or if it only happens in his mind, but something inside him makes him realize that he doesn’t want this to end. “Cas, wait,” Dean says, desperately. Their eyes meet. Dean realizes that Castiel’s eyes are glassy, almost in the verge of tears. Maybe this is painful for Castiel as well, Dean doesn’t know, but he knows that his eyes aren’t doing better.

There’s a small silence in between them. Cas looks at Dean expectantly while Dean tries to find the words. He will always be terrible when it comes to words.

Dean takes a deep breath and says, “Stay.”

It’s just a simple word, but Dean hopes that the rest of what he is thinking, _stay with me, don’t go, I want you, I need you, let’s figure out this together, don’t leave, I want you to be with me, I want us together_ , is expressed with that simple word.

Castiel makes a sad smile. “You know that I would stay if I could, Dean, but I have to go. I still have to prepare all my stuff.”

Dean swears he can hear his heart breaking into million pieces. He hopes that his devastation doesn’t appear on his face. He takes a deep breath and nods. He was stupid for believing that Cas would stay. Why would he? Dean is worthless. “Can’t blame me for trying, huh?” he jokes, but it comes sadder than it should.

He is about to cry. He feels his eyes getting glassier, having the urge to let the tears out, but he has to keep himself together for a little bit longer. He was expecting this, Cas rejecting him, but it still hurts. It is true that a simply stay doesn’t fully cover what Dean truly wants, but he knows that with that word, he was saying more than a simple stay. He knows Cas could understand the whole meaning behind that word.

Castiel nods and walks the distance that separates them. Dean feels a knot forming in his throat when Cas cups his face. He looks into his eyes and he wonders if he will ever have another chance to see those beautiful blue eyes.

It seems as if Cas wanted to say something, given that he parts his mouth but immediately closes it. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes momentarily. Dean isn’t the only one struggling with this farewell.

Finally, Cas opens his eyes again and he says, “Thank you for everything, Dean.”

Dean makes a tiny, weak smile. “Thank you for everything, too, Cas.”

Castiel kisses Dean immediately after his words. It’s a sad kiss, a farewell kiss full of melancholy and longing. Dean puts the remaining pieces of his broken heart into that kiss as he presses Cas closer to him. Last time, Cas said goodbye with a kiss on the cheek, but this time they are kissing and part of Dean is confused about this kiss.

“Goodbye, Dean,” Castiel whispers, voice and hands trembling.

“Goodbye, Cas,” Dean manages to say.

Castiel turns around and opens the door and he walks away, never turning back. Dean follows him and watches how he leaves before he closes the door. Then, he presses his forehead against it and he starts to cry. His tears feel cold as they trace down his face. His heart is broken again. He knew this was coming, he knew that he was going to end up hurt again, no matter what he did, but he wasn’t ready to feel this pain again. This time, it is even worst.

He absently caresses the door, not knowing why he is doing that. He sighs, closes his eyes and whispers into the emptiness of his home, “I love you, Cas.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :')

_October the 6th, 2015_

 

_“Juliet, the dice were loaded from the start. And I bet and you exploded in my heart. And I forget I forget the movie song. When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?”_

_Romeo and Juliet_ by Dire Straits plays on Benny’s bar. Dean looks at his half empty bottle of beer absently, trying to drown his sorrows with alcohol, or at least trying to find a way to heal his broken heart. He won’t drink too much; he knows what alcohol can do to a man thanks to his father. His father drowned himself in alcohol, trying to fade the pain of Mary’s death from his heart. Alcohol isn’t the solution, Dean knows it too well, but it can ease the pain a little. 

__“Drinking on a Tuesday night?” Benny asks as he comes to stand in front of Dean, the bar separating them. Dean lifts his eyes and grimaces. He answers with a nod and looks back to his drink. “Cas left, huh?”_ _

__Dean takes a deep breath. “Yeah,” he says as he takes a long sip, hoping the alcohol will make the memories disappear or at least calm the pain of his broken heart. He is such a fool._ _

__“Didn’t you tell him anything?”_ _

__“I told him to stay.”_ _

__Benny gives him a calculative look. “What did you exactly told him?”_ _

__“I simply said, stay.”_ _

__Benny takes a deep breath. “You could’ve elaborated a little bit more, y’know? You were pretty vague. I’m sure he thought you meant to stay for the night instead of staying more permanently.”_ _

__Dean knows that Benny is right, but he knows that Cas could know what Dean truly meant by looking at his eyes. “It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s gone. Again.” He looks down at his bottle again. This time, he is doing worst, but he knows that he has to move on. It will take him even more time to heal his heart than the last time, but he will get better. Or at least that’s what he hopes. “But I guess that I should’ve seen it coming, y’know? I was stupid for believing that a guy like him would love a guy like me.”_ _

__Benny pulls away the beer from Dean’s hands and scowls at him. “I think you had too much alcohol and that’s what’s talking right now.”_ _

__“I’m not drunk, Benny, for fuck’s sake,” Dean protests rolling his eyes. “It’s the truth. Cas is fucking awesome and what am I? Just a random bookseller with nothing to offer. There’s nothing worth on that.”_ _

__Benny glares him. “There’s so much worth on you, Dean. And if you truly believe that Cas doesn’t love you, then you’re the dumbest person in this world.”_ _

__Dean frowns confused. “What are you talking about?”_ _

__“I saw the guy once, before you two got together, and let me tell you he was over heels for you. Way far more than you were. Those things are easy to see. We all saw it.”_ _

__“And if that’s so, how’s that he left? How’s that he didn’t tell me?”_ _

__“Maybe he’s as afraid as you are of screwing things up,” Benny answers, like it is just that simple._ _

__Dean huffs and rolls his eyes. “I doubt it.” He looks how Benny is going to protest, but Dean keeps talking. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore, right? He’s gone and I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.”_ _

__Benny shrugs and pouts. “Who knows? Maybe he comes back here to film again.”_ _

__“Yeah, but I don’t think he’ll show up on my door.” He looks into his pocket and looks for his wallet, grabbing some bills to pay for his beers. He wants to go home and sleep. He’s really tired and he is emotionally drained. Tomorrow he has to work and it will be better if he got himself some rest. If he manages to get some. “Thanks for the beers and the talk,” he says as he hands Benny the money._ _

__“You sure you are okay to go?” Benny asks, worried._ _

__No, he isn’t. “Yeah. I’ll see you around, Benny.”_ _

__Benny nods and Dean leaves the bar. The night in Vancouver is really cold and Dean has to put some scarf to avoid getting sick; it’s the last thing he needs right now. He walks back home, not realizing where he is exactly walking through, but he gets home anyway. He finds himself disconnecting from the world when he is alone. He doesn’t do it on purpose._ _

__After taking his clothes off and putting his pajama on, he gets in his bed and switches off the lights, thanking the cozy warmth of his bed. He hates how empty his bed is, but this is what he has to live with. Suddenly, he realizes that he is crying, and he hates himself for it. This is only temporary, he reminds himself. He wipes his tears off and tries to leave his mind in blank._ _

__Luckily, he manages to fall asleep. But he dreams with blue eyes._ _

__

__***_ _

__

_October the 8th, 2015_

__

__Castiel looks through the car’s window absently. Naomi is telling him something, he doesn’t care. Even though she is yelling, Castiel can’t hear a thing. The car doesn’t move; there’s a huge traffic jam in New York, so they are stuck in there, but Castiel doesn’t care either. All he can care about is how hurt and devastated he feels for leaving Dean again._ _

__Castiel didn’t look back, even if he was tempted to do so, but he knew that if he looked back, he would never leave. He cried in the lift. His legs even failed him and he ended up kneeling on the lift’s floor as he cried. Their farewell was really hard, and Castiel knows that it was hard for the two of them._ _

__If Castiel’s life wasn’t this stressed and painful and if Castiel wasn’t this broken, he would have told Dean that they could be together. But that’s something Castiel will never have. He can’t drag Dean into this horrible life, he can’t let Dean be with someone who is as broken as Castiel, someone who is so lost in this life that he only plays what he is supposed to play. Sometimes it feels that Castiel’s whole life is a play and that he is only himself when he is with Dean. But he can’t have him. Not when Castiel can’t cut the strings that keep him together. Isn’t it sad? He wants to have what he truly wants, to stop pretending, but if he does so, he will fall apart._ _

__Part of him knows that Dean would accept him how he truly is, he has seen Cas’ real face and he never pulled away once, but Castiel feels that he will end up hurting Dean. Dean deserves someone who isn’t afraid, someone who can give him everything, someone that deserves Dean’s love, but Castiel knows he isn’t that person. Too many things go unsaid in between them, but he knows that deep down, Dean craves for someone better than Castiel._ _

__“You’re thinking about mister Winchester again, aren’t you?!” Naomi yells, catching Castiel’s attention._ _

__“And what if I’m thinking about him?” Castiel snaps with a calmed voice._ _

__He sees how Naomi’s face turns red because of her rage. “And what?! How can you talk to me like that?! I told you he was a terrible distraction! That you would end up like this once you left him! I told you and you didn’t care at all! Do you even care about your work at all?! Because lately, the only thing that matters in your damn head is that stupid Winchester!”_ _

__Castiel gives her his deadliest glare and he unfastens his seatbelt and opens the door. “You know what? I’m going to take the day off, because if the only thing you’re going to do is to insult Dean and yell at me, I have better things to do.”_ _

__“Castiel! Don’t you dare to leave this car!”_ _

__But Castiel leaves the car and closes the door. He runs in between the cars, something really easy given that cars aren’t moving. He walks towards the closest tube station, not caring about the people that will recognize him. He wants to go as far as he can from Naomi for now. He is going back home, and even though he is sure she will call him and she will even walk towards his apartment, he is going to ignore her. What he needs right now is to rest and try to heal his broken heart._ _

__The journey back home on the tube is really long, but he doesn’t care. He has to take a couple of photos with some fans and he tries his best to smile and be nice to them. Fans don’t deserve to deal with Castiel’s sadness. When he arrives to his apartment, he pours some whiskey on a glass and he puts some music on. He doesn’t like using alcohol as a way to solve things, because it doesn’t work, because it’s a sign for weakness, but Castiel is tired of pretending to be strong, so he drinks a glass of whiskey in one sip, hating the burn of it and he pours some more._ _

_“How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year. Running over the same old ground and how we found the same old fears. Wish you were here”_

__As Pink Floyd sounds in his apartment, Castiel takes another long sip. He looks at the glass, feeling how his heart breaks again. He throws the glass against the wall, breaking it into pieces and he starts crying, his tears turning colder as they descend his face. He’s such a mess._ _

__Castiel cries and cries, until he feels emotionally drained and decides to go to bed. He turns off the music and gets in bed, even though it isn’t four P.M. yet, he needs to take a rest._ _

__He falls asleep and dreams with green eyes and freckles._ _

__

__***_ _

__

_October the 24th, 2015_

__

__Dean hears the usual chatter coming from Sam and Jess’ living room. He is in the kitchen, making burgers, like he always does when the whole group of friends meets together. He is happy to be here tonight. He needed a distraction. He is slowly getting better, but the wounds of his heart are still there. He is taking his time, because that’s all he needs; time. He’s been here before and he knows he can make it. But he still has a long way to go._ _

__“Need any help?” Sam asks as he gets in the kitchen._ _

__Dean makes a bitch face. “Do you even know how to use anything of these?” He points at all the utensils and at the pans, making a smug smile._ _

__“I know how to cook, jerk.”_ _

__“Yeah, sure, bitch.” He knows his bother can cook, but just the basics. Although he has to admit that his little brother is quite good at making vegetables, but that’s because he is a rabbit food enthusiastic._ _

__“How’re you doing?” Sam asks, leaning on the counter and giving his big brother a concerned look._ _

__Dean suspected that at some point in the night, that question was going to make its appearance. “Just going.”_ _

__“Just going?” he repeats in a question, sounding even more worried._ _

__“Yeah,” Dean murmurs. “These things take their time. But this time’s gonna be harder and it’s gonna take me longer.” He takes a deep breath and he looks at Sam, making a sad smile. Sam will never stop worrying about his brother. Dean knows it because he will never stop worrying about Sam either. “But don’t worry. I’m used to this.”_ _

__“I’m sorry he left.”_ _

__“Me too, but—” He takes a deep breath again. “I guess he wanted to leave, after all.”_ _

__“You don’t know that for sure.”_ _

__Dean shrugs. “Maybe, but I guess we’ll never know.” His voice cracks and a tear falls from his eye. “Shit,” he mutters, pissed at himself. Why can’t he keep himself together? He stops mixing the mince and places his hands on the counter, looking at the ceiling, trying to avoid spilling out any more tears._ _

__Sam comes to him and squeezes his shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright, Dean. It’s alright. Just vent yourself.”_ _

__He hisses, hating he pain in his heart. “I love him, Sam. I love him. And I— fuck.” He closes his eyes and a few more tears fall. “Damn, I’m so damn stupid.”_ _

__“You aren’t stupid.”_ _

__“Yeah, I am. If I could’ve just— I— shit.” It’s been a few weeks since Cas left and Dean is still not over him. He doubts he will ever be it. After all, Cas is the first person he has ever loved. And the first person who broke his heart too. Although Dean knows he is the one responsible for getting his heart broken. “I can’t help thinking that if I maned up before and told him everything, maybe he—” Dean sighs. Things could have gone in so many different ways, but he still believes that somehow, he would have fucked up something one way or another._ _

__“I’m afraid that you’ll never know that,” Sam says with a sad face. Dean smiles weakly, agreeing with his brother. “But I’m sure that after all, he’s in love with you, but something avoided him from telling you so. And I’m sure that deep down, he wanted to stay here.”_ _

__“Y’all keep telling me that, but I’m not so sure about it.”_ _

__“Just think about how he might think that you don’t love him because you never told him so. You two aren’t good at expressing what you feel. It might be because you aren’t good with words or because you’re afraid of admitting your feelings, or because things were complicated or whatever, but the way you both looked at each other, that spoke all those things you couldn’t tell.”_ _

__“Geez, Sam,” he says chuckling, bitterly. “When did you get this sappy?”_ _

__Sam rolls his eyes, but smiles. “Asshole.” He claps Dean’s shoulder, something that manages to bring a soft smile to Dean. “I guess that you two found something good but something made it complicated, but for the rest, it was real.”_ _

__“Hey,” Charlie says timidly. Sam and Dean turn around to look at her. “I came here to help, but I guess this isn’t the right moment?”_ _

__“Nah, don’t worry, Charlie,” Dean says as he wipes off his tears and sniffs. “I was just being a drama queen, like always.”_ _

__Charlie comes to him and gives him a tight hug that eases Dean’s pain. “Still having a hard time?”_ _

__“Yeah. Story of my life.” He huffs a bitter chuckle. Charlie and Sam give him an upset look. “Don’t worry. I’m fine.”_ _

__“You have a weird concept of being fine,” Sam sasses._ _

__“I don’t know why it still surprises you.” He turns around, getting back to the mince, because he still has some work to do and all of them are really hungry._ _

__“Hey,” Charlie says, rubbing Dean’s back soothingly. “Don’t act as if you’re okay. We know this is hard on you, so—”_ _

__“I know, Charlie, fuck, I know I have all your support.” He knows his family and friends are there for whatever he needs. Sometimes he forgets how lucky he is for having all these amazing people in his life. “And I truly appreciate it, really. But avoiding the topic, it’s what I need. And whenever I need to talk, even if I really, really hate it, I’ll do it. I know you guys are here for me. No matter what.” He looks at his brother and at his best friend and he smiles at them, honestly._ _

__“Good,” Sam says, nodding._ _

__Charlie and Sam help Dean with some tasks, which makes things go faster. Soon, all of them sitting around the table and enjoying the wonderful hamburgers. They talk and laugh, they laugh a lot, and Dean feels happy, like he hasn’t felt in weeks. He looks at Sam, Jess, Charlie, Kevin and Benny, and he thinks to himself that his love life is a mess, but the other people in his life are amazing._ _

__He only wishes that Cas could be here too, being part of the group too. But that’s something that won’t happen. But it would have been great to see that._ _

__

__***_ _

__

_October the 28th, 2015_

__

__Castiel changes back to the clothes he was wearing before the photoshoot. At least during this photo session he got to wear comfortable clothes. The person who picked that suit for the photoshoot was someone who wanted Castiel to be elegant but comfortable, and that’s something rare._ _

He also made a small interview that they will publish on _Vogue_ and that will appear on some TV channels. It was an easy interview about his latest films, but when the interview took on a more personal approach, Castiel felt uncomfortable, but he managed to remain calm, especially when the interviewer asked him about his love life, if there was someone special in his life he was dating. Castiel immediately thought about Dean during that question, but he answered that he was still single. It wasn’t a lie, but there is someone special in his life, well, there was. 

__Castiel sighs and looks up, holding up his tears. He isn’t going to cry. He doesn’t want anyone to find out he is crying; that might lead to many speculations and rumors, and Castiel doesn’t need that in his life. He is alone in that room, but he can never know._ _

__He leaves the place and walks out of the building. There’s a black car already waiting for him with Naomi in it. Castiel gets in it and doesn’t say a word, even if he knows that Naomi wants to know about the interview and the photoshoot._ _

__“I hope you didn’t say anything about that Dean of yours,” Naomi says, making sure to make Dean’s name sound poisonous._ _

__Castiel exhales sharply._ _

__“I still don’t understand what you saw in that man,” she keeps saying, each word sounding contemptuous._ _

__“More than you will ever understand,” Castiel answers._ _

__Naomi huffs and shakes her head. “Pathetic.”_ _

__Castiel clenches his fists, feeling how his nails turn the flesh of his palms white. He knows that Naomi wants to provoke him so she can have an excuse to tell him all the terrible things she thinks about Dean and him. He isn’t going to give her that satisfaction. He looks through the tinted window. The car is moving quite fast, so he can’t open the door and leave the car. But he sees that they are going to reach a traffic light and the car is going to stop, so he will be able to leave the car again. He could just yell at Naomi, but it feels better when he simply leaves her behind._ _

__He sees they are approaching the traffic light and notices how the car slows down. He is going to seize this moment and leave Naomi in the car once again, but before he does that, he needs to tell her something._ _

__He waits for the moment when the car completely stops and he says, “I guess that you consider it pathetic because deep down, you know that nobody will ever be insane or desperate enough to feel anything for you.”_ _

__Castiel manages to see Naomi’s shocked and furious face before he quickly opens the door and leaves the car, quickly closing it before Naomi can react and yell at him. Castiel runs before the traffic light turns green and sees how the car drives away. He can’t help smirking to himself as he walks to the opposite direction and calls for a cab._ _

__He reaches home sooner than when he took the tube, despite of the terrible traffic. He suspects that again, Naomi will try to reach him by phone, so he turns it off. They will see each other in a couple of days, for another interview about his new film, and he knows Naomi is going to yell at him, but he doesn’t care._ _

__Castiel opens the fridge and he grabs the remaining of last night’s dinner. He ordered some Chinese food. He always ends up ordering more than he usually eats for dinner, but he does so because that way, he always has dinner for the next night. He doesn’t have time for cooking and he is a terrible cook._ _

__He thinks about Dean, teaching him some basic things about cooking. Dean never once lost his patience with him and always encouraged Cas to try and learn. He can’t help smiling nostalgically at that memory. Dean was always so happy to teach him, even if Cas barely improved, although Dean said that he was getting better, but Cas wasn’t sure about it._ _

__He misses him so much._ _

__A few tears spill out and Castiel nods to himself, cursing himself for crying again. He wipes off his tears and sits down on his desk chair to eat as he looks at some stuff on the internet to avoid thinking about Dean, but somehow, he ends up finding the webpage from Dean’s bookstore. He tries not to click on the link, because he doesn’t need to be reminded of Dean, but he clicks on the link anyway._ _

__The webpage is really nice and very intuitive. He is pretty sure that Charlie made it, following Dean’s ideas and changing a couple of things so it would turn out to be a really nice webpage. He finds some photos about the place and Castiel smiles at each of them. Dean’s bookstore is beautiful and magical. Everything in it is perfect. He keeps looking at the photos, admiring every small detail of that wonderful place, but his heart skips a beat when he sees a photo of Dean, smiling happily and proudly at the camera. He looks really happy. Once again, Castiel finds himself spilling a few more tears as he caresses the screen, his fingers brushing Dean’s face._ _

__He keeps looking at the photos and finds another one with Dean, Charlie and Kevin, the three of them looking great and happy. The last photo consists on Dean, sitting on the floor, surrounded by several piles of books and grinning charmingly. Castiel finds himself crying again, but this time he is smiling._ _

__Before he leaves that webpage, he saves the two photos of Dean by himself. Just to look at the green eyed man when he feels too nostalgic._ _

__

__***_ _

__

_November the 7th, 2015_

__

__Sam and Jess give Dean a funny look as Dean moves uncomfortably on the seat for the millionth time._ _

__“Dean, would you stay still?” Sam says, quite exasperated but mocking him._ _

__“I hate wearing suits, especially when driving,” Dean protests, still moving restlessly. “This shit isn’t made for driving.”_ _

__“Don’t worry, the church is already there,” Jess says, pointing it out. “Now you only have to suffer wearing the suit during the rest of the ceremony and the banquet.”_ _

__“You know what, Jess?” Dean asks as he parks the Impala on a free spot. “It’d be a shame if someone screwed your hairdo after spending some many time on it.”_ _

__“Don’t you dare, Dean Winchester!” she says as she brings her hands to her hair and moves as far from Dean as she can. Sam and Dean laugh, and Jess slaps his husband’s shoulder. “Don’t laugh! You should be supporting me.”_ _

__“I’m sorry, it’s just that you’re adorable when you get so defensive,” Sam says with heart eyes._ _

__“Oh, shut up,” she says laughing, then she leans onto the front seat and kisses Sam sweetly._ _

__“You guys know we have a wedding to attend, right?” Dean asks. Both Sam and Jess show him their middle fingers. “Well, I guess Andrea is gonna arrive sooner than us.”_ _

__“You’re an exaggerator,” Sam protests. “We arrived twenty minutes before the time.”_ _

__“Yeah, but we still have to get the best seats, c’mon!”_ _

__The three of them leave the Impala and walk towards the church. Benny is already there and greets them with a hug. Dean finds weird seeing his friend wearing a tuxedo, but he guesses that Benny must find weird seeing Dean wearing a suit too.  
Sam, Jess and Dean sit on the left side. Dean takes a quick look around, seeing the people that have come. He recognizes Benny’s relatives and he guesses that the other ones are Andrea’s. Then, he looks at the building, appreciating the painting on the ceiling. He is so rapt at it that he doesn’t notice that Kevin and Charlie have arrived until Kevin shakes his hand in front of his eyes._ _

__“Oh, hey,” Dean says surprised. He makes a smug face when he sees Kevin in a suit too._ _

__“Yeah, I know, I look like a tax collector,” Kevin says rolling his eyes._ _

__“I was gonna say like someone from the yakuza.”_ _

__Kevin shakes his head but smiles. “Asshole.”_ _

__“Don’t listen to him, Kevin, you look great,” Charlie says. There’s a pretty brunette next to her and everyone looks at Charlie with expecting eyes. “So this is Gilda, everyone,” she says as she brings Gilda closer to her. Sam, Jess and Dean greet her. “And Gilda, these are Sam, Jess and Dean. And well, I’ve already introduced you to Kevin before we got in the car, so you already know him.”_ _

__“Hello,” Gilda says timidly, with a beautiful smile. “It’s so good to meet you.”_ _

__“It’s our pleasure,” Sam says._ _

__“Yeah, it’s great to finally meet you,” Jess says, smiling widely._ _

__“Yeah, it is,” Dean agrees with a wide smile. “I bet you want to know every single embarrassing story about Charlie.”_ _

__“Dean!” Charlie exclaims, blushing quickly._ _

__“Yes, please,” Gilda says as she sits next to Dean._ _

__“There’s a lot of them, so you’ll have to wait for when the banquet,” Kevin says with a smirk._ _

__“But meanwhile, we can tell you a few of them,” Sam says._ _

__“I hate you all so much,” Charlie says, glaring at them._ _

__“It’s the tradition,” Dean, Sam, Jess and Kevin say at the same time. Gilda bursts into laughter while Charlie’s blush deepens; they’ve never seen her as blushed as today._ _

__“You guys are the worst!” she exclaims, covering her face._ _

__“You’re so cute when you are blushed and frustrated,” Gilda says with a kind smile._ _

__“First, I’m always cute, and second, I can’t believe you’re supporting their plan on embarrassing me with stories.”_ _

__“Actually, you embarrass yourself with those stories,” Dean explains with an obvious pout. “We just remember them.”_ _

__Charlie makes a frustrated sound and she uses her clutch bag to hit him on his shoulder several times. “Shut your mouth, Winchester!”_ _

__It only makes all of them to laugh uncontrollably. And it also makes the whole church to look at them. Even Benny laughs at them, clearly knowing what they are up to._ _

__They don’t have any time to share any embarrassing story, given that everyone immediately stands up because the wedding march starts to play, indicating that the bride is about to come in to the church. The bridesmaids appear first, and then, Andrea makes her entrance, her father walking her to the altar with a look full of emotion and pride. He even smiles at Benny when they reach him, and Benny thanks him before he makes a wide grin to Andrea._ _

__Dean doesn’t pay too much attention to what the priest says. He doesn’t like the ceremony; it’s just some guy spitting some words that he repeats to every single other couple. What it is truly important, is how the couple looks at each other, about to dedicate their lives to each other and love each other forever. The remaining is just unimportant filling, in Dean’s opinion._ _

__Benny and Andrea kiss after accepting each other and everyone starts clapping. Some people even whistle. The married couple smiles when they pull away and they wave at everyone before they go down the altar. The photographer takes some photos and everybody begins to leave the church, waiting outside to throw them petals. When that’s done, the group of friends goes to their cars to drive towards the place the banquet is going to be celebrated._ _

__It is a five minute long drive and it is easy to find. They get into the place and go to their table; the six of them are in the same table, with no one else, which is great, because Dean doesn’t like it when they sit him with people he doesn’t know._ _

__The rest of the guests arrive, and soon, the room is completely full. The married couple is the last one to arrive and they sit in the large table in front of the other rounded tables. A couple of minutes after they are seated, food starts to arrive._ _

__As they eat the delicious food, they start to tell Gilda all the embarrassing stories about Charlie, who can’t help flushing again, but she makes a tiny, happy smile when Gilda laughs brightly at her stories. By the time they have told every embarrassing story, they are only halfway from the whole menu._ _

__“I didn’t know you were so dorky,” Gilda says, grinning and placing her hand on top of Charlie’s._ _

__“Shut up,” Charlie says, really embarrassed. “I can’t believe you guys told her all my embarrassing stories.”_ _

__“Like we said, it’s the tradition,” Sam says, smirking. “If you bring your boyfriend or girlfriend, you know that we must tell all those stories.”_ _

__Dean frowns confused. “Then, why did you tell Cas all my embarrassing stories? We weren’t even together at that time.”_ _

__Everybody, except Gilda, looks at Dean with a bewildered look. They know Dean has been avoiding talking about Cas for almost a month, and he just dropped his name as if it was something easy, which is not._ _

__Gilda looks at everybody, clearly confused, and she asks, “Who’s Cas?”_ _

__“My ex-boyfriend,” Dean answers. “Well, sort of, I— we weren’t a thing with a tag. I still don’t know what we were.” He makes a painful smile and looks down. He takes a deep breath and tries to ignore the ache in his chest._ _

__“Hey, are you okay?” Sam asks, worried, placing his hand on his brother’s shoulder._ _

__“Yeah, yeah.” No, he isn’t, but he has to pretend he is it. Today’s a day of celebration, not a day to pine over a lost love. He grabs his glass of wine and takes a long sip. He would appreciate it if it was beer or whiskey, but he has to stick with what they are serving._ _

__“And aren’t you interested on hearing Dean’s embarrassing stories?” Charlie asks, trying to change the topic. “There’s one involving pink panties.”_ _

__“You’re never gonna let that story go, don’t you?”_ _

__“Hey, I’ve been embarrassed since dinner began, I want my freaking revenge.”_ _

__“Well, I was getting my revenge from when you told Cas those embarrassing stories,” Dean says with a grin. Again, his heart punctures with that name. And once again there’s a tiny silence because he has mentioned that name again, not knowing what to say or do._ _

__Luckily, Kevin knows how to make everyone forget about it. “Man, I’m gonna be so screwed up if I ever find someone and introduce them to you.”_ _

__“Don’t doubt it,” Sam and Dean say before all of them laugh._ _

__Cas isn’t mentioned again and they keep talking about a lot of things, sharing a bit about themselves and laughing as they keep enjoying the delicious food. Dean even takes mental notes about some things he likes and that he needs to cook at home._ _

__Dessert arrives after a while. The cake is delicious too. The chocolate is amazing, the hazelnut cream is perfect and the sponge is perfectly baked and so fluffy. He even asks Benny if he can have another piece, and Benny brings him another, telling him that he suspected his friend was going to ask for more and that’s why he saved one piece._ _

__The group of friends keeps chattering after dessert, until music starts to play and everyone goes to the dance floor to dance. Everyone except Dean. Dean Winchester doesn’t dance, he hates it, so he remains on his chair, looking around and chuckling at the way his brother and his friends dance._ _

__While everybody dances, Dean decides to grab his phone and read some articles about books and TV shows. He knows that everyone who doesn’t know him must be thinking he is boring or antisocial, but it is better if they never see him dancing._ _

__He decides to go to Castiel’s Instagram account and take a look. It’s been a while since he last looked at it. There are a couple of new photos from some books and some parks, but Dean clicks on the one where he can see Cas’ face. He makes a nostalgic smile when the photo enlarges after clicking on it. He looks sad and tired. Maybe he took that photo after a long day. He doesn’t know. But his eyes are as blue as he remembers. He misses looking at those gentle eyes._ _

__With a sigh, he locks his phone and tries to distract himself with something else, but Charlie comes to the table and sits down next to him. “You’re a such a party guy,” she says with a mischief smirk._ _

__Dean makes a bitch face. “You know how much I hate dancing.” He looks at the dance floor and he sees Kevin dancing with Gilda. “Why is Gilda dancing with Kevin?”_ _

__“I told her I was gonna come here to talk to you and she asked Kevin to dance with her. She and Kevin spent the whole ride to the church talking about anthropology,” she explains, chuckling. She looks at them and smiles. “They got on really well.”_ _

__“She’s a great girl, Charlie. And she’s so in love with you.”_ _

__Charlie blushes. “Yeah, I’m so lucky.” She turns her face to look at Dean and makes a shy smile. “I think I finally found the one.”_ _

__“Yeah, I think you found her.” Dean smiles sincerely and Charlie looks down, timidly. “Don’t let her go. Don’t be like me and let the one you love go.”_ _

__That makes Charlie lift her eyes to look directly at Dean, with glassy and sad eyes. “Dean, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring him—”_ _

__“You didn’t bring him to the conversation,” Dean interrupts her with a soft smile. “I did.” He looks down at his hands, not wanting to look at his friend’s compassionate eyes. He sighs. “Anyway, just don’t make my mistake, okay?”_ _

__“Dean,” she says, heartbreakingly. She places her hand on Dean’s wrist and gives it a soft squeeze. “Do you want to talk? I know all of this is affecting you.”_ _

__“Don’t worry about me, Charlie,” he says, making a fake smile. “I’m fine. Seriously. Go to dance with that gorgeous girlfriend of yours. I’ll be okay.”_ _

__“You used to be a better liar.”_ _

__Dean chuckles. “Maybe. But don’t worry, I’m gonna be okay.”_ _

__Charlie sighs and stands up. She knows that Dean wants to be alone, so she doesn’t protest, but she gives him a worrying look before she goes back to the dance floor._ _

Dean watches how everyone dances for a while and then he starts to play with a napkin. There’s a moment when a slow love song starts playing, _Can’t Help Falling in Love with You_ by Elvis Presley. Everyone starts slow dancing with their significant other. Benny and Andrea are resting their foreheads together. Benny has his arms around the small of her waist and she has her hands cupping his face. Charlie and Gilda have their arms around each other’s backs, the sides of their faces are pressed together and they are smiling. And Sam and Jess have their bodies pressed together. Jess has her face resting on the crook of Sam’s neck. One of her hands is on his chest, while the other is on his back. Sam holds her tightly but softly, and he has his eyes closed, smiling softly. 

__Dean feels his heart sinking as he watches them and as the lyrics go directly to his heart._ _

_“Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you? Like a river flows, surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes. Some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life, too, for I can't help falling in love with you.”_

__Dean finds himself crying, feeling how the tears trace down his face. He is fucking crying and he can’t stop. He feels weak and pathetic. His chest is constricting around him and it makes it hard to breathe. He needs to get away from here, so he stands up and walks away, crying as he makes his way out. The chilly night greets him when he is out and he rests his back on the closest tree, still crying and feeling the tightness and pain in his chest. He closes his eyes and sobs._ _

__Why is he crying right now? Why can’t he put himself together? Why is he so damaged and broken? Why is his heart willing to make him feel the worst? Why did he have to fall in love? Why is he allowed to love Cas but not to have him?_ _

__“Dean!” Sam exclaims as he runs towards Dean. He quickly reaches Dean and grabs his shoulder. “Dean, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Sam says as he pulls his brother into a hug. “It’s okay, Dean.”_ _

__Dean simply cries and sobs, not saying a word, holding onto his brother. He is sure that Sam knows why he is crying. After all Sam has always been better at reading people and their feelings than Dean. He keeps crying for a while, until the tightness fades away, but the pain in his heart remains._ _

__He pulls away from Sam and wipes away his tears and the trace they left. “Shit,” Dean mumbles._ _

__“I know,” Sam says with a sad smile. “You wanna talk about it?”_ _

__Dean takes a deep breath and looks up at the starry night sky before he looks back at his little brother. “Talking won’t fix things. I love him, Sam, I love him so much, but I can’t have him. I’ll never have him.” A few more tears fall from his exhausted and sore eyes. “He was the one. He was it. And he left and I don’t know if he felt the same or not, or if things would be different if I said more than a single ‘stay’, but— fuck.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and grunts. “I guess I always end up fucking everything up.”_ _

__“That’s not true, and you know it.”_ _

__“I don’t know anything anymore, Sammy,” Dean says with a tired voice. He feels so tired of everything. Right now, he just wants to sleep for as long as it takes to make the pain go away. “I guess I wasn’t good enough for him and I’ll never be it.”_ _

__Sam grabs his shoulders and makes eye contact. “No, don’t say that Dean. You were more than good enough for him and you are it!”_ _

__“Then, why didn’t he try to stay with me?”_ _

__“Because things tend to be more complicated than what we want them to.”_ _

__Dean makes a bitter chuckle. “You don’t know that.”_ _

__“And neither do you. We don’t know the reason of why Cas left, but you’ve gotta stop blaming yourself for it.”_ _

__Dean can’t, because deep down, he knows he wasn’t good enough for Cas, that he didn’t give Cas a reason to stay. Dean remains in silence and looks down, not wanting to meet his brother’s eyes._ _

__“I’m sorry,” Dean mumbles. “I didn’t want to start crying and—”_ _

__“It’s not your fault,” Sam interrupts with a kind voice. “To be honest, I was expecting you to break down. I knew this day wasn’t gonna be easy on you.”_ _

__“Yeah,” he mumbles, sighing._ _

__“Why don’t you go home? I think it’d be better if you just go somewhere where you can’t be reminded of Cas. Me and Jess can go back home on Charlie’s car and I’ll tell Benny why you left, he’ll understand.”_ _

__Dean takes a deep breath. “Yeah, I should, but I don’t wanna cause you any trouble and—”_ _

__“Dean,” Sam interrupts, giving him a caring and warning look. “You aren’t causing any trouble at all. Just go. We understand. Just get some rest and get better. Promise?”_ _

__Dean smiles softly. He has the best brother in the world. “Promise.”_ _

__They hug again and then, they walk in opposite directions. Sam goes back in and Dean walks towards his car. He drives slowly back home. He doesn’t put his music on and a couple of tears fall down from his eyes as he drives back to his lonely apartment, still feeling pain in his poor, broken heart, hating himself for the little scene he made and for having the need to go back home and try to forget everything._ _

__When he arrives to his apartment, he undresses slowly, as if it was the most exhausting task in the world. He’s been willing to take off the suit since he put it on, but now he doesn’t care. He feels numb and exhausted._ _

__He puts on his pajamas with the same exhaustion as he took off his clothes. He gets in his bed and switches off the lights. Tomorrow he doesn’t have to wake up early because is Sunday, so he can sleep for as long as he needs to. He knows he needs to sleep, that sleep will help him to feel better, but he can’t bring himself to close his eyes and fall into the sweet darkness and peace of his sleep. His heart is still broken and the pain is unbearable. But he forces himself to close his eyes and to pull himself together._ _

__It’s just a bad day. That’s all. That’s what he needs to tell himself._ _


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's more angst. I'm sorry for making all of you suffer. But we are getting closer to the end of the angst, I promise.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions ^^
> 
>  **NOTE:** I will probably update chapter 25 on Wednesday the 16th and chapter 26 on Tuesday the 22nd. Yes, that means that you're getting 3 chapters of Film books in 3 weeks!  
>  Given that my studying period for exams will arrive in January and I will have to make an hiatus, that will mean having to make it when I will only have two chapters left to upload, so I'm going to try to post chapters 25 and 26 with a period of one week in between each. I will probably do the same with chapter 28 and 29, but I will let you know that.

_November the 21st, 2015_

 

“Dean!” Ellen says when she opens the door, pulling him into a tight hug, making Dean grin happily. “It’s so damn nice to see you, boy!”

“Hi, Ellen,” Dean says hugging her back. “How was the flight?”

“As good as always,” she answers smiling, pulling away, but keeping her arms on Dean’s arms.

“Let me doubt that,” he says with a bitch face and Ellen smiles. He steps into Sam and Jess’ apartment and he spots Bobby, who immediately approaches him to hug him too. “Hey, Bobby.”

“It’s great to see ya, son,” Bobby says, tightening Dean in his arms.

Ellen and Bobby always come to Vancouver the Saturday before the week of Thanksgiving. They can never celebrate it on Thanksgiving day, given that Dean, Sam and Jess always work on that day, that’s why Ellen and Bobby come all the way up to Canada to celebrate Thanksgiving a few days before. They only stay for Saturday and they leave on Sunday morning.

“How are ya?” Bobby asks when they pull away, cradling Dean’s face with his old and rough hands. They aren’t soft, but they always hold Dean’s face with so much care.

“I’m good,” Dean answers with an easy smile. He could be better, but he’s been doing better since the wedding. It seems that his heart has calmed down a little and that it is healing slowly, but Dean knows that he still needs a lot of time.

Bobby gives him that calculative look of his. He practically raised Dean, and he knows him too well. “But ya could be better, right?” Bobby says with an arched brow.

Dean chuckles bitterly. It doesn’t matter if he sees the old man a couple of days every year, Bobby still knows him like a father. After all, Bobby is the father he and Sam deserved and had the luck to have when John refused to practice as such. “Yeah, but I’m good, all things considered.”

“Is about that same man?” Ellen asks, putting her hand on Dean’s shoulder, caressing it soothingly.

“Yeah.” His voice comes in a mumble, feeling how a lump forms in his throat. He doesn’t want to talk about Cas. He needs to avoid talking and thinking about him for as much as he needs to, until he feels completely better. He knows that he won’t heal completely, but for now, he needs to avoid anything that has to do with Cas. He doesn’t want to make another scene in front of his family; they don’t deserve it.

“It’s been a bit hard for him,” Sam says as he walks towards them. Dean rolls his eyes, because he doesn’t like feeling like he is someone who needs to be taken care of constantly. It is true that things haven’t been easy at all for him since Cas left, but he doesn’t like knowing that he needs everyone to watch out for him.

“I’m fine,” Dean insists, giving Sam a sharp look that he knows his brother will understand.

“Yeah, we know.” Sam chuckles. “But you can’t stop making us worry about you. Hell, you’re even worse than us when you worry about us.”

“Sam’s got a point,” Bobby says chuckling.

Dean huffs a laugh. “Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I’m gonna go to the kitchen because I’m hungry and the damn turkey takes too long to cook.” He leaves the living room and walks towards the kitchen, where he finds Jess preparing the rest of the stuff. “Hey, Jess.”

“Hi, Dean!” she says smiling and greeting him with a hug. “I’ve got you everything ready,” she explains as she points at all the food on the counter. “You only have to do your magic with the turkey and prepare the pumpkin pie.”

Dean smirks. “Love it when you save me a lot of work.”

Jess smiles. “Shut up.”

Dean chuckles as he washes his hands before he starts to fill the turkey. Jess always helps him with this dinner. She’s a great cook too, but she always says that Dean has that special touch that she doesn’t have. But still, she is an amazing cook.

“How are you doing?” Jess asks, cautiously, giving Dean a soft look.

“Better,” Dean answers, not taking his eyes from the task he is doing.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

She doesn’t ask further and Dean thanks her for that. Jess only asks him how he’s doing because she knows that Dean doesn’t want to talk about it. She is really worried about him, like all his friends and family, and even though Dean is sure she wants to ask more, she doesn’t do it because she doesn’t want to push him.

They keep cooking and preparing everything for an hour, talking about random things as they hear the soft music Jess has playing in the kitchen. Dean likes cooking with people, it makes him happy and he appreciates the help.

Dean puts the pumpkin pie first in the oven. When it is done, he will put the turkey in the oven. Meanwhile, he helps Jess to clean everything. Now they only have to wait for an hour, until the pie is done, and then, they will have to wait for three hours, until the turkey is done and juicy.

They go to the living room and sit with Sam, Bobby and Ellen. Dean likes being with his family, hearing them laughing and talking with them. Sometimes he wishes that Ellen and Bobby weren’t as far as they are, but they try to see each other as much as they can. They will see each other in Christmas. This year they will celebrate it at Sam and Jess’.

The oven rings when the pie is done and Dean goes back to the kitchen to get it out of the oven and put the turkey in it. He admires how perfect the pumpkin pie looks and smells, his mouth instantly watering at it. He is tempted to have a slice, but he doesn’t do it because it just came out of the oven and if he has a taste, he will burn his tongue and stomach.

He goes back to the living room with his family and they keep talking and laughing. The three hours fly, and soon, the oven is ringing again, indicating that the turkey is done. The wonderful smell strokes Dean’s face when he opens the oven’s door. Carefully, he grabs the tray and brings it to the table. He goes back to the kitchen to leave the kitchen mittens and he joins his family at the table.

The turkey is delicious, and everybody lets Dean know that. Dean thanks everyone and blushes. He is glad that his food makes his family really happy.

Everyone is full with the turkey, but all of them left a little space in their stomachs for the pumpkin pie, which it turns out to be extremely delicious. Dean is an expert in pies; both at cooking them and at eating them. He even moans a little when he eats his slice, but that’s because he loves pie so much, not because he wants to show off his cooking skills.

“Son,” Bobby begins to say after he has eaten the last remaining of the pie. “There’s no one who makes pies as good as ya.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Dean says, grinning. He slides down his chair a little, feeling full but happy. He is still enjoying the remaining flavor of the pumpkin pie in his mouth. “Man, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to move in a couple of hours.”

Bobby chuckles. “Me neither.”

“Of course you won’t move,” Ellen says with a mischievous grin. “Between you two, you ate half of the dinner.”

“Everything was so good that it’d be a shame if we left something.”

Dean, Sam and Jess laugh while Ellen smiles and rolls her eyes, caressing her husband’s arm fondly.

Suddenly, Sam clears his throat. “Listen, uh,” he begins to say, sounding a bit nervous and shy. He grabs Jess’ hand and they share a tender look. “We’ve got something to announce.”

Dean, Bobby and Ellen look at them with expectant eyes and Jess is the one who grins and exclaims, “I’m pregnant!”

“Oh my god!” Ellen says standing up and walking towards Sam and Jess to hug both of them. She kisses both of their cheeks as she smiles as widely as possible.

Bobby stands up too and pulls Sam into a tight hug. “Congratulations, boy!” he says as he hugs him tightly.

“Thanks, Bobby,” Sam says, touched.

Then, Bobby goes to hug Jess. “Congratulations, Jessica.”

“Thank you, Bobby.”

Dean goes to pull Sam into a really tight hug. His little brother is going to be a father. That’s amazing. “I’m so fucking happy for you two,” Dean says, emotion slipping into his voice. “You’re gonna be an amazing father, Sammy.”

Sam chuckles. “You really think so?”

“I don’t think it, I know it.” He dedicates his brother a big grin. “Congratulations, Sammy.”

“Thanks, Dean. And I’m sure you’re gonna be an amazing uncle.”

Dean chuckles. “I’ll try to.” He’s going to be an uncle. He can’t believe it. His brother and Jess are going to have a baby, they are going to become parents and he is going to be an uncle. It makes him really happy. 

Dean goes to hug Jess too, who hugs him tightly and grins. “I’m going to be a pain in the ass for all the food I’m going to tell you to cook me whenever I have a craving,” she says laughing.

Dean can’t help laughing. “I’ll happily cook you everything you want, Jess, don’t worry. Congratulations for the baby.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

After all the hugs and congratulations, they sit down again and they start talking about the baby, asking them from when they knew they were going to be parents to if they have already thought about any names. All of them are so happy for the upcoming baby. Sam and Jess have been trying to have a baby for months, and finally, they are going to be parents. Dean still can’t believe it.

He looks at Sam and Jess and he smiles. Sometimes he forgets how much Sam has grown up. Dean has been looking out for him since their mother died when he was four years old, and Sam will always be his little brother, but Sam has grown up a lot. He got a great job, he got married with an amazing woman and now he and Jess are going to be parents. His baby brother became a man a long time ago, but Dean can’t believe how much he has grown up. He is really happy and proud of Sam. He admires how well his brother did after all they had to go through when they were little. After all, Sam found a happy life and a happy ending.

Dean still needs to find his happy ending, if he ever gets one, but right now, he’s happy with what he has, even if there are some missing pieces in the puzzle of his life. His family is going to have a new member and that’s awesome. And he is going to be an uncle. That’s more than awesome.

 

***

 

_November the 26th, 2015_

 

Thanksgiving hasn’t been a happy day for Castiel since his family died. He has some memories of how happy he was when he and his parents celebrated this day. His mother made an amazing dinner and his father was extremely happy during the whole dinner. Cas remembers smiling all the time and enjoying the wonderful food. He and his father always put some whipped cream on their noses before putting it on the pumpkin pie. His mother always rolled her eyes at them, but there was a kind smile on her face.

Now, he spends Thanksgiving alone in his apartment, having some instant noodles and a slice of pumpkin pie bought on one of New York’s best bakeries. It’s really good, but it doesn’t make him as happy as the one his mother made. He wonders if Dean’s pumpkin pie is as good as the one he had in his childhood. He suspects that it must be delicious, given that Dean is an amazing cook.

Castiel hopes that Dean is having a good Thanksgiving, surrounded by his family and loved ones. He hopes that he doesn’t have to spend this day, which is supposed to be spent with those you most love, alone, like Castiel.

When he finishes his simple dinner, he washes the fork, the dish and the glass. When he is done, he looks down at the sink and takes a deep breath, hating how lonely and sad he feels. He walks away from the kitchen and sits in front of the big window, looking at the city. Everyone must be in the homes, with those they love, celebrating this day, and meanwhile, here he is again, sitting in front of a window, admiring the city, hoping that loneliness will leave his broken heart.

He never has to film on this day. Nobody wants to spend this day working. Castiel would like to, because that way, maybe he wouldn’t feel like this. But he understands that the rest of the people want to go home to spend this day with the ones they love.

This day has been hard for him since his parents died, but this year is being even harder because of Dean. He misses him a lot. He wants to go back and stay with him, but he can’t do that. Dean deserves someone better, someone who can be with him whenever he needs it. He doesn’t want to drag Dean into his depressing life. Castiel doesn’t deserve Dean, he isn’t good enough for him. Dean is a better man than Castiel.

Castiel closes his eyes and a few tears fall down his face as he remembers those green eyes as intense as the grass and the constellation of freckles on his skin. He remembers his sweet and gentle smile, his pink lips, his short and soft hair and his long eyelashes. He remembers the sound of his laughter, the sound of his voice, his kisses and his touches. He remembers the feelings of safety and warmth that Dean produced him and the way his eyes wanted to make him feel special and full of worth.

When Castiel opens his eyes, his vision is a bit blurry because of his tears. He rubs his eyes, wiping off his tears and he makes a broken sigh. He likes to think that if his life wasn’t like this, if he was someone who wasn’t an actor, he and Dean would have had a chance. Maybe then, things would have worked out because it would have been easier, because Cas would have had much more to offer Dean. Maybe then, Dean would have seen him in the bookstore because he would have liked him, not because he recognized him from a movie. He knows that Dean has always seen him for more than his job, but would he have agreed to see him more often if Cas was just a random guy? He is afraid of the answer.

Castiel brings his knees to his chest, embracing his legs with his arm and resting his chin on his knees. The city looks peaceful tonight. He wishes he could be peaceful too, but the pain in his heart is still agonizing.

He wishes he could be in Dean’s arms right now. But the story of Castiel’s life is that he can’t have what he really wants, along with wrong place, wrong time. He takes a deep breath and keeps looking at the city, but his thoughts are about a man with eyes as green as the grass and with a whole galaxy of freckles on his skin.

 

***

 

_November the 30th, 2015_

 

Charlie comes into the bookstore completely covered with snow. Dean grins widely when he sees her. Today is snowing heavily and Dean loves it. Snow makes him happy. Charlie lets out a relieved sigh when she feels the warmth in the store. She begins to take out his coat and her scarf, and the snow on her starts to melt.

“Hey, Dean,” Charlie says as she walks towards the office to leave her belongings.

“Hey, Charlie,” Dean says as he keeps putting some Christmas decorations in the bookstore. He is now putting some paper snowflakes that will hang from the ceiling. “Enjoying the nice weather?”

“I forgot how much you love snow,” she says, chuckling. She comes out of the office, carrying a box with more decorations. Every year they put some Christmas decorations before December. Nothing too fancy or that involves a lot of religious meaning. It’s more related to winter, but most of the colors of said decoration are from Christmas. “You bought new lights,” Charlie says as she looks into the box.

“Yeah, some of the old ones were fused.”

“You want them on the stairs’ handrail, right?”

“Yeah.”

It doesn’t take them too long to decorate the bookstore. The decoration consists on some tinsels, some paper shaped drawings hanging from the ceiling and some Christmas lights, but it gives the place a joyful look and clients seem to really like it. Both Dean and Charlie admire the place and smile proudly and happily.

“It looks even more magical,” Charlie says.

“I forgot how much you love Christmas decorations,” Dean mocks, smiling.

“Shut up, dumbass. You like this decoration too.”

“Of course I like it; I wouldn’t put it if I didn’t like it!”

Charlie chuckles and rolls her eyes before she walks towards the door to turn the sign to the ‘open’ side. “Do you think anyone’s going to come today? It’s snowing pretty heavily.”

Dean shrugs. “Dunno. Maybe some people who want to give books as a Christmas present might come. Books are always an amazing present.”

“Yeah, they are. But you’ve got to know a person’s taste very well, or you can screw it up.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah. But usually, people who give books, do it because they know what that person likes. Books are a very personal present.”

“Well, if somebody has any doubt, they can ask you; you’re really good at recommending books.”

Dean makes a sad smile when he remembers that Cas always trusted his taste in books. He always enjoyed whatever Dean recommended him. He makes a sad sigh and Charlie clearly notices that he is sad.

“Dean?” She asks worried. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just—” He sighs, again. “Cas’ memories.”

Charlie makes a silent ‘oh’ and grimaces. “You still miss him a lot, don’t you?”

“Yeah, more than I should, but—” He takes a deep breath and shrugs, making a soft, sad smile. “It’s what it is.” He looks down and decides to switch on the computer to see if they need to grab any book from the repository or if they have to order anything.

Charlie comes by his side and hugs him. “It’ll get better eventually, I promise. But it’s going to be a long time.”

“I know,” Dean whispers. “I just wish that things turned out to be differently, but—” Before he says anything else, he shuts up. He has had this conversation more times than he should, and he is tired of replaying the past and looking for mistakes. Nothing is going to change. He should turn the page and carry on. “It’s too late to change things,” he says instead. He looks up, trying to hold the tears. He doesn’t know why he has the need to cry right now. “Shit,” he mumbles.

“Oh, Dean,” Charlie says, almost sounding as if she wanted to cry too. When Dean looks at her, her eyes are glassy. “I hate seeing you like this. I wish I could do something to make you feel better.”

“Don’t worry, Charlie.” He wipes off the few tears and smiles. “You and Sam, Jess, Benny and Kevin do more than you think. If it wasn’t for you guys, I don’t know what I’d do. I’d be a far worse mess. But there are things that can’t be fixed. But thanks for always being there to put up with the pain in the ass I am.”

“You aren’t a pain in the ass, Dean.” She squeezes him in her arms and then she stands on the tip of her toes to reach his cheek and kiss it. “You’re an amazing friend, Dean, and we owe you a lot.”

Dean rolls his eyes, huffing. “You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not. You’ve always been there for anything, no matter what. You’re a great man, Dean. And we hate how bad things keep happening to you, because you always do so much good for everyone you love and care. I just wish things could go better.”

“Me too, Charlie, me too.”

 

***

 

_December the 3rd, 2015_

 

“Castiel!” Naomi yells as she approaches him, but Castiel ignores her. He is outside, enjoying the feeling of the snow falling onto him, how the snowflakes caress his face and they slowly melt on his hair and on his face. He loves snow and being under it. “Come inside immediately!” Naomi keeps yelling, but this time she is also grabbing Cas’ arm, shaking him in order to get him back inside to his dressing room. “You’re going to get sick!”

Castiel pull his arm from her tight grip. “I’m not going to get sick,” he mutters, opening his eyes and glaring her. “I still have thirty minutes before I have to go back to filming. Let me enjoy my free time.”

“I will let you enjoy your free time when it doesn’t involve getting pneumonia!”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “I’m not going to get pneumonia. It’s just snow.”

Naomi makes a frustrated sound and walks away, leaving him alone. Castiel smiles to himself and watches how she leaves before he decides to take a slow walk around the lovely forest where they are, enjoying how the snow keeps falling. Walking under the snow makes him as happy as walking under the rain.

They are in Finland, filming another movie. He has a tiny break and Castiel is spending it by taking a walk behind the set while it snows. It relaxes him and makes him forget about his life and his poor, broken heart.

He could be in that nice cabin with the other actors, enjoying the fireplace and talking to them, but Castiel feels awkward when he has to talk to other actors. He tries to be as nice as possible, but somehow, he always makes things really awkward and eventually, actors ignore him, unless they strictly need to talk to him. Besides, he usually finds the other actor’s conversations boring and he is sure they find Castiel boring, so he is making everyone a favor by not going in there and try to talk.

Outside is really cold and it is snowing heavily, but Castiel loves it. He closes his eyes again and lifts his head up, smiling at the icy feeling the snowflakes leave on his face. When he opens them, he sees thousands of snowflakes falling from the dark sky and he grins. It’s been a long time since he smiled.

He decides to lie onto the snow and make a snow angel. His clothes get drenched a bit, but he doesn’t mind it at all. When he is done with his snow angel, he rests his hands on his chest and keeps watching how it snows. He sighs happily.

As the snow keeps falling, Castiel thinks about Dean and wonders if he would like snow. He didn’t ask him if he liked the rain the last time they saw each other. There are still so many things he wants to ask to Dean, so many things he would like to know about him… But they won’t have that chance again. And it’s all his fault; for not being what Dean deserves.

He wonders if Dean has already forgotten him.

 

***

 

_December the 8th, 2015_

 

It’s a bit late, but Dean is baking some cookies that he will bring tomorrow to the bookstore. He always does it on December and gives some to the customers, if Charlie and Kevin leave any. That’s why he has to bake more, because his friends eat more cookies than they should and they barely leave any for their clients.

Dean mostly does it for the kids. During December, a lot of kids come to the bookstore and their parents buy them books. Dean likes giving them a cookie, and he loves the way those kids smile at him. A couple of kids always come during this time, and they give Dean some presents, like a candy cane, a bookmark made by them or a badge. Even Charlie and Kevin get some of those presents too, and they love how happy the kids are during this time of the year.

While Dean waits for the cookies to be baked, he watches the TV, well, he is looking for something to watch, because there’s nothing on today. He could watch something on Netflix, but that would mean making a small marathon of something he likes and he would go to bed later than he would like to.

He makes channel surfing, not finding anything that catches his attention, until he sees Castiel on his TV. His heart skips a beat. He should change the channel, but he doesn’t, he can’t, because Cas looks gorgeous wearing that waistcoat; that piece of cloth always suited him. It’s been so long since he last saw him. His eyes are fixed on the screen, not wanting to move his gaze away.

The images Dean sees are from a photoshoot for _Vogue_ , and Castiel looks amazing. Those images are mixed with a part where Cas is sitting and somebody is asking him questions. Dean looks at Cas, admiring his beauty, especially the beauty of his eyes, and listening to that amazing low voice.

 _“…about your love life, is there any special love that we don’t know about yet?”_ The woman asks.

Dean swallows and feels his mouth getting suddenly dry when he sees Cas blushing at the question. What if he is seeing someone else? What if he has found someone who can make him happy?

 _“I’m afraid I’m still single,”_ Castiel finally says, with a shy smile.

Dean lets out a sigh that he didn’t know he was holding. He is relieved, but at the same time it hurts.

The interview keeps going on but Dean decides to switch off the TV; he has watched enough, more than his heart can stand. It won’t do him any good to keep watching Cas, even though if every fiber in his being is craving for it. But he must try to avoid this. It is still too soon for this. He closes his eyes and takes long, deep breaths, trying to calm his beating heart. It takes him a couple of minutes, but his heart eventually slows down.

No matter how hard he tries; he is still in love with Castiel and he is afraid he won’t stop being in love with him. He only hopes that his heart will manage to live with it without pain.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see I was able to post today, like I promised ^^ And I will be able to post the next chapter next Tuesday ^^
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :')

_December the 11th, 2015_

 

Dean washes everything after having dinner. He made some baked hake with potatoes and it was delicious. He slowly washes everything, making sure that he doesn’t leave any stain on the tray. When everything is washed, he dries everything and puts every single thing on its respective place.

He is drying his hands on a cloth when somebody knocks on the door.

Dean frowns confused. It’s Friday night and he isn’t expecting any visit, so he doesn’t know who must be knocking at his door. Maybe something happened and any of his friends or Sam needs help. He doesn’t know, so he walks towards the door and opens it. And the moment he does it, his heart skips a beat and his mouth parts, looking at the man in front of him with surprised eyes.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says with a soft smile, his eyes full of emotion.

Dean looks at him from head to toe, not fully believing that Cas is right here in front of him. But this is Cas, with those blue eyes, that trench coat, that messy hair and that sweet smile. “Cas,” Dean simply says, his voice sounding really touched, still trying to process the fact that Cas is in his front door.

There are so many things he wants to say, so many things he wants to do, but Dean’s brain is collapsing and he ends up removing the space in between them, cupping Cas’ face and kissing him desperately. And naturally, Cas kisses him back, placing his hands on Dean’s hair, pressing each other closer.

They get in the apartment, closing the door behind them, never breaking the kiss. Dean presses Cas’ back against the door and deepens the kiss, making Cas moan and tighten his grip on him. It’s been a bit more than two months since they last saw, since they last kissed, and it feels too good to be back together. They should be talking, but both of them want to do this right now, because this is what they both have been craving for months.

Dean moves his mouth from Cas’ mouth and kisses his neck before he gets his earlobe in between his lips. Cas moans Dean’s name, a sound Dean forgot how much he loved, and he grinds against Dean’s crotch before bringing Dean’s mouth back to his, both making a happy sound when their lips touch.

They make it to the bedroom eventually, leaving Cas’ trench coat and Dean’s shirt on the floor. Dean drops Cas onto the mattress and he drops himself onto Cas, who places his hand on Dean’s nape and pulls him down to meet him in a kiss.

They begin to strip each other, with quick and restless movements, only stopping their kisses when it is completely necessary. Dean seizes every moment to touch Cas’ warm skin, his hand remembering the shapes and curves or his beefy body, making sure that his brain isn’t playing tricks on him, that the man he loves is here with him. It feels too good to be true.

When they are completely naked, they look at each other. Both take a little time looking at each other. Dean cups Cas’ face and with his thumb his caresses Cas’ lower lip. Castiel smiles and places his hand on Dean’s left cheek, his fingers brushing his light, brown hair. Dean lets out a shaky sigh, leaning into that warm touch as he gets lost in the sapphire sea. He slowly leans onto his lover and they kiss, sweetly and tenderly, but at the same time a bit desperately.

Castiel’s hands trace down Dean’s back, moving sweetly but restlessly as he grinds onto Dean, who moves his mouth to kiss the skin behind Cas’ ear, earning him a wonderful moan, and he moves his hands to caress Cas’ chest, taking some time on his nipples, caressing them in an arousing way.

“Dean—” Castiel moans, almost desperate, bucking his hips up. “Oh, Dean—” He places his hand on Dean’s hair and digs his nails.

Dean doesn’t waste any more time and he grabs the lube and a condom as he kisses Cas’ mouth, moaning when Cas’ eager tongue pushes inside and twists with his. It takes Dean all his energy to pull away from the kiss and put on the condom and spread lube on his dick and on his hands. Castiel watches him with passionate eyes, closing them and moaning sweetly when Dean gets the first finger inside him.

As he slowly fingers Cas, preparing him nicely, Dean kisses his neck and chest, feeling under his lips the echoes of his moans. He looks at Cas and he’s pleased to see his lover has his eyes half-closed, his lips parted and his head is tilted up, moaning Dean’s name in that wonderful way of his. Dean keeps fingering him, his cock twitching at the thought of being so close to get inside Cas’ amazing tightness and warmth.

When Dean feels Cas is ready, he pulls his fingers away, wiping them off. Cas immediately brings his legs around Dean’s waist and pulls him down, his arms embracing Dean’s neck and meeting him in a breathtaking kiss. Once again, they look at each other and Dean lines his cock and starts to push into the maddening heat of Cas, both of them hissing and closing their eyes at the overwhelming feeling.

Dean moans as he gets deeper, feeling how tight and warm Cas is. He forgot how good this felt. When he is fully inside, he rests his forehead on Cas’, breathing heavily. Cas cups his face and kisses him in between pants. It doesn’t take him too much to adjust around Dean, and Dean starts to move, and both of them moan really loud each other’s names.

Dean’s thrusts are the type of love making, but there’s a hint of desperation, a hint of Cas is finally back. He thrusts in and out of Cas, panting and moaning at the maddening feeling. One of his hands is on Cas’ waist and the other is cupping Cas’ face. Cas has both of his hands cupping on Dean’s face, and they are looking at each other, only closing their eyes when the pleasure is too much.

Cas rocks his hips in a perfect rhythm that matches Dean’s movements, clenching around him and making Dean’s whole body tremble. Dean slightly changes the angle, aiming for that sweet spot and both of them see starts behind their eyes, making a moan mixed with a groan that Dean suspects the whole building must have heard.

Castiel arches his back when Dean hits that spot again and he clenches around Dean so tight that Dean loses his rhythm for a moment and has to bury his face on the crook of Castiel’s neck. Cas keeps moving and holds Dean tightly. It is too much and it feels so damn good. Dean goes back to his rhythm and keeps thrusting in and out of Cas, rolling his hips steadily, increasing the speed of his movements. Cas moves Dean’s face so they can kiss one more time and they press their foreheads together, breathing into each other.

Dean knows he is really close and he knows that Cas is it too. He speeds up the roll of his hips, hitting over and over Cas’ prostate, making Cas moan extremely loud, his hips following Dean’s speed and making him tremble under Dean before he comes with Dean’s name on a moan, clenching around Dean, who comes buried deep in Cas, moaning his lover’s name, neither of them stopping their movements while they come, only stopping when they have released everything and their muscles can’t take anymore.

Dean collapses onto Cas, making a moan that’s mixed with a wail and with a sigh, and he buries his face in the crook of his neck, breathing into his sweaty skin, feeling how Cas’ slides his legs from his waist and how his arms tighten around him, sighing happily. They stay like that for some minutes, trying to catch their breaths, holding each other. Dean thought he was never going to have this again.

Eventually, Dean pulls away from Cas, something both of them dislike, but they have to. Dean takes off the condom and knots it, tossing it away. Then, he cleans Cas’ mess on their bellies. When he is done, Cas pulls him down into a kiss and Dean hums happily. He rolls both of them onto their sides, holding each other as they kiss.

“I missed you,” Dean says when they pull away, his fingers slowly caressing the wild mess of Cas’ hair. He feels dazed, almost drunk with happiness.

Castiel smiles and blushes. “I missed you, too.”

“What are you doing here?” he asks with a smile.

“I’m filming in Vancouver again,” he answers a bit sadly. He caresses Dean’s face, his thumb stroking Dean’s cheekbone. “I arrived yesterday and I— I didn’t know if I should come to see you, given that I leave on Monday.”

Dean blinks perplexed. “What?” He feels his heart making that painful and cold feeling. The dream is shattering again. Cas is only staying in Vancouver for the weekend and then he’s going to leave again? He isn’t back because he wanted to stay with him? “You’re leaving on Monday?”

“Yeah,” Castiel whispers, looking down. “I’m only here to film the last two scenes of the movie.”

Dean feels that familiar tightening feeling around his chest. He thought that Cas came to stay here, but he wasn’t expecting this. This is so unexpected and right now he’s paralyzed, not knowing what to do or what to say. His brain can’t work properly and he doesn’t want to screw anything up. He doesn’t know if he should say anything or not.

“But I wanted to see you again,” Castiel says looking at Dean with glassy eyes. Dean can’t help making a tiny smile and then Cas is kissing him again, sweetly. It is so easy to forget about everything when they kiss. When they pull away, Cas places his head under Dean’s chin and caresses his chest.

Dean sighs. “Am I going to see you before you leave?”

“Yes. On Sunday. You can go to the set and wait for me if you want to. We’re filming at Queen Elizabeth’s park.”

“Am I allowed to go to the set?” Dean asks confused. “Aren’t sets supposed to be secret?”

Castiel chuckles and he kisses Dean’s neck, pulling his face away so he can look at Dean. “Most of the times. But given that the scenes we are filming aren’t too spoilery, anyone can go to the set, if some of the people working in the movie lets them,” he explains with a sweet voice. “Do you want to come and see the set?”

“Yeah, why not?” It would be nice to see it.

“Good.” He kisses Dean again. “Come around about 7 P.M. and if somebody asks your name, say it and say that Castiel Novak is waiting for you.”

“Got it,” Dean says, nodding. Then he kisses him again.

They spend some moments in silence, still pressed together and holding each other, one of their hands caressing each other. Dean’s brain right now is a mess. If he is going to say something, he will do it on Sunday. He needs his time to think about stuff and prepare himself for what he has to say. He should say something, because he knows from experience that putting off the talk he is too scared of having is the worst thing he can’t do, but he needs to prepare himself. If he starts talking right now, he knows he is going to fuck up, and that’s the last thing he needs.

“How have you been?” Castiel asks in a whisper.

“I’ve just been,” Dean answers. He can’t be honest answering that question. Not when Cas is back and Dean needs to hold this façade until Sunday. But what if Cas rejects him? No, this isn’t the time to think about this. He will think about all of that when he is alone. Right now, he needs to enjoy having Cas in his arms one more time. Even if it there’s a chance of this being the last time. “What about you?”

Castiel sighs. “Not very good.”

Dean frowns confused and gives Cas a worry look. “And why’s that? Is it about the same thing that got you so upset last time?”

“Yes,” Castiel answers whispering. He looks down and grimaces. “I’m tired of it, Dean, and I’m starting to dislike it. I’m tired of playing someone I’m not, but—” He takes a deep breath and grabs Dean’s hand, paying attention to the freckles scattered on it. “This is the only thing I’m good at.”

“Maybe you’re good at it, but that isn’t a reason to do it if you don’t like it, Cas.”

“I know, but—” He takes a long, deep breath and Dean watches him with concern. Castiel grimaces and looks at Dean. His thumb caresses Dean’s chin and he smiles, sadly. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. You shouldn’t do something you don’t like.”

“You make it sound so simple, but it’s more complicated than you think, Dean.” Dean wants to protest, but Cas keeps talking. “Why did you become a bookseller? You could have chosen any other thing, but you became a bookseller, why?”

“I couldn’t have chosen any other thing, given that I only have a GED,” Dean says with a bitch face. Castiel rolls his eyes and gives him a tiny glare; Dean forgot how much Castiel hated it when Dean considered himself less. “I knew I had to become autonomous and I decided to open a bookstore because I like books and stories. I’ve always been passionate by stories.”

Castiel smiles brightly and he snuggles on Dean. “And what kind of stories do you like?”

“Any kind of story that when you end it, you’re speechless. And stories that have a happy endings,” he confesses, flushing slightly and looking at Cas, thinking about the happy ending he wants with Cas, but he keeps that to himself.

“You don’t like sad endings?”

“No, of course not,” he says huffing. “Life’s already too sad and painful. That’s why we read and why we watch movies and TV shows, right? To get away from life, away from the real world. What’s the point of a story if it ends up with something sad and painful? There are some good stories with sad endings, but they destroy you. People want to believe in happy endings, even if getting one in real life is quite impossible. Everybody wants a tragic story with a happy ending. They can read all the angst they want as long as the characters find their happiness at the end. Sad endings are only there to remind us that real life is hard, but even if we know that, at the end, we all choose the happiness, because stories are supposed to make us feel better, to make us forget about how shitty reality can be.”

Castiel smiles at him and Dean’s blush only deepens.

“I’m rambling, aren’t I?” Dean says, timidly, looking away from Cas.

Castiel moves Dean’s face so their eyes can meet. “No, you aren’t rambling.” He kisses him tenderly and Dean makes a happy sound. “You are extraordinary, Dean.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Shut up, I’m not.”

Castiel chuckles and he kisses the corner of his mouth. “Yes, you are it.”

But Dean knows he isn’t. He looks at the clock and sees that they should go to sleep, because both have to work tomorrow. “We should go to sleep. Are you staying tonight?”

“Of course.”

Dean nods. He wishes Cas could said the same when Dean wanted him to stay the last time they parted.

They get under the sheets and the cover and they hold each other. They wish to each other a goodnight. Cas falls asleep before Dean, who remains awake for a while, enjoying having the man he loves back in his arms, sleeping in his bed, and for a moment, Dean’s brain shuts up and lets him rest, only focusing on how good it feels to have Cas back.

He will have time to time about everything tomorrow and on Sunday. For now, he only wants to enjoy this tiny piece of happiness.

 

_December the 12th, 2015_

 

The alarm rings, waking both of them. Castiel grunts unpleased and Dean grins. He watches how Cas nuzzles Dean’s neck, feeling how his grip on him tightens, not wanting to leave bed yet. Dean sighs happily at the picture of he and Cas in bed together, all their limbs tangled together. Waking up next to Cas is one of the best things ever.

“We’ve gotta get up, Cas,” Dean says, his voice showing that he is grinning. “You’re the worst morning person ever.”

“And your bed is so comfortable and you are so warm,” Castiel mumbles.

Dean can’t help laughing. He untangles from Cas, who grunts, and he starts to press kisses on his face, on his neck, on his ears, on his hair, encouraging him to wake up. “C’mon Cas,” he says in between kisses. “It’s time to wake up.”

Castiel chuckles brightly and he grabs Dean’s face and they kiss. “Assbutt,” he laughs.

Dean’s grin only gets wider after hearing that word. “C’mon, let’s shower and have breakfast.”

“Okay.” He kisses him again and they leave bed to go to the bathroom and take a shower.

They share some kisses and some gentle caresses as they take the shower. Dean washes Cas’ hair, rubbing it and making funny shapes with it, which earns him a cute glare from Cas, but he grins when Dean starts laughing after making a foam mohawk. Cas washes Dean’s hair and decides to leave it all spiky, laughing as he does so. As he watches Cas being this happy, Dean grins and thinks _I love you so much_. Then, they wash each other’s bodies, gently but a bit quick, because they don’t have too much time left.

After the shower, getting dressed and making the bed, they go to the kitchen. Cas prepares coffee and Dean grabs two cereal bowls and starts to put cereals, blackberries and strawberries in it before pouring some milk. When Castiel sees him, he arches one eyebrow.

“Isn’t that too healthy for you?” Castiel sasses.

Dean shows him his middle finger. “Shut up, Cas,” he replies and Cas chuckles. “This is one the many different breakfasts I make when I don’t have too much time.” He opens the cupboard and grabs some bagels and puts them in the toaster. Cas hands him the mug with coffee and Dean smiles at the smell. “Thanks,” he says before taking a sip, letting out a happy sigh after it. “Your coffee is the best, seriously, how do you do it? I’ve tried to put the things you put, but it never turns out to be this good.”

Castiel smiles shyly. “That’s because I put the ingredients in an order that you don’t know.”

Dean gives him a squinty and rogue look. Castiel keeps a straight face and takes another sip. The bagels are done and Dean puts them on a plate before going to the table with Cas, sitting on the chair before beginning their breakfast.

“You aren’t gonna tell me the order, aret you?” Dean asks as he has some of his cereals with berries.

“If I told you, you wouldn’t need me to make you coffee,” Castiel answers, making a sad smile.

Dean looks at him bewildered, wanting to know what Cas means, but Cas makes a happy moan when he tastes his breakfast and Dean bursts into laughter. “Control your moans, Cas.”

Castiel blushes quickly, the red shade on his skin spreading to the tips of his ears. “Stop laughing at me, Dean!” he exclaims, kicking Dean’s leg under the table, something that makes Dean’s laughter increase its volume. It’s been a long time since he laughed like this. Too long.

After some laughter, they finish their breakfasts, they wash everything and they head to the lift. They have done this too many times and it feels like a déjà vu to Dean. He looks at Cas, who catches his stare and smiles at him.

“I will see you on Sunday, right?” Castiel asks, and Dean swears there’s a hint of concern in his voice.

“Yeah, I’ll come by the set,” Dean answers.

“Good.” The lift stops and Castiel kisses Dean briefly before leaving the lift. “See you, Dean.”

“See you, Cas.”

Dean watches how Cas leaves before the lift closes its doors and takes Dean to the parking. His heart is hammering against his chest and his legs are shaking. They are going to see again on Sunday, and Dean has to do something, but he is panicking and he feels extremely nervous, because he doesn’t know how things will turn out. He is pretty sure that Cas will reject him, but he has to try, right?

He drives towards his bookstore and begins his routine. He opens the door and switches on the lights. He goes to his office and leaves his stuff, going to the desk after that to switch on the computer and see if they have to put some books on the bookcases and if they have to order something.

As he does that, his head is filled with thoughts and feelings about Cas. He knows he is going to spend the whole day thinking about him.

The door opens and Charlie comes in, making a relieved sound when she feels the warmth in the bookstore. “Hi, Dean,” she greets.

Dean looks at her, knowing that his eyes show everything he is feeling right now. “Cas is back.”

“What?” Charlie asks, her lips parting in shock. She walks towards him, almost running, stopping when she is next to him. “How—”

“He came by my apartment last night.”

Charlie blinks perplexed and shakes her arms impatiently. “And? What happened?”

“We slept together.”

She makes a frustrated groan that echoes in the whole store. “Why do you only sleep together? Why don’t you ever talk about things?” she asks as she punches Dean’s arm, really irritated.

Dean rubs his face. “I know, but—” he grunts, being frustrated too. “He showed on my door and we said hello and I kissed him and we ended up in the bedroom. I thought he was back, y’know, that he decided to come back, but apparently, he’s here because they’re filming and he leaves on Monday.”

“And what are you gonna do?”

Dean moves his mouth, unable to say a word. Charlie looks at him expectantly. “I— I don’t know. Fuck, he just showed up and he told me he was leaving on Monday and my brain just blocked. And I—”

“Okay, calm down, Dean,” she says, grabbing his arms and looking at his eyes. “Are you going to see him again?”

“Yes, on Sunday.”

“Okay,” she says, nodding. “Do you love him?”

“Of course I love him,” he answers with an obvious face.

“And do you want him to be with you?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then, fight for him, tell him that you love him, and don’t express it with a single ‘stay’, elaborate, for fuck’s sake.”

Dean arches an eyebrow because it’s strange to hear Charlie cursing. “Since when do you curse?”

“Don’t avoid the topic, Winchester!” Charlie exclaims, angry and frustrated, startling Dean. “Tell him. Just tell him. Tell him that you love him and that you want him to be with you. Alright?”

“It’s easier said than done,” Dean whispers with a shaky voice. Charlie gives him an exasperated look. “What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he doesn’t want me?”

“Listen to me very closely, Dean Winchester. Castiel Novak has been over heels for you since the first time he saw you and he has always come back to you. He could have come to Vancouver and never paid you a visit, but he always came back to see you. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and there’s no way he doesn’t love you. Fight for him and tell him. Nut up, Winchester!”

Dean takes a shaky breath. He wants to believe Charlie’s words, but something in the back of his mind is telling him that Cas doesn’t love him and that he doesn’t want to be with him.

“You’ve been given another chance to have him,” Charlie continues saying. She keeps her eyes on Dean’s, showing him how certain she feels about what she is saying. “Don’t waste it. Seize it and fight for the man you love. Don’t watch him leave again, because you might not get another chance.”

“You’re right,” Dean says, sighing. His eyes are glassy. Charlie’s right; this might be his last chance and he can’t waste it. He doesn’t know how things will end, but he can’t lose this chance. He nods to himself and takes a deep breath. “I will tell him on Sunday.”

“I’m proud of you,” Charlie whispers before hugging him. “Don’t let him go again, Dean. Fight for him.”

Dean keeps nodding. He will tell Cas. But his heart is still scared of doing it and getting it broke because Cas will reject him. But he has to do it. This is his last chance.

“Thanks, Charlie,” Dean says when they pull away. He is shaking and he hates it.

“Hey,” Charlie says, holding his arms. “Things will go fine, okay?”

“As long as I don’t screw up with words.”

Charlie glares him. “Don’t start with that. Just tell him that you love him and that you want him with you and everything will go perfect.”

Dean huffs a bitter chuckle. “You’re so sure about it.”

“Because I’ve seen the way you look at each other.”

“Yeah, and how’s that way?” he asks, mockingly.

Charlie half glares him at first but she smiles and says, “You look at each other as if you two finally found what was missing in your lives.”

Dean squints at her, surprised about that, because he has always known that Cas was the missing piece of his life, but how is possible that Charlie knows that? Before he can ask her anything, Charlie goes to the office to leave her stuff, dedicating Dean a mysterious smile. Dean chuckles to himself. Maybe he is that transparent, after all. He doesn’t know.

What he knows is that he will tell Cas on Sunday.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :')
> 
>  **Note:** I'm going to try to update every week, because I want to finish this before I start having assignments ^^

_December the 13th, 2015_

 

“Okay,” Dean says, closing his eyes and taking a long, deep breath. “I’m gonna do this. I’m gonna tell Cas that I love him and that I want to be with him.”

He takes another deep breath, trying to slow down the speed of his heart, but it is useless. His hands are sweating and his legs are trembling, and he hasn’t left his home yet. He rubs his face, frustrated and he looks at himself in the mirror. He is going to screw this up; he is terrible with words and feelings and he has to tell the love of his life how he feels and it might end up being the best thing or the worst thing. Dean grunts and looks down at the sink.

“Get you shit together, Dean,” he says to himself. “You can do it. You’ve gotta do it.”

He has had some time to think about all of this, to play the many different possible scenarios in his head, how he should say things, and he is still so damn nervous. He takes long, deep breaths, hoping that his nerves will fade away, or at least part of them will. He needs to do this. He won’t get another chance. But this is so scary. What if Cas rejects him? What if Dean screws up? What if something happens and they never see again?

It isn’t time to think about what if’s. It is time to leave and go to the set and to nut up and confess what he’s been holding in his heart for too long.

Dean puffs and blows and leaves the bathroom. He grabs his leather coat and grabs his keys. He leaves his apartment, closing the door and he goes to the parking to get in his Impala and drive to the park where Cas is filming.

He puts some music on, hoping it will calm him down, and it does a little, but his heart keeps hammering against his chest, almost as if it wanted to warm him that it might get broken again and it won’t heal again. But Dean decides to ignore it. He needs to keep himself together and stay calmed. This is going to be so difficult.

When he arrives to the park, he finds a free spot and parks his car again. There are a lot of people today and Dean doesn’t know if it’s because Christmas is close or because these people are here to sneak and peek what it’s being filmed. He doesn’t know in which part of the park they are filming, but there’s a sign on the park’s entrance that indicates that the west part of the park is closed for visitors because there’s some filming going on, so Dean heads to the west side of the park.

As he gets closer, he manages to see a couple of trailers and some lights. There’s also some yellow tape that avoids people to get closer to the set, that’s why Dean runs into a crowd that are taking a look, wanting to get a look at what they are filming.

It takes Dean a while to reach to the tape and when he lifts it to go to the set, a guy, almost as tall as Sam, and with big muscles puts a hand onto his chest and glares him, stopping him immediately.

“Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to go behind the tape,” he says, pissed off.

“I’m Dean Winchester,” Dean says casually. “Castiel Novak is waiting for me.”

The man’s expression suddenly changes but he makes a frown and Dean doesn’t know if that’s a good sign or not. “Mister Novak told me that you were gonna come. But before I let you in, I have to ask you something to make sure you’re Dean Winchester.”

Dean frowns confused. “Alright.”

“What was the last book mister Novak bought from you?”

Dean smiles. “ _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_.”

The man nods and sets aside. “Mister Novak is in the trailer number one. Here you have this,” he says as he shows him a pass. “Wear it and you won’t have any trouble.”

“Oh, thanks,” Dean says taking a curious look at it before putting the pass around his neck. The man goes back to check that nobody is going to seep and Dean walks towards the trailers.

It was a weird experience, but he guesses they need to have a lot security when it comes to the actors’ privacy.

There are four trailers and Dean looks at the back of them to see the number. He finds the one where Cas is easily. He feels weird being in a set, but he feels even more nervous about seeing Cas. He takes another deep breath and knocks on the door. He hears some ruffling inside and Cas opens the door.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says, grinning.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says, looking at Cas, who is wearing a dark shirt, a waistcoat and black pants.

“Come in,” he says, grabbing Dean’s wrist and pulling him inside. Before Dean can say anything, Cas closes the door and presses him against it, kissing him, making Dean’s knees turn to jelly. “Did you have any trouble getting in?” he asks when they pull away.

“No, just some security guy who stopped me but once I told him my name he let me in, after I answered the book question.”

Castiel chuckles. “I told him to ask you that.”

“Why? My name’s not that common.”

“I know. But Naomi could have heard that you were coming and she might have paid someone to pretend to be you and get in here,” Castiel explains as he walks towards the couch and grabs a black trench coat.

Dean scowls at him. “Seriously, that woman’s a psycho.” He watches how Cas puts on the trench coat, liking how good he looks with dark clothes. “You still have to film?”

“Yes. It’s a short scene, so I don’t think it will take us more than ten minutes to film it. Do you want to see it?”

“Yeah.” He is excited to see it. He has never seen a set before and much less how anything is filmed, so it’s going to be interesting.

Castiel smiles and kisses him briefly. “Good. But you will have to see it from the distance and it’s probably you won’t hear us but—”

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Dean says before they leave the trailer.

They walk towards where some guys from the sound department are. As they walk towards them, most of the people give Dean a curious look, but they don’t pay too much attention to him. They see he is wearing a pass so they must think that he must be a new guy who works here.

“Okay, this is as close as you can be,” Castiel says. Dean nods and looks around, admiring everything. “In two minutes we start filming, so it will be quick. Once I’m done, I will come over here, okay?”

“Okay,” Dean says, smiling. Castiel mirrors that smile and he walks away from him.

Dean watches him leave. Once they leave the set, he will tell him. He is even more nervous than before, because he knows that his time is coming, but he will try to relax as he sees Cas acting. And then, he will get even more nervous.

They start filming and Dean watches Cas and the other actors. He can’t hear what they are saying, but at least where he is, people is allowed to talk, because it doesn’t disturb the filming. He can’t see Cas properly, but he intuits some expressions and he can’t help smiling happily.

He is so absorbed in watching Cas acting that he doesn’t notice that someone has approached him and is standing next to him until she speaks, “Hello, Mister Winchester.”

Dean turns his face and he finds Naomi, giving him a disgusted and superior look that makes Dean sick.

“So the rumors I heard about you coming over here were true. What exactly are you doing here, Mister Winchester?” she asks with an icy voice, clearly unpleased with Dean’s presence.

“Cas invited me,” Dean simply says, turning his face to look back at Cas.

She huffs a bitter chuckle. “Of course he invited you.” Dean ignores her mocking tone, but she keeps talking. “Castiel likes to pamper his boy toys.”

Dean tries to hide how much it affects him and how much he hates to be called Cas’ boy toy, but he makes sure to give Naomi his deadliest glare. “I’m not his boy toy.”

Naomi chuckles again. “I’m sorry, Mister Winchester, but you are it.” She gets a bit closer and keeps staring at Dean with an insulting superiority, and Dean has never wanted to punch someone in the face like in this moment. “Do you think you are the first one? I’ve seen a couple. Castiel finds a man, he comes with that sweet and charming angel face of his, he says some adorable things and men end up over heels for him. He’s an amazing actor, so he only has to act a little to charm those men.” She smirks and shoots him an evil glance. “And he has fooled you, like he has done to the rest.”

“You’re lying. He’s not like that,” he mutters, hatting how broken his voice comes out. He knows Cas, and he isn’t what Naomi is telling. She’s lying to him so Dean stops being an inconvenience to her. Dean knows it, but her words get deep down under his skin and they hurt him.

“And how are you so sure of that, Mister Winchester?” Naomi asks with both eyebrows raised. “He always comes back to Vancouver and he comes to visit you, but he never stays. He doesn’t even call you. And meanwhile, here you are, with those expectant eyes, hoping he will stay, that he won’t leave you, thinking that maybe, this time, he will stay, because you feel something for him and you are sure that he might feel it too. You’re hoping Castiel will stay with you. I admire your passion. I only wish he felt the same way.”

Dean looks at her with glassy eyes and fury. “You’re just saying this because you consider me a distraction for him.”

“Of course that you are a distraction, Mister Winchester, but I’m telling you this because this thing you and Castiel have, will eventually end, and when it ends, I want you to remember that I warned you, because I don’t want to have to deal with you.”

“That’s bullshit,” he huffs with a bitter laugh. Her words cut, but Dean tries to keep himself together. He knows that nothing of what she is saying can be true. It can’t be. He refuses to believe it. He knows Cas. Or maybe he doesn’t. He is starting to doubt about everything. After all, Naomi has a point; Cas always leaves Vancouver.

“Is it?” She gets even closer, standing in front of him and looking right at his eyes, being very intimidating. “Then, why does Castiel always leave? Why does he never stay? Why hasn’t he tried to be with you? Why has he never tried to keep in touch with you while he was away?” She makes an evil smirk and Dean hates it. “Because after all, he doesn’t want a normal life with you; he likes this work, even if he has told you otherwise, he likes what he has and he isn’t going to give up everything for you. You are only some man that ran into him and you two shared some good memories, but nothing more. Castiel will always leave, no matter what. Do you want to think that he comes back to you because he feels something? Go ahead and think that if it makes you happy, but once he leaves and never comes back, and I know that time will come, what are you going to think? Maybe then, you will realize that you just were a boy toy, someone he could use to relieve his stress, to forget about the movie industry for a while. He will never be with you, Mister Winchester, because he doesn’t want to. Because you aren’t the kind of man a man like him would want for anything serious. He always leaves. There’s nothing holding him here. And if there was it, he would have stayed since the first time. How many times does he have to leave before you see it? Castiel doesn’t want what you want and he definitely doesn’t love you.”

Dean wants to tell her to fuck off, to tell her that she is lying, but instead, he remains quiet, holding the tears in his eyes. He wants to believe that what she said are lies, but she is telling him the truth. Cas always leaves, no matter what, and he never tries to stay in contact, using any excuse about how Naomi would avoid it. Everything Naomi has told him are things that Dean has always suspected and now are being confirmed by her. Part of him knows that she’s manipulating him, but another part knows that she is right. The pieces are putting themselves together, revealing Dean a truth he has always refused to believe.

“Anyway,” she keeps saying, moving away to stand by his side. “You’re the one who is going to end up hurt. Not Castiel. You are the one who is in love, but not Castiel. You are the one standing right here, waiting for him, but he will never wait for you, Mister Winchester. You are just an escape for him. He doesn’t love you. And he never will.”

The moments those words are said, Dean lets out a shaky breath and decides to walk away, feeling how his heart breaks for the third time. He was so stupid for even believing that Castiel would even love him. He runs and runs, wanting to get away from the set as far as he can.

 

***

 

“And cut!” The director exclaims. “We’re finally done! Congratulations to everyone.”

Castiel smiles softly and his eyes leave the director to search where Dean is, not paying attention to the rest of the words he is saying. He spots Dean right where he left him, but he freezes in the spot when he sees that Naomi is talking to him. A shiver runs down his spine. This can’t be good. He should have known better and kept Dean away from her. He knows what Naomi is capable of and he knows that she is trying to hurt Dean in order to push Dean away from Castiel.

His feet decide to work again and he walks towards where Dean and Naomi are standing, but before he can reach them, he watches how Dean leaves, running away from where he was, and Castiel swears he saw Dean crying.

When he reaches the place where Dean was, he sees Naomi, smirking evilly at him, clearly pleased with something that caused Dean to be that upset. “What have you told him?” Castiel asks, angry and devastated, a cold feeling taking over his body, spreading fear.

“What was necessary,” she answers with a wicked smile.

Castiel would like to yell at her, to do anything, but right now he needs to find Dean, so he runs following the direction Dean took, his heart hammering at the fear of what Naomi told him to upset him like that. He runs towards Dean, yelling his name, hoping that he will be able to fix the damage Naomi made.

 

***

 

Dean keeps running, with tears in his eyes. Everyone is looking at him with odd looks, but he doesn’t care, he only wants to reach his Impala and drive back home so he can get in his bed and try to forget that all of this ever happened.

“Dean!” Castiel yells from behind. But Dean keeps running, ignoring him. “Dean!” Castiel yells again, and this time it sounds closer. “Dean!”

Dean stops, without looking back. He closes his eyes, shattering a couple of tears and he wipes them off before Cas reaches him and grabs his arm, turning him around so they can look at each other. Thankfully, there’s no one in this part of the part, so they have some privacy. The last thing they need now is to have spectators.

“Dean,” Castiel begins to say in between pants. “I don’t know what she told you, but it isn’t true.”

“So you know what she told me?” Dean asks with a hurt voice.

“No, I don’t have any idea, but I know she must have told you something about me that could hurt you,” he says, desperate. Dean rolls his eyes and shakes his head in disbelief, chuckling bitterly. Castiel grabs his arms. “Dean, whatever she told you, it isn’t true!”

Dean pulls him away sharply and Castiel looks hurt. “You know what? I know that part of it wasn’t true, but the rest was it.”

Castiel frowns confused, but there’s still sorrow in his blue eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Dean takes a deep breath and looks up, not wanting to let out more tears. Castiel not knowing what Dean is referring to confirms what he feared. “You always leave, no matter what,” he begins to tell, hating how hurt and broken his voice sounds, but he knows that he can’t help it. Cas looks at him with a squint and it makes Dean angrier. “And then you come back and leave again. And meanwhile, I’m the one who stays here with a broken heart, because I’m stupid enough to believe that you’ll decide to stay with me. I always wait for you, I can’t move on, because I always expect you to come back and stay. And no matter what I do, you always choose to leave.”

Castiel looks at him shocked, with his lips parted, as if he was unable to process Dean’s words. “What do you mean?”

Dean makes an exasperated sound. How can he not know? Everyone, even Naomi, knows. Cas must know too. Maybe he’s playing. Dean doesn’t know anymore at this point. “Last time I told you to stay and you left. That’s what you always do. I— I always think that there’s something more, but— you always leave, because nothing is keeping you here, right? You come and go, and that’s all. And in the meantime, I’m the one who suffers and has to put his heart back together, and when I think I’m finally doing okay, you come back and I start hoping that this time you’ll stay, but you end up breaking my heart again and leaving, and I’m so fucking tired of it, Cas. I can’t do it anymore.” Words have never been his strength, but right now they are coming out easier than ever; maybe because he has nothing left to lose anymore.

“Dean,” Castiel whispers, almost in the verge of tears. “I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.”

“I love you,” Dean says, crying, hating how the tears trace down his face, leaving a warm trail that becomes cold almost immediately, hating that he finally told Cas those three words in a terrible moment like this. Castiel’s eyes open in shock at the confession and Dean grimaces, painfully and frustrated. “I’m a fucking idiot in love with you. A fucking idiot who thought you felt the same. A fucking idiot who knew that deep down, you will always leave me, because I’m just a guy for you, because I’m not good enough for you.”

“Dean— I—” Castiel begins to say, looking at Dean with sad eyes.

Dean makes a painful smile. “I know, you don’t feel the same. I already know that.”

“No, Dean, no, that’s—”

“Don’t—” Dean interrupts, not wanting to hear more excuses. “I’m tired of this. I’m tired of getting hurt. Do you wanna leave? Leave. But don’t come back and show on my door again, because I can’t stand having my heart broke again. I can’t put it back together one more time. Do us both a favor and leave me alone.”

He turns around, leaving Cas behind, not wanting to see his face again, but Cas grabs his arm and turns him over. “Dean, please—”

Once again, Dean pulls away from his grasp. “Don’t,” Dean mutters, more tears falling from his sore eyes. “Don’t pretend that you don’t wanna let me go. I’m so fucking tired of this, Cas. You’re gonna leave, that’s what you always do.” He makes a bitter chuckle and looks at Cas, who looks at Dean painfully. “You hate all of this, but you always leave to come back to it.”

“It’s more complicated than that and you know it!”

“No, Cas, it’s very simple,” Dean says, defeated. “You stay or you leave. You keep searching for excuses, but deep down, you always want to leave Vancouver and leave me. If you really wanted to stay, you’d have stayed, you’d have given a damn about us!” He hates yelling at Cas, but the devastation and pain in his heart have to come out somehow. “So I’m gonna ask you something,” he says, removing the space that separates them. Cas looks at him with heartbreaking eyes. “And it’s a simple question. Because I’m still stupid enough to believe that a part of you feels the same thing I feel, so answer me: are you gonna stay or are you gonna leave?”

“Dean, I— I can’t, I—”

Dean lets out a bitter chuckle, still crying. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” He moves away from him. “If you come back to Vancouver, don’t even come to see me. I’m tired of watching you leave and having my heart broken in the process. Goodbye, Cas.”

Dean turns around, and this time Cas doesn’t stop him, so Dean keeps walking, never looking back at the man he loves and the one who broke his heart too many times. This time Dean is the one leaving, but it hurts a lot, even more than the other two previous times. But this time he knows there won’t be another chance. He doesn’t want it, because he knows that Cas doesn’t return his feelings.

He gets into his Impala and he drives back home, feeling the painful beating of his broken heart. He was so stupid. But deep down he knew things weren’t going to end up well for him, but he wasn’t expecting things would go this terrible.

When he gets back home, he doesn’t eat anything, even if it’s supper time and he hasn’t eaten since lunch time, but he isn’t hungry. He goes to his bedroom and puts on his pajamas and gets in bed. Tomorrow he has to wake up early and work and he needs to get some rest, even if he knows he won’t get any. He is angry and sad and he spends a few hours crying, hating himself for believing that there was even a slight chance of getting his happiness.

Dean should have known better. He is poison and unworthy. Why would anybody want to be with him? He was stupid for believing that Cas felt the same. Everybody told him that Cas did, but he didn’t.

He buries his face in the pillow and keeps crying and sobbing, wondering if he will ever recover from this. He is sure he won’t.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to update tomorrow, but apparently I won't be able to do it, so I'm updating today.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks and the subscriptions :')

_December the 13th, 2015_

 

Castiel watches how Dean leaves. He wants to follow him, but his legs aren’t responding him. He is crying and he feels terrible. He just broke Dean’s heart. He hurt the most wonderful person in the world, the man he loves, a man who loves him, and all because he was terrified of hurting him for not being enough for him and for not being brave enough. And now he has lost Dean forever.

He feels how his heart breaks into million pieces, how his eyes shed tears and how he feels numb and devastated. He stands in the same spot for a while, not knowing what to do or where to go. Right now, it doesn’t matter anymore. Dean is gone and he will never see him again. And it’s all his fault.

He stays like that for so long, not knowing for how long exactly, but there’s a moment when he decides to go back to his trailer to change to his clothes and go back to the hotel. Right now he only wants to get in bed and try to get some sleep if his crying allows him.

All the crew looks at him with odd looks, not knowing why he is crying, and no one seems to bother about him. Frankly, Castiel is glad about it, because he can’t talk about it right now. He’s too hurt and devastated to talk.

There’s no sign of Naomi, and Castiel is sure she won’t appear until tomorrow’s morning, when it’s their time to leave to the airport. Castiel knows that Naomi doesn’t want to face him right now, not after what she did. Why did she have to do that? Maybe Castiel deserved it, for hurting Dean the previous times. He didn’t know, he didn’t have any idea about how hard his departure was for Dean. He thought he was the only one who suffered with it, the only one who had feelings.

He gets in the car, sitting in the backseat and the driver takes him to the hotel. Castiel rests his head on the window, looking absently at the city, feeling how more tears trace down his face. The city lights are blurry in his eyes and he wipes off his tears, but more keep appearing. He doesn’t notice they have arrived to the hotel until the driver tells him so. Castiel mumbles a thank you and leaves the car, walking inside the hotel, ignoring the curious looks he gets from the people in there, wondering why he is crying.

When he gets into his room, Castiel rests his back on the door and slides down towards the floor, burying his face in his knees, pressing them onto his chest and placing his arms around his legs, crying and sobbing, more than he has ever done in his life. He should have said something, he should have told Dean how he felt, but he couldn’t, why couldn’t he tell him anything? When Dean confessed he loved him, Castiel shocked. Dean Winchester loves him, something he thought it couldn’t be possible, because why would Dean love someone as broken as Castiel? Castiel isn’t good enough for Dean.

And now, he has lost Dean forever, and it’s his fault. Because he never told him how he felt, because he always left, because it was easier for him to go back to his life, the one he hates, than to pursue what he truly wants, because he is too afraid of getting himself hurt in the process. And at the end, he got hurt, and the worst of all is that he hurt Dean too.

His jeans are slowly getting soaked with his tears, but Castiel doesn’t mind it. He keeps crying, drenching the denim, letting out the infinite pain in his heart. That’s the only thing he wants to do now; cry. But eventually, he moves from his spot and decides to go to the bathroom and take a shower. He strips down, feeling numb, and he sits on the bathtub, in the same position he was sitting on the floor a few moments ago, feeling how the hot water falls onto him, hoping that it will wash away his pain, but it doesn’t. The water is burning, but he feels cold.

He replays their conversation in his head over and over again, hating himself for not being able to say what he has in his heart. Hating how hurt Dean was. Dean always wanted him to stay and he said that he told him their last time, but Castiel doesn’t remember that. Unless, that was what Dean meant when he told him to stay. Castiel lifts his head, looking at the wall of the bathroom. He thought that Dean meant to stay for the night, but he meant to stay with him. Castiel rubs his eyes and feels so stupid. He should have known better. He rejected Dean that night and he didn’t know it. And he thought he was the only one who left that apartment crying and with a broken heart; he left Dean like that too, or even worse. How couldn’t he see it?

But he would have left, wouldn’t he? Because his situation doesn’t allow him to have Dean and be an actor. If he decided to stay with Dean, he would have decided to quit acting, because there is no way he would ever drag Dean into that world. Naomi would take a hold on him, the press would stalk him and Dean would appear in gossip magazines and on TV shows. His whole life would completely shake for just being with Castiel. He would also have to spend a lot of months away from Dean and he wouldn’t be able to be there for whenever Dean needed him or for the important moments. Castiel would never ruin Dean’s life like that. He couldn’t give him the half of a life. Dean doesn’t deserve it.

And besides, if Castiel ever left acting, what would he do? There’s nothing else he can do. And it scares him. He would be lost and Dean doesn’t deserve a man who can’t even figure out his path. That’s why he always left, why he always came back to the acting world even if he truly hates it. Because without the acting, there’s nothing; just a poor, broken man.

The main problem is that his life isn’t his. It belongs to Naomi and to the rest of the people who direct his life. Castiel is just a puppet, playing the role he is told to play. He wears the masks they tell him to wear and he always hides his true face, because his face is broken, torn apart, because it doesn’t have anything special or worth. There’s nothing in there.

But when he was with Dean, there weren’t any masks. Dean saw his true face and he fell in love with it. There wasn’t a script or a mask when he was with Dean. The green eyed man was able to take off all of them and he saw Castiel the way he was, and even if there wasn’t anything special underneath, Dean fell in love with him. Dean loves Castiel and not the masks he has been wearing for so long.

Castiel is crying again, his tears blending with the water drops. He hates himself for everything, for hurting Dean, for not being brave enough, for not fighting for what he truly wants, for being so scared, for always leaving, for always choosing the easy option, for letting all of this happen, for being so stupid and blind… For every single damn thing that has leaded him to this.

He leaves the shower when he starts feeling even colder. He puts on some of his clothes instead of his pajamas and he lies onto the bed, looking at the ceiling. The whole room is in silence, but Castiel can hear the beating of his broken heart. He wishes he could go back in time and do things right and change everything. But it is too late for that.

His eyes feel sore and tired, and there’s a moment when they finally close and he gets some sleep. But then he wakes up again and cries for a little bit more, until his eyes feel tired again and close, falling asleep for a little while.

 

_December the 14th, 2015_

 

Morning finds Castiel awake, still lying on the bed. He ends up sitting on it, resting his back against the headboard, looking at nothing, still feeling numb from what happened with Dean, and still feeling the pain of his broken heart.

The morning light leaks through the curtains, giving the room a warm look that reminds him of the light in Dean’s bedroom. He is worried about Dean. He must have had a terrible night. He only hopes that he will get better eventually.

“Alright!” Naomi says as she steps into the room, but Castiel doesn’t even look at her. “We’ve got to get ready for the airport!” She walks around the room, taking a look, seeing that there isn’t any luggage at all. “You haven’t even packed yet!”

“Why did you do it?” Castiel finally asks, looking at her with anger and pain in his eyes.

She looks at him, clearly exasperated. “Why did I do what?”

Her question only makes Castiel angrier. “Why did you have to tell Dean all those terrible things?”

Naomi rolls her eyes. “Do you really have to ask?” she says as she walks towards the closet, grabbing one of Castiel’s cases, wanting to pack his stuff for him. “He was a distraction. He needed to go away. I only did what was necessary.”

Castiel stands up from the bed and walks towards her, moving the case away and throwing the shirt Naomi was holding back to the closet and closing it. Naomi looks at him with fury. “How could you do that?!”

“You should thank me, Castiel! He was making you waste your time and you were starting to drift away from your job! Now that he is definitely gone, things will be as good as they used to be before you two met!” She gives him a cocky grimace and opens the closet again, but Castiel closes it with a smash, startling her a little.

“Things were never good until I met him! And you couldn’t stand the idea that I started to have my own life, that you couldn’t control it! That’s why you had to tell him all those things! What did you tell him?!”

“Does it even matter?” she asks with contempt.

Castiel gets closer and glares her, fiercer than he has done in his whole life, noticing the way Naomi flinches. “What. Did. You. Tell. Him,” he repeats as intimidatingly as he can.

Naomi swallows, but she smirks. “Basically that he was your boy toy. That it was only sex. That you will never love him and that you will always leave him.”

Castiel fists his hands, trying to hold the anger that is burning in his blood, making his eyes see red. “How could you tell him all of that?”

Naomi chuckles, clearly amused. “You always leave him, Castiel. I only told him the truth, sweetened with some lies. And it worked. Now he’s gone and you can go back to your work without any distractions.”

“He wasn’t a distraction,” he hisses, glaring her.

“He was it. And frankly, I can’t understand what you saw in that worthless mud monkey.”

Castiel smashes the closet’s door, breaking it. Naomi looks at him with terror, her eyes going from his face to the broken closet. He doesn’t even care about the pain in his fist. “I won’t let you to talk about Dean Winchester like that. Ever.”

Even though she is still shocked, Naomi manages to get back to her fierce look. “Or what? What will you do, Castiel? You are nothing. You are only here because of me. Because I’m the one who got you all those roles. Thanks to me, you are someone. Without me, without all the acting, you are nothing.”

Castiel smirks, and for the first time in his life, he feels calm and determined to do something he should have done a long time ago. “Yes, you might be right,” he begins to say with an extremely calm that catches Naomi by surprised. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. You have been controlling my life since you discovered me and thanks to you, I’m right where we are now. But you know what?” he asks, sassily, taking a step closer. “I’m done with it. I’m done with you controlling my life, with everyone telling me what to do.” He gives her a fierce look and Naomi keeps challenging him with her cold eyes. “I’m so fucking tired of it. So I’m firing you and I’m going to live my life for the first fucking time in my life.”

“You can’t fire me!” she yells angrily.

Once again, Castiel smirks. “Yes, I can. I just did it, actually.” He gives her a sassy look and walks away from her, walking to the seat where his trench coat is.

“You can’t work in the movie industry without me! You won’t be able to get a single role! You are nothing, Castiel!”

“Let me explain it to you,” he says as he puts on his trench coat. “I’m quitting. I don’t want to be an actor anymore.” He walks closer to Naomi, showing how certain of himself he is for the first time of his life, how he is choosing his own path for the first time in his life, feeling so good. “I don’t want you to control my life. I want to live my life. And I know it’s going to be hard, and it might be really scary, but it will be my own life, no one else’s. So I suggest you to pack your stuff and leave. And don’t you ever dare to come back.”

He starts to walk away, but Naomi yells, “How dare you?! After everything I did for you!”

Castiel turns around and shoots her a deadly glare. “Everything you did for me?! You destroyed my life so you could earn money! You did everything to benefit yourself! And you hurt the man I love so you could keep getting a benefit of my work! You tried to destroy my life and Dean’s! So don’t you dare to challenge me and tell me that you did all of this because of me!”

Naomi looks at him with fury. She is pressing her lips into a thin line and Castiel knows that she is holding her tears, because she is too proud to show weakness in front of him.

“So, in the words of a good friend,” Castiel says, giving her a cocky look. “Fuck you.” He smiles, in the exact way Dean does it, appreciating the hate in Naomi’s eyes. “And now, if you excuse me, I’m going to start living my life and I’m going to tell Dean that I love him.”

Castiel walks away, with a triumphant smile on his face, feeling amazing for finally cutting his strings, for finally being free and living his life.

Now he only hopes that Dean will be able to forgive him.

 

***

 

Dean gets into his bookstore and switches on the lights. He walks towards the office to leave his belongings before going to the desk and switching on the computer. Today is going to be a hard day for him. He doesn’t know if he is going to be able to keep himself together. He wipes off the tears that fall from his eyes. He needs to keep himself together, he can work like this, he has worked while he had his heart broken, but now it feels even more difficult.

The door opens and Charlie gets in. He looks at Dean expectantly, with a silent question in her eyes that Dean answers by shaking his head and letting out a couple more tears. “Oh, Dean,” Charlie says devastated and walking towards him to pull him into a hug, and Dean’s crying intensifies. “I’m so sorry,” she says, her voice cracking. She places her hand on Dean’s hair and tightens her grip. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Dean fists the back of her blue coat and tries to calm down, but he can’t. It hurts too much. Charlie holds him, whispering calming things, trying to sooth him.

“What happened?” Charlie asks when they pull away. She wipes Dean’s tears and looks at him with a sad face.

Dean takes a deep breath. “I— I will explain it to you any other day. Right now I— I can’t— I—”

“Hey,” she says with a soft smile, caressing his hair. “I understand.”

Dean nods. “Thanks.”

“Why don’t you go home and take a rest? You deserve it. I can take care of the bookstore.”

“No, no. I— I don’t want to be at home. I wanna be here and try to forget all this shit.” He is sure that if he goes back home, he will feel even worse. He needs to keeps his mind busy.

“You sure?”

Dean sniffs. “Yeah, yeah.”

Charlie sighs and nods, walking to the office to leave all her stuff. Dean looks up and rubs his face, wiping off the rest of his tears. It’s going to be and long and difficult day, but he needs to work; that always helps.

“We have to put these books on their respective shelves,” Dean tells Charlie when she comes out of the office. He points at two boxes that are in front of the desk. “The one on top is mostly books from the second floor and the bottom one are from this floor.”

“Got it,” Charlie says, grabbing the box on top and going upstairs.

Dean grabs a cuter and opens the other box, leaving the cuter back on the desk as he kneels and takes a look at the books, making sure that everything is in order. He is showing his back to the door, so he doesn’t see when somebody comes in; he only hears the bell. They haven’t turned the sign to the ‘open’ side yet and there are a few minutes left before their opening time.

“We’re still closed,” Dean says with a heartbreaking voice.

“I know,” Castiel says, softly. Dean turns around and stands up, looking at Cas, feeling how his heart skips a beat. “But I hope you can make an exception for me.”

“Shouldn’t you be on a plane right now?” Dean asks, harshly.

“I should,” Castiel says, with a soft and sad face, walking closer to him. “But I’m not getting on that plane.”

Dean blinks perplexed at him. He moves his mouth but words don’t come out. What does Castiel mean? His heart aches with anticipation, hoping that Castiel’s words hold the meaning he is so desperate to hear.

Castiel gets even more closer, but leaving some space in between them. “Dean, what Naomi said it wasn’t true. You aren’t a boy toy. This wasn’t only sex. It never was it. Not even from the beginning.” He sounds so emotional and his eyes are glassy.

Dean looks at him, still perplexed and still hurt from yesterday’s events. “Then, why do you always leave?”

Castiel takes a deep breath and some tears fall down his eyes. “Because I thought you didn’t love me,” he says, his voice breaking with the emotion. “Because I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, that you could never love me because I was nobody.”

“You know that’s not true, Cas.”

Castiel chuckles and looks down. “You are extraordinary, Dean. You are a wonderful person with a big and kind heart. A person full of worth that deserves all the love in the world. Everything about you is special and amazing. You are an incredible self-made man, Dean. You have too much to offer, but I don’t. I always left because I thought that I could never be what you truly deserved.”

“What do you mean? Cas, you’re an amazing guy and—”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupts, looking at him with gentle eyes. “I thought that we couldn’t be together because of me and my life. My life was complicated, it consisted on going from one place to another constantly, full of people controlling my life, telling me what to do, what to say, and you would have been pulled into that and I didn’t want you to get involved in it. I didn’t want to destroy your life. And—” He sobs and a few more tears fall down from his beautiful blue eyes. Dean looks at him, crying too. “And I could have never given you the life you truly deserve it. And I couldn’t be the man you deserved, because I couldn’t leave the acting world, because I thought that was all I was, that without it, I was nothing. That’s why I always left, why I always came back to act, because I was scared of living my own life and of getting you involved in it. Because I knew you deserved something better, that you deserved someone who wasn’t broken.”

“You aren’t broken, Cas,” Dean says, almost wailing.

Castiel smiles, sweetly. “That’s because you always see the best in people.” They look at each other, softly. “I didn’t think you could love me, because I wasn’t worthy of your love. And I was terrified of telling you how I felt because I was afraid of hurting you and dragging you into a terrible life. I didn’t want you to make that mistake. I wasn’t the owner of my own life, Dean, I was being controlled all the time, wearing a mask to hide mine because I believed I was nobody. And I was miserable. But you changed that. When I was with you I could be myself and I felt that I was somebody worthy, I felt happy and I felt free. You made me free, Dean.” He takes a few steps closer, leaving a couple of inches in between him and Dean. “I just fired Naomi and told her that I was quitting, that I was going to live my life for the first time ever.”

Dean chuckles, amazed by Cas’ words. “You did?”

“I did,” Castiel says, smiling. “So, if it isn’t too late, if you can trust me again, I will stay with you, for as long as you want me. Because I’ve been in love with you for so long, Dean.”

Dean makes a shaky breath. This is better than any of his dreams. Cas loves him and he is telling him so.

“I’ve been in love since almost the beginning, and I’ve been ignoring it and keeping that secret for so long because I was afraid of so many things. But I’m not afraid anymore, Dean. I want to stay with you, I want to be with you. And I love you so damn much,” he says, with tears running down his eyes and smiling. Dean is grinning and crying too, not fully believing that he is finally hearing all those amazing words. “So, if you still love me—”

“Yes, yes, of course that I still love you, Cas,” Dean says cupping his face and kissing him sweetly and happily, feeling those wonderful lips against his, feeling the tears of their happiness. When they pull away, they rest their foreheads together, grinning and shedding more tears. “I love you so fucking much.”

Castiel grins and cups his face, kissing him briefly. “And I love you so fucking much, too, Dean.” He kisses him again, this time for longer, and it is an amazing kiss. Dean can’t help laughing after hearing Cas swearing. “I’m so sorry for everything,” he whispers, leaning his forehead on Dean’s. “I didn’t—”

“You’re staying and you love me. That’s what matters,” Dean whispers, stealing another kiss. “You’re finally staying with me and you love me,” he repeats, chuckling and looking at Cas’ eyes.

Charlie sniffs and Dean and Castiel look at her, seeing that she is crying too. “I’m so happy for you, guys,” Charlie says in between sobs, placing her hands on her mouth and hopping a little, being excited about them.

Dean chuckles and blushes, grinning as he looks at Cas, who is grinning too. They kiss again and Dean wipes off his lover’s tears and then his. “So, what now?”

“Well, I have to do a lot of paperwork and cancel contracts and I need to find another job and a lot of stuff.”

“We’ll figure it out together, okay?” Dean says, cupping Cas’ face and looking at his blue eyes. Castiel nods and smiles. “Step by step, alright?”

“Yes,” he says before kissing him. “Step by step.” He smiles and pulls away a little, grabbing Dean’s hands and intertwining their fingers. Both of them look at their hands and smile. It’s a simple gesture and it feels amazing. “But first I need to go back to the hotel and get all my stuff and move it to your place, if that’s okay. Or I can stay in the hotel if you want me to.”

“No way, you’re staying with me, Cas,” Dean says grinning, squeezing Cas’ hands. “I’m not letting you go again.” He can’t believe this is real. But it is; Cas loves him, he is staying, he is going to live in his place and they are going to be together. It’s finally happening.

Castiel grins. “Also, I’m sure I will have to pay the hotel for the closet I broke.”

“Wait, what?” Dean asks frowning. “Why did you break a closet?”

Castiel grimaces. “Naomi called you a worthless mud monkey and I got so angry that I smashed the closet and broke it.”

Dean stares at him for a moment before he bursts into laughter. Cas gives him that frown of his with his squinty look, wanting to ask him what is so funny, but Dean kisses him before he can ask anything. “I love you so damn much.”

“For breaking a closet?” Castiel asks confused.

Dean grins. “Idiot.”

“Assbutt.”

They kiss again, happily and passionately. “Well, I’ll let you go to do all that stuff. I’ll wait for you here.”

“Go with him,” Charlie says stepping closer. “I’ll take care of the bookstore.”

“You know I’m your boss, right? I’m the one who gives the orders,” Dean sasses.

“Yeah, and?” she challenges sassily. “Go with Cas and get everything. You guys deserve it after everything.”

“Thank you, Charlie,” Castiel says before grabbing Dean’s hand and pulling him.

“At least let me grab my leather coat!” Dean says, laughing.

“Here,” Charlie says after running for it and she hands it to Dean. She dedicates them a bright smile as she watches them walk towards the Impala.

They get in the Impala and Dean starts the car, looking at Cas, who has a gummy smile. “I’ve never seen you this happy before,” Dean comments.

“I’m staying with the man I love and he loves me. And I’m finally free to live my own life. It’s a great reason to be happy,” Castiel explains.

Dean smiles. “Aren’t you scared of having to change everything?”

Castiel sighs, contently and gives Dean a fond look. “Surprisingly, no. I am quite calm. I feel exhilarated, and I know it is going to involve a lot of hard work to do what I truly want, but—” He chuckles and gives Dean a sweet look. He gets his hand on top of Dean’s and Dean immediately spreads his fingers so they can lace them together. “I have you. And I’m living my life for the first time ever. I feel happy. More than ever.”

Dean grins. “Are you truly staying with me?”

Castiel looks him softly, giving his freckled hand a soft squeeze. “Of course.”

“Even if I’m an assbutt?” he asks, smirking.

Castiel grins. He cups Dean’s face and steals a brief kiss. “Especially because of that.”

Dean laughs. He moves his right hand and finds Castiel’s lacing their fingers together one more time. Both of them smile. “Awesome,” he murmurs as he drives away from the bookstore, going to the hotel. “Because I’m not letting you go.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Dean.”

Dean smiles. He knows Castiel truly means it.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is coming to an end. Next week's chapter will be the las tone and it's a short one.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks, the comments and the subscriptions :')

_June the 18th, 2016_

 

“You know I know how to do it, right?” Castiel asks with an arched brow when Dean places his hands on top of his to help him flatten the dough with the rolling pin. He also presses his body against Cas, pressing the side of his face against Castiel’s.

“Yeah, but you know I’m the pie expert and I have to supervise the process,” Dean explains with a low voice.

Castiel turns his face to look at him with a smirk. “Yeah, you only do it because you have to supervise the work, not because you want to have an excuse to press yourself against me, right?”

Dean laughs. “As if I ever needed an excuse for that.” They share a sweet kiss, feeling their smiles. “And if I’m not wrong, you really like it, don’t you?” he asks, pressing even closer and rolling his hips slightly.

“Shut up, Dean,” he says, blushing, making Dean laugh, who immediately brings his hands to embrace Castiel’s waist and Castiel smiles. “Okay, supervisor, is the dough flattened enough for a pie?”

Dean moves away and he looks at the dough with a serious face. Cas has been making huge progresses in the kitchen, although Dean is still the best cook. But Cas doesn’t burn stuff anymore and he can help Dean in a lot of things, thanks to Dean’s cooking lessons.

They have been living together for almost half a year and they are so happy. Cas finally cut off from everything related with the movie industry. He sold his apartment in New York and moved all his stuff to Vancouver, to Dean’s apartment, which has been theirs since they arranged all the paperwork. Now he is a writer, a famous one. His book, which narrates how he and Dean met and how things developed in between them, changing some things and names, but pretty much the story the two of them lived, has become a best-seller.

Dean still works in the bookstore with Charlie and Kevin, and Castiel always comes to help him. Although when he feels inspiration to write, he goes to the office and writes on the computer, but he is always in the bookstore, something that both Dean and Castiel love. They could stop working, given that Castiel has a lot of money, but they like their lives and what they have built together. And they love the bookstore.

All their family and friends are doing great. Sam and Jess are going to have twins, a boy and a girl, and both of them are so excited about it. Charlie is as good as always. Now she is living with Gilda and they are really happy together. Kevin is really happy with his PhD and he keeps acing all his exams. Benny still works at the bar and he is happily married with Andrea. And Bobby and Ellen are doing great. They even met Castiel for Christmas, when he came with Dean to Sam and Jess’ to celebrate the holidays. Dean’s adoptive parents asked all kinds of questions about Cas and they made sure to tell Cas every embarrassing story about Dean, which Dean hated so much, but he couldn’t be mad because Cas was so damn happy and he loved every story. Both Ellen and Bobby love Cas and they accepted him as a member of the family.

“Yeah, it’s perfect,” Dean replies, smiling and kissing Cas. “You’re gonna get better than me.”

“I doubt it,” Castiel says, rolling his eyes.

Dean grabs the mold and he starts to put the dough in it to make the pie. Cas reaches the bowl with the fill, handing it to Dean, who begins to put it too. “Have you tasted it?”

Castiel’s answer is an affirmative hum. “It was as delicious as always.”

Dean smirks. Castiel will never stop liking his food.

Suddenly Castiel’s phone sounds, indicating he has a new message from her editor. Castiel reads it and smiles. “Anna says that on Monday, they are going to publish a new edition of the book,” Castiel says happily.

“Another one?” Dean asks surprised. “Holy shit.”

“Yes,” he says, chuckling, surprised too.

“Congratulations, Cas,” Dean whispers before kissing him tenderly.

“Thank you, Dean.” He places his arms on the small of his boyfriend’s back and leans his head on his shoulder. “Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking that we could go to that amazing place you took me back in September to see the blood moon. I would like seeing the starlight night with you tonight,” he proposes shyly.

Dean gives him a playful smile. “Feeling cheesy tonight, Cas?”

“You love it when I’m cheesy.”

Dean laughs. “Yeah, I do.” He finishes the pie and puts it in the oven. “Yeah, why not? We’ll go after dinner.”

“Great.”

While the pie bakes, Dean and Castiel sit down on the sofa and watch the third movie from _The Lord of the Rings_. Dean has his arm around Castiel’s shoulders and Castiel has his head resting on Dean’s shoulder. They talk about the film, commenting some things about it, like they always do. They try to watch Dean’s favorite movies on Saturdays. Cas is now becoming a fan of those movies too, which makes Dean really happy and proud.

The pie is baked before the movie finishes, so Dean takes it out and lets it cool before he goes back to the couch with his boyfriend. When the movie finishes, it’s time to make supper, so Dean and Castiel go to the kitchen to prepare it. They are going to have some French fries with some breaded chicken that will be in focaccia bread with oregano, cayenne pepper, melted mozzarella, tomato sauce, basil leaves and parsley. It is a dish that Castiel talked Dean about a while ago, that it was one of his favorite ones and Dean decided to cook it one night. The result was more than extraordinary, in Castiel’s opinion, and given that Dean really liked it too, they try to cook it a couple of times a month.

Castiel is the one who makes the French fries while Dean does the other elaborations. Still, he takes quick looks at Cas, just to make sure that he is doing okay. There are a few things that he doesn’t manage to cook yet, and sometimes he feels insecure, but Dean knows where Cas’ limits are and he doesn’t want to push him too much. The result is that Cas is now really confident in the kitchen, and he makes amazing dishes, even if he keeps saying that Dean is better, but Dean enjoys Cas’ cooking.

It takes them a while to make dinner. Dean puts some music and starts shaking his hips, something that Castiel always finds both adorable and hilarious. They share a couple of kisses and touches too, they always do. Dean looks at Cas, who catches his eyes and both of them smile, happily. This is all Dean has ever wanted and he finally found it.

They sit around the table to eat, enjoying the amazing taste of everything, congratulating each other for their work. For dessert, they have a slice of the pecan pie they made. Cas moans louder than usually, which makes Dean burst into an uncontrollable laughter, earning him a glare and a kick from his boyfriend, but Dean kisses Cas’ frown away, and the blue eyed man is soon making a grimace because he is fighting back a smile, but he doesn’t last too long; his beautiful smile appears and he gets frustrated and shoves Dean’s face away, and Dean laughs harder and louder.

“Assbutt!” Castiel says frustrated but smiling.

Dean grins at the pet name and kisses Cas’ lips, briefly but tenderly. “You love your assbutt, don’t deny it.”

Castiel makes a cute face, the adorable crinkles on the corner of his eyes appear as he makes an adorable smile. He cups Dean’s face, his thumbs caressing his cheekbones. “Yes, I do.” And he kisses him softly.

When they finish, they wash the dishes together, like they have always done. Castiel washing and Dean drying. And after it, they brush their teeth and grab their leather coat and trench coat and go to the garage to get into the Impala to drive to that place Dean took Cas to see the blood moon.

It is June, and the temperatures have increased a little, but the nights are still a bit cold. The weather and the temperatures seem willingly to welcome the incoming summer, but as slowly as every year. That’s why they still have to wear their coats. Dean likes it, in fact. He likes seeing his leather coat and Cas’ trench coat, it’s like their symbols.

The drive doesn’t take them too long and Dean is soon parking the Impala in the same spot he parked it almost a year ago. He and Cas get out of the Impala and sit on its hood, pressing their shoulders together, wanting to be as close as possible, and they tilt their heads up, admiring the beauty of the starry night. There are only a couple of clouds in the sky, but they are small, which lets them to see almost the whole sky.

“You had a great idea,” Dean says with a grin.

Castiel chuckles. “Thank you, Dean.”

They keep staring the night sky in silence, admiring the beauty of every star in the sky, making it look like the sky from any of the fantasy books Dean has in the bookstore. The starry sky always looks incredible, but for some reason, Dean finds it breathtakingly beautiful tonight.

He looks for a moment at Cas, who has his eyes focused on the stars. He has a soft, happy smile and Dean loves it. He stares at Cas for a while, until the blue eyed man notices Dean’s stare and he makes that confused frown of his, squinting his eyes.

“What?” Castiel asks.

“Nothing,” Dean says casually, smiling softly. “You look beautiful.”

Castiel chuckles. “You have the beauty of the stars and you prefer staring at me?” he asks, arching his eyebrow.

Dean pretends to make a thoughtful grimace. “Well, I love you more than the stars, so yeah.”

Castiel chuckles again and looks down, blushing a little. Then, he looks at Dean and shows him a sweet smile. He moves and places himself in front of Dean, cupping his face. “I could draw every single constellation on your face by just following the pattern of your freckles.” He traces Dean’s freckles with his fingers, moving them delicately. “You have a galaxy on your skin.”

“You’re the cheesiest guy ever,” Dean says chuckling.

Castiel grins. “And yet, you love me.”

“Yeah, I do,” he says before kissing him.

After the kiss, Castiel goes back to where he was sitting and he holds Dean’s hand, looking at both of them. “Do you remember the night we came here?” Castiel asks, almost in a whisper.

“Yeah. I picked you up at the hotel and you were panting because you were running from Naomi,” Dean begins to tell. He moves his eyes and he meets Castiel’s. “We watched the blood moon and the stars and then you started kissing me and said you still got an hour with me, so we got in the backseat of the Impala and we made love.”

“And you got a blanket because you didn’t want to stain your car,” Castiel adds, with a sassy smile.

Dean chuckles. “Of course I did.” Both of them chuckle and there’s a small silence. “And when we finished,” Dean keeps saying. “And you were lying on top of me and I was holding you, you told me that you were leaving on Monday.”

Castiel sighs, sadly. “Yes, I did.” He looks down, ashamed, and he gives a soft squeeze to Dean’s hand. “I wanted to stay, but I was afraid of so many things.”

“I know,” Dean whispers. They have talked about it, about the things they thought back then, the reasons that prevented them from being together. “But I’m glad you decided to stay with me.”

Castiel looks back at Dean and smiles at him. “Sorry it took me that long.”

Dean pulls him into a tender hug, kissing Cas’ forehead. “Don’t be sorry. That’s in the past.” He cups Cas’ face and they stare at each other’s eyes. “What matters is that we’ve been together for more than six months and that we love each other. That’s all I care about.”

Castiel smiles, beautifully and he kisses Dean, passionately and sweetly. “I’m glad things changed.”

“Me too.” And they kiss again, feeling each other’s smiles.

“Dean,” Castiel says, pulling away from Dean’s lips, leaving only a few inches. Dean hums, wanting Cas to go on. Castiel gives him a fond look and he moves away from Dean a little, but he still has one hand on Dean’s arm. Dean looks at him confused, noticing that his boyfriend looks a little bit nervous. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

Dean can’t help blushing and chuckling. “Well, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, too.”

Now Castiel is the one who blushes. He also grins, and it is a gummy one. “I’m glad to hear that,” he says, his voice showing how touched he is by Dean’s words. “You are also the love of my life,” Castiel keeps saying, and Dean can feel the heat on his cheeks increasing. “And I’m so happy to be with you and even more happy by the fact that you love me too. You brought light to my life, Dean. You are my everything.”

“Cas, I don’t know why you’re telling me this now, but one, you just reached a new level of sappiness,” Dean says, and he and Cas chuckle. “And two, I feel the same,” he adds, and Castiel looks at him touched. “And I achieved a new level of sappiness, too,” Dean says, chuckling as well.

Castiel laughs, sweetly. “Dean, I love you so much.” He moves a bit away and he gets his hand in one of his trench coat’s pockets, picking something that Dean can’t clearly see. “And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Dean opens his eyes in shock. “Wait— are you—?” Dean asks perplexed. Suddenly, Cas is kneeling in front of him and opening a black, velvet, tiny case with a silver ring in it. “Holy fuck,” he says with a smile.

“Dean Winchester,” Castiel says, looking at him with all the love he has in his heart. “Will you m—?”

“Yes, yes, a fucking million times yes!” Dean exclaims with a shaky voice. He grabs Cas and pulls him up to kiss him passionately, feeling how some tears fall from his eyes, and Cas is soon crying of happiness too.

“You didn’t even let me finish the question,” Castiel says chuckling. He wipes off some of Dean’s tears and he smiles at him. Dean chuckles too. “Will you marry me, Dean?”

“Of fucking course that I will marry you, Cas,” Dean says, happily and eagerly. He pulls Cas into another kiss full of happiness. “I love you.”

Castiel smiles. “I love you.”

“I’m gonna make love to you in the backseat of the car right now to celebrate this,” Dean says as he grabs Cas’ hand and pulls him towards the door of the backseat.

“Don’t forget the blanket,” Castiel mocks.

“Shut up, fiancée.”

Castiel chuckles and he kisses Dean again. “I like how that sounds.”

Dean chuckles and rolls his eyes as he opens the trunk and searches for the blanket. He puts it on the backseat and he and Cas get in the backseat, Cas being the one with his back pressed against it. They are soon kissing and taking each other’s clothes, dropping them onto the front seat. They caress each other’s skins, as softly and delicately as always, taking their time. They don’t have any rush and both of them want to make this last as long as possible.

They are soon completely naked, but they keep touching each other and kissing for a little while, rubbing their hard cocks in slow but maddening movements. Dean’s hands trace down Cas’ chest and his fingers linger on his nipples, causing Castiel moan deliciously. Cas manages to get his hand around both of their cocks and he strokes them a couple of times, the friction making it too good.

Dean moves away from Cas and leans onto the front seat to open the glove box and grab the lube and a condom. This isn’t the first time they are doing this in the Impala since they got together, so Dean always carries lube and condoms for any occasion. As he grabs those things, Castiel kisses Dean’s butt cheek and his fingers caress his rim. Dean shivers and moans at the touch. He even drops the lube and the condom on the front seat when Cas manages to lick his rim.

“Oh, fuck—” Dean moans. Castiel keeps licking his rim, slowly moving his tongue, making sure that Dean can feel his tongue on him. “Fuck, Cas—” He closes his eyes, tilts his head up and fists the tapestry of the front seat as he feels Cas doing wonders on him with his tongue. Dean keeps moaning, pressing himself closer to Cas tongue and he feels a bit of precome coming out of his cock. “Cas—” Dean tries to say. It is so hard to connect his mouth to his brain when Cas is doing that thing with his tongue. “Cas, I— oh, fuck—” Cas teases his hole with his tongue, just licking in, not getting deep, but it feels really good. It takes all his strength to pull away from Cas, and turn around to face him, grabbing the lube and the condom. “Move,” Dean says. Castiel gives him a confused look, but he moves to the other side of the backseat. Dean sits down, pressing his back against the door and he spreads his legs as best as he can, resting one foot on the front seat’s head rest and the other on the backseat’s head rest.

Cas gives him a curious look. “Didn’t you say you were going to be making love to me?”

“Yeah, but someone had to use their fucking tongue on my rim and drive me crazy,” Dean says with a playful glare. Castiel smiles and blushes. “So keep doing that with your tongue and then make love to me.”

Castiel grins and he approaches Dean, but he doesn’t get back to what he was doing, he leans onto Dean and kisses him. “How about you make love to me after I make love to you?” he asks, whispering the words into Dean’s mouth.

“Fuck yeah,” Dean says kissing him again, passionately.

When Castiel pulls away, he smiles and he gets his tongue back on Dean’s rim. Dean closes his eyes and moans, placing his hands on Cas’ hair, gripping him tightly, encouraging him to get deeper. Cas’ tongue keeps licking him for a while and then he goes to Dean’s hole and starts fucking him with his tongue, driving Dean insane and making him moan really loud, his whole body surrendering to Cas. Even Cas moans as he happily rims Dean, sweetly caressing his freckled thighs.

Cas grabs the lube and spreads it on his fingers, which join his tongue and help him to open Dean up. It doesn’t take him too long to loosen up Dean and he is soon pulling away to put on the condom and spread lube on his cock. Meanwhile, Dean puts his legs down on the backseat and he slides down the seat, until he is lying onto it and he waits for Cas to lean onto him to place them around his hips.

They share a passionate and lovely kiss and when they pull away, they are both smiling and looking at each other with love. Cas cups Dean’s face and Dean places his hand on top of Cas’ and their smiles become wider. Then, Castiel starts to push into Dean and both of them moan at the amazing feeling of being joined.

When Cas is settles inside Dean, they share another kiss before he starts moving, resting their foreheads together and breathing into each other as they make love.

Dean places his other hand on Cas’ back, pulling him closer and he kisses him again. Cas thrusts in and out of him with tender and steady movements that Dean matches with a perfect sync. He tightens his legs around Cas and clenches around him when he hits that wonderful spot, leaving the two of them gasping and moaning each other’s names.

Cas keeps hitting that spot over and over again, keeping his pace, Dean’s body welcoming his like he has always done, enjoying the feeling of being full, of feeling Cas inside him moving his cock in and out, touching that spot that sends Dean over the edge, making Cas moan with how tight and warm he gets around him.

They look at each other and they kiss, their thrusts and rockings never stopping. They still have their hands laced together while the free ones keeps tracing down their bodies, tenderly stroking their heated and sweaty skin, feeling the amazing shapes of their bodies, wanting to get impossibly closer.

Both of them start to feel their orgasms building, and their pace increases a little, but it never stops being the kind of speed that belongs to lovemaking. Cas keeps thrusting in and out of Dean and Dean keeps matching his thrusts by rocking his hips, knowing how he has to do it to drive Cas insane. Cas hits Dean’s prostate and it makes Dean see stars behind his eyes, moaning Cas’ name like it is the only important word he knows. He clenches so tight around Cas that Cas loses his balance and he loses his pace, moaning Dean’s name just the way Dean just did.

A few more thrusts and Dean is coming, painting their bellies. Cas follows him a second later, the speed of his thrusts increasing a little bit more, only stopping when the two of them have released all their come.

Cas collapses onto Dean, who slides his sore legs down from Castiel’s hips. It takes them a little to catch their breaths, but once they recover them, they kiss, passionately and sweetly, saying with that kiss all those things that they have in their hearts and that they finally know, because it’s been so long since they last were scared about this.

They smile as they kiss. Dean places his hands on Cas’ face, cupping it, and Castiel places his on Dean’s shoulders, deepening the kiss a little, making Dean hum into it.

“I love you, Dean,” Castiel says, looking at Dean as if he was the most important creation in the whole world. Dean can’t blame him; he looks at Cas in the same way.

Dean smiles. “I love you, Cas.”

They kiss again. Cas eventually pulls away from Dean and he shushes his grunt with a lovely kiss. Cas lies onto Dean, who holds him tightly and smiles as Cas places his head under Dean’s chin and caresses his side, a soft smile painted in his pretty, pink lips. Dean sighs happily. They are going to cuddle for a while and then he is going to make love to Castiel. They have a lot of to celebrate and they have the whole night to themselves. Dean smiles at that and kisses Cas’ forehead, holding him a little bit tighter.


	29. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final chapter.

_November the 19th, 2016_

 

“Is your husband here?” The young lady asks timidly to Dean.

Dean smiles. “Yeah, he’s here,” Dean says, as he hands her the books she just purchased. He turns around and looks at the office, where Cas is, focused on writing his new book. “Cas, can you come here? You’ve got a fan.”

Cas immediately stands up from his chair and walks towards the desk. “Hello,” Castiel says with a charming smile.

“Hi,” she says shyly. “I was wondering if you could sign me your book.” She shows her the first book Castiel wrote, the one about his and Dean’s love story, and both Dean and Castiel can’t help smiling. It is always nice to see that people keep reading that book.

“Sure,” Castiel says as he grabs a pen.

Dean goes back to charge the next customer while Cas asks the lady her name and they have a small conversation in where she tells him that his book is amazing and that it helped her to come out to her parents. It makes Castiel really happy to hear all those touching stories and it makes Dean really happy as well.

Since Cas wrote that book, the number of customers in the bookstore has increased. A lot of people come by to see where their love story began and they end up falling in love with the bookstore. Also, some customers come by to greet Castiel and ask him for a signature, and Castiel always does it. People are always so kind and respectful with both Castiel and Dean. And some of them even ask them for a photo.

The young lady says goodbye to Dean and Castiel, who tell her goodbye. Castiel stands next to Dean, who dedicates him a sweet smile. He looks so beautiful today with that waistcoat, that white shirt and those black jeans. Castiel seems to notice what Dean is thinking and he blushes and chuckles.

“I always forget how much you love this outfit,” Castiel says.

“Let me doubt that,” Dean says to him. “Have a nice day, sir,” he says to the man who just got attended by him. There are a few more customers in the bookstore, but they are looking at the shelves, and Charlie is helping one of them to find a specific book. “You wear this outfit because you know how much I love it,” Dean says as he turns to face his husband.

Castiel smiles timidly and blushes.

“How’s the book going?” Dean asks.

“It’s going quite well. Although I still have to work on some details,” Castiel explains with a grimace and pinching the bridge of his nose. He is an amazing writer. Dean has read the two books he has written and he loves them, but his husband sometimes has the writer’s block, but he always manages to get his inspiration back. He always says that Dean is his muse, which makes Dean blush a lot.

“I’m glad,” Dean says kissing him. “You still got about twenty minutes before closing time, so you can write a little more if you want to.”

Castiel makes a thoughtful face. “No, I think I’m going to take a rest. I will continue tomorrow. Besides, we have to go to Sam and Jess’ to have lunch, and you know that if I start writing, it is difficult to make me stop.”

Dean chuckles, remembering a couple of nights where he had to drag Cas to bed because it was late and he was writing. “Yes, it is.”

Castiel kisses him and goes back to the office to save his work. Then, he comes out of the office and remains on the desk while Dean helps another customer to find a book. This is their usual routine; the two of them work at the bookstore, along with Charlie and Kevin, although Castiel tends to remain in the office when he feels inspired to write, and Dean doesn’t interrupt him, unless it’s closing time. Both of them enjoy being at the bookstore, doing what they always do.

Time to close the bookstore arrives. Charlie leaves first so she can go back to her apartment and pick up Gilda to go to Sam and Jess’ while Castiel and Dean close the store. Now that Sam and Jess have two kids, the group of friends meets sooner than before. But Dean is still the one responsible for cooking.

“Got everything?” Dean asks to his husband as he closes the office.

“Yes. You?” Castiel asks.

“Yep.” He and Cas leave the store and Dean closes the door of the bookstore. “Are you gonna help me with the burgers today?” he asks as they walk towards the Impala and get in it, giving Castiel a rogue smile.

“Yes, of course,” Castiel says smiling. There’s a lovely shade of pink appearing on his cheeks and Dean finds it adorable. “You know how much I enjoy cooking with you.”

Dean grins. Before he starts the car, he looks at Cas, who is sitting next to him. Castiel catches his sight and makes that confused look of his that Dean loves too much. Dean’s grin gets wider and he starts the car, grabbing Cas’ hand so they can intertwine their fingers. He looks at his wedding ring and smiles. Cas smiles too, clearly knowing why Dean is smiling.

“I love you,” Dean says.

“I know,” Castiel says.

“Did you just Han Solo me?” Dean asks, surprised and impressed. Castiel smirks and Dean chuckles. “Nerd.”

Castiel huffs a laugh. “Look who’s talking.”

Dean chuckles again and he starts driving.

“Dean,” Castiel says with a soft smile.

“Yeah?” Dean asks, turning his face to look at him.

“I love you, too.”

Dean smirks. “I know.” Dean squeezes Castiel’s hand and the two of them grin.

They found in each other the missing pieces of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. I can't believe it's finall finished. Thank you, thank you so damn much to all of you for reading, for living the story the way you did (sorry for all the angst, I know I wrote too much angst, lol), but seriously, I'm so glad you enjoyed and lived the story the way you did, for stucking with me until the end. Thanks a lot, you are amazing.


End file.
